face it or fight?

diabetic@10
By diabetic@10 Latest Reply 2013-04-12 15:44:29 -0500
Started 2013-02-20 00:27:11 -0600

I am new to DC. I was diagnosed with type 1, 22 years ago,I was 11. I have maintained a fairly positive attitude up to last few years. My A1C doesn't hardly go above 6. It seems like the longer I have it, the tougher it gets to stay positive. I struggle with whether I have to except that yes,it just stinks and I will have to deal the rest of my life with it taking over my life and defining me or if I just have to fight like I have and it, won't win. Where it gets frustrating is to do everything text book right and still struggle with unexplained highs or lows. It leaves me feeling like I can't win. I guess that's where I struggle. I have tried to stay positive because I knew I had a life long battle and I wanted the least amount of side affects as possible. But I have started to question if I need to just face that no matter what that is what my future holds and I just need to come to grips with it.But then I feel defeated. I hope that people with the same battle can help me be encouraged.


31 replies

1rahrbunny
1rahrbunny 2013-04-12 15:44:29 -0500 Report

I am 24 years in at this point. I find it helpful to remember that everything I do day in day out are estimations of estimations. Is that apple really 15g of carb or 17g? … Do I need 4u or 4.3 squared for 2.5 hrs or 3hrs instead? All of our variables are approximate and permanently changing throughout the day. We do VERY WELL at doing this! Give yourself credit for it! Give yourself a day every week that you tell yourself you aren't allowed to have an emotional response to the numbers… See the number, adjust your plan of attack, and let it go. This is what I try to do. The emotions in themselves change your blood sugars… The best you can do today is and will always be enough.

Ambree
Ambree 2013-03-14 19:48:45 -0500 Report

I feel the same way. This site and the D family have really motivated me to fight and make some life style changes.

greggv11
greggv11 2013-03-08 10:21:08 -0600 Report

Definitely fight but realize you have to face things too. You have been at it much longer than I have only a year for me and I have the same feelings as you. I have decided the some aspects of the disease I must face and part I must fight. It's not easy when you don't have much support to fight.

JSJB
JSJB 2013-03-07 10:07:08 -0600 Report

WOW 22 years ago? I'm 70 yrs young when I was pre diagnosed, didn't like it but that is what was dealt to me so I decided to make the best of it. I started eating healthier, still have some junk every now and then, cut out all junk food and beverages which saves me money to by test strips:-D. I don't have it as bad as others and It does get me down when I see people eating what I enjoyed but can't have so you change and find new things. Never did exercise but I do now. Bought a stationary bike and joined a gym. I do not hide this condition but talk about it openly. It is a ongoing struggle, some good days and some bad but please do not let get to you. Good Luck and think positive.

Set apart
Set apart 2013-03-07 05:58:56 -0600 Report

Wow as I read this I was wanting to post something similar to this. I know I've been a little stressed because I lost my companion, pet a week ago. I do everything right and lately I just start climbing for no reason, had tilapia and brussel sprouts for dinner for example, with one unit novolog for bolus and I hit 180 BG, which is rare for me. I know exactly how you feel, so we are not alone in this! Good luck!

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-02-28 21:14:55 -0600 Report

Hello diabetic@10:

Know anybody who is BLISSFUL about their diabetes??? A single person?!?! Ever heard of one even? If they are its good drugs, not the #(@#&@@ diabetes ! We struggle… its a fundamental piece of the disease in my view.

I have a day or two more life & diabetes experiences. But I understand your words very well. Our peers and diabetic elders surely understand, because every one of us have the exact same struggles, every second of every day. Perhaps not the first word of every sentence, but it does interject, "say hello" again eventually.

"…Dead but not intimidated…" seems a "good" motto -wg- to me. But, as long as its not "today", myself, I'm content… >: D

sherifawson
sherifawson 2013-03-03 16:23:07 -0600 Report

I can't say I'm blissful about it but I have managed to take the sting out of it. I did it by deciding to not hate it. It can be done and I did it. I had a belief that there was not one good thing about having diabetes. I changed my belief. I hated having it. I changed my belief about how I felt about it. Now testing is no worse than brushing my teeth. It's just something I do.

Anger is killing people with diabetes. So what if other people don't have to to do the things have to I do? Staying in control and healthy with diabetes is not a ball and chain unless you look at it like that.

Am I happy about diabetes? No. But not angry, sad, or regretful. I'm neutral and it's saving my life and giving me beau coup energy. Am I happy about my life? You bet!

