Venting here is that ok?

By TsalagiLenape Latest Reply 2012-12-14 06:34:59 -0600
Started 2012-12-06 20:19:13 -0600

I really need to vent here I hope I dont offend anyone in any way shape or form ok? With that said I will share what is upsetting ok?
1. Husband left again and stinting on money he owes to me.
2. Being treated like a child when its not all my fault.
3. Being alone during the Season of Christmas.
4. Trying not to be upset but too much today.

The husband left again nothing new there ok? This time for a 19 year old plaything. So of course he is stinting on money owed to me so I can pay my bills. Got a notice today, water will be shut off on Monday or Tuesday. No exceptions.
Although I explained about the new job and the checks that I will get before and after Christmas. Oh yeah not having that either. More than likely sitting alone at home.

Then called family member for a loan so I can pay the bill with intentions to pay back said loan. Hence being treated like an idiotic child. Who has no clue whatsoever to manage money. You live on 200 dollars with all the (7) bills in your name.

So the husband is gone off with new girlfriend and I am so tempted to find a male friend so I am not alone all the darn time. Nothing sexual but someone to spend time with and actually know someone cares. But that isnt going to work since I am married. Most men (no offense) want sexual relations. Personally I am not ready for that. I have certain people who want me to go to certain websites to find myself a new man. Not sure I really want too but hate being alone.

Yet with all that said, I am so gosh darn tired of plugging away doing my best to get kicked in the teeth. Certain friends only want to know me when its convenient. Yet if I call to come over to visit or text or whatever, I get no reply or nada. So its so freaking lovely eh?

I apologize for the diatribe of my life of late. Just needed to vent so I can refocus and find solutions to these things. So if anyone would like to post a reply please do. Just please dont take offense or be too harsh in your comments.
Thank you

88 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-12-11 20:52:48 -0600 Report


It's been awhile since we have been in touch, my friend. I am sad to read about what's going on in your life. I will never understand why people make the choices that they make, and mistrteat people who care about them.

I don't blame you for wanting to vent. I know that you are resourceful person. I am hoping that you get the support you deserve and that you are able to avoid getting your water turned off.

I am keeping you in my thoughts. Please keep us posted.


TsalagiLenape 2012-12-13 10:48:52 -0600 Report

Water was saved. The day I paid my bill my water was off due to the fire that blew the water main in front of my neighbors house! LOL But its fixed now. I am hoping to get heat aka oil soon. Just dont know how to turn the darn oil burner on and etc. I am working so that helps. I just hope that things work better for the next year. Thank you Gary! Hugs

Safari4 2012-12-11 10:20:02 -0600 Report

May I recommend serving on a homeless shelter and you can eat and try to make a gratitude list. May I always recommend joining a church and reading the Bible. Hope I didn't offend you but these are my top suggestions

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-13 10:50:16 -0600 Report

I would love to do that. However, I dont go to Church to be with the hypocrits! Sorry but in this town there are many. I do read the Bible so no offense. As far as the homeless shelter there isnt any really near me. Have a great day!:)

Set apart
Set apart 2012-12-11 06:06:27 -0600 Report

Temi, it seems like a life time go when I went through something similar with my ex-husband, only I didn't find out about his cheating till I left! I am going to throw in my faith here since you and Tony talked about it. When God created women he created them to love and seek him out, the woman is mysterious and mystical all at once, yet the world has made relationships ugly. It is my belief that if you seek him out truly and hand over all of these problems, He will fulfill your needs as well as your dreams! Women were created to be loved and to capture the heart of others! There us a great book I am reading it's called "Captivating unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul.". There is strength to be sought and when you find it there will be no stopping you! Be strong and don't ever give up, you deserve to live a happy life! Change is hard, but sometimes it needs to happen!

jayabee52 2012-12-11 10:05:46 -0600 Report

Please give Temi, and us, the author and publisher of that book and perhaps the ISBN number. That'll make finding the book easier. This discussion will rotate back into the active status once it is no longer popular, and such information may be helpful for some lady to find it.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-11 09:51:51 -0600 Report

Actually looking forward to the changes I am going to do. I will see about finding that book at the local library. Thank you for your kind words. Have a great day!:)

Set apart
Set apart 2012-12-12 05:41:03 -0600 Report

Title is Captivating unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul, by John & Stasi Eldredge. ISBN -10: 0-7852-8909-7 hope this helps!

