I just need to vent and cry and stuff. I'm a college cheerleader. This is my second year on this team. We were told we were going to start practice on Wednesday but we started today instead. Last year after every practice (7:30-11PM) I would wake up around 3AM with very low blood sugar. It didn't matter what I ate, practice nights meant I was going to drop later in the evening. I'm actually going to try lowering my lantus on practice nights, but that's not the point. So tonight I couldn't practice with the team because I ran out of juice and food in my dorm room; I was planning on going on Tuesday (I still am) anyways, I knew from past experience that if I practiced I would go low and I can't afford to go low tonight. I went to practice to show my support and watch; my coach was informed about the situation. Two other girls didn't make the practice at all, so I though it was pretty cool for me to at least be there and show support. Let me tell you, it sucked not being able to work out with the team! After practice we do positives and negatives. Well, it was brought up that my not being able to practice was a negative. I don't understand how I was a negative but the two girls who didn't show up weren't a negative (if it truly was the situation). It was me and my diabetes. If I sprained my ankle at tryouts Saturday but showed up to watch on Monday that would not have been a negative; but because I look fine, it's a negative? This just broke my heart! I know I can never be normal, I know I can never be as physically fit as the team, diabetes is a negative but its my disease I didn't choose it so it broke my heart to be shoved in my face. You don't go up to an over weight person and tell them it's a negative that they can't run as fast as anyone else. You don't tell an overweight person that they are fat, THEY ALREADY KNOW! Oh my gosh I know it's a negative I'll have to sit out some times because of low or high blood sugar.
That's it for now.
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