By ConnieMarie Latest Reply 2012-12-02 16:08:04 -0600
Started 2012-11-26 09:27:38 -0600

i know this off topic for a diabetic website but i need to vent. my 16 yr old niece is being bullied by girls at her school which totally boogles my mind because 1) she's pretty, 2) a cheerleader/swim team & 3) she talks to everyone. i am used to being picked on…i was the fat kid with glasses that no one liked, now i'm the young diabetic stroke survivor that gets stared at. it's like watching watching Means Girls except it stars your family. anyone else have loved ones dealing with bullies?

43 replies

unicornmichelle 2012-12-02 01:58:02 -0600 Report

i was bully in school aswell and i had a kid take my glasses and bust them and the school did nothing to the person until my mom and grandma step in and told the school they need buy me a new pair then they told the kid family about it and they quit

Nana_anna 2012-11-30 13:48:49 -0600 Report

I don't, but allot of people don't like to turn in bullies because it can make the situation worse. When I was in school, all through school, I was picked on everyday for something. I ended up having to turn the kids in and telling the principle what they were doing. That didn't help then I would go to the counselors. If that didn't work I would have to find away to handle it on my own. That worked in some things, but not always. People just need to stop being mean. The schools need to have a low tollerence plan or act. You Bully you go to jail. No second chances.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-30 20:20:04 -0600 Report

Anna in some cases, the teachers are afraid of confronting their students about bad behavior. The fact of the matter is that kids do lie and the parents in far too many cases are no better than their children. Their are parents who under no circumstances will believe their kids did something wrong when their kid is handcuffed, tried, found guilty and convicted of the crime.

Another problem is parents expect teachers to raise their kids. They come to school with very little manners, no respect for themselves or others, and the minute they get into trouble their parents blame the teachers for not doing his/her job.

They tried zero tolerance here. The new leader of the school board stopped it saying suspended kids are not learning. Disruptive kids in the classroom are not learning and are preventing the other students from learning. He has just been blasted for not reporting violence in the schools. Teachers and Principals are finding all kinds of weapons on kids, there are violent outbreaks in classrooms and none of it has been reported to school or city police. They do not want to portray the schools as dangerous. Because of this parents are questioning how safe it is for their kids in school. Instead of suspension, they do in-house suspension. This means a kid can bring a knife to school everyday and get sent to in-house suspension and never miss a day in school and the parents are not notified.

Until parents are held accountable for their bad kids, weapons, and bullying will continue in schools and juvenile crime in the streets will continue as well. I would never send a child to a school either public or private. I would home school.

liquorish 2012-11-30 12:54:14 -0600 Report

Dear ConnieMarie. I love your name. I was not bullied by school kids, but by my sister. I am apalled at the amount of bullying that is allowed by the teachers, schools, and daycares. It is the responsibility of the parents of all kids to monitor what they are doing, and what they are experiencing. I find it hard to swallow that kids get bullied over the internet. Turn it off. It is frightening how many kids commit suicide because they were bullied mercilessly. If having a parent, teacher, child, schoolboard meeting (everyone together at the same time) doesn't stop it, then your neice should be taken out of that school. If there have been death threats, take that evidence to the police and the school. But pull her out. Private school, home school, whatever. But get her out of danger. Her self-asteem, self-worth, pride, everything, is being attacked. Get her out of danger. Liquorish

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-30 20:30:30 -0600 Report

Liquorish, turning off the internet is not going to stop bullying that only happens on television. A bully is going to find another means to continue to bully. Meeting with all parties isn't going to stop it either but at least all parties concerned will know that it is now out in the open.

Private schools have bullies also. The only thing is these kids have parents who have the means to send them to a private schools. If all measures fail such as talking to the school and the parents of the kids or kid who is bullying, going to the school police and the local police, get a lawyer and sue. Use the media to your advantage and really bring it out in the open. If the police such as local, county and state fail to act, go to the county prosecutor or States Attorney. The police must respond to the complaint and I would hound people until they responded. They usually will once you give the information to all of the media outlets in your area.

