Alone for the Holiday Season?

By TsalagiLenape Latest Reply 2013-01-01 08:56:33 -0600
Started 2012-12-22 06:05:37 -0600

We all know what the statistics say about people being alone during the Holidays.

What is usually going to happen more often than not. However, if you have reached out as that person so you arent alone, and no one responds at all what do you do?
Well I have many things to do now that He has gone. I have to clean up this "trashy house" cause we all know that did it all by myself. Yeah ok. NOT!

Yet I wonder why not one of my friends who are nearby dont see the writing on the wall.
I know one is more self absorbed in the drama of her life and her daughters. Sad but true.
Another only because they are wanting someone to do their dinner since they have bare necessities. Where as I have just a bit more but not by much. Same said people told me to stay home and keep "the sickness" from their house. After I left a bag of food at their house wasnt allowed in and they sprayed lysol over around their doorstep.
So that is why I have the choices I do which is none.
Ok so be it. Not expected to be anywhere for anyone. Then dont look me up when you have time for me. Dont call to chat. Dont act like I wont forget this either. NO I am not mad per se just hurt for only their things are important but not another's Life.
So should I care you do what you do to make your life a misery yet expect others to rally around you when you cant call, text or leave a voicemail for them?
I do like the #20#26 acts of random kindness spurred by the Conn. shooting masacre. Just really sad not one of my friends that are nearby can or will do anything towards it.

Ok now done venting per se but I wanted to remind all of us to step out of our safety zone. To help another for you may never get the chance again.

So are you doing to do the #20#26 Acts of Random Kindness?
Other than cleaning my house, I am hoping I can do the Acts of Random Kindness best to stay busy so you dont have time to go mauldin.


55 replies

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-12-27 22:47:51 -0600 Report

Hi, so sorry you are going to be alone for the holidays.(HUGS) For some, it can be a blessing as they can get caught up on things that have been neglected or just relax and enjoy themselves doing as they please. There are always places to volunteer and be a part of the holiday celebration like; schools, churches, shelters, food banks, animal shelters, senior homes, hospitals, recreation centers, etc.

We don't need to wait for something like the Conn. shootings or holidays to do acts of kindness, random or not. This is a gift that can be used everyday of the year, and I'm sure by doing so your holiday season will be very different next year:)

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-28 20:35:31 -0600 Report

Yes I agree…just working on getting bills paid and seeing what I can accomplish as well. Hugs

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-12-30 18:22:50 -0600 Report

Great job! Hope you have a better 2013, hugs early

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-31 10:45:46 -0600 Report

Thank you. Just one day and one moment at a time. With the Creator's help friends like all of you I will do better. Hugs Happy New Year's To EVERYONE! :)

jaf76 2012-12-26 08:24:21 -0600 Report

Hello name is John. I just want you to know that if I lived close to you, you would always be welcome. My wife and I are people who don't judge. I would also come help anyway I could. That's just how I am. I like helping others even if I get nothing out of it. I am do very sorry for the meanness that you have to deal with. It's sad that in todays world there are people who act the way they do towards and around people with an illness. You can always ad me as friend. I will be there if you ever need to talk. God Bless.

GabbyPA 2012-12-24 18:53:06 -0600 Report

People amaze me sometimes and not always in a good way. I know one year I made meals for some of my elderly neighbors, and one just said I don't eat at home...oh well. This year we sent a goodie packet to a neighbor and found out his wife, whom days before we spoke with, just left him. So my husband sat and talked with him for a while. So you never know when you will be at the right place at the right time.

Paying it forward is also a great way to make things good in the world. I was blessed by a member here with some pecans from his tree. So his kindness was passed to a neighbor who blesses us with tangerines from his tree. So as we can share our blessings it can touch people's hearts that we may never realize.

The true part of doing good is doing good when no one is looking and when no reward is given but the feeling of knowing you have done good.

Harlen 2012-12-24 08:59:29 -0600 Report

I too am on my own and you know what thats fine with me lol lol lol
for once there will peace lol lol the fuss can be fun but quiet is good too
Best wishes

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-12-23 22:44:11 -0600 Report


I am sad to hear that you aren't being treated wll by the people in your life, especially around the holidays.

You bring up some really good ideas here. I wish more people would reach out, let others know they care about them, whether they know that person or not. Those little acts of kindness really make such a difference in your life, and the life of the person you touch.

I am going to follow your advice and see where I can reach out, too.


alicejoart 2012-12-23 22:14:51 -0600 Report

Yes alone. Trying to manage diabetes. Doing better this year because I am alone with no one else and their food.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-23 18:46:55 -0600 Report

I do random acts of kindness all year so I don't worry about them at Christmas time. In reading your posts, it seems people you thought were friends were not. They now want nothing to do with you and there is nothing you can do about that. I think spraying the front with lysol was mean but if they have told you not to bother them you should leave them alone. There is a proper way to help friends in need. I have friends who are struggling and the husband/father died earlier this month after several bouts of cancer. I would never ever leave a bag of food on their steps even if I knew their fridge was empty. With friends you always ask what you can do to help them. If I came home and found a bag of groceries on my step, I would throw them in the trash even if I needed them. I wouldn't know how long they had been there, where they came from or what has anyone done to them.

