Cleaning out unwanted negative things in my life!

By Nana_anna Latest Reply 2012-12-31 18:48:37 -0600
Started 2012-12-16 23:46:10 -0600

Hi everyone, I am presently in progress of cleaning out all the negative things in my life. That includes people that have been treating me mean, being abusive in anyway they see fit. I mean bullies mind you! Must of them that I deal with are at the church where I have been attending since 1993. I have been pretty regular there this year. I have found that, there are people there that don't like me. I don't understand it. I have a hard time supporting them when they act the way they do towards me. It is really emotionally a bad time for me, especially when its on a continueing basis and nothing is being done about it. I came home so drained that I ended up taking a 3 hour nap. I checked my blood sugar when I got up and it was 227. I had not eatin since lunch, around 12:30 or 1:00p.m. My emotions tend to get my stressed out, and obviously my blood sugar is affected to.

135 replies

DT2_4EVER 2012-12-29 08:45:51 -0600 Report

For ten years, I was very involved with people, served on numerous boards, etc. and it was as a volunteer. I saw the good, bad and ugly involved in raising money for various organizations and it left me with a sour taste. Started loads of clubs in community but didn't want to be the leader any more. I now want to be a 'member' and just participate. Giving up? No! But looking for 'real' people that are themselves and really sweet and thoughtful, not selfish and phoney. Not easy to find at my age! I do not underestimate myself but I have set my standards higher when it comes to making 'true friends'. It is always easy to make acqquaintances!

DT2_4EVER 2012-12-22 16:52:53 -0600 Report

Let's do positive things in 2013!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-27 12:22:18 -0600 Report

DT it always amazes me when people say it is hard for them to make friends. In order to make friends, you have to be friendly and outgoing, willing to learn new things and know how to be a friend. I am not always a people person but I always meet new people no matter where I am going or what I am doing.

Things can be changed if those wanting the change work hard at bringing the change. The next time someone wants something done at the church why not volunteer to do it or chair the committee. You just might be surprised at who are willing to help because they are tired of these women.

Why not start a book club, or garden club where you live. People these days have become interested in gardening. If you can knit or quilt, start a club. You will meet new people and more than likely have a lot of fun. Sometimes people are lonely by choice at other times they are lonely because they don't know how to go out and make friends. Giving up is defeat. Never under estimate yourself and never give up. Good Luck

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 14:54:11 -0600 Report

I know what your talking about in every area! Especially your husband. Mine is the same exact way! I like to go out, he doesn't, he's a home body! I am home all day, by myself. There are only a few ladies at the church that I talk to on Sunday. I am the type to person that goes to someone without caring about "their clicks!" Church is not meant for clicks. I always go up to their group, and say, "Hey, hows it going? What've you been up to?" so forth…Lately, I just go up to people that don't like me and talk to them anyway. They are in God's house, not there's! How dare they treat me ill! I won't put up with that anymore! It's taken a while and yes it hurts. But I won't let them walk over me, or act like I am not there. Jesus wouldn't act like that! Neither should they. Sometime you just have to put them in their place. I plan to do just that. If we were in the same town, we can get together. I hope you can find that friend near you. But I am here for you on line. I hope you have a Happy and Blessed New Year!

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-22 06:00:33 -0600 Report

Tis sad that people attend Church per se are not being Christians or Christ like at all. Tis a pity. Someone told me that people attend Church are sick. So they go to the Church to get healed. I love going to church for the fellowship. But I dont have a home Church in the town I live. Most are like the one you attend. Sad I know. But please remember God Loves you and thus you must take care of your self. Pray for them but have enough to stand back from them. Keep it light and simple. Less stress and you dont deserve that nonsense. I hope this helps. Hugs

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 14:59:28 -0600 Report

Thank you Tsalagil..I appreciate that. This is one of the main reason's why allot of people don't go to church. I was one of those people. I love to here the sermon and Sunday School time. I love every one there. But their attitude makes me sick to my stomach. I only go there, because there isn't another church that I want to go to. Not yet anyway. I am praying for those people. Hopefully for them to leave to :) Sometimes you need to do that. Seriously. I am praying that God will take the stumbling blocks away from me. I hope you have a Happy New Year to. Thanks, it does help. To know that others go through the same thing. Sadly. Hugs to you to :)

Tony5657 2012-12-21 06:40:20 -0600 Report


You mentioned that you would write down some of the scriptures that I previously posted. No need to go to that work. You can copy from these postings and paste to your computer. I described how to do that farther down in this discussion. But if you have a "copy/paste" key and/or "function" keys that can copy & paste, that's easier then using a combination of the Ctrl key & the C key to copy and the Ctrl key & the V key to paste as I described later in this discussion.