I agree with you. This child should not be in school if she has received a death threat.

liquorish 2012-12-01 22:34:07 -0600 Report

I agree with you 100 per cent. My comment about the computer was because we hear that kids are bullied over the computer. Why do the parents let the kids read that garbage on their computers? To the point that their child commits suicide? I don't understand. But I do think that being bullied is not treated seriously. It is a very serious problem for the child receiving it. and eventually for the child doing it. Yes, the police should be called in and the abusive "family" taken to court to show them and all others how serious it is.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-12-02 16:08:04 -0600 Report

Parents let their kids use a computer without ever monitoring it. Children's computers should be in an area where what they are doing can be easily viewed by the parents and parents should learn lingo. The computer should be password protected as well as all computers in the home. If kids are allowed email, the parents should set it up and not let them have the password.

Kids are mean and if they want to fit in with a group they usually will follow the leader. In some cases the leader will demand others in the group to bully someone. The sad part is parents are the culprits and need to be held accountable for what their children do.

ConnieMarie 2012-11-27 21:36:54 -0600 Report

Actually it has helped. Sometimes having an outside opinion helps to spark an idea of a direction to head. Sorry about the stuttering - did you do speech therapy? I can relate - I've met several stroke survivors with my speech issue - we sound shortbus special. It's frustrating to lose your ability to be taken seriously as an adult when "r" s are missing. Everyday I struggle with simple tasks like tying my shoes, dressing, showering, cooking. I test by pricking my affected hand - it's numb from the strokes. Adults can be cruel when they don't bother to ask. Kids ask "why do you talk slow?" or "why do you wear sweat pants everyday?"

Nana_anna 2012-11-30 13:50:49 -0600 Report

I have a speech impairment also. It bugs me the most when my own family makes a big deal about it. I have an extra scratch voice. Sounds like a cold to. So for those who are nosey and mean. I say I have a cold, those who don't care to talk to me so be it. There loss not mine.

IronOre 2012-11-27 20:36:19 -0600 Report

So what exactly do you want the people in here to do for you ?
And if someone did have to deal will bullies (like many people have) ~ How do you figure that will help you?
I stuttered all my childhood, and it was terrible, so naturally i was bullied, but I didn't care . . . So have I helped you ?
LiveStrong !!!

Nana_anna 2012-11-30 13:52:37 -0600 Report

I was sensitive. The more they can pick up on how you handle things, the more they will pick on you. If you are easy at crying or easily angered, they do worse things to get you even madder. Soon I learned to ignor it. Now it doesn't bother me.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-28 10:27:39 -0600 Report

Iron I am not getting the apparent attitude for no valid reason. Just because you didn't care that you were bullied doesn't mean others don't care. You more than likely cared that you were bullied or you would not have brought it up. Being bullied can have long term psychological effects. You either become stronger by facing the bullies and remaining a strong adult or you turn into a bully yourself as a means of getting back at those who bullied you.

Human beings are far crueler than any of the animal species on the planet. You have proven this by your behavior. She is seeking help for her niece and maybe ways she can deal with this because she isn't in the same state with them. She also may be feeling helpless which is what a loving, caring person would feel if a family member was under attack.

In reading your responses, you are borderline bullying her. Is this what happened to a person who was bullied as a child? He grew up into a big strong man who bullies others including women?

I asked you what you would do if this was your daughter and you chose to ignore that. Compassion for others is like a boomerang because it comes back to you. When you fail to show compassion to others you will not get it when you need it. At the end of the day, you will be the one suffering the most.

jayabee52 2012-11-28 00:32:55 -0600 Report

If you didn't care, were you really bullied then? They may have tried to make fun of you, but I suspect that when they didn't get the desired reaction, that behavior on their part diminished greatly.

I too was bullied. It stopped for me when I let them know in no uncertain terms that I would not continue to allow it. Mostly the kids in my HS called me a unflattering name. When I stopped responding to that name in any way they eventually got the message that it was no longer going to work on me, so they stopped it. They really looked silly calling me that name, trying to get my attention and getting no response. They looked like the spastic dorks they were.

