I'm Starting Over...But You Don"t Have To!

Young1s
By Young1s Latest Reply 2013-01-01 12:58:25 -0600
Started 2012-10-19 23:07:10 -0500

I'm starting over. I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with no major fan fair. Truth be told, only me and the hubby knew. Not that my kids wouldn't have been involved, but because I didn't make a big deal about it, they didn't either.

So there in lies the question, why didn't I make a big deal about it?
I guess you can all deduce the answer…I stopped.

Stopped testing, exercising, charting, even going to my appointments.

Okay, to be fair and not all of you knew this. But my computer was wiped out and I lost all of the BG and food data that I had on my computer. Replacing that, (the BG data anyways), was a mother., but I did it.

But then I made the mistake of asking myself, "why is this necessary?". It's a legitimate question but if you're not ready to answer the question honestly then the answer can be misleading, lacking, even stupid.

I say that I made the mistake because I also asked myself, "Do I really need to do this on a regular basis?". My answer to myself was "Nope". So for the past few months that I haven't been with you guys and gals, I've been allowing the "don't cares" to run my life.

I'll be honest, and the hubby strongly suggested that I do so with you guys, I almost gave up. No watching what I eat, no exercise, no reg checks with my doc, and no lvl check, or even shots…that last one was hard to admit but it is true. I did give up. I wish I knew why. The excuse I've given my husband the past few times that he's asked is that I'm on vacation from my ailment.

Truth is, I don't know why. While I'm not willing to succumb to this annoyance, I will admit to going through a phase of blissful ignorance. Sorry guys but it is what it was.

Then a couple of weeks ago I decided to test, 300+…yeah!!! Talk about a wake-up call!!! Since then I have been testing regularly and eating better. As a result, I'm finding myself at lvl 150-160 morning BG's. Could be worse, but certainly not even close to where I used to be.

I say all this to say, for those of you who find yourself in my shoes and thinking it will work itself out in the in…no!!

I will admit, I did become a bit obsessed with it all, but there is a middle ground. The tricky part is finding yours. I found myself at a disconnect, but stopping everything is not the answer either. Acquire as much information as you can get but then only apply what works for you, to your situation.

I actually found mine but allowed the breakdown of my computer to give me an excuse to basically give up.

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS: This is not a disease that you can allow to get the better of you. It's sneaky, deceitful, and indiscriminating. Young. old, middle, no race, no creed, no lifestyle is safe. The only way to fight it is to not give it a fighting chance.


56 replies

restlessdiabetic
restlessdiabetic 2012-12-30 22:43:48 -0600 Report

How or what made you not give up and start taking care of yourself? I ask because I'm just about there myself. Tired of the fear, the high levels, the bad news from drs, the feeling like crap every single day to a point that I can't function etc… How do I break this cycle? What got you there?

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-01-01 12:58:25 -0600 Report

We all have different breaking points. It can be a complication that starts to affect us or like you said, not being able to do what you want because you feel so bad. This time of year is a good time to sit down and write a pros and cons of it all. A list of things to do or reasons to keep you on track. Make it simple and short. Keep it where you can see it and be reminded of it.

The neat thing is that usually, once you start to feel better or you start to see progress it will excite you to keep on trying. It helps to have friends who will see you though the harder times, but you will have to find what motivates you.

For me, one thing that helps is not focusing on it so much and just doing good things for myself. Eventually it will be productive. I just lost another 17 pounds without the "focus" on it, and I had been stuck for a couple of years. So now I am back on track.

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2012-10-25 22:54:01 -0500 Report

Oh boy, did I need to see your post! It seems to be a constant battle. Thanks goodness for this site and all you good people who are going through the same thing.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-26 00:06:49 -0500 Report

I hope that my post is helping. To be more honest, I wasn't trying to inspire. Glad I am though. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive and kicking, like I said I will always be. But yup!!

No matter what we are thinking, feeling, wanting,…there is someone here who is going through the same thing. Just try it. Trust me when I say, we love you and we understand. Don't be scared. Give us a chance. If we don't have the answer, we know where to find it.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2012-10-22 13:52:39 -0500 Report

Wow, you were speaking to me! This is heart felt and true to the core. Thank you for being brave enough to speak about it this way. It has touched my heart, and I know it will help so many others. You are brave my friend. It is good to have you back.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 22:44:44 -0500 Report

You know Gabby I almost sugar coated it. But then I thought why? How does that help me or anyone else? But thank you for your kudos. I sometimes forget that even our seasoned veterans are just as humans as the rest of us. Our mistakes keep us grounded and connected.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2012-10-28 23:00:04 -0500 Report

Yes they do. In all of our differences, we are all still human. That is the base connection and in that we find our failures and our triumphs can help each other along. I'm so glad you didn't sugar coat it. It is that little jab in our sides that reminds us that we too have to be honest with ourselves and our friends.