Hugs to you…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

jaf76 2012-12-20 17:06:59 -0600 Report

I feel for you, but I think maybe you should find another house of God. I can't believe people at church of all places would treat you that way. It seems like there are too many people out there that are just plain mean hearted. I know it's tough but try to keep your head up and don't let them under your skin. It's not worth it and you are someone special to God just remember that ok. My family and I will keep you in our prayers. God Bless

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:02:31 -0600 Report

Thank you so much for your prayers! I am a little nervous about going some where else right now. But I may take the plunge, and go to a church that I tried last year. I really liked it. I will go there after the New Year.

HeidiLynne 2012-12-20 11:14:34 -0600 Report

My heart goes out to you, Sweetie!! Maybe it's time for you to seek another
church, I'm sorry, but I could NOT take that kind of abuse, not with my
depression! It certainly does affect your blood sugars! Let me know if I can

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:04:06 -0600 Report

I didn't go to church this Sunday. I am going to start at another one where I tried last year. But not until after the New Year. Thanks! :)

Nana_anna 2012-12-20 14:29:03 -0600 Report

I agree, I am going to another church this Sunday, because I dread walking through the doors at the Nazarene church, where these problems exsist. I am not running away from them. If people treat you like this, then its not meant for me to be there. You are right, it doesn't do good with depression or anxiety. I am good now, but to face that again this week, I just can't. Thanks and I will let you know if I need something. Your support is good. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

Tony5657 2012-12-21 06:17:45 -0600 Report

Nana Anna,

You go girl, you can dooooooo it! :o) Glad to hear you're "church shopping" & I'll be praying that you'll feel/hear God's guidance into a warm, supportive, loving group of folks. They do exist. Please keep us informed of your quest, whether it's good, bad or ugly. I, for one, am very interested and it appears several others are also.

Hugs to you…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:06:25 -0600 Report

Thank you Tony, I didn't go this Sunday. My stomach couldn't stand walking in the front doors. So I stayed home. I plan to go to another church, The Gathering church here in Okeechobee, after the New Year. I liked it there the two times that I went, last year. So I am going to give it a try again. Thanks for praying. Happy New Year to you and hugs :)

GabbyPA 2012-12-19 19:56:39 -0600 Report

Removing the negative makes all kinds of room for wonderful positives. I hope that is the case. I never understood how people in church could be so mean spirited and hateful. Aren't they there to learn how to be the opposite? Rising above and being a whole person without them is where you will have strength. We are here for you and if you need some rainbows instead of rain clouds, just let me know.

Nana_anna 2012-12-20 00:49:30 -0600 Report

Thank you Gabby I appreciate that. Well, its Wed. here, I don't go to church on Wed. nights. Two times in one week, is to much. Lol!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-12-19 17:51:05 -0600 Report

Hey Nana_anna,

To enhance our own wellness, we have to take care of ourselves, body, mind and spirit. We can't predict or control how other people will think, feel, or behave, everybody is suffering in one way or another. I think we can live our own lives to the best of our ability, to treat people as we want to be treated, and decide not be brought down by people who aren't supportive, or are hurtful in some way.

In situations where I am seeing a lot of negativity, I try to focus on people who have positive attitudes, and let others be who they are. Sometimes they come around, sometimes they don't.

I do find that people are especially stressed out this time of year, so many have too much going on, as well as financial constraints to deal with.

Sorry to hear that you have felt so unsupported and stressed out. You're rignt, stress is not good for our health. I hope you can gather the supportive people in your life around you and enjoy your holiday.

Nice to see you again!


Nana_anna 2012-12-20 00:54:25 -0600 Report

Hi Dr. Gary,

I was very a shamed of myself, when I woke up Monday morning. I didn't feel like I had recovered from Sunday at all. It took me several days. I am good today though. I feel allot stronger now. I am ready to face my Giants come Sunday morning. I am going in with a heart of worship, my mind will be set to learn about God, and nothing else.

I have some friends there, that I can talk to so its really just staying away from those who bother me. I am not going to stoop down to there level. I do have to stand up for myself though. I just have to think of different ways to to it positively.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-12-23 22:48:21 -0600 Report

Hi Nana,

You have a right to feel the way you feel, without being ashamed. Sometimes we just feel hurt and it's overwhelming. When we talk about it -- and yes, vent about it -- that helps to get things into perspective.

And it's great that you have friends there that you can focus on. Take the high road.

Nice to hear from you. Thanks for following up. And have a Merry Christmas!


Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:12:49 -0600 Report

Thank you and Merry Christmas! I didn't go to church this Sunday at all. I just couldn't go there, and come home like that again. After the New Years weekend is over, I will be going to The Gathering Church, that I went to last year. I really liked it there. I hope to be able to make that my home church. I am giving it some time though. I hope to make new friends, my age there to. Hope you have fun on New Years, there in NYC…Happy New Year! Nana, (Shelly)

Caroltoo 2012-12-30 16:36:10 -0600 Report

Sounds like a great decision, Shelly! Dr. Gary has some great observations I'd like to second: you are moving cautiously and keeping your options open. If this one doesn't work for you, keep looking until you find the one that does. It's out there.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-12-27 21:29:50 -0600 Report

Hi Shelly.

Sounds like you are have made the decision to move on and make a fresh start. But you are also proceeding cautiously. That sounds like a good idea. Always nice to have options. I am sure you will figure this out.

I don't go out on New Year's Eve. The streets are just to crazy. I can actually lean out of my window and hear the noise coming from Times Square. So I am close as I wanna be.

Happy New Year to you, too!


Tony5657 2012-12-19 09:36:59 -0600 Report

In reading the postings in this discussion, I see many have problems with people in your church. That'll always be the case. Whenever you have a group of humans, there will always be diversity & churches are not excluded. I've met some of the worse people in church AND some of the BEST people in church. Not all church members are "saints." That has never been the case and never will be. Just seek the sincere, loving, spiritually mature ones and make friends with them. You can then draw strength from each other & you’ll make life long, true friends. Ignore the immature, selfish, trouble makers if they continue in their negative, hurtful & destructive paths.

Troubles in the Christian church are not new. The first century church really had more than its share of problems. Read 1 & 2 Corinthians, written by the Apostle Paul, for a little background. Paul also wrote the New Testament books of Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 & 2 Thessalonians, 1 & 2 Timothy, Titus and Philemon mainly to help these early churches overcome problems.

You’ll never find a “perfect church” and likewise, you’ll never find a perfect Christian. God didn’t create us as puppets. He gives us free will & often we use our free will to mess things up.

For a Christian, just giving up & dropping out of church entirely, will severely stunt & limit your Christian growth & faith. Hebrews 10:23 – 25 (NIV) 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

We have left churches for several reasons but always have found others that really blessed us. Sometimes it involved driving more than we wanted but it was well worth it because we ended up feeding our spirit from the preaching & teaching of the true Word of God. We also met many mature, loving, life long Christian friends. Even years later & miles apart, we are still close with these folks. We have other friends outside of church, but they don’t have the love & depth that our Christian church friends have. We will never be without a true, Holy Spirit filled church, large or small. That would severely stunt & limit our daily Christian growth & strength.

May God bless all of you and Merry Christmas! Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:26:18 -0600 Report

Thank you, I copied and pasted this and will reread those Bible scriptures. Thank you for your encouraging words. Shelly

tabby9146 2012-12-22 12:25:30 -0600 Report

so true! I have attended church all of my life, thre will always be those who cause dissension and those who do not, those who really truly do good and love others, and those who do not. I attended several different churches in my life. I grew up with my parents taking me all the time, and I am so thankful they did. Tony is right, just make sure to not drop out of church entirely. It really helps me to fellowship with others every week, and my church is so small, that there isn't anyone who is like that right now, not with the group we have, most of whom I've known all or most of my life and so sometimes smaller can be better, all the ones that caused problems years ago, when we had a big "split" are gone, it was over a pastor,who honestly, really was not doing one good thing for the church and not trying to help us help it grow, etc.. and they kind of let this pastor run them off I think but I realized some of them were the ones who gossiped negatively, and so we were better off. I love those verses Tony! So sorry you were treated like that, and hope you find a church home where you are happier. Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

Nana_anna 2012-12-26 15:32:11 -0600 Report

Thanks, we had that split in 2007/08 when our two pastors ago now, left. Everyone wanted him to stay. But the pressures was getting to him. He wanted to retire. We miss him, and it hasn't been the same. Anyway, I don't plan to drop out completely. I just need to find one, where I can fellowship freely, without feeling like I have done something wrong. Or put the hymnal upside down in a pew holder the wrong way! So petty, and pettiness happens allot there. I also want to serve God, and I feel that there isn't any more for me to do at this church. Everyone and their clicks have taken over. I don't want to be a part of a church like that. I am a servant of God, and want to serve him. But the doors are closed for me here. I know it and they do to. So sad. I am moving on where God will lead me to serve. I just have to ask and pray about it. Thanks, and Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Nana_anna 2012-12-19 23:38:51 -0600 Report

