How do I stop my mom from spazzing?

By Wolfgirl1213 Latest Reply 2012-11-15 09:36:51 -0600
Started 2012-11-07 16:15:42 -0600

Hi I'm a newly diagnosed type 1 diabetic . I've been diagnosed for about a month now and everyone around me has just accepted it without a problem except my mom she never shuts up about and is always bugging me about it. Frankly I can't stand it anymore. She stressing me out and making my sugars go high. Any advice?

21 replies

liquorish 2012-11-15 09:36:51 -0600 Report

Hey Wolfgirl. I totally agree with all that has been said. I am type 2 since 1995 and have just now gone on insulin and looking into a pump with cgm. Your mom may not know much about diabetes. Really know. She might have seen her grandparents, aunt, uncle, or one of her own parents suffer from it. And they did suffer. Before much was known and new medicines came about, people lost legs and feet, had gangrene (a horrible horrible situation), ended up in nursing homes at young ages, lost kidnwy function (dialysis is terrible), went blind. They still do, but mostly because they don't take care of themselves. My husband works in a hospital, and people come to him with sugars in the THOUSANDS because they ate a whole choc. cake, etc. So, here's what you do. Take your mom to sites like these. Read them with her. Discuss what you read. Take her to your doctors app.s if you can, and let her ask questions (even stupid or embarassing ones). Let her see you count your carbs, and tell her your numbers. Let her help or you help her to make meals that are carb friendly. Find new recipes together, and try new things together. Like fenugreek leaves, o Dream Fields pasta. If your numbers are high or low, discuss what you think caused it. I guess what I'm trying to say, is to let her know you are serious about being healthy and not having the complications that come with this illness. The complications are life changing and even deadly. She is scared and may even be blaming herself for your illness. Personally, I can trace mine back to not only my own bad choices, but my parents. We were not fed nutritious foods. We were poor, so that didn't help, but my father smoked 4 packs a day, instead of buying good foods for his family. We never went hungry, but beans and cornbread every day for supper and a boiled egg for lunch is not nutritious. If she feels that she could have or should have done better, acknowledge it, forgive her so she can forgive herself, and work together to make you the healthiest person on the planet. Have a great life, and don't let this get you down. It CAN be managed, and you CAN enjoy life. God Bless you both. Liquorish

BrookeLauren 2012-11-13 10:24:16 -0600 Report

I had the exact same situation. It got so bad that my endocrinologist even told my mom that its natural for her to care about me and worry but she does let me need to take care of this without her constant nagging. I would suggest telling her how you feel. At this point in your life she feels helpless cause there's nothing she can do to truly help you so she thinks the best way is to talk to you about it. Try to be understanding! Good luck!

lifedriver 2012-11-12 13:09:59 -0600 Report

You need to sit down and have a one on one with your mom. Share with her your feelings in a respectable way. I am sure this will help out. However, remember she is mom and mothers always worry about their children no matter how old they are. Good Luck and stay positive and in control of your testing and Meds.

sloane 2012-11-11 17:31:49 -0600 Report

Having raised two sons with diabetes, I understand. The more information you share with mom, the less worried she will be. Let her know your blood sugars,when you test and let her understand that you can handle this. She wants to be involved, so ask her opinion from time to time. She will calm down! She loves you.

Nana_anna 2012-11-08 16:33:15 -0600 Report

I would sit her down and have a chat. Let her know your feelings, but in a nice way. Let her know you understand her, and work out a plan that will work for both of you. She is trying to be supportive, but going the wrong way. She loves you and is scared. Give her a hug, and tell her it will be okay.

mommyr3m2 2012-11-08 13:29:20 -0600 Report

I feel this one from the other side of things. My son was diagnosed in Sept and I think I took it harder than he did (granted he was only 4) like others said its a moms job to worry.
That being said, if she is causing you stress I'm sure that's not what she wants. Simply explain to her that the best way for her to help you is just by being supportive. Let her know how you're feeling, and ask her how she is feeling. But most of all be thankful that you have a mother that cares so much.