Tony5657 2012-12-13 05:53:32 -0600 Report

I found the book at :

They range from .99 cents on up. Shipping for 1 book is usually $4 & I usually get the 99 cent books, which are usually older, used editions. (I like the word "usually.") LOL I've compared some older editions with newer editions I found at my library and only the "Foreward" parts were updated, not the main text. Every Alibris "used" book I've received has been in perfect condition, they look new.

Here are 2 reviews: 1. By revealing the core desires every woman shares—to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty—the authors invite women to recover their feminine hearts, created in the image of an intimate and passionate God.
2. Every woman was once a little girl. And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than child's play. They are the secret to the feminine heart. And yet―how many women do you know who ever find that life? As the years pass by, the heart of a woman gets pushed aside, wounded, buried. She finds no romance except in novels, no adventure except on television, and she doubts very much that she will ever be the Beauty in any tale. Most women think they have to settle for a life of efficiency and duty, chores, and errands, striving to be the women they "ought" to be but often feeling they have failed. Sadly, too many messages for Christen women add to the pressure. "Do these ten things, and you will be a godly woman." The effect has not been good on the feminine soul. But her heart is still there. Sometimes when she watches a movie, sometimes in the wee hours of the night, her heart begins to speak again. A thirst rises within her to find the life she was meant to live―the life she dreamed of as a little girl. The message of "Captivating" is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating.

I just ordered the book for my wife for Christmas. Thanks Set Apart!!!!! :o)

Set apart
Set apart 2012-12-14 05:39:23 -0600 Report

Tony, that's great, it's a wonderful book and so easy to get drawn into. Just a warning once your wife starts reading it she may not want to put it down, lol. I am so glad that I inspired you on this, God is the ultimate answer to all of our worries, pains and especially of all our sad days, when we need someone. Youre so welcome! :-)

Tony5657 2012-12-14 06:34:59 -0600 Report

OK Set Apart, I'll read the book first! I want to learn ahead of time what I'm in for. LOL I've always suspected my wife & I are from different planets, :o) but maybe not after all. Seriously, I do thank you again for recommending the book, especially since it involves God's help and I can't wait for it to arrive. :o) Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-13 10:52:32 -0600 Report

Yes so right now I am focusing on myself. As well as being in balance and harmony. Otherwise not much I can do but that. Thank you for your words. Hugs

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-13 10:51:23 -0600 Report

Yes I will look but it will be awhile before I can get it. I have a huge mess of bills that arent little. But I will leave that for the Creator to help me out. Thank you! Hugs

jigsaw 2012-12-10 17:10:46 -0600 Report

I know you have the answers within, all youi have to do is allow your self to see past your emotional needs ( the ones that are not constructive) and you will be taking a step towards solving your dilemma ! Go ahead and vent, but only if it helps, and iif it does, that's a good thing.

Lizardfan 2012-12-10 08:37:39 -0600 Report

I have no advice for you, other than what I offered the last episode with this guy. Hoping you find peace.

AnnRendon 2012-12-09 12:42:42 -0600 Report

HI Temi, I am so sorry you are going through this friend me and inbox me whenever you need..I can't tell you what to do because you will only do it when you are tired of going through it..I know i did it with my ex 4 times every summer was her time of the year she would find a new &^%%^&$ and leave me high and dry..only thing the 3rd time when she came back Iwas already preparing for her to leave and I started falling out of love with her so when she left the 4th and last time I was ready..o it hurt like hell still we were together 10yrs..but I told myself ill get over her now so i wont keep going through that..since then I have meet the love of my life and remarried..I was like you and hated being alone but it was better then hurting and i had plenty of good friend or not sleep over watch movies anything to keep me company to get past the lonely feeling.good luck and I hope you get tired sometime soon because my dear you deserve better…hugs

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-09 13:27:29 -0600 Report

Well what friends I do have, he hangs with them. Oh well. Just focusing on daily things and what I can do. Then time will come when I can move on. Right now just doing. Hugs and Thank you

MoeGig 2012-12-08 21:50:46 -0600 Report

Wish you the best over the holidays. I've had your experience. Get a good attorney.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-09 13:29:28 -0600 Report

Cant afford an attorney yet. But when I can I will. Holidays aka Christmas is going to be depressing. I have no one to be with me or for me to go and see. Its family time and well what I have is nothing anymore. So I will do what I can to alleviate the blues.
Thank you and Hugs