I totally agree with all of that. I know it to. I have to remember to that people will act the way they want to. We can't stop them from their actions. But I can stop them from hurting me. I have the mind set of, treat me how you may, but you might get the same treatment or worse. But I also will not stoop down to their level either. I am not a child and I choose to please God. 1 Cor. 13 speaks allot on love, Collossaians Ch. 3 teaches how we should act towards one another. But reading it and doing it are two different things. I choose to obey Jesus. What did Jesus do when they were mocking him, spitting at him, so forth, nothing, he didn't say one word! I plan to do the same. It hurts, and I don't have allot of support there. But I also don't want to leave like a scardy cat. I go because of Jesus. I am praying for each person involved in this. But if one lays a hand on me, they have something else coming to them. I have talked to the former Pastor Lois, she said I was merely making everything up. The newest Pastor, I don't want to start it up again, and then nothing be done. It will all eventually come out in the open. I also choose not to fellowship with these people right now. Bad company, corrupts your mind…I don't want anything to do with them right now. Thank you so much for your answers! Merry Christmas! Enjoy!

shortysmalls 2012-12-27 15:12:57 -0600 Report

Am sorry bout what you're going through…and yes Jesus on the Cross did forgive his accussers…we do have to pray and forgive them but as you say…dont want to stoop to their level and distancing from them maybe good for now, We dont need all the negitive stuff in our lives since having diabetes, we have to come to terms and deal with the stuff but does effect you if have too much negitive stuff. Hope all goes well for you…Happy Holidays!!!

Nana_anna 2012-12-27 16:54:49 -0600 Report

Happy Holidays! Yes, you have to lighten the load of the negatives. Maybe now I can take a rest from that church and go some place else. I would be participating in their way of things, if I stayed. Right now they do things that hurt people. I am not the only one that this is happening to. So I plan to leave for a while and come back later.

jayabee52 2012-12-20 11:01:00 -0600 Report

actually Anna, on the cross Jesus DID say something about their mocking, spitting and hurting Him: It was a prayer: "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do" ~

In the eyes of the world it may SEEM weak and wimpy, but, ultimately it was the most powerful of responses one could make, the ressssponse of forgiveness.

Tony5657 2012-12-20 06:13:50 -0600 Report

Dear Anna,
Thank you for your posting! I was very concerned that you might take some negative, destructive path but (A HUGE BUT!) LOL I see you haven't. God will bless your positive attitude toward those negative people, like He did Paul's in the Bible. With your praying for them and actually being kind to them, you will emerge a stronger, better person.

Check out Proverbs 25: 21-22: "21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you."

ALSO - Romans 12: 17 - 21: "17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

It took me years to learn that God's way is NOT the cowardly, wimpy, milk toast way. I tried the opposite, negative approach over and over and NEVER saw any positive results for me or for the other person. It takes much more strength & faith to face controversy God's way BUT (YET ANOTHER HUGE BUT!) LOL when you do, all concerned will be blessed, either immediately or in the future. Yes, doing things God's way, like you said, is always the best way BUT (HUGE BUT #3!) LOL it often seems the hardest way, BUT (HUGE BUT #4) :o) eventually everyone concerned will understand and receive God's best in a seemingly crappy, impossible situation. However, this may take some time so be patient, my friend.

Hang in there Anna and you'll emerge a better person. God's way is the best way and it always works!

Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Tony5657 2012-12-21 06:28:55 -0600 Report


Since you have a computer, you don't have to write those scriptures down like you said. Just select the text in these postings, (drag the left curser over the text & make the text dark), then copy it by pressing the Control (Ctrl) key AND the C keys together. Now paste it into a document in your computer using the Control (Ctrl) key AND the V keys together. OR you can follow the link and select the text, copy it and paste it into a document on your computer. It's quick and easy. That's how I did it in my postings, I didn't type all that out. I just copied & pasted it.

Hugs to ya…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

lori lorchid
lori lorchid 2012-12-18 15:27:16 -0600 Report

I don't know why some people who are sopost to have God in their heart and go to church can act like the Devil himself1 Don't let anyone treat you badly at church!! I'd confront them, if that didn't change things I'd go talk to the pastor. That's nuts Nana anna1 I'm a christian myself and I can honestly say I've left a church I went to for years because of garbage like that. We are to be Jesus with skin not mean nasty to other people because we feel like it, think we are better than someone, or try to intimidate people. I'm praying for you

jayabee52 2012-12-18 15:49:47 -0600 Report

i have been in various offices in the instiutional chuch (denomination) for a number of years. People can be petty and mean. One may even deem them "hypocites". Sometimes people get a little political "power" in a congregation and they like that feeling of power.

However as long as I have been a Christian (nearly my whole life) I have had two natures living inside me. There is the blood-bought redeemed "saint" side, and the fleshly craving the pleasures of the world, "sinner" side.