granniesophie 2012-11-08 12:30:38 -0600 Report

You do realize that it is a Mom's job to spazz?? We signed up for that even before you were born!
That being said, you need to sit your mom down and explain to her all the things that you are doing to help yourself, and that she is certainly allowed to worry about you (just try telling her not to!!) but she needs to understand that she's stressing you out and that is not helping you take care of yourself. She needs to have you show her the websites you are on that discuss Diabetes and self care, and maybe she could join herself, like joining this one, which might be helpful-she could see that it isn't just here just for the PWD but for the family memebers as well. Might help her to see how everyone supports each other and helps each other cope.
And going to the doctor with you is a good idea, too, she probably has some questions she'd like a medical type to answer. Some mom's are like that, ya know!
And, since this is an all the time learning experience, you also need to be patient with her. She may not understand that you can live a long and healthy albeit PWD life, as long as you take care of yourself. Maybe once she figures out that you are not gonna die from this tomorrow, she will feel better and quit freaking out, which would make your life ever so much better!
And remember, if you ever get to be a mom-you'll get to spazz to, just kinda works out that way :)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-08 11:35:31 -0600 Report

Why not simply tell your mother that her constant chatter about your diabetes is getting on your nerves and stressing you out and stress is not good for diabetics. In other words tell her to shut up in a nice way. Take her to your next doctors appointment so she can talk with him or her about what she should be doing to support you or take her to a diabetes education class. If you have friends or family members who have been diabetic have them talk to her.

Her problem is that she doesn't know how to handle your diagnosis. This is her problem that she has to fix. She has to come to terms with it. You may not be able to help her with this because you are her child and she doesn't want to see you sick.

You have to show her that you are responsible enough to take care of this disease yourself. You also have to know when to test and take shots without her reminding you or checking to make sure you are doing this. She needs to feel comfortable with your ability to take care of your health on your own because you may not live with her your entire life.

Join and sign her up for it also if she has email. Tell her you signed her up so the two of you can read information together. They have wonderful articles and recipes that you both can enjoy making together and the family can enjoy.

GabbyPA 2012-11-08 08:53:32 -0600 Report

Your mom is afraid of loosing her little girl. It's pretty much boils down to that. Parents can get kind of wacky when they are dealing with a chronic disease in their children. She may be feeling helpless, angry at herself, angry at god, confused, and with it being so new, she may just be simply overwhelmed.

Diabetes affects the whole family. We may think it only affects us, but that is not the case. What you might want to do is find a way to include her in some of your treatment efforts. Say, going to a class together so you can learn things on the same page. I did that with my husband and it helped a lot to get him to understand what I was going through. It also opened up discussions on things that maybe he was feeling as well. He worries about loosing me to this disease. I have to accept that as well. He gets scared too.

It will calm down and as long as you are trying to do what is right for yourself. As you demonstrate to her that you can take care of yourself (always keeping in mind that she will want to be needed) it should reset for you both.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-08 11:56:44 -0600 Report

Gabby in a way diabetes does effect the whole family. However, it is just my sister and I and it has no effect on her what so ever. We eat the same foods with the exception of her deserts and mine. In the extended family, just about 1 in 5 is either diabetic or has a heart problem. When the family gathers, you would not know it. The reason is not one of us has made it our families problem. We were all raised to be self sufficient and to solve problems without help unless we needed it. This is how our parents knew we would be okay once we were on our own or if they died. If we failed a math test, the question was what are you going to do about it? If we fell down and skinned a knee, we were told to get up and go clean it. If we were bullied, we were asked why are you letting that kid pick on you. We stopped the bullies and we helped each other stop them. When my uncle got mad and backhanded my aunt out of a chair, her sisters who were present took care of him. He never hit her again. None of us were coddled as children unless the scrape or cut was really bad or a limb was hanging off. This may seem cold but each one of us knew we were loved a lot by our parents. They were there for our illnesses, graduations, weddings and other major events in our lives and they were proud of us.

The reason for this is that we don't want to single each other out because that can make you feel as though you are not part of the family unit. If you came to one of our family gatherings not only would we make you feel welcomed and you would have a blast, but there would be a wide variety of food. We don't know who can have what to eat so we try to please everyone.

Wolfgirl is going to have to learn to be self sufficient to prove to her mom that she can take care of herself. Her mother is always going to be her mother but her mother is not going to be with her forever. Her mom is scared and her fears are affecting her daughter. However, the person who can help her the most must be able to be objective and help mom come to terms with her feelings and fears.

Please take care of yourself, l don't want to lose you to this disease either. I would miss you a bunch.