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 19:07:21 -0600 Report

Do you really know what is pathetic? A man who wont come see his Dad. The one who raised him. Who asked me to get a hold of him tonight. Because his Dad asked me to do so. Why? Because his Dad isnt feeling good nor doing good. He wont come see his Dad because of what I do know which is really irrelevant to me. His Dad may end up in the E.R. and I was told dont bother him anymore. By the way, I dont care about what I do know.
Only trying to make a man who is 76 years old with prostate cancer (not doing Chemo his choice) happy. Oh and if anyone has any beliefs that I would lie, then you obviously dont know me.

pixsidust 2012-12-08 14:19:56 -0600 Report

Temi, I do not understand why you let this guy back "in". This is not his first girlfriend he has had while married. He is what he is at no fault of your own. He is a snake. handle him and you will be bitten. Haven't you found that to be true repeatedly? So when do you stop laying down for him to wipe his feet on? When do you say no? When will you realize he does not have heart? He doesn't value you or respect you. Keep saying No until you divorce him. Love Christy

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 19:03:40 -0600 Report

I have since August. But alas his name and mine is on the deed of the house I live in with his Dad who has cancer. Needless to say, Miss B*tch is here and staying. Oh its not going to be good for him. Darn it! NOT! LOL Love that huh? Hugs Btw the drama he caused me tonight really cemented his butt. Oh well.

pixsidust 2012-12-09 10:55:58 -0600 Report

Regardless to allow her to come is to allow yourself to be disrespected. You need to stop that. He should have been cemented over a year ago.
I know about the Dad but that man can not come in and out at will and bringing someone is nothing I would have stood by and watched. I would have been intolerable. Her name is not anywhere. Get her out and him too

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-09 13:21:45 -0600 Report

Iam Miss B*tch btw! LOL He is out and his little gf doesnt realize how he has cheapened their relationship for he has made her his little wh*re. So they will find out what happens when you piss me off. Sorry if I offend with the garbage words. Hugs

pixsidust 2012-12-09 19:57:10 -0600 Report

I think it goes without saying you are a nicer, kinder person than I. I know you have no money. Thats just a pipe dream down the road. I want you to know I am not criticizing you but only wanting you not to allow yourself to be his victim any more. I care about you

jayabee52 2012-12-09 11:33:58 -0600 Report

I am not you Temi, but if I were, I would find out what it would take to 1) get a lawyer and find out the legal actions which could be taken to either remove him (them) from your life {restraining orders?}, 2) set up separate living arrangements (if needed), 3) let him know that you will be no longer giving his father care, and that he will be responsible for care, or you will turn his father into the dept of aging (or whatever your state calls it) as needing assistance.

This "man/boy" (TOU prevents me from writing what is in my head at the moment) needs to be out of your life permanently. YOU REALLY DON'T NEED THE DRAMA.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-09 13:25:07 -0600 Report

Ok here is the problem. I need finances fixed before I can start divorce proceedings. I am getting a Legal Separation Paper done by hand (yours truley is doing it). His Dad doesnt want to move out of this house. Or this town. Knows his son wont take care of him. Hence he stays. In the meantime, I work, do what I can on this house and do my best. Otherwise, doing what I must til I can move on. Hugs

watson4042 2012-12-08 13:14:53 -0600 Report

oh, how i wish we lived close! i would be there every day for you. i've gone thru this with both my ex-husbands and i know it's not easy. but i believe you're strong enough to pull thru. fair weather friends can't be bothered to listen or help on any level…you need someone to talk to that's been thru this crap before (parden the language). have you tried to immerse yourself in a good book? i'll grab one that takes me out of reality into another world be it true crime, fantasy, historical. or try tv/movies you like. try anything you can thimk of to help you get thru. vent at me if it will help. and like one post said kick him to the curb. you will get thru this…prayers to you xoxoxo

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 18:58:51 -0600 Report

I have to be patient right now. But come Monday morning his Parole Officer will be notified like I said before. Thus if he gets picked up oh well. Sucks to be him LOL Thanks for the words and I will vent when I can. Hugs

ConnieMarie 2012-12-08 10:07:55 -0600 Report

kick him to the curb and come to the "dark side" lol…no offense taken and vent away…sometimes you need neutral parties to listen. first worry about you, if the Wanker tries to come just say "no", i know it's easier said than done.