To illustrate, there was a native american (indian) who said, "I feel like there are two dogs fighting inside of me". When asked "which of the dogs is willing?" To which he replied, "whichever one I feed the most".

If I feed my spiritual side by paying close attention to God's word, that side wins.

If I feed my "fleshly" side by paying more attention to this world than I do to God's word, then that side wins and I become a hypocrite (which is based on the Greek word for "actor". Someone who acts a part but is really not who he portrays.)

Nick1962 2012-12-18 20:01:24 -0600 Report

You know James, I was going to avoid this topic/post simply because I've seen the way it degenerated so quickly, and I didn't feel I needed to fuel it with my opinions, but you make a good point. I've often felt that the native american culture (as well as others) could teach us westerners a few things. I've been through 4 different "religions" in my life, sometimes converting simply because the woman I married was a different faith. When my father passed (in my early teens), ironically it was not my church that stopped by with food or support, it was a neighbor's of a completely different faith. I really didn't understand how after so many years of attending school at the church my family could be so overlooked. Apparently our sunday offerings didn't earn us a spot.

Soon after that I became aquainted with a native american family. Large family, the kids always seemed to be fighting, there was rarely peace in the house except at meal time. Always seemed to be chaos. But through all of that, there were moments of respect that were shown at the proper times. If grandfather said "that's enough" whatever it was stopped. I'm not sure if it was a tribal belief or true of the native american culture (maybe Temi could help me here), but i was told that God would let you know if he was pleased or displeased with you in a way only you understood.

30 years and 3 "religions" later, I've found that there is a big difference between religion and sprituality. Kind of like the difference between "treatment" and "care". If you're lucky, you can find a church that feeds the good dog. I haven't found that yet, so I'm still trying to feed it from the scraps I find. Sometimes those scraps come from right here on DC. I hope Nana finds those scraps as well to keep her going through this little life journey. I know it's tough.

GabbyPA 2012-12-19 20:00:24 -0600 Report

This is one of the most eloquent posts here that addresses the differences between the religious and the spiritual. Thank you for sharing. I will have to steal a few of these comments for myself.

Nick1962 2012-12-19 20:10:17 -0600 Report

I saw a bumber sticker that said "Religous people frighten me, spiritual people enlighten me". At first i thought it was terribly offensive (to those religous people), but the more I thought about it, the more I understood there is a difference. For some revelations come at an alter, for others a stop light.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-20 20:11:03 -0600 Report

Nick I agree with that bumper sticker. I first saw that on a T-Shirt a woman was wearing. I did not get it at first but now I do. I simply cannot practice organized religion. I simply cannot tolerate a lot of it. I think people have to find their own way when it comes to religion even those raised in a church.

Nick1962 2012-12-21 12:07:14 -0600 Report

Churches can be a good place for a lot of people to get information to start whatever religious/spiritual journey they’re on, and for some, like anything else in life, they’re perfectly content to follow the path handed to them. As long as they live and practice a good decent lifestyle, makes no difference to me what denomination they happen to be. Many churches/religions serve a positive purpose in feeding the soul and providing a social outlet, but when that gets corrupted with greed and power struggles, well it’s time to step away.

Often times I think people get slowly caught up in those little dramas and don’t see it happening until it comes to a head like it did for Nana. Kind of like just jumping on the internet to answer one e-mail and next thing you know it’s 2 in the morning and you haven’t done anything productive with the last 4 hours you’ve been sitting at the desk. Many folks feel as though they have gaps in their lives they believe the church can fill, and for many it does. Like the internet though, I’m just not patient enough to filter through all the crap that usually comes with it. I don't think my maker really cares if I eat meat on friday.

GabbyPA 2012-12-19 20:17:53 -0600 Report

I like your stoplight "enlightening" LOL. Very good and more true that too many folks want to admit.

jayabee52 2012-12-18 20:45:27 -0600 Report

Well Nick I am glad you chose to chime in. You have good things to say. I am sorry your boyhood church family behaved in that way!

Some fellow Christians (I take it for granted by where you grew up and the way you spoke of that time that you grew up in one Christian faith body or another.) and quite frankly some ppl have their heads "where the sun don't shine". I am sorry for that. I have had my share of rough times in the church myself, but I believe in the message it brings us, even when our fellow members don't live up to the ideals of our belief system. Heck, I don't always measure up to the highest ideals we hold. I am also reminded of Jesus' parable of the "wheat and the tares (weeds, which look like wheat plants until the seeds — the fruit — appears)" See Matthew 13:24 -29 ~

Also Jesus telling about the scene at juddgment at the end of this world ~

Also about the eternal "address" of true hypocrites ~

I want to be among our Lord's "sheep". but recognizing that I could be one of the "goats".

