Feeling defeated again...

Shelbo09
By Shelbo09 Latest Reply 2012-10-16 02:25:56 -0500
Started 2012-10-06 00:49:22 -0500

I've had a rough go at my diagnosis. I'm only 22, not obese, and in fairly good shape. So I'm still baffled as to why I got this scary disorder.
I didn't eat good admittedly…and I wasn't super skinny, but I was always active…anyway that's a different story.

I've had pretty decent BS readings for a while now. My last A1C was a 6.3 I believe? Which is over the normal limit, but my first A1c when I got diagnosed was an 11.5, so I'm way happy with a 6.3 obviously. My cholesterol also came down to normal levels.

However I get too hard on myself. Tonight after dinner I checked my BS and it was 185 3 hours afterword. And of course I freak out…I always do if it's above 140. My doctor basically said 140 was my safety net after eating. So if it's above that, I get really down about this. I just want to be normal. I can't stand worrying about this all the time…I want to worry about normal things like college and boys and money lol. Not what my next BS reading will be..
But that's my life now I guess…

I'm just so afraid when I get a high BS reading that I'm doing bad damage to my nerves and organs. What damage have I already done? Is my pancreas just going to completely give out one day from over-compensating? Will I go blind from eye damage?

I'm only 22…most people with Type 2 don't get diagnosed until they're 40 years old or more. I'm half that age. I feel like I slashed off YEARS of my life. Almost everyone in my family that has passed on lived to be in their high 80's-90's. I want that. But I'm afraid sometimes I won't even get passed 60 with this disease.

I know I probably sound like a drama queen, but this honestly runs through my head every day of my life since I got diagnosed. I'm petrified..all..the time. I love life too much. I just get so easily defeated when it comes to this disorder :(

Any advice will do…anything honestly..just someone else to talk to about this…


19 replies

Shelbo09
Shelbo09 2012-10-09 23:58:08 -0500 Report

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I've been told before that I may be Type 1, and I've mentioned it to my doctor countless times, but he absolutely refuses to believe that I could be Type 1 because he said "My A1C wouldn't be 6.3 if I was a type 1 only on metformin."

I don't know..

I have my good days, and I have my really bad days where I wish I could just be "normal." Especially being young with a lot of friends. It's hard to go out with them. I'm constantly worrying about what I'm eating, while they can just sit back and relax. It really gets me down sometimes.

But I'm going to try and relax more…Try as the key word…it's easier said than done when I see a big number on my glucometer :(

annesmith
annesmith 2012-10-16 02:25:56 -0500 Report

I did not see your last e-mail saying you might be type 1. I am SO relieved I have found someone else in my situation. I was told by the hospital I am type 1, and by an excellent internist that I am severe brittle type 2, but in truth type 1 . I was told by a clinic doctor " NO WAY" am I a type 1, as, when I was on Metformin, my A1c took a huge huge nosedive. What happened to me is the Metformin gave me bleeding ulcers, and it was found ( after I blacked out one day) that my pancreas rejects Metformin. Then, I responded beautifully to insulin. Several times I was almost admitted for ketoacidosis. I was diabetic as a child, and it went untreated. My old internist I was told I could no longer see because I could not afford him anymore. So, now, I have to show a new internist ( when I find one) what happened. It's really stressful, because, you can't tell people " I'm type 1." Yet, if I tell people " I'm type 2", that is not the truth, either. I fully understand your frustration. Nobody wants either type of course, but, the huge frustration on my record , showing " brittle diabetic since childhood" , then a big gap of 4 years now with no regular doctor. When people ask what type I am , I just say " Brittle." I know brittle is not actually a type, I realize that, but, that's the best I can do at this point to explain my situation. Relaxing is always good, as nervousness, anger, it all just throws the blood sugar way off again. My A1c never was accurate it turns out, because I was anemic to different degrees for the last 7 years, so my diabetes showed up like crazy in the from of keytones, seizures, and highs in the 300s-600, and lows in the 50s-ANNE

John Crowley
John CrowleyCA 2012-10-09 10:48:35 -0500 Report

Shel,
Please watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B-tqRUTSto

It's about a young man in a very similar situation who turned out to be type 1 not type 2. I'm not saying that is for sure your situation but he gives you some really good questions to ask to make sure you have the right diagnosis.