:)

pixsidust
pixsidust 2013-02-23 09:04:41 -0600 Report

Try and look at it differently. Make it a daily habit. You take a shower, brush your teeth, change your underwear daily right? You don't say that shower is defining who I am because I do it daily. Many are becoming more health conscious whether they have Diabetes or not. Look at it as just healthy eating, with a few meds thrown in like a vitamin. Make it a daily habit but look outward to who you are…your interests, your strengths and dreams… Those are what makes you…You! Keep brushing your teeth, keep taking your showers and keep taking care of yourself. Wonderful habits to have! Now go after your dreams…

Traicy
Traicy 2013-02-22 13:03:10 -0600 Report

It's a very hard concept to grasp that when you do everything right and the numbers do not make sense. It like yestersday I was eating dinner and the glass kept shaking when I would take a drink but instead of my brain thinking "your sugar is low" it just thought "oh that's weird" so I ended up spilling my red drink everywhere. My mom's response was why did it go low and I was like I dont know. Then I immediately thought to myself if I knew why it went low dont you think I would've prevented it from happening again from the 87 (just throwing that # out) other times it happend? lol. Getting people to understand that it's not always our fault when things happen is whole other task but at the same time WE have to realize this too and keep reminding ourselves or we will feel defeated on a regular basis. This reference is different than a "lazy" diabetic but you know your numbers and how your health feels and that's what matters - not trying to be perfect. I totally understand what you mean because sometimes it feels like it doesnt matter what you do but just remember it does matter for the long run which I know that you know that. lol. Just look at the positives like when you count those carbs for a meal and 2 hrs later your bg is spot on. That's exciting!

Gins
Gins 2013-02-22 12:17:29 -0600 Report

I feel the exact same way.. It's almost like I was reading my own narrative when I read your post!

Lentyl
Lentyl 2013-02-21 14:26:43 -0600 Report

Several years ago I read a book written by Dr. Andrew Weil. In that book he told about a lady who had cancer. She had options but decided to live with her cancer and managed extremely well. When Dr. Weil asked her what she was doing she told him that she had come to terms with having cancer and had decided to love her cancer. It was a part of her she said and if she loved herself then she had to love the cancer too.

I love my diabetes for the same reason. Also, it has encouraged me to look at my life - diet, exercise, etc. - and I am thankful as a result. Now I realize that I take better care of myself because of that unasked for "friend" diabetes.

KG66
KG66 2013-02-21 14:24:36 -0600 Report

I understand how you feel. I haven't had diabetes for nearly as long as you (only about a year and a half) I feel defeated often! I suffer from depression and do not work, although I would like to start soon! You came to a good place for support! I have had so much support from my friends here on DC and I know whatever questions I may have they will help! Keep your head up friend, it's hard to explain to people what we go through, people wont understand unless it happens to them. I went to a show about diabetes where there was a man that gave a bit of a speech. He said something like at least once a month he would call in from work with diabetes. He explained where there are days he just feels blah and needs a break. He get's his friends to call him and tell him how great he is while he sits on the couch and eats Ben and Jerrys ice cream! Haha! So just remember you are awesome and should be happy with who you are! Stand strong and don't let this beat you! You always have support here! :)

ShellyLargent
ShellyLargent 2013-02-20 12:15:23 -0600 Report

I hear ya! I had about 2 years off of my pump for the same reason. I was able to go back on it once I started working and got insurance again.

Mz Tara
Mz Tara 2013-02-20 10:03:49 -0600 Report

This may sound crude … but whenever I start feeling like I want to give up, I keep in mind that once I stop trying to survive death is eminent … but guess what it's not an overnight process … it will be a loooonnnnggg drawn out tortuous ordeal (hope I'm not offending anyone here) … You sweetie, deserve so much better. I commend you on keeping your a1c under 6 for so many years … at this point you are a professional diabetic champion defeater!! Of course there will be times when you feel down, we all do (even those of us who are w/out diabetes) but the next course of action is to pick yourself up and keep it movin'!!!! YOU have so much more to live for!! This disease just makes us STRONGER!!!! Mentally and physically. Each step that I take and come out on top of … I FEEL INVIGORATED!!!!! You are an inspiration to me because I know first hand (as we all do here) how much hard work goes into keeping ourselves healthy. You can do it … think of those around you who love you … keep your head up honey, you've got places to be and people to see!!! And remember this… this battle is not yours it's the LORDS!! Stay prayed up!!

diabetic@10
diabetic@10 2013-02-20 06:17:59 -0600 Report

I don't think I explained myself well. Quiting taking care of myself is never an option. I have three children and a husband. I am a fighter to my core. I came in this world fighting, literally. What I am struggling with is facing that type 1 will have it's control, no matter how much I try to be in control of it, to extents I was not surrendered to or if I shouldn't accept that. I have always accepted that not taking my meds and maintaining it would surrender to bad things. But taking my meds and maintaining it doesn't ensure that they won't happen either, that's what stinks.

diabetic@10
diabetic@10 2013-02-20 06:47:01 -0600 Report

I was prepared for it having some affects on me but it is getting to the point it affects my husband and 3 children, ages 6, 11 and 17, in ways I am not prepared for. I can't drive or sleep with out being watched and keeping an eye on my BS. I have increasingly more incoherent lows where they ambush me and I yell, fight them, and say awful things all while they are loving me in a the best way, saving me. I am supposed to protect them, yet the D could very well be the cause of heartache for them. Even if I white knuckle it to old age. I guess I am trying to find my new drive because before it was to have it affect me as little as possible and now it us a stomping white elephant I want to shoot many days!