Those folks will doubtless get what is their due. But my focus is not on them but instead what would God have me do to avoid their fate.

Nick1962 2012-12-19 19:13:58 -0600 Report

You spent some time in the area I grew up, so no doubt you saw that just about every faith was represented from Catholic, Hebrew, Dutch Reformed, Adventist, and all the rest. Add to this the multiple Native American tribes and several sects of Amish. All of course had very clear ideas why the others were doomed to life in purgatory. Not like where I am now – you’re either Baptist or Methodist.

This puzzled me since youth how so many different religions claim their way is the only way to salvation. Ideally, it would be nice if they were all right, but as humans, unfortunately we often tend to gravitate to the beliefs that fit our own convenience. This is kind of what has drawn me away from organized religion. I was actually born and raised Catholic most of my life, but after several conversions to other faiths was accepted into the Christian faith. I can’t fault a whole faith for the action of its congregates, but the church I joined seemed much like the one Nana describes. Tony above is right; you can’t get humans in one place without some form of diversity, adversity or dissention. I suspect Nana, like me and many others expected differently from a church where we all supposedly share one belief.

Like you I try to live life the way I’m being told I should. Not by a priest or minister or congregation member, but what I know feels right. With that intent, I think I should be OK.

JSJB 2012-12-18 05:57:22 -0600 Report

Nana, I do not know what these people are doing or saying to make you feel so down but do not let them get to you or they will drag you down to their level.
Remember, if you give them a reaction it is like giving them ammunition. Always smile and say hello to them, knowing that they can not get to you by their mean and silly ways gets to them. Keep your head high and smile.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-18 11:21:12 -0600 Report

JS you are correct. People say things or do things to you just to get a reaction. For instance the kid who cries over every thing is going to be made to cry by other kids just so they can see the kid cry. I agree smile and say hello. Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-17 11:36:21 -0600 Report

Anna, no one can make you feel bad without your permission. You don't need these people. I use to go to church regularly. These days I will only set foot in a church for a funeral, wedding or a meeting. I can't deal with the drama and I can't stand all the hatred among people in the congregation.

One Sunday, I was sitting with my aunt when a cousin came in and sat in front of us. She turned and we spoke to her. She never spoke to us but spoke to cousins behind us. After church my aunt was at the door speaking to the minister when this cousin rushed up to us to speak. I let her have it right there in front of everyone and I ended with God sees what you do both in and out of church and you don't ever have to speak to me again. Took her 5 years to get up the courage to speak to me.

Anna when you let what people say about you upset you, you are giving them power over you. Ignore them, they are not worthy of your time, your emotional strain or the presence of your company.

The questions are what do you want done? What are you going to do to stop them? Sleeping and getting stressed out isn't working. You have to do one of two things, find another church or stand up for yourself. If you leave the church you will always end up running from things unpleasant. If you stand up for yourself, they will leave you alone if you do it the right way. If it were me, I would wait until the minister is present and I would say very calmly, I am sick and tired of you all saying nasty things to me. However, if saying nasty things and making snide remarks about me makes you feel self important, makes your feel as though you control this church or even makes you feel good about yourself, please continue down that road. What you say isn't going to change me or make me leave this church. What you say about me doesn't define me as a woman or a human being, what defines me is how well I rise after you have made your remarks. I would then walk out and you better believe, I will be there for the next event, or church function doing what I have been doing. I would come in and speak to them and tell them how well they look. You see Anna when you love your enemies, it drives them crazy.

tabby9146 2012-12-22 12:30:20 -0600 Report

I love your comments, Joyce, i love how you say things! so true!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-23 19:10:05 -0600 Report

Thank you Tabby. About 7 years ago, I met a woman in another community who had a favorite saying "keep it real". She was not above telling the Mayor to keep it real. The meaning is that you can't sugar coat life. Life is real therefore you must keep it real.

You can't go through life looking through Rose Colored Glasses and thinking the world is all bunnies and rainbows. When you take them off or someone forces them off, far to often people can't deal with what is right in front of them.