And I will also echo much of what has been said below. Don't stress too much about readings that are higher than what you want. The meter is not your judge. The meter simply gives you feedback so that you can understand what's going on in your body. Use each piece of feedback to continue to make choices that give you the best chance to be healthy long term. An A1c of 6.3 is fantastic. You're obviously doing many many things right. Keep up the great work.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-10-09 04:01:14 -0500 Report

Don't beat up on yourself…you deserve better. I am a brittle diabetic, and what I have done over the years is this: Focus on keeping my eyesight and limbs, eat 3 meals a day, with 2 snacks, and exercise at the same time everyday 4-5 days a week. The insulin I have had, I take as little as possible. Moderation is the key. I focus on keeping an A1c of 7 or below. With an A1c of 7 or below, I can almost guarantee you , or anybody, will not lose a limb or go blind. For example, when my after meal number is 500, which it is half the time ( I am still working on improving on that) I'll go for an extra walk or move around more. When I am too low, I now force myself to get up and go eat. My main focus it to try to prevent keytones and ketoacidosis. If you keep your A1c at the 6s and even the lower 7s, all will be good. ANNE

Anonymous
Anonymous 2012-10-08 20:14:24 -0500 Report

im type 2 aswell an im only 23 but i had my diabetes for about 5-6 years now sadly i just gave up i caint imagine how much damage is done to me already at such a young age but mostly all my damage was done cause i went a lot of yrs unknown about mine

sloane
sloane 2012-10-08 14:59:43 -0500 Report

Please just worry about college and boys!!! Exercise helps perhaps yoga...

mad-maddie
mad-maddie 2012-10-08 17:16:44 -0500 Report

how lam, i ask for a telephone number for somebody to assist me with house cleaning and taking mine 2 cats to vet's appoinments. and the advise i get is to call 911. what is wrong with this picture? lol

sloane
sloane 2012-10-08 14:58:23 -0500 Report

You will never be perfect but keeping your A1C in control...is the main thing. There will always be weird numbers...don't get caught up in it. I have High BP--sometimes it get really high if I'm stressed,etc.. Not always. Take each day as a lovely gift,relax,enjoy life, laugh a lot. I have raised two sons with diabetes. We add a lot of humor to our days... You will be just fine. It's not always a perfect day, but it's always a good one!

hawk1962
hawk1962 2012-10-07 11:14:07 -0500 Report

This may sound mean…but you first need to STOP being a victim of diabetes and embrace the fact that you have it and darn it you are going tio win! Take back control and stop stressing over it because stress is NOT good at all for anyone! Before you test your numbers, take a walk, relax and think about what you ate, how much you ate, and other factors so that when you test IF the numbers are NOT where you want them you will know why! THEN don't get all down and discouraged with yourself because what's done is done BUT learn from it and grow with the knowledge because again beating up on yourself and beng a victim of diabetes is a choice you make! Myself, I have many other problems besides diabetes and believe me I am in control! Be the winner you know you can be!

Tony5657
Tony5657 2012-10-07 08:45:37 -0500 Report

Shelbo09,

You have already received some very helpful advice & that's a huge benefit of being in this group.

I'd just like to add 2 items to the equation. Two books that are really helping me with stress management & other mental issues are:
1. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and
2. The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels.

If you're not a "reader" just become one at least temporarily & digest these 2 books. You won't be sorry. Both are worth owning, reading, marking up and reviewing from time to time. They can be found at Alibris.com at great prices.

The 1987 edition of book #1 is the same as the 1999 edition, except for a few updated comments in the Forward & in the Afterward sections. The basic book content was exactly the same but the older edition was much cheaper than the newer edition.

"Read on" my friend and enjoy the life you have. :o)

Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-10-06 18:55:01 -0500 Report

First and foremost stop being baffled as to why you are diabetic. Anyone at anytime can be diagnosed and obesity is not always the factor. I have friends who are in the 90-150 lb range who are diabetic.

You already admitted that you are not eating good so you should change that. Look at what and how much you are eating for dinner. If you are not eating properly and then adding potatoes, rice, white breads to the meal then your sugar levels will rise based on how much you ate. I try taking a walk after dinner if I eat rice, peas or corn with dinner, I never have bread or potatoes with it and I never eat any of them at one meal. By the time I check my blood sugar it is in my normal range after the walk.

You get defeated because you choose to do so. You have the belief that your life is cut in half when that is far from true. There are people who were diagnosed as kids and are older than you and still going strong. When you put yourself in a box as you have done you have only two options. That is to get out of the box and live your life or stay in it and let life pass you buy. There are no guarantees as to how long you will live with or without a disease. The doctor could have said you are in great health and you could have walked out of the office and got run over by a bus. Stop worrying about how long you are going to live and concentrate on living and doing whatever in life you choose to do.

My great-great aunt lived to 106, one of my great aunts was 97 and my father was in his 90's. They lived as long as they did because they did not grow up eating the kinds of foods we are eating today and they did not have chemicals or hormones added to their foods.