Years of experience of working in the community, random acts of kindness works best with total strangers. A homeless person would accept a hot meal, blanket or a scarf. They would appreciate it. At Thanksgiving, the Police and Fire Department collected non perishable foods and had turkeys donated. They called community leaders and requested names of those needing a food box. I went to my neighbors who I know would need help. They were single moms and the elderly. All of them said yes and were able to get a box. Under no circumstances would I have signed them up without asking. You have to find a niche that will fill your void. I do hope things work out for you.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-24 22:10:08 -0600 Report

Yes I agree but I brought the bag and handed it to them. Yet now finding out that tomorrow they will have only rice for the third day in a row. Yet I have been busy as Santa's little Elf and having loads of fun doing it! Hugs

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-25 13:20:21 -0600 Report

People live the way they choose to live. It is clear they want nothing from you and nothing to do with you. Let it go and move on.

One thing that makes people suffer needlessly is pride. For those in need, pride may be the only thing they have. By giving them a bag of food without first asking if they needed or wanted it, you shamed them. You basically told them they are poor, and hungry and I am going to feed you. It was like you went to their house, they opened the door and you slapped them in the face. You have to be very careful how you help people, especially those you know. Suppose it was you and you didn't want your friends to know you have little to nothing to eat. The odds are you would be embarrassed if a friend showed up at your door unexpectedly with a bag of food for you. One of two things would happen. You would resent them for humiliating you or you would accept the food graciously. These people were humiliated by you and there was no way they were going to accept the food from you and use it.

I get all kinds of information regarding services for those in need. I email them out to all the communities in the district and I simply tell people about them at meetings. It is up to those in need to seek out those services. I will make a flyer and put them in my neighbors doors. I start them out with "if you or someone you know need" energy assistance, mortgage assistance, landlord tenant assistance etc…here is where you go or call to get help. This way I am not telling them they need help or asking them if they need it. I am simply providing information and letting them determine if they need the help and how to get the services they need.

If you want to help people you have to do it in a manner that doesn't demean them. About 15 years ago I bought a pair of tennis shoes, wore them once and hated them. I put them in the trunk of my car in case I went somewhere and needed to change shoes. My mom and I were going somewhere and I saw a homeless woman sitting on a bus stop bench. She had duct tape all around the shoes on her feet. I pulled over and got the shoes and gave them to her. She said she didn't want them. I took them to the corner and dropped them in the trash bin in the box. I pulled away and was stopped at the traffic light. She got up and retrieved the shoes from the bin. I saw her a week later on the same corner wearing the shoes. I learned a lesson that day. Even though this woman was homeless and practically barefoot, her pride would not allow her to accept the shoes from me. You have to help people when they want the help, you cannot force help on them and you have to allow them to seek your help in a manner that is not going to be embarrassing or humiliating for them or you. For some it takes a lot to admit they need help.

Nick1962 2012-12-22 19:24:20 -0600 Report

I know it might be kind of late for this, but when i was alone (between wives) i did a lot of volunteer stuff like helping to cook and serve thanksgiving dinner at the shelter. Spent one Christmas helping deliver meals for Meals On Wheels to local shut-ins. There's always someone who needs you Temi, you just don't know them yet. There's a lot of people out there who would love just 20 minutes of your time chatting. My little neighbor takes her dog Chester to a couple nursing homes for visits. Chester loves all the attention and gives the love right back. Heck ,there might be someone just down the block who might enjoy a few cookies and a cup of tea you brought over. Maybe get involved with a local church or charity. You already know goodwill towards other brings goodwill to you. Never know what might happen and you already said it…"I wanted to remind all of us to step out of our safety zone. To help another for you may never get the chance again." And you can practice many acts of random kindness.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-23 18:53:53 -0600 Report

Nick you are right on point. If you want to volunteer, you have to make yourself available. I use to be a volunteer tutor of reading and English as a Second Language. I had to take a course to do this. With the economy the way it is, many non profits may need volunteers. All you have to do is look for them.

Nick1962 2012-12-23 19:01:26 -0600 Report

Yeah, James has eluded to that. I know you're pretty active, and you put yourself out there. It sounds to me like Temi is just a bit "gun shy" with people in general right now, and I can understand why. Hopefully she will start to get herself out there too and reap some of those social as well as spiritual benefits volunterrism can bring.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-24 22:12:12 -0600 Report

Yes I was gun shy for obvious reasons. Then I put them aside and moved on. Been busy the last two days being Santa's Little Elf! LOL Lots of fun! :) Hugs

Nick1962 2012-12-25 17:46:40 -0600 Report

I know the feeling well, but a new life and better people are usually right around the next corner as long as you're willing to continue walking life's road.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-23 11:31:11 -0600 Report

I have done that. Even with the local Churches but none have called me again. :(

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-23 19:00:29 -0600 Report

Volunteers are almost always needed in the following areas:
Soup Kitchens
Tutoring Programs
Mentoring Programs
Parks and Recreation Programs
Crisis Intervention Help Lines
Non Profit Organizations that provide outreach to the community

Some may require a course to do what is needed. Last year I volunteered to drive around a sector of the city to find street lights that were out and write down the pole number. The city is currently seeking people to help do a census of the homeless. I helped serve senior citizens for Thanksgiving. I have been a Tutor. This past summer I volunteered at our districts Day of Hope. I have volunteered on the Governors Campaign several times.