Fefe12
Fefe12 2012-11-11 02:23:54 -0600 Report

Im so glad to hear your back. I also just had my 1year anniversary. Im glad to be a part of this group. Your letter makes me see i need to be watchful of not just my illness but my "self" as well. Hope things work out for you. In the end its our health that matters.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-11-12 20:37:31 -0600 Report

Thanks Fefe12. It has certainly been an interesting and eventful year. Can't even begin to tell you. But I'm glad you get the point I am trying to express here. While I always strive to be a positive champion for the better way of living with D, I may have worked myself up into a tissy. Lol Which I don't even regret to this day. It meant that I started out doing a lot of the right things. Can't be upset about that.

But what I was saying to SA is what I really feel happened to me. My early acceptance of it all didn't allow me to grieve. I think that may be an important part of it. I remember when first diagnosed thinking, darnit…just when I was getting into fresh french breads…and then laughing it off. But I've had to give up on/cut back on a whole lot of foods/beverages that were a source of comfort and even reminders of childhood. Not the easiest thing to do, but I forced it on myself. That might have been my second mistake.

I could go on forever about the things I get/don't get or understand now after 1 year…lol, but I won't. I just accept that this is all part of my particular walk with D. I'm up for the challenge though. That's a given. Knocked down is not knocked out. I will always get up and fight on.

Ms. DAT
Ms. DAT 2012-10-22 13:12:48 -0500 Report

Hello I am a newer addition to the DC family and as I was reading your experience all I can think about is a part of song that says, "We Fall Down But We Get Up and then the songs goes on to say , "You can Get Back Up Again" But of course You Are Not Alone!! YOU are Up Now So Take Life One Day At A Time!!

THE FACT is TRUE that you give YOU A Fighting Chance and You are NOW doing just that!!!!

I was in conversation on yesterday and someone said to my in response to saying my diabetes so the person expressed that' we don't say those words as claim diabetes or say my diabetes, however I expressed that if I don't take personal responsibility for my health living with diabetes then I will die or suffer an other complications from diabetes.

Other people always have something to say but you can choose to accept what they way which is well meaning or you can LIVE by the inner insight that works for YOU!! YOU Are Important!!!

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 22:34:25 -0500 Report

You. Ms. DAT, are Important tooo!!! I thank you for your words of encouragement. Please allow me my own, in my way…to encourage you. This is my favorite gospel song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODmHMKfD_iY&am...

Whenever I am down, or lost, or confused, you name it…this song always fixes that ail. I mean in the sense that I am spiritually fixed. My soul is changed. Sometimes that's all I need. My hope is that this song or whatever this song makes you think of will be your fix.

Ms. DAT
Ms. DAT 2012-10-26 02:11:32 -0500 Report

Young1, Thanks a Million!!!! I did take the time to listen to the link and truly the song encouraged me even the more and I know that it helps keep LIFE in perspective of Hope!!!

jigsaw
jigsaw 2012-10-22 09:03:32 -0500 Report

Well Young1, I've been in a similar frame of mind on numerous occasions! Each time however, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started with a fresh and positive outlook, just like you are ! Sometimes I thought I had it down pat, but the diabetes would progress to the next stage in a way that I found frustrating, but also challenging. So far, I have won every battle that diabetes has thrown my way. It wasn't easy, but it is certainly doable. At this point, it is a way of life that has become automatic most of the time. I have learned to accept my circumstanses, even enjoy them in some ways at times.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 00:14:51 -0500 Report

Here's the thing. I thought I was at that automatic part where everything was just second nature. And I guess I was, for where I was, at the stage I was at. But never in a million years would I have thought that I would just stop.

What I think happened was, I became so gungho that my diabetes maintenance became my new addiction. My new focus, albeit good and healthy, but consuming. I kind of starting realizing that somewhere around springtime but passed it off. Then I found myself waking up wanting to read about diabetes, going on sites, looking for recipes, blah, blah, blah… Not a bad thing but not good in an addictive personality either. So when I lost my computer access (may have been an inside job…lol), it was sort of an chance for a breather.