Jan8 2012-12-08 07:30:11 -0600 Report

You dont deserve to be treated like that. When my ex-husband started acting like an ass I declared to myself this is not a marriage and started acting as though i was not married. Got a lawyer and divorced him after 10 years of his disgusting habits. I got temp. alimony (not near enough for 3 kids) !0 yrs too long ! I remarried and have had the same husband for 35 yrs. gentleman who provided for us the best he could. I think you would find new friends when you are not married to an ass.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 18:54:45 -0600 Report

Well that is what I hope to do yet financially not able to. And boy will I have his butt nailed. Plus going to let his Parole Officer know some neat details. So I am going to move forward for myself. Hugs

nutmeg68 2012-12-08 00:34:29 -0600 Report

I know that feeling, my ex left me 3 yrs ago and I work two jobs, have a sin and I get f**k all from him, I have to pay the mortgage pay the bills and look after my son, I struggle with money and sometimes to feed my son.

skjkaye 2012-12-07 16:52:58 -0600 Report

I hope this doesn't offend you but I'm praying for you. My sis n law just divorced my bro because he beat her. I'm not sure what's worst not that its a contest. Find good friends who you can hang with. Don't date til your ready. Tell your friends to back off of the dating thing til your ready.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 06:12:40 -0600 Report

I am not easily offended most of the time. Yet there are times when a discouraging word is not needed. What little friends I have left since the viewing is another story. Most of my friends live out of state or are on here. Hugs

JSJB 2012-12-07 15:02:08 -0600 Report

Keep venting if that helps. Maybe if you read some of you vents you can help yourself. Sorry all I can do is read them wish I could help.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 06:09:53 -0600 Report

Just by reading and knowing that you understand is meaning I am not alone and that my concerns are not made up in my head. To be released without censure or judgement helps tremendously. Hugs

swlinda 2012-12-07 11:56:02 -0600 Report

My husband decided last week he doesn't want to put up with me anymore so I am also out in the cold. Thank God for my parents because I am going back home and they are getting in poor health and could use the help.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 06:08:46 -0600 Report

That is where I have decided to make time for me. Its a great mood booster. I do it small since I cant really afford nothing yet. but alas I know in time that will change. Hugs

jayabee52 2012-12-07 12:06:59 -0600 Report

I am so sorry to hear that Linda! I hate to hear that a marriage has died.

swlinda 2012-12-07 12:10:41 -0600 Report

I am pretty sure it was never alive for him. 2 days after the wedding we went to Chicago and brought his mother back for me to take care of. I knew nothing about this until we got her clothes and started back to KY. She died so now he doesn't need me.

jayabee52 2012-12-07 12:55:12 -0600 Report

Wow that is quite a blow to you. Sorry you experienced that.

I was married twice and both marriages were great - for a while.

But my first broke up (she divorced me at 25 yrs) and was single again for about 7 yrs. Then I met (2007) and married (2008) a wonderful lady. She passed from this life in July 2010.

I guess what I am trying to say is hang in there. There ARE some decent men out here who would like nothing better than to help you be happy.


swlinda 2012-12-07 12:58:15 -0600 Report

Well I have had two husband that wanted nothing more than to make themselves happy. I had a boyfriend that lied to me and used me terribly so I am not real happy with men right now.

Tony5657 2012-12-08 05:13:25 -0600 Report

Yup, we humans, both male & female, (using a cliche from "Forest Gump") are like a box of chocolates, you never know what …(you fill in the rest). One thing I've learned in my 68 years is not to stereotype people because of sex, race, accent, etc.. If you do, you'll severely limit yourself and you may miss that one person who would be a perfect match for you. AND yes, there are perfect matches out there. I'm praying for you, my friend. Hugs…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Tony5657 2012-12-08 13:02:26 -0600 Report

Hey, that's even better! Ol' Forest should have been eating mixed nuts during that conversation he had with that woman.

I'd say PEOPLE are like a … well, you can finish it yourself. LOL Speaking of nuts, I've been picking pecans out of the leaves in my yard. Blasted squirrels didn't get them all! Hope you're having a great Saturday…Tony

jayabee52 2012-12-07 13:03:49 -0600 Report

I can certianily understand, with a history like you describe. I would probably be leery of women were I exposed to women like that.

I am the kinda guy who feels that if my lady is happy, I am happy.

I oft times refer to myself as a sucker for a "damsel in distress".

swlinda 2012-12-07 13:06:33 -0600 Report

Thanks for caring and any woman should be happy to have a relationship with a wonderful person like you.