ShellyLargent 2012-11-07 23:16:44 -0600 Report

I agree with the guys. The best thing to do is to talk with her and let her know how you're feeling. Her over-concern is most likely based on a lack of knowledge about diabetes. I would suggest taking her to your next doctors appointment and letting her ask questions of the doctor. It would also do some good to have her hear the doctor tell you how well your managing your own care.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-08 15:00:24 -0600 Report

Shelly, I think you raise some very good points. Her mother needs to hear this from someone other than her daughter because odds are she isn't going to hear what her daughter is saying. The problem with situations like this is that sometimes it takes an outsider to bring things into perspective which is why outside mediation will help.

Often when problems arise like this the overly concerned parent isn't going to listen to the child who is trying to advocate for him or herself. Especially depending on the age of the child because the parents think they know best even if they have little, a lot or no information on the subject at hand. Parents always think they know what is best for their child. Hopefully her mother will come to terms with this because the mother is the one who has to accept that she has a diabetic child.

jayabee52 2012-11-08 01:27:11 -0600 Report

another thing is to bring her here so she can learn about diabetes not being the worst thing which can happen. She can see here people with diabetes living their lives with the disease and doing well with it as long as they do the work of managing one's DM

I don't know much about you but from your picture you look young. In your late teens or 20s. Perhaps if you haven't given her a grandchild, that could be at the root of her spazzing. There are people here who have DMt1 who have had perfectly healthy babies.

My (ex) wife had gestational diabetes and had 3 beautiful sons. So it can be done if you are carefully watched during any pregnancy.

Harlen 2012-11-07 22:10:26 -0600 Report

Your lucky you have a mom that realy loves and cars for you and it is her job to fret over whats happening to and with you .
Maybe if you sit down with her aqnd let her know what your doing to care for your D and let her know that your taking this serious and doing what you need to too get and keep your #s right .
remember your her baby even when your 50 years onld
Thrue out the day let your mom know what your #s have ben so she knows your on top of it and it will not be long and she will trust you to take care of you
Remembr, Your mom is learning how to work with D too .
Its a long road and it takes a LOT of time to get it all down but you and she can do it and its a lot better with a team then with only one working on it
Best wishes

draco59 2012-11-07 21:10:04 -0600 Report

That’s a tough one…. We know she cares… that’s the good thing. Not knowing your age, if you’re in your late teens I would just sit her down and tell her how you feel and what’s she’s doing to you or have you tried talking to your father or another family member to talk to her? The only other thing is to talk to your doctor and he can talk to her…. Also if she keeps this up it going to cause a riff between you and her, I don’t think you really want that to happen, the faster she understands the better off you’ll be.
I hope it help you
Take care and let me know how things work out…

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-08 12:01:49 -0600 Report

Good points Brian. The problem is the mother may not listen to her daughter. She needs someone to advocate for her. Sometimes parents can drive their kids crazy because of their fears. I know for a fact if my mom were alive today, she would not spazz at all. She would ask what are you going to do about it. She wasn't the spazzing type even when her sisters started getting sick and dying.

Unfortunately, wolf is going to have to be the grown up and tell her mother what her spazzing is doing to her and find a way to get her to stop and chill out. She is going to have to be very frank with her. It is almost like in the old movies when women who got hysterical got the proverbial slap across the face. This is what wolf is going to have to do with words.

draco59 2012-11-08 14:07:38 -0600 Report

I understand that, but not knowing here age, I just gave my opinion and some other options… my mom didn't flipout, she just made sure I was doing what I was told to do, she passed 6 yrs ago, about a year I was diagnost… I was 46 I was diagnost… that's why I also mention the another family member or her doctor…
well I wish her the bet of luck
Have a good day

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-11-08 14:54:26 -0600 Report

I understand and age is a factor however, sometimes parents simply don't listen to their children no matter the age. My mom passed six years ago also but she was the spazzing type. At my age it would have been my problem not hers and all she would have said was take care of it. That is how she raised us. To make sure we could take care of ourselves first and foremost. She would have been concerned but she would not have interfered other than to say test your blood and take your medication. She would have not done that on a regular basis.

draco59 2012-11-08 17:27:10 -0600 Report

I agree with you totaly, really, I'm just saying some parent won't listen to there kids… that's all, reguardless of age… All people take things differently… but yes, if she old enoght, she'll have to put her fot down…
Brian… :)

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