So I took it and ran with it. You'd be surprised how quickly time passes when you just stop. Think about it. What if you could stop being accountable for few of months for anything. That's was nearly how it was.

jigsaw
jigsaw 2012-10-25 08:29:01 -0500 Report

One step back, leads to Two Steps Forward ! Most importantly, look ahead and not back. If you look ahead, you'll get to where your going faster, then if you are looking backwards while doing it. In other words, if your looking bacwards while running forwards, you're bound to hit more brick walls. Keep the focus on whats ahead, you really are doing fine !!!

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 21:17:19 -0500 Report

Thanks Al. Am I still okay to call you that? If protocol has changed I'm sorry. I totally get what you're saying to me though. Pave the way forward but remember the past. This is exactly what I'm trying to do. Will meet with my doc soon. I expect to have a mother like talk with her. I'm of the belief of full disclosure with my doc. Not a bad thing because we have that type of relationship. She's great and not patronizing. She gives it to me straight. Exactly what I need. Like you guys give it to me. You both feel like home.

jigsaw
jigsaw 2012-10-26 06:29:16 -0500 Report

Al, is who I am ! Glad your back and forging ahead. I can still detect that warm smile above all that strength oozing from your apparent spirit !

Set apart
Set apart 2012-10-22 06:06:47 -0500 Report

Welcome back, we sure have missed you. Living with D is really hard my first year was in august! It's hard because its like a reality check knowing that a person has this and it's never going to go away as a T1. I've taken care of myself and now am facing other health issues. Apparently my body now is attacking my kidneys and it has nothing to do with D, possibly another autoimmune disease, so I say I am so glad you're now taking care of yourself! it's not easy, but we all want to be happy and healthy! Giving up is not the answer! Hugs and welcome back my friend!

jigsaw
jigsaw 2012-10-25 08:00:25 -0500 Report

Set apart, my diet includes alot of protien also. I have been checked by my doctors to make sure my kidneys are functioning well. As you probably already know, it's important to use caution with protien when you're having kidney issues. Not trying to sound like a medical expert, just concerned !

Set apart
Set apart 2012-10-26 06:04:52 -0500 Report

Thank you Jigsaw for your concern. I asked thed Dr. If I was maybe eating too much protein, he said no. They are really looking at genetics and the immune system. Like I said possibly another autoimmune disease since i got hit with T1 only a little over a year ago. Theyre not sure, am now on meds to try to decrease the protein, so that kidneys don't work so hard. Three weeks with this and if #s don't go down significantly he will order a kidney biopsy. one test showed positive for lupus, but another test which should have confirmed it was negative, all this and we still don't know! Thanks again, hugs and blessings!

jigsaw
jigsaw 2012-10-26 06:36:53 -0500 Report

Seriously, I hope and pray that it all goes in your favor, and I will pray that it does.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-24 23:57:58 -0500 Report

You know what SA, I think that's what did it for me. I caught this and no matter what I do, no matter how I change, this is now my reality. I really did come to grips with it quite quickly but maybe too quickly.

I'll say this, even though I wasn't actively in control, I was subconsciously in control. Still making sure I wasn't eating too many starches, carbs, etc. It was just my interpretation of portion sizes that was lacking. Like when I made some potato salad: I had a bigger size than normal but smaller than pre-diabetes. This was the reasoning for a while.

I am so sorry to hear about this kidney issue for you. It always sucks when D is coupled with something else. You're in my prayers my friend. And you're right, giving up is not the answer or an option for either of us.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2012-10-25 08:48:47 -0500 Report

Your first paragraph is key. I was like that. There was a total claim to the disease when I was first dealing with it. I didn't go through a lot of the steps and I was happy about that. But now, I think I am doing some of them in reverse. Keeping myself here is what keeps me sane.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 21:05:10 -0500 Report

Yup Gabby. I think I'm going through a grieving stage and a finally realizing the situation stage. Thought I knew but not really. Fortunately, I was going through all the right motions. But given the fact that my morning BGs are now back in the 150s - 170s, I clearly took a wrong turn. I haven't even had any cake in a while…lol. But seriously, I am back in more ways than one. Someone here once told me that it is okay to be selfish with this disease. Didn't agree with that at first but do now. If it means being here for my family and myself for that much longer then yeah…the fam will have to get used to wheat pastas if they want my spaghetti. And will have to get used to my flax, tahini, quinoa or bulgur based anything…lol I'm so sorry but deal. Lol…I'm a little too giddy but just saying.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2012-10-28 23:02:18 -0500 Report

Girl, it is good to have you and your insights back. You are needed here as much as you need to be here.