Tony5657 2012-12-07 08:55:09 -0600 Report

Dear TsalagiLenape,

You asked "Is venting OK here?" I'll give you a one word answer in the language we speak here, "YUUUUP." Dave Hester on the TV show Storage Wars has that as his logo. Just voice your concerns here like you did, and many of these wonderful members will come to your aid, with suggestions, friendship, encouragement & prayers.

Not knowing if you are a Christian, I don't want to offend you but I'll not let political "correctness" stop me from sharing what I've learned to be true and what works for me and many, many others. I said that to say this, I am praying for you.

I've learned that the Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Of course, not everything that happens to us is the will of God. We are not puppets and we and others have free will, very often, the free will to mess up things. However, I've learned that if I turn the myself and the situation over to God, He provides a way of escape. He actually helps me turn ugliness into beauty, physically or in my mind/spirit and I emerge a happier and stronger person.

My thoughts on this: Life on Earth is like a boot camp. It's hard & often unpleasant but IF we are "teachable", we will learn things that make us stronger and more righteous in God's sight and these things will train & prepare us for future trials and eventually for eternity. Also these things we have learned will cause our unpleasant experiences here on Earth to make better sense by giving us many "Aha" moments. I've caught myself thinking, aha, … look what I've learned through this horrible experience. I've learned and experienced love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control and even forgiveness. I weathered the storm and emerged a stronger person.

I'm with you, my friend, you can have victory in these difficult situations. I'm praying for just that.

Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

100 Acre Woods
100 Acre Woods 2012-12-07 12:12:38 -0600 Report

What a wonderful blessing you just shared with us! I copied it so that when I forget, I can remind myself what I should be concentrating on.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-07 09:18:49 -0600 Report

Thank you Tony! Btw I was born in Fort Hood TX! LOL Anyway, I am Native American Christian so you didnt offend me. But reminded me that I should Let Go and Let God. Yet I am a work in progress person. In due time I know that things will turn around. Just with things hitting me like this in one day was upsetting least to say. Yet once I posted this, I prayed and let go. Now somethings are taking time but are working out. Thank you again Hugs

Tony5657 2012-12-08 05:33:53 -0600 Report

Hi "Tsal… Sorry, I can't spell the rest LOL,
Yes, Fort Hood, I go through there frequently. And you're a Native American Christian? I have Native American heritage, Chickasaw, northwest Alabama & central Oklahoma.

Yes, let go and let God. I had not heard that before. Thanks for that nugget, which I'll keep. :o) I completely understand about the "when it rains, it pours" thing, my troubles don't come nicely, one by one. They seem to all happen at once and I often get "my shorts in a wad" and let stress, frustration and anger enter. But (and this is a big but) :o) that only makes things worse. I have forced myself to stop and pray myself out of that predicament AND accept God's timing. I've learned that He always helps me through, one obstacle, one hour, one day at a time. My timing is different from God's - I want everything NOW, but am learning that God is teaching me valuable lessons within His timing. Yup, I'm also a "work in progress" and most probably cause God and his angles to work overtime! LOL

Hugs back at 'cha…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-08 06:16:37 -0600 Report

LOL Tony! I know what you mean "Wanting it NOW" I have learned to be patient. Yet there are times when others arent and that is what stresses the heck out of me. In the meantime, I do turn it over to the Creator. Bad habits I am learning to forget not always easy thing for any of us to do since we learned them and have become ingrained on how we deal with things in our life. I do like the fact you're a Native too. LOL Hugs and Thank you

eristar 2012-12-07 06:06:39 -0600 Report

The holiday season is a time of stress and depression for a lot of people. I am grateful for the medication which allows me to get through these days with less panic and fewer meltdowns, but those meds may be a thing of the past soon - as my husband lost his job last week (and therefore our medical insurance) and at our age, who knows if he will be hired somewhere…
In any event, feel reassured that venting is not only allowed, but encouraged - there may be answers out there you hadn't even considered. Take care!

100 Acre Woods
100 Acre Woods 2012-12-06 23:49:59 -0600 Report

Many of us are pretty much alone on Holidays. We then try to stay on Alliance quite a bit during that time. We talk to people who pop in to say Hi! Maybe you could join in.

TsalagiLenape 2012-12-07 09:14:12 -0600 Report

Isnt this part of Alliance?

100 Acre Woods
100 Acre Woods 2012-12-07 11:59:22 -0600 Report

Absolutely! if you start feeling lonely on Christmas day, just pop in here. Generally, you will find several of us popping in here to talk to people too. There are several of us alone for the Holidays. I just try to pop into several of the sites, not just Diabetic.

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