ConnieMarie 2012-11-26 18:12:35 -0600 Report

The death threat is what has me concerned.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-11-28 17:21:21 -0600 Report

If this is true, then you, well, her parents need to meet with the school administration as well as the police. It may come to restraining orders and threat of more legal action as parents can be held responsible. Talking about it here is just wasting time that could be used to take action in person and put an end to this. I have to wonder why this would even start up.

IronOre 2012-11-27 20:36:44 -0600 Report

Why did you wait until later to mention a death threat ?

jayabee52 2012-11-28 00:21:13 -0600 Report

If I get the timeline correctly from reading this whole discussion, Connie put up the Original posting, and then after she posted the original the new information about the death threat surfaced. (Connie, if I have stated things inaccurately, please correct me)

Plus the way the responses are filed does not help understand the chronology of the flow of the discussion, so sometimes it is easy to get things confused.

GabbyPA 2012-11-27 14:31:17 -0600 Report

Oh my. That should be taken seriously and taken to the authorities. In jest that kind of threat should never be made. I know as kids we used to be able to say things like "I'm going to kill you", but no one ever really meant it. Now a days, that is frightening.

Nana_anna 2012-11-30 13:57:43 -0600 Report

Nowadays, to they have lockdowns if they suspect that death will occure. Until they find out what is happening the lockdowns remains. There were two here in Florida this week.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-28 10:32:54 -0600 Report

Gabby you are very correct. Threats today should be taken seriously. Gone are the days when a school yard fight started and ended on the school yard. These days kids bring guns to school and they will attack you anywhere they see you. There is no way on this earth I would let my child go to school public or private in this day and age. I would home school. I know from working in a school that some are not safe. The Principal, Vice Principal and I were trapped in school one afternoon because a parent and her kids were throwing bricks at the doors. Her kids were both bullies and had psychological problems. She didn't think they could do no wrong until they were finally suspended for attacking a classmate and a teacher and they were 4th graders.

ConnieMarie 2012-11-28 13:48:28 -0600 Report

yes the death threat surfaced after i posted it…Sammie didn't want to 'upset' me lol…um yeah Lizzie spilled the beans on that one…i dunno what happened to the days when we just would have a knock down fight to you have to have a weapon…it's sad…

Nana_anna 2012-11-30 13:59:20 -0600 Report

If it gets to that point of needing a weapons, which here in my city are illegal to carry to schools. In the end someone will either get hurt or killed.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-28 19:13:24 -0600 Report

I know. I would simply fight the bullies back in the day. These days I would not do that.

Three years ago, we had a 12 year old bully who always was tormenting the younger kids. One day just before school closed he came running home. My neighbor and I was outside at the time. When he got to his house no one was home to open the door for him. He was banging on the door crying. We saw 4 kids about 8 years old come running towards him. He wet his pants. The kids beat his butt. His mother comes and asked us why we didn't call the police or do something to protect her child. My neighbor said he got what he deserved. I told her he is a bully and you watch him bully the younger kids and do nothing about it. So the younger kids got together and took care of the problem. He didn't bother the little kids because they embarrassed and humiliated him for the entire summer. Which is what he did to them up until he got the whipping. He was afraid of the kids his age. Sometimes the bullies best lesson is either ignoring him/her or giving them a good whipping.

IronOre 2012-11-27 02:28:09 -0600 Report

Well, a place like this is not where something like that should be brought up.
You are right, you are definitely off the topic of diabetes.

GabbyPA 2012-11-27 14:35:24 -0600 Report

I have to disagree. There are many diabetic teens who are bullied for being diabetic. There was one girl who shared how kids dumped out her purse and stepped on her pump, breaking it. There are some very sad stories here about others who are told they will never amount to anything or be able to date a "normal" person. Bullying goes beyond the school yard and into jobs where discrimination can come when we try to find a place to test or inject on the job. It is very much connected to diabetes.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-27 15:12:47 -0600 Report

Gabby, it seems that people are becoming less compassionate and totally ignorant. Why pick on someone who isn't doing anything to you except being a human being?

jayabee52 2012-11-27 12:42:08 -0600 Report

I have been on DC for much longer than you Iron. We don't HAVE to be talking all about diabetes ALL the time!