Leslie S
Leslie S 2012-10-21 14:23:20 -0500 Report

I'm dealing with that same thing. I was diagnosed T2 a year ago. About six months ago I stopped testing and taking my meds. I exercise regularly and am eating better… It was so hard to admit that I hadn't been taking my meds. I felt fine. Obviously was living in denial. I'm sick. I'm not fine. Even though my morning BGs are normal., the doctor hasn't told me to stop. So. I too am starting over. :)

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-24 23:42:40 -0500 Report

Hey Leslie. I'm glad to hear that my situation is speaking to others. Yeah. It was hard to admit the stoppage of meds. I had a smaller bout of the don't cares before but that was because of a protest with my doc about my BG testing abilities. That one was worked out easily enough in the end, but this is the first time that I stopped taking my meds.

The thing is, I had wheedled down to a point where I only needed 10 units of my Lantus a day (working my may to being insulin free). Now, sad to say, I'm back up to 20 units every 12 hrs…I truly messed't give up.

Please, please, please if anyone can learn anything from me, don't do what I did anymore. Fight on. Taking a day or two is fine but nothing more. I'm not so naive to think that there will no longer be any set backs but I will not allow myself to drift so far off course again. It's just not worth it!!

tabby9146
tabby9146 2012-10-20 19:57:58 -0500 Report

so well said, and this post will no doubt help a lot of others. glad you got back on track! I am sure many have gone through this and completely identify. glad you are back! Good luck to you.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 20:27:54 -0500 Report

Yep! Back on track and back to business. I will admit that my husband is watching me a lot more now. Can't blame him. When he heard that my lvls were that high he almost hit the roof. The disappointment and fear in his eyes was, I guess sad and embarrassing. I do know better and I am doing better, but dammit. It was kind of freeing to not know. Sorry for saying it but it's true. However, given the ultimate outcome, it's not worth the risk for any of us, given all the other ailments and diseases we I could be burdened with.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-10-20 19:54:26 -0500 Report

Hi Young, glad you are back, I missed you. I have never given up. I don't like it but I am not one to quit doing something unless it really gets on my nerves.

I do at times get tired of testing, counting carbs and calories and taking meds. I just go eat one of my comfort foods. That one chocolate kiss taste soooo goood on the tongue :>)

Get yourself a flash drive and back up your computer. I hate when my computer crashes but since I have a back up I don't worry anymore.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 20:10:57 -0500 Report

Hey Joyce. Not surprised that you're giving it to me straight. Hopefully my lapse of judgement will be someones wake up call.

On the flash drive, have a couple but never thought I'd need them to back up my computer. Just not something I'd think of as a need. Til now…lol

doggier
doggier 2012-10-20 16:33:05 -0500 Report

I know how it is to get tired and don't want to do anything. Sometimes i wish I could just take one pill and that would take care of this disease, but it will not. There is so much more that we have to do to make sure that we are okay. Diabetes and hbp runs in my family and sometimes I have to look back and see the damage that it has done to the people I love to get motivated again. Sometimes you get tired but you have to keep on fighting.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 20:07:53 -0500 Report

Yep…unfortunately for me the looking back runs into the number of funerals that I have been to on my mother's side. I was left in the dark for many years before I was diagnosed. The whole taboo to talk about things ran rampant. But I agree, a pill would be ideal. No such luck for us any time soon though. Like I said below, I go through these bouts. Seems silly considering but I've had to make internal/emotional adjustment before. But I'm a fighter. This annoyance will not get the better of me.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-10-20 15:37:26 -0500 Report

Glad you're back, we missed you. Don't worry, we didn't give up on you.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 16:08:45 -0500 Report

Thanx Nick. It's comforting to be able to talk these things out with people I know, who will understand what I'm feeling. Even if it's the wrong way of going about things at times.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-10-20 16:15:31 -0500 Report

If we didn't do things wrong, we'd never know what's right. Lessons learned.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-25 21:57:43 -0500 Report

Kay! I'll address the elephant. wtf

I am also on WOW. That's World Of Warcraft to my older friends.

