Feeling life is out of control...

s l k
By s l k Latest Reply 2012-10-10 20:47:42 -0500
Started 2012-10-09 09:44:28 -0500

Before my hospitalization, I prided myself on being in control of my life (all things considered, I had my priorities a liitle (!) skewed, but…). However, since I've been home, back to work, carrying on with my life, I have lost all semblance of that control…the confidence so to speak I had to handle situations.

For example, I was always the go to person to ask questions of at work, and now, when people ask me questions, I end up second guessing myself.

I also think along with it was the implicit permission people seem to presume to have when they look at me as I eat my carefully planned lunch. The comments from friends and family…

Has anyone else felt this way?

5 replies

DeanaG 2012-10-10 20:47:42 -0500 Report

Since being diagnosed I have started reading
The Serenity Prayer when I start feeling a loss of control or confidence.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-10-09 10:59:31 -0500 Report

I have never felt this way. Somewhere along the way you either lost or gave away control of your life. I have a 3x's rule, I will tell you something three times. After that you are on your own. This stopped the same people from coming to me repeatedly asking for the same thing or the same questions. You are the go to person because you have the answers. People like us who pay attention to what is going on work wise in the office always have the answers. The problem is our coworkers find it easier to come to us instead of finding the information on their own without disrupting other staff members. When you are the go to person, coworkers use you because many are too lazy to look up information or to go to the source of a the person who wrote a directive. Be a team player but don't lead the team if you are not the team leader unless you want the team leaders job.

Ease up on being the go to person. Teach co-workers how to fend for themselves and this will ease up stress at work. I think you are second guessing yourself because you are tired of being the go to person. If you are, that is okay. Believe me when you are not at work, they get by just fine without your being there for them to come to.

The way I deal with people who comment about my lunch is by simply saying, "if you were paying attention to your meal, you wouldn't have time to pay attention to mine". My favorite is "My parents raised me to not comment on what people are eating unless it looks or smells good because it is a sign of rudeness and bad manners. Since I wasn't raised in the barn by the farm animals, my good manners prevent me from rudely commenting on what you are eating"

In the meantime, stop worrying about second guessing and your co workers or let what people say about what you eat get to you. That isn't important. What is important is getting your life back in control and doing what you have to do to let go of stress. Once you do that, everything will fall back into place. Good Luck.

Harlen 2012-10-09 10:53:02 -0500 Report

hang in there you will get it all back this is a shock
Know that you are still you .
Best wishes

Nick1962 2012-10-09 10:42:12 -0500 Report

Yes, yes, and yes again!
Much like you, I was the go to guy, and if I couldn’t do it figure it out, I found someone who could. Either way, if you came to me with something – major crisis or minor - it got handled. Period.
I was however, a bit of a control freak.
When I was first diagnosed, even though I was in pretty rough shape, I felt that was the end because even though I was overweight I knew I could lose weight and “handle” that (actually doing it was another story though). But how do you “handle” diabetes? I didn’t know. Nor did I know anyone who did.

After about a year of just “existing” and feeling helpless, miserable and crabby (I wasn’t a very nice person to be around), I figured I either had to die or take a shot at making things better, and since I was only 45 and still had a lot of things I still wanted to do, dying really wasn’t an option.

Long story short, I did start taking off pounds, and each pound (and resulting lower BG) gave me some of that confidence back that I did really have control. It also taught me that there are some things in life I need to focus more on and relinquish control of others. I don’t need control of everything, just what affects me, my family, and friends.

I also realized that many people were coming to me not because they were incapable of handling something, but they were lazy. So now the phrase “you need to handle that” comes out of my mouth more often. Sure it still bugs me to watch someone struggle with something I could have done in half the time, but hey, they probably need the education.

Life’s too short to not have time to enjoy it, and if you always feel you need to be in control, a lot will pass you by. Try to set priorities, take control of what you absolutely need to, and try to get others to stand on their own two feet. Helping is actually a form of control (except it’s called guidance).

Oh hey, I see you're new here. Welcome to the party!

GabbyPA 2012-10-09 10:35:14 -0500 Report

Feeling out of control can be easy, specially when this is all new to us. We try something and it doesn't work, we try something else and it doesn't work...we wonder, we question and we doubt. We get wrapped up in guilt about having this disease, and wonder if we had controlled something better or done something differently, if we would be in the pickle we are in? Our mind is powerful and when we are dealt a sudden blow it can set us back.

As you learn more and start to see successes again, that confidence will come back. You have not really changed, just some outlooks have. So if you can change those outlooks into positive challenges, you will feel that old self come back into play.

I use visualization a lot and it helps me get a grip when I fall from where I know I should be. I see myself doing what is right. I see my victories and I grit my teeth and jump on in.

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