Just take a look at this discussion here ~ http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/56... or this one here ~ http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/52...

I could offer multiple examples of us historically NOT being ALL diabetes ALL the time! You could also search for "Good Morning, Afternoon, evening" or "Jokes", to see that it is not ALL diabetes ALL the time.

It is good to air issues of concern, like bullying, to us as well.

IronOre 2012-11-26 18:01:55 -0600 Report

By reading this you make it sound like this "Bullying" thing is something new. It have been going on a long long time. Only the media has brought it to the forefront because there's lots of money to be made on the subject, not only by them but by book authors and people who speak on the subject.
There have been many celebrities coming forward and spoke about how they were bullied - but they all say that it made them a stronger person . . . now look where they are !
Remember the bully in "Back to the Future" ? He grew up to be a total loser, and that's pretty much typical of them.
Your neice is probably stronger than you think she is. I say let her get bullied . . . it will make her a stronger person, and we need more of those type of people today. Stop feeling sorry for her.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-27 12:20:19 -0600 Report

On the first day of school a kid who had been bullied the entire school year came back to school and shot at the kids who bullied him. He missed them and hit a special needs kid. Thankfully he didn't die. A girl here who has MS was bullied to the point she almost committed suicide. My girlfriends son who had a growth problem growing up and was bullied to the point a groundskeeper at his school saw him on the window ledge about to jump off. She met with the parents of the bully who said basically what you said that their son was trying to make him grow up and stronger. They had to sell their house to pay her $500,000.00 she sued them and won. They lost just about everything.

You say let her get bullied it will make her stronger. I am shocked that you think being bullied makes a person stronger. Suppose this was your daughter. Suppose every time she went to school someone or a group of her classmates were bullying her. She starts withdrawing, stops communicating with you and her mother, has trouble concentrating and her grades fall, has trouble eating and sleeping, wets her bed. She can't take it any more and takes a gun to school and kills a few of the ones who bullied her or even tries to commit suicide. Would you tell her honey you should have sucked it up because it will make you stronger? How would you feel if it was your child who committed suicide or killed or harmed a lot of people because your view is to let them be bullied. Bullying causes psychological problems for the person being bullied. The end result of parents, teachers and others who do nothing to stop the bullying can cause a lot of people to suffer in the end when violence erupts in the gym, cafeteria or hallway at school because the bullied kid brought a gun to school or commits suicide. Imagine the psychological damage done to so many people because you said let them be bullied. Not every person who is bullied becomes a success in life. This is why Columbine happened and why kids are bringing weapons to school to shoot their bullies and why kids commit suicide. As an adult if you believe bullying will make a person stronger you are misinformed.

The man who beats his wife is a bully. The man who abuses his children is a bully. This same man is teaching his sons that this is acceptable behavior and is therefore raising future bullies and wife beaters. He is also teaching his daughters that the only way a man is going to love you is to beat you while also teaching them it is also okay for them to be a bully. You are sending a dangerous message.

I can't believe you actually believe what stars say in the media. They have publicist who tell them what to say. They also jump on just about every thing in the media that is current simply for self promotion. They admit to being raped, abused as kids, bullied, depressed and bipolar yet we don't ever find out the truth. I pay no attention to what they have to say on these kinds of subjects.

By the way it is off topic but Connie appears to be a caring, loving aunt who is also diabetic. The stress alone can cause her numbers to be out of control so in a way she is getting help with that. Compassion for your fellow man can go both ways. If you had a problem I hope someone shows you compassion.

I might get kicked off the site for this so this could very well be good bye.

ConnieMarie 2012-11-26 16:23:37 -0600 Report

It bothers me the sense that - Columnbine could have been prevented. We had friends lose a niece in that shooting. 2 yrs ago here in Columbus we had a friend coaching baseball at an inner city school & a player was bullied, his life threatened. He was stabbed before practice and passed away. Maybe its all talk on the bullies part. Why risk it?