Sometimes we get our chats crossed. Will not happen again.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 23:22:35 -0500 Report

yup…say to my kids always, can't appreciate being well if we don't know what sick feels like. Just sayin!

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-10-21 16:05:48 -0500 Report

No doubt. The first whole year after my diagnosis i had the attitude you just went through. I mean, it's a chronic condition, why fight it right? But that's like saying "I can't change the weather, so I guess i just have to go out in the rain and get wet". You wouldn't do that of course, you'd take at least an umbrella. The umbrella worked for me, so I thought a squall suit might be even better.
I remember how I felt back then and I never want to feel that way again. There's way too much life out there to be had. I still think all us east coasters should get together and take a cruise. I bet that'd be a blast.

Glad you're back!

DeanaG
DeanaG 2012-10-20 09:21:03 -0500 Report

Welcome Back!!!
You have been greatly missed. I completely understand. I find myself feeling the same way at times.
So glad you decided to come back!! ;-)

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 16:03:13 -0500 Report

Hey Deana. I missed you all as well. Thanx for the messages too. I promise that I'm getting myself back on track.

restlessdiabetic
restlessdiabetic 2012-10-20 08:14:27 -0500 Report

Hey :). I'm happy you realized how dangerous your decision was to stop everything. I also wanted to Tell you that I have done the same thing a few times. I came to the realization that the reason I stopped was because I felt my body needed a break and so did my mind. You see people don't see it but when they are in our position then they try to sympathize with us. I know from my own personal experience that I take breaks because I'm just tired of going to the doctors, I'm tired of getting poked at, blood drawn,Testing my blood sugar every couple of hrs, and my insulin. It's very time consuming with that alone? Then you add going to a gym , taking care of kids ( if you have any ) husband and dinner time plus taking care of the house and that's only if you have one disease!!
Well my point really is with diabetes we can't play games with this stop and go thing. I also hope I gave you some insight as to why you might be taking breaks as for me I have been pushing blood sugar levels 500+ so my breaks are def ovèr and I'm going be back on my insulin and I will make my appts on Monday. I hope you're well feeling well

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 16:01:05 -0500 Report

I can agree with the needing a break, but my break was too long. Speaking of disease, though. I recently got a call from the SSI office because my med insurance company noticed that I had been going to all these doc appointments and thought I must have a disease that warranted their assistance. I guess I never realized how that must look to the outsider looking in. Got a bit of a chuckle from that.

JSJB
JSJB 2012-10-20 04:06:11 -0500 Report

Welcome back Young1s. I am glad you came to your senses because you have too much to live for namly your family. I just reached my 1 yr of this condition and there are many times I said bs(not blood sugar) on this testing dieting and exercise but even at my age I want to enjoy my family as long as I can. Sooooo again welcome back and looking to hear from you.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 15:49:20 -0500 Report

Thanx JSJB. I knew I wasn't the only one feeling this way and dealing with this. I have had a bout of this in the past but this one was extreme, in that I stopped taking my meds. But I have come back to my senses.

zalika
zalika 2012-10-20 03:49:30 -0500 Report

Sometimes I feel alone having type 1…I do all that also & I don't know why. Thank you, it helped motivate me :) I need to quit being lazy & do things to help me live healthy & happy.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 15:35:52 -0500 Report

Thank you for that. I was unwilling to call it being lazy, but it is what it is, right. Glad we can motivate each other. I'm not T1 but have friends here that are, and my mother is as well, so I get it. T1, T2 and all in between, it's all this annoyance that we must juggle and adapt to. Not my first time with working through some things and I'm sure it's not the last. It's the recognizing it and doing something about it.

Turtle
Turtle 2012-10-19 23:42:42 -0500 Report

I kind of do for only a day or two what you said you did for what, a year? WOW!!! Yes, I get tired of all finger testing and insulin shots, mostly, the regemented diet. To add insult to injury, I am way over weight and really need to lose it. I lose some and in no time gain all of it plus more back. I think the weight issue is what I have given up on. Welcome back, my friend.

Young1s
Young1s 2012-10-20 15:29:24 -0500 Report

No Turtle…not for a year…just a few months. I was saying this was my first year anniversary. I concur with the weight issue though. The pounds I lost over springtime have been voided out just that quickly. It sucks. But I know where I went wrong. That's half the battle. Now I have to get remotivated to do what worked in the past.

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