ShellyLargent
ShellyLargent 2013-02-20 11:46:15 -0600 Report

Not sure if you already are, but if not, have you considered an insulin pump? I used to be in the same situation with very frequent lows and my husband and daughter constantly worried about it and always kept a close eye on me for it. I was put on an insulin pump and my lows pretty much went away. I've been on a pump for about 7 years now and I rarely have a low now. It's also helped to stabilize the high spikes as well. With injections, you have to eat to match the insulin. With a pump, you're allowed to take insulin for what you eat. It totally changed the way I see my diabetes and how much control I let it have.

It's taken me almost 10 years to come to terms with my diabetes and accepting it for what it is. Not accepting it, embracing it, and moving on with life is like standing in front of a stone column and beating your head against it because it's in your way. Take 2 steps left and go around it.

diabetic@10
diabetic@10 2013-02-20 11:56:40 -0600 Report

Yes and it was wonderful but a few years ago I lost my insurance and we couldn't affordit so my Dr changed my insulin and I take at least 6 shots of Apidra,a short acting insulin and two shots if NPH, long acting insulin. I would love to get back on one but financially we just can't right now.

Set apart
Set apart 2013-02-20 07:15:16 -0600 Report

I see your point, I've been fighting more lows than highs and my Endo said I was working too hard for that strict control and as a result wasn't sleeping or should in say my husband wasn't sleeping. We've reviewed my program and have decreased my insulin dosage, I usually fight more lows when I over correct with novolog. That stuff willsend me on a nose dive if I am not careful. I have also been placed on a CGM and that has been a lifesaver, my husband and I sleep a lot better, because that alarm will make me jump out of bed when it goes off, cuz I have it on high alert! I drive a lot for my job, in fact I am a home visitor with families with children with disabilities, so I always check my BG before I take off or check CGM which is pretty accurate unless I am dropping too fast or climbing! When I feel my moods changing I check my BG before I open my mouth because I know there's something wrong! Would like to know more about how you manage your D sometimes if you can send me a message! I would especially like to get to know you ore as a person!

Set apart
Set apart 2013-02-20 06:14:20 -0600 Report

Hi there wow I gotta tell you that people like you inspire me! I know you're discouraged, but 22 years and still going strong! I was diagnosed as a T1 August 2011 and I am now 49 years old. I want to be strong like you, i don't want any complications like you. I used to take care of myself always watching what I ate, my weight, exercising, etc. Gotta say in did ask why me initially. A while back docs found that I had proteinuria very bad, what caused it they still don't know, since I had none of the symptoms like high blood pressure or uncontrolled diabetes. It's almost at normal now with meds, and they are still not finished checking me out! Seems like my immune system is out of whack causing who knows what! With all of these please let me tell you, that I fight every day to be normal, sometimes tired with some anemia and vitamin D deficient and hypothyroid. People say, Oh pretty soon you'll get the hang of this and you won't have any more lows or highs, really, try walking in OUR shoes! So with all of this I just want to say don't give up the fight having D is part of who we are, but we are INDIVIDUALS with D and first people! It will be part of my life forever, but it will not control my life! Don't give up, keep going on the journey! Wow your A1c sounds great, mine was 5.9 last time, because of too many lows!

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-02-20 03:02:25 -0600 Report

Howdy from "fabulous" Las Vegas, D10!

I believe your title sets up a false dicotomy D10. Really I am of the opinion that you should Face it AND Fight!

Yes the battle does become draining and tiresome, but unless you want to do damage to your body, damage that is non-reversable, quitting taking care of yourself is NOT an option. And you say you "feel defeated", but you are not defeated.

Most of us have times when we have pity parties for ourselves, and that is OK as long as we don't wallow in that pity pot too long. So Face it AND Fight once you get over your pity party.

I pray that you will gird on your fighting duds and show your Diabetes Mellitus (DM) just who is boss, YOU!

James Baker

PS: just take a look at the "about me" tab in my profile. You'll see a pretty messed up guy, and I just started on Dialysis this month. So if I can manage to cope with all my "medical challenges" I would believe that you can too!

Ambree
Ambree 2013-03-14 19:39:09 -0500 Report

How do you see the about me in your profile? I am a newbie

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-03-14 20:25:54 -0500 Report

This is how to find it iin the computer: click on my picture and my profile will appear. when that page is loaded there will be a line of tabs about the mid level with my picture. which will be on the "activity" tab. 2 more to the right will be the "about me" tab. click that and you should be able to see it once the page loads.

If you access with smart phone apps, you're on you own there, as I have no experience with them.