All you need to do is look at what skills you have and see who needs a volunteer to perform those task.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-23 18:50:35 -0600 Report

The world of volunteerism can be a small circle of people depending on where you live. Many people who volunteer, know each other. If people know what skills you have, that you are willing to work once you arrive and that you will show up they will call you. If you only did one thing once no one knows you so they won't know to call you. In order to be called to volunteer, you have to put yourself out there.

joni55 2012-12-25 21:57:21 -0600 Report

I've never known anyone to be called from my food bank unless they'd been there for awhile and people were concerned if they were okay. So, people do need to make a conscious effort to be there.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-26 16:51:44 -0600 Report

Exactly. If you are not there and people don't know you no one is going to call you. You cannot go somewhere one time to volunteer and not return and expect to be called for future events.

jayabee52 2012-12-23 11:34:29 -0600 Report

well since you've done it once, they MAY be waiting for you to do it again. You didn't get a call telling you NOT to return, right?

joni55 2012-12-22 21:40:24 -0600 Report

Good answer. My mom passed away in June. She was the only one I had regular contact with in my family. I sent out a ton of cards and more gifts than usual, all hand made and helped at the local food bank and City Team International both for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It really helped take away some of the depression I feel this time of year. I have 3 death anniversaries around this time of year, one of which was my ex. The only thing I've heard from any family member this year is from my sister who sent me a message on facebook telling me she just didn't have to money to send cards or gifts this year. My sister owns a home on 12 acres of land and has a well paying job at a university. I live on Section 8 and SSDI. What's wrong with this picture?

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-26 17:07:55 -0600 Report

Joni my dad passed the day before my birthday and mom passed 4 days before Mothers Day. I stopped dwelling on the fact that they are not here for holidays. I miss them but dwelling on that only makes me unhappy.

If you sit down and think about it, they do not want you to be depressed. They want you to continue with your life and make the holidays a happy occasion as though they are there with you because they are in your heart.

Our loved ones are not with us here on earth but they are angels watching over us. So we have to be happy and celebrate and have some fun in life.

As for your sister, just because she has a good job and just because she has a home on 12 acres of land doesn't mean she isn't having financial troubles with the way the economy is today. I think you took it the wrong way. So she didn't give you a gift or a card. You still have a sister who is alive. So many people don't have their sisters or brothers with them any longer. Your sister may very well feel bad because she wasn't able to get you a gift and could very well be cherishing the gift you gave her.

My mom and her sisters had a rift over the family home. It took the death of one of them to bring them all back together. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to take the initiative to bring the family together. Although your family isn't together doesn't mean they don't care. They may not know how to get everyone back into the fold and it could be bothering them also. Good luck to you.

Nick1962 2012-12-23 18:57:27 -0600 Report

My mother passed a few years back (around thanks giving) and she was the only real living family I had left yet. I have multiple half-siblings, but some I never kneor met only once or twice, others, well we lived in the same house for a while but the connection just wasn't there because of the mixed family resentment thing (and I think she's certifiably crazy too).
I've got 3 death anniversaries this time of year also, which in itself makes Christmas depressing to some degree. Voluntering has put another spin on the holdays for me, i have a hard time spending money for things that are meaningless trinkets or temporary toys. My little neighbor stopped by with her dog just to fill me in on what she's been up to at school this, her final year. the dog just walk in and fell asleep on the couch like he owned the thing. Nice feeling knowing that a young adult and a dog are comfortable enough with an old man like myself to do that. Thats my present. Sometimes we have to make our own christmas rather than depend on someone making it for us.

jayabee52 2012-12-22 06:19:45 -0600 Report

Howdy Temi

I may not get to spend time with my son, DIL, her parents, (and my ex) because I may collapse at any time and have to be taken to the hospital to clean out the toxic sludge circulating in my bloodstream.

So if I drop off the site for a time, it was not the 12/21/12 end of the Mayan calendar that got me, it would be spending time in the hospital getting my blood cleaned.


TsalagiLenape 2012-12-23 11:34:09 -0600 Report

Oh boy not fun I tell you. So you are on dialysis? If so I heard of a new innovative clothing line called RonsWear…for those on Dialysis who need warm clothing while being treated. You may want to look it over. Just an idea. Totally understand how you are limited I know many who are as well. Hugs

jaf76 2012-12-22 09:02:54 -0600 Report

I really wish you the best of luck. I hope you will be ok. Hopefully you can still see your family. Be sending prayer your way God Bless James

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