I am baack!!

By petals Latest Reply 2012-12-18 18:37:52 -0600
Started 2012-12-17 08:28:37 -0600

It has been along time since I have been on here, I hope y'all remember me! I have had alot going on in my life for the past two years, still going on. I have fallen off the wagon in a big way, gained weight, blood levels are high, just feeling awful. I got up this morning and I thought that I have had enough! Enough with toxic people taking up my time, enough with my health falling by the wayside. My daddy is dying , there is nothing that I can do about that, but stress is my enemy, and I am my own enemy as well. I need some help to get back on track.

16 replies

Debbiejf 2012-12-18 00:03:26 -0600 Report

Hiya Petals, you know you came to the right place for ALL your support needs ♥.
I had been gone a lot in the past couple of years myself only rarely making an appearance but I keep a shortcut to DC on my toolbar :). I have a suggestion; when you aren't spending time with your dad, put in some earphones and listen to your favorit music ♪♫

Caroltoo 2012-12-17 12:18:55 -0600 Report

Hi, Petals,

Glad you are back. Hope we can all offer the support that you need. Sounds like you are making some good choices to take care of yourself. It's tough to make big changes when you are under so much stress, but it does sound like what you need to do for you. You are a strong lady, so you will be able to do it.

What James said about grieving is so true. As people see death coming, they do anticipatory grieving and it does come out in strange ways sometimes depending on what, in their own lives and thoughts, they are dealing with. For example, if your mom feels she has hurt/neglected dad in some way over the years, she could suddenly become very protective and accuse you of neglecting him. It's really the grief talkng, but since you have your own to deal with too, it is hard to tolerate.

Wasting seems to be a part of impending death. I've seen it in my husband who has had Alzheimer's for over 10 years now. He has gone from 220 to 180. He feels fine, he just is slowly going away (in a lot of ways). Its sad, but its normal.

Make a special effort to be your own best friend and take good care of yourself.


petals 2012-12-17 12:53:08 -0600 Report

Hi Carol, thank you for your support! If you don't mind read my reply to James, it will explaine everything. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I will be praying for the both of you.

Caroltoo 2012-12-17 13:05:49 -0600 Report

Hum, yes, I just did. There is actually a name for the kind of relationship your mother and sister may have … comes out of Bowen's works on family systems theory. I'm thinking … learned that a long time ago … not coming to me at the moment.

No, there is no excuse for that kind of behavior in a parent. Giving birth to another baby may not be what mom wanted, but it was her action (sex) that got that started, so she should not be blaming you! Never-the-less, rejection by a parent is one of the hardest hurts/slights/pains to live with. Set your boundaries way out since it sounds like you need to be around them for a while because of dad.

petals 2012-12-17 13:21:44 -0600 Report

I am the oldest, by 6 years. She told me that she wished that I had never been born that I ruined her live. That was alot of guilt to carry around as a child and as an adult. But I know now that wasn't my fault and that was a false guilt. I have my boundaries in place and I will not let them cross them either. I worked to long to get where I am .

Caroltoo 2012-12-17 14:24:58 -0600 Report

Good for you! Hang in there. Oh, the word I was trying to think of a couple responses ago is schizophrenogenic, describing an overly close almost symbiotic relationship between parent and child.

ConnieMarie 2012-12-17 10:29:17 -0600 Report

*hugs* everyday is a new start…just remember that and when one door closes another opens…you will get through it…you've got cheerleaders here and people to listen when stress gets the best of you. ;)

jayabee52 2012-12-17 10:19:50 -0600 Report


I am sorry to learn about your daddy. What is troubling you about him?

May I suggest that a way to destress is to remove the toxic ppl from your life, and when you need to take a mental vacation to take the time to do so.

Please don't go away again, and maybe we can help you in other ways with restoring your own health and vitality.

Praying God's richest blessings be upon you and yours during this season celebrating the Nativity of our Lord Jesus and always!

James Baker

petals 2012-12-17 11:45:23 -0600 Report

I am moving away from the toxic people , it is my moma and sister, but right now with daddy dying I will have to be around them. What is bothering about my daddy is the pain that he is in, and James he is just wasting away, 35lbs gone, and it just breaks my heart. How have you been? Missed you.

jayabee52 2012-12-17 11:58:50 -0600 Report

Do they know what is causing that wasting?

A thought also came to mind that your mother and sister may be grieving due to their impending loss of husband & father. Perhaps they don't know how to act so they're "acting out" in ways you see are negatrive. I suspect that if you leave now you will be regretting your choice after he is gone. It is a tough situation to be sure. You have my prayers for wisdom in this matter.


petals 2012-12-17 12:51:00 -0600 Report

Daddy has melanoma & lung cancer and it has spread through out his body. I a sure that they are grieving in theri own way. But there is along history of them treating me bad, started with my moma when I was 6 years old, I was never wanted, she told me this on a daily basis. She beat me, put me down , there was alot of abuse on her part. My sister was wanted, and treated like a queen, it didn't take her long to pick up that she could do what she wanted and blame me for it. They are two peas in a very twisted pod. I never fit in, and for that I am glad. I won't leave now, but after daddy passes I will have to make some tough choices. If I let them treat me like a dog, cuss me whatever they want to do then we can have a relationship, that doesn't work for me. They want to argue all the time, I won't do that anymore. I just say what needs to be said and I go on. I pray for them daily. Thanks for the prayers.

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