so im sorry..

By t0tianna Latest Reply 2013-05-03 14:02:03 -0500
Started 2013-01-11 05:21:49 -0600

so i havent been updating anyone of my living in about two years.. sad i know im very sorry…
i was on top of the world only to come crashing down and just be stuck for the next year..
somewhere down the road of me always on here saying things about myself and bringing me down i learned somthing.. i dont know how it hit or why it didn't sooner lol .
i learned that every moment your sad is every moment of happiness that youll never get back.
i've learned that in this world of deception you can only hope and dream but you should always live life to the fullest and make the most of what you have..
live with no regrets
and love yourself because no matter what you look like age shape color or size its the inside that counts and guys lovee a girl with alot of self cofidence.. or maybe i am pretty lol yup im sitill trying to figure that out about myself
i moved out had a place where i had 8 roomates with two jobs and was doing fantastic well some way. i fell into debt and had bill collectors thrown and at me lost my job and then got ill with a sickness that the doctors didn't know what it was told me i had maybe a month to live… then on christmas day it went away and it was left alone..
i was force to either live on the streets or back with my mom so i choose her
things are tough and bumpy and just not good
shes looking for excuses to kick me out it kinda hurts that we really grew apart.
my diabeties is bad right now i cant control my sugar levels and now lost me meter so i kinda gave up and figured if i go into a diabetic colma atlease ill go happy.
i can honestly say i have lived life to my full advantage lol
i wouldn't mind going at this time..
only thing im missing is the family part of my life but im not to worried about that
if it wasnt' for my two best friends i would have commited sucide a couple months aho but i stayed strong anf got the help i needed
but for now i cant afford any of my medications because i was cut from medicade it kinda scares me that the only medicne i really need which is my metforman i cant get and havent taken anything since july..
life goes on though.
i know this is long but hey im back :D
also i never got the chance to thank everyone on this cite for so much encouragement and you guys have all been so much help through my journey of diabeties and my many other mental illnesess

17 replies

Cpecket83 2013-01-19 07:46:31 -0600 Report

Hi t0tianna,

I can tell by your post that you have had some struggles and for that I'm sorry. The situation with your mom is difficult I'm sure but have you tried talking to her about the way she is making you feel? As a mother I can't imagine having my daughters in your situation and not try to help them. I loved in your post where you said " every moment of sadness is a moment of happiness you never get back" this is so true. I hope things turn around for you and I hope that you remember that everyone has low moments but its not the lows that define who you are. Good luck sister I wish you the best!!

spongebob35 2013-01-17 02:46:07 -0600 Report

Im so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Im new to this website and dont know much yet but i happened to come across your page. You and your mother need to sit down together and have a long talk about what bothering you, and why doesnt she help you with your help. I know you also have a mental illness and i do to. I have PPSD and have had it for along time. I can understand why you feel the way you do about life. But there nobody in life worth killing yourself over. you are young yet and GODS got plan for not your time to leave this world yet. Ask God for his help. There is also website, health clinic that can help you get a meter for your diabetes..I hope and pray you get a job and get all the help you need in life. Again i say im sorry that you feel so down right now. I feel that way myself sometimes and i just talk to God and a good feeling comes over me and comforts me thru. I will keep you in my prayers.

t0tianna 2013-01-17 16:19:07 -0600 Report

thank you very much its nice to know someone knows a little bit about what im going through and i value my life alot more than i used to and i learned to keep god first in my life even when it feel like he isn't blessing it but everyday he is and whats that webcite that would be very nice to have a meter again.. atlease if i cant afford my medication i can atlease know my sugar levels

joaniecomelately 2013-01-12 15:46:47 -0600 Report

I am saddened to hear of all your problems. I will pray that you find a place where you can call home and I hope you find the care you need. Pray for it and you will find it. Never doubt the power of prayer. God Bless You.

MAYS 2013-01-12 04:02:29 -0600 Report

Stay focused and take life one day at a time.
Where do you live?
There are many local pharmacies that are offering diabetes medications free of charge or for reduced prices (around $4.00) also there are many local clinics and your board of health that may be able to help you.

There are many roads to travel in life and many lessons to be learned, take care of yourself and do what is best for you, everything else will fall into place!


t0tianna 2013-01-17 16:24:11 -0600 Report

thats just it i keep applying for any assistance that i can get and i just get denied anything left and right which i think makes no sence i have no job no insurance and a number of health problem with my mom barley making enough money to support us i cant find a job ive been looking for almost a year now its like two steps forward and 10 steps back i cant get a break… i need to know clincs that will help you anything i have no money no bank account no credit no job a car i cant drive… somthing has to happen

doggier 2013-01-12 01:49:16 -0600 Report

Hello, I hate to hear that you are going through such a hard time. I have mental illnesess and it is hard to have that along with everything else. Sometimes I think it is just to much to take care of my self and take my meds. The one thing I have to do is not think about it and just do it. Just get up and eat and take my meds. Just do the same thing day after day, because if I think about it sometimes it is too much. So I understand what your going through. Does you town have a mental illness support group and a diabetic support group in your area? Also do you have a free clinic in your area, they would help you out with supplies. Call your local hospital and check. Good Luck.

manapua72 2013-01-11 18:48:52 -0600 Report

Many companies will provide free meters just call them … It's the strips that will cost … I have recently learned that there r quite a few generic ( as in not the big brand name ) meters out there that r paired with cheap test strips that work just as well as the big brand names … If u can't find any #'s reply so u saved @ least one #' of a meter company they sent me a free meter last month ..,. Touch screen , thought it was cool …, only thing I just switched to a meter that can communicate with my pump … Also if u r type 2 and just can't get meds then maybe really watching your carb intake and exercise might help get your #'s lowered … Well I hope the best for u !!!!!!!!!!!!!

jimLE 2013-01-11 08:27:03 -0600 Report

sorry to hear about the problems your haveing in your life.i do hope things in your life do get better for you in every way possible..we're all here for ya

MewElla 2013-01-11 07:12:11 -0600 Report

Hey, good to hear from you and you have my thoughts and prayers. Hope only for the best for you. Take care of yourself, you are important to us and we are always here for you…BIG HUGS TO YOU!!

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