You have your entire life in front of you. You can either live it or not only you can make that decision. You can do or be whatever you want to be and again that is a decision only you can make. When you try to find out why you have a disease, that does not make it go away. Once you find out if you find out, you are still going to be a diabetic and you are still going to have to take care of it. If you don't then you will have consequences of losing your vision, kidney and liver failure and the loss of limbs. I have diabetes, diabetes does not have me. I live my life and take care of myself and if I get hit and killed by a bus tomorrow at least those left can say she did what she wanted to do up until the bus killed her. Please take care of yourself, grab the world and be all you can be. Best of Luck to you always.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-10-06 16:20:16 -0500 Report

You've already got a lot of great advice already so I won't repeat it. Like JoK says, if you're under 7 you're good. Being under 6 is only for us older folks who have been out of shape or obese for most of their years, have a risk of heart disease, high blood pressue, high cholesterol, and such. I'd bet if you went to any college campus and did random A1c's on students, half or more would be worse than yours.

I know it'll be tough (it was for me), but try not to put too much weight on your numbers. Unless you're testing 8-10 times a day (or more like I did), you're only getting random snapshots of whats going on. Yes, you are going to be high after a meal, but what's important is how you came down and how long it took. That and of course whether or not you spike too low like I used to after I came down.

Your meter can be up to 20% off and anything on your skin can give you a bad reading, so that 185 may not have been anywhere near accurate. Take a look here at what happened when I did one of my recent little tests.
http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/16... and bear in mind I'm considered "well controlled".

You're right, you have a whole lot of life to experience yet, and you will, so unless you really start screwing up with your diet, don't let this keep you from it.

MoeGig
MoeGig 2012-10-06 14:44:11 -0500 Report

I've been T1 for 46 years and at 68 am still very active and in good shape. My advice is to continue to be fearful since that has been my primary motivator to avoid complications and a shortened life. My main goal is to keep the Blood Glucose between 80 and 180. This will result in an A1c in the 6's which is good enough…obviously anything higher than that is dangerous. Anything under 6 will expose you to low (and potentially dangerous) insulin reactions.

Mrs.Sweet
Mrs.Sweet 2012-10-06 07:34:08 -0500 Report

I'm sorry diabetes hadst you felling so beat up. I'm 33 and new to being t2 as of April this year. Its true diabetes is a mean game and it always win. If there is any support groups in your town it wouldn't hurt to try them out.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-10-06 07:32:32 -0500 Report

To all please don't be discouraged I am 49 and was diagnosed with T1 over a year ago. Hope is the key here as a T2 you can control your D to where you may be able to get off meds! As a T1 I will never be off insulin, if your numbers go up then go over what you ate and know that this may be a food you may need to cut the portion or eliminate it from your diet. It doesn't seem fair I know, and I've had my crying days also. In fact am still having them have been in control since diagnosed and now I find out that there's problems with my kidneys and it's not my D causing it. I have hypothyroid which is an autoimmune disease along with T1, well I guess my body wants to give me more. We are now looking for another disease which. May be hurting my kidneys. Be positive and know that exercise and diet will make you feel healthier and enjoy your life. I plan to, and I will fight whatever else is going on with my body. I also want to live a long happy, and healthy life! Keep your head up! ()

Lee777
Lee777 2012-10-06 07:21:33 -0500 Report

Hello Shelbo. I share the same sentiments with you. I am 23, diagnosed with type 2. I am obese and had become inactive since my contract as a volunteer nurse had ended. I was only diagnosed last thursday and I felt my world shattered. I had crying bouts and I really felt depressed. Working in a dialysis unit, I encounter diabetic patients who have renal failure due to complications. Imagine a wounded nurse? I should have known better but it is really different when you become the patient. I didn't know what to do.
However, when I joined this site I was really encouraged to hear success stories of people who triumphed over diabetes. I want to win the battle too.
That high reading will be a push factor for you to strive harder. I don't have a meter yet so I don't know my blood sugar readings. I just eat a lot less than I used to and do zumba for at least 30 mins a day. Although I dont have the numbers, I'm feeling better and more in control now.
I know we can all get through this. Feel free to message me so we can talk about things. Take care and keep your spirits high. :)

pthdmf5
pthdmf5 2012-10-06 01:57:30 -0500 Report

It is stressing but you just need to work on the nutrition end and balance in exercise. I know how to mange since it runs in my family but most people that have not seen how easily it can be managed and have a tough time. It is a huge lifestyle change. I have seen my grandpa with type 1 and my mom started off type 2 but is now type 1 with insulin it is in my cards unless I work hard at it. I eat more salads and stuff to keep me full and run my carbs at about 160 grams a day with only a 1000 mg of metformin. I have been sticking in the mid eighties now with doing the 1/2 hour treadmill daily. I would say just find something that works and nutritionist can really help to bring ideas in on servings and such to get you in line. It's a fight worth fighting especially if you are that worried.

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