GabbyPA 2012-11-26 16:12:11 -0600 Report

I think people in general have forgotten how to be respectful. Being mean is like a badge they wear and they can do it with sweet or sour words. I was like you, the fat kid in school with the skinny friends. The ease of being anonymous through the internet and on the phone has brought out the bad in so many folks. They can hide behind a screens.

ConnieMarie 2012-11-26 15:57:52 -0600 Report

Her Dad is gone & dead beat. Her Mom works 10 hr days & her Sister intercepted the death threat. Sam called the school, police, sheriff, parents of the girl involved. The other kids in this group have a dad thats a cop, fire chief & county commissioner…so the police won't touch it.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-27 12:24:31 -0600 Report

Connie if it were my niece, I would go to GA. Talk to the mom and if the police won't get involved because of who these kids are, the media will certainly take up the cause. I am glad she has a sister who was there for her. I have worked in a school and have seen what bullying does to a child.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-26 12:58:51 -0600 Report

Connie, kids tend to pick on whomever they have determined is the weak kid. This is the kid who they know is not going to defend him/herself or who isn't going to say anything about bullying.

Kids are not always the sharpest knives in the drawer. Some are victims because they are different or smart, while others turn themselves into victims by spreading rumors or doing or saying something to someone they thought was a friend about someone else. Far too often the friends they have turn against them and join the bullies.

Parents raise bullies. If at an early age, a sibling constantly picks on a younger sibling or other kids, the parents usually says kids will be kids and will not do anything to stop the bullying. As the child gets older the behavior continues because the odds are the parents will say my child isn't a bully or other kids are jealous of their kids.

Unfortunately, today, teachers, principals, school counselors and school boards do not appear to take bullying seriously until a kid comes to school and start shooting or a kid takes his or her life. There are also teachers who bully kids with constant humiliation if they don't know all the answers or fail tests.

Where are your nieces parents? Why is the oldest sister going to the police instead of them? Has anyone gone to the school to address this problem in a meeting with the principal, school counselor and school police? This should happen immediately. Also if you haven't done so, let her know that she can always talk to you. As her aunt, talk to her parents and advocate for her if possible.

If she has been threatened she should not be at that school. Never take threats in writing or verbally as a joke when bullying is involved. Bullying also occurs using social media. For her safety and protection, your niece should get rid of her Facebook account if she has one, If she wants one she should change her screen name to something none of the students at school would suspect is her. She should change her email and get off of Twitter and cell phone number. Only give this information to family or friends not associated with the school. I pray that she is safe and if she needs psychological help she gets it.

jayabee52 2012-11-26 09:58:32 -0600 Report

I am sorry you and your niece have had to go through that, Connie. Unfortunately it seems that no one is immune from being bullied, even the popular, pretty and vivacious people.

My first born son, Paul, was a sensative child. It seemed he had a perpetual bulls-eye painted on his forehead which indicated he was an easy mark for bullying.

It seemed to culminate in the 5th and 6th grades for him. With boys, bullying tends to get physcal. (I was bullied myself in jr high and HS). But what we did (we kinda fell into this, really) that my wife was looking for martial arts instrution and our 2 older boys went with her to train. Paul learned how to block punches by sweeping them away with his arm. Once a bully started to attack him and Paul just continued blocking the punches until the bully got tired throwing punches and gave up. I don't know if others tried to bully Paul but after that incident he had confidence in how to handle himself in such situations and he never came to us again about a bullying incident.

I don't know if his example might be adapted somehow to your niece's situation but I pray she will be able to weather this storm of life successfully without too many emotional scars.


ConnieMarie 2012-11-26 10:42:58 -0600 Report

she didn't want to go to school today…her oldest sister got the police involved because yesterday she got a note that basically said she was going to be killed…James when did kids turn to killing? i remember we just did as your teaching your son - punching matches. we didn't carry guns, knives or weapons. i am scared as to the lessons we are teaching our children about violence. i asked Lizzie if she wanted to move back to Ohio and live with us in Columbus. she said no she'd stay in GA or transfer to a school in FL.