People are not always going to be nice to you so you have to look at it for what it is and deal with it. You also should not be forced to leave a church or employment or anything else by the mean people. Once you start running away from them, you will always run. You have to learn to stand up and speak up for yourself and never wait for someone else to do these things for you. You have the same rights as anyone else. As long as you keep it real, they can't hurt you.

tabby9146 2012-12-27 08:59:44 -0600 Report

that is what most of our congregation did over 3 yrs ago, they ran away from the pastor whom they did not like, sure she did not do anything for the church except preach a good sermon on Sundays, she did not show up at most events, or stay thrugh them when she did, did not keep office hours, and such, did not visit, not even when someone was in the hospital, however, those of us who stayed refrained from talking about her behind her back, we just prayed and kept on. Like my mother said, when they all left, she said, perhaps, God weeded out those in the church that were negative. That was a good way of looking at it, maybe so, don't know but it was hard financially for the church for quite some time, but we held on, at one point, there was only about 20 of us left. we have been growing and I believe we have been blessed because of our behavior during all of that. I believe good people when they do good, are blessed.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-27 12:04:21 -0600 Report

Tabby far too often people are in positions to only build a name for themselves and could care less about the people they should be serving or ministering. A minister at one of our community churches asked the congregation to provide proof of their yearly salary. They did. He then asked them for donations of their yearly salary, some did. The church raised a million dollars to build a new church. The money disappeared and the minister and his wife arrived at church in new matching Mercedes and full length mink coats. They remodeled their home and added an addition and took lavish vacations. The minister never visited the sick and shut in nor did anything else for the congregation. Took them another 10 year to finally raise money for the new church. Another minister had a baby by a member of the congregation then told his girlfriend to leave the church before his wife found out. She refused. Another minister had an affair and sent someone else to get the DNA test for him and he had a court order for the test. Another church has an interview rule. You cannot join the church without an interview and income tax form proving how much money you make. If you don't make enough money you can't join. There is more drama in church than on The Young and The Restless which is why I don't attend any of them.

It seems to me that churches have now become a big business and people are not receiving ministering they seek. Far too often cliques of people both men and women make it hard for members to want to stay. Ministers seem to be above the congregation and demand very high salaries while not giving back to the church.

I think when this happens the minister should be asked to leave by the governing board of the church. Losing members is never good for the church or any organization. Learning to live, work and worship together should be the ministers main teachings. I am glad you stuck it out and now are able to rebuild. Good luck to you.

tabby9146 2012-12-30 16:29:58 -0600 Report

she left alright, they had hatched a plan to leave so that she would, as I quote them "be preaching to empty pews" I heard them say. I never took part in their plans, and I hated hearing all of this all the time every Wed. night when I tried to teach Awana (a kid's program) and every Sunday. I could hardly believe some of these some much older than me, that I had respected and grown up with, knew so well all of my life, get this mean. As Christians, if they wanted to leave ,they should have just left and not hatched the plan, and it was many weeks in advance and what Sunday was going t be their last ,etc.. and they got more and more people over the weeks after they left, to leave too. We all knew she would leave. None of them has ever come back, that was over three years go. I heard some are ashamed, well they should be! I understand totaly where you are coming from, especially these really big churches, with hundreds of members, not all, but so many don't care enough, and like you said, are just a big business. so many have gotten away from what they really need to do.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-30 18:51:41 -0600 Report

Tabby, what they did really wasn't all that wrong, they just went about it in a manner that could have been handled better. People leave churches because they are not happy there. The more than likely thought the minister would not leave so they got together as a group and left. Some may be ashamed at how they handled the situation.

We had a housing project imploded in our community. The debris was processed and stored directly in front of our houses. We could barely go outside. We went to the community association and got no help. I organized my neighbors and we began a 3 month fight. We made the local TV news by holding press conferences. We sent a press release to the local newspapers. Two months later we won our battle against the city, the construction company and the State EPA and to this day, this cannot be done anywhere else in the city.

We were very disgruntled with the community association so my sister and I along with two neighbors sat down and plotted and planned a way to either take over the community association or start our own. We put together a proposal and went to see the President of the board of all 4 communities in the community as a whole. Our area is so large we had 4 different communities under one umbrella organization. She agreed with our proposal and our ideas and approved a new community association. She also told us to take the area of the association that should have helped us. That was 12 years ago and we are still going strong.

When people seek help from a leader and do not receive the help, people get unhappy. They seek ways to change the leader or leadership. If that fails they start their own organization. This is how new churches and businesses are started. I think the problem is that when a church is involved there are members who think everyone should be a Christian based on their own level of Christianity. or how they believe in God or interpret God's words. That is basically impossible because everyone is not always on the same level. This is why I absolutely refuse to set foot in a church. My beliefs do not measure up to most church members. I will not live up to anyone's religious beliefs but my own and I certainly would not expect anyone to live up to mine. You have to do what you feel is right for you, your belief and what is in your heart and let others do as they see fit.

Nana_anna 2012-12-27 13:42:40 -0600 Report

I wasn't sure if I read most of this, but your right in reguards to people going to church to be in positions. In order to be in a position it must be a call by God. Unfortunately, some don't listen to their true calling and take what position is offerered to them This is how it was two Pastor's ago. The Pastor that we had from 2008 to 2011, was a female, and acted just like tabby discribed, and I am hoping its not the same person. But churches/congregations need to listen to God's calling. Not just put people here or there. When doing that, it also causes people to be angry and want to leave. But, behavior that continually goes against God's word, is not right. It just doesn't fit the pattern, so to speak. Getting along with others or just tollerating them doesn't work. That brings tention. The Holy Spirit cannot work if we are a little bit out of line. We have to be in complete unity. Behaviors, such as desention, back bitting, gossiping, within the church, and at the time of the church service is bad. I don't honestly think that God can bless a church with this. I don't know maybe I am wrong. But I do know that unforgiveness, hinders prayers, and I believe that is for all of the churches every where, all people, must be totally one hundred percent in line with God's word. Yes, people get mad at each other. But we also must take care of it quickly, forgive easily, and move on. Don't keep bringging up the past, or continue to give people dirty looks. I know Jesus wouldn't act like that! He says to love one another, just as I have loved you. Jesus also accepts everyone! He doesn't like clicks, or groups. We are all one, and we need to encourage each other. Not put others down. It doesn't matter what we do in church, that doesn't give people the right to be rude to anyone. Be an example of Jesus.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-27 19:14:36 -0600 Report

Anna I agree with you. The church is the last place people for people to act nasty to each other. My great aunt use to say Satan goes to church every Sunday. A good minister would stop this but many don't. I think they believe the ladies who act out have more power than he does and can easily get rid of him or her.

People like the ones you and tabby are referring to are one of two kinds of people. Those who are so unhappy in life they have to make those around them miserable or those who think their behavior gives them power over others because they have power over nothing in their lives.

I think the best thing to do is to pay no attention to them. When you give them an audience it gives them power. However, people have got to learn to stop letting what people say about them or to them upset them. Why do you care what they say and do? They do what they do simply to see how you react. As long as you don't react, they will leave you alone. People can say what they want to me, as long as they don't touch me in the process, I am not too concerned. I let Karma do it's job and if I am lucky I get to see Karma at work. The stronger you are, the weaker they become.

Nana_anna 2012-12-19 23:56:08 -0600 Report

Elonor Rosevelt said that! Thank you Just Joyce. I agree. I am ready to start standing up for myself. I don't even know what I did to these people to get several of them acting the way they have been. A few weeks ago one lady was sitting next to me, someone new, a relative of some other person in our church. Well, I figured out who it was. It was one of the few Sunday School teachers sister that has been coming. She sat next to me two times. During the morning service that was about to start, the Sunday School teacher came out from the classrooms, to the sanctuary, and saw that her sister was sitting next to me. The teacher gave a disgusting look towards me, and walked around to her sister, and waved, 'Come on," and whispered something to her sister pointing at me. I know I had a problem with that teacher a year ago. She was bossing me around and was rude to me. I told the Pastor, and she's been upset ever since. Another lady witnessed that, and she to stopped talking to me. So in stead of praying and working things out, these people do the complete obposit. Its just one touchy church I guess. I taught Sunday School for teens, and my class was taken out from me, because I was sick for two weeks. Not quite fair. I lossed allot of ministeries because people tend to steal them or forget about them. This treatment though…as I have said, and told the former Pastor, that I am not making this up. Like don't you pay attention to your congregation? This church is not in unity. It can't be, not when these people are acting this way. God see's every heart, know every mind and thought and deeds, evil or good. He knows the truth. I am praying for this, and put it all in His hands! I will no longer let in control me! I am not letting Satan get to me! Thanks for your wonderful response. Its a shame, that this kind of thing will keep people out of church to. Even me for three months straight I didn't go. I know God wants me in church. But I have to stay here to try to work things out. I will give it a little more time.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-20 20:38:10 -0600 Report

Anna, there are very few ministers in life that I can actually say I like. When my mom passed her minister came to the house and it took everything I had in me to remain polite. This woman was so nasty that by the time the funeral was over and we were at the cemetery, I told her if she said one word I would push her in the grave. No one in the family would give her a ride back to the church nor did the funeral director. A friend gave her a ride and said when she got her back to the church she told her to get out.

She has since been removed for the church and several more. If the minister is nasty or if the minister is aware of problems in the church and do nothing to remedy the problem standing at the alter is the last place for them.

Don't let them force you away. Stand strong and ignore them.

Nana_anna 2012-12-27 13:51:59 -0600 Report

That is bad. I am glad she is gone. I am going to stay. Mostly because I am going to fight against them. I don't care if I make them mad for being there or not.

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