Saturday thoughts

luked
By luked Latest Reply 2012-09-12 10:01:00 -0500
Started 2012-09-08 12:36:44 -0500

These are my thoughts. Just wanted to share. Enjoy

In life we gain friends and we lose friends. Often times we lose friendships over some of the silliest things. Two of the silly things we lose friends over are a difference of opinion or a simple misunderstanding . We should never end a friendship over an argument or disagreement. From time to time everyone will have a disagreement with someone. That's life. No one is perfect. One thing I disagree with people about is how quick we will cut someone off or delete them from our life. We should work through adversity and when we disagree with someone don't argue with them in public. It's much more effective to resolve an issue in private than challenge them in public. Learning how to deal with adversity helps us to become better people. All of us like to be right most of the time and that's okay but at end of the day we become better people by being open to constructive criticism. I now understand why relationships are not as strong as they use to be. We are not conditioned to deal with problems so as soon as we are confronted with issues we simply quit. I have so much respect for people who can disagree make up and move on to develop a much stronger relationship. We can all do better. We need to.


18 replies

robertoj
robertoj 2012-09-10 18:19:33 -0500 Report

Loving and respecting people is a very difficult challenge. What makes absolute sense to me make no sense to others and the opposite is also true. I look for similarities with others but it is the differences that make people interesting. I enjoy discussing various subjects but I am dismayed when discussion becomes argument. I genuinely want you to have your own beliefs and opinions. I'm not trying to change yours; I simply wish to express mine. It can be fun arguing facts but I try to observe the reactions of others and it isn't worth losing a friendship over points of disagreement. You, my friends, are extremely important to me and your value is much appreciated.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-09-09 07:27:28 -0500 Report

I really like this life is too short , to not move on. The sad part is that some people don't move on they live with grudges every day as they look in the mirror daily. I believe in forgiveness totally, but I also believe that there are times when you have to distance yourself from others who may have a contagious disease, called "NEGATIVITY.". I love my life and want to enjoy it! My friends are true to me, as I am to them! I work in a place where some individuals don't get along, it can be tough because the reasons they don't like each other are petty. I get along with everyone at work, but you can feel the tensions amongst some of the coworkers! This is sad!;-(

annesmith
annesmith 2012-09-09 00:28:42 -0500 Report

That was so wonderful what you said, and so true. At church tonight, our sermon was about our daily commitments to Christ. I reminded myself " Don't just go to work on Sunday, and forget about him by Monday or Wednesday." Without meaning to, I have at times forgotten about Christ—one bad customer at work, and I blew up…not good. I had , still have a very very best friend—she lives out of state now. She was always there for me, and vice versa. We stood by each other through thick and thin. ANNE

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-10 18:00:35 -0500 Report

Anne believe me I know what you mean. Customers can make you forget what you should be doing and blow up. I had a customer tell me she was a good christian woman then cursed me out when I would not reduce a piece of $150.00 jewelry to $10.00 so she could buy it. I went totally and completely off and told her never come to my table again and a good christian woman would not have a mouth like hers. She returned two weeks later apologized and offered to buy the piece at full cost. I refused to accept her money. I told her because of our previous encounter I would never ever sell her anything because I don't want her to return should something happen to it. Although I must say some do provide interesting entertainment.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-09-12 01:58:57 -0500 Report

Yeah…I was tested on that at the store I work at today. I had one customer look at me with high criticism and sharply tell me " LETS bag this dress up nicely, now." It was the WAY she said it that got to me. I did wrong then..I paused, bagged it up calmly, handed it to her. Then, I gave her a strong strong strong look of " You don't talk to me that way. " We are NOT, not, not allowed to throw a customer any look like that, so, I kind of panicked after she left, as, a supervisor saw it I'm pretty sure. They'll 10-1 let that go, but, I can't let it happen again. I noticed that RIGHT when I felt furious , I felt a HUGE huge surge of adrenalin. OH, the surge of adrenalin. I told myself " Okay, DON'T, just don't yell at her." I didn't yell at her, but still broke a company rule by my sheer look. After she saw me look at her that way, I thought she was going to run up and bop me one…ha. I forgive her for it—-man, when Christmas rolls around, there will be more tests, I remind myself—-I'm astounded at the adrenalin surge I got during my anger. It felt like my blood sugar just SHOT straight up, as in, severely high. ANNE

annesmith
annesmith 2012-09-12 01:58:57 -0500 Report

Yeah…I was tested on that at the store I work at today. I had one customer look at me with high criticism and sharply tell me " LETS bag this dress up nicely, now." It was the WAY she said it that got to me. I did wrong then..I paused, bagged it up calmly, handed it to her. Then, I gave her a strong strong strong look of " You don't talk to me that way. " We are NOT, not, not allowed to throw a customer any look like that, so, I kind of panicked after she left, as, a supervisor saw it I'm pretty sure. They'll 10-1 let that go, but, I can't let it happen again. I noticed that RIGHT when I felt furious , I felt a HUGE huge surge of adrenalin. OH, the surge of adrenalin. I told myself " Okay, DON'T, just don't yell at her." I didn't yell at her, but still broke a company rule by my sheer look. After she saw me look at her that way, I thought she was going to run up and bop me one…ha. I forgive her for it—-man, when Christmas rolls around, there will be more tests, I remind myself—-I'm astounded at the adrenalin surge I got during my anger. It felt like my blood sugar just SHOT straight up, as in, severely high. ANNE

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-12 10:01:00 -0500 Report

My sister and I own a business we sell stainless steel jewelry for men and handcrafted jewelry. There have been many times men come with wives and girlfriends who have a nasty attitude. One woman was so nasty I told the guy if he came back without her I would give him a discount. I had a woman get real nasty and I told her I would not sell her anything. She went to the Flea Market office and came back with the head of security and then told him I would not sell her anything. I said tell him what you did. When she said she cussed me out he said I wouldn't sell you anything either. She cussed him out and got escorted off the property.

There are people who think because you are selling them something or waiting on them in a place of business they can treat you any kind of way they choose. I won't work in retail or the service industry. I don't have that kind of patience. I agree you do get an adrenalin rush. Especially when you can't respond the way you would like.

luked
luked 2012-09-12 02:08:52 -0500 Report

Anne
Glad you remained semi calm while dealing with adversity. Almost often than not people try our faith and test our patience.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-09-09 00:28:41 -0500 Report

That was so wonderful what you said, and so true. At church tonight, our sermon was about our daily commitments to Christ. I reminded myself " Don't just go to work on Sunday, and forget about him by Monday or Wednesday." Without meaning to, I have at times forgotten about Christ—one bad customer at work, and I blew up…not good. I had , still have a very very best friend—she lives out of state now. She was always there for me, and vice versa. We stood by each other through thick and thin. ANNE

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-08 19:57:23 -0500 Report

Luke I agree with you to a point. First and foremost not everyone a person calls friend is a friend. If friends part after an argument, were you really friends? A true friend is there for you through thick and thin, can argue with you one minute and cry with you the next, will never take and not give, will give you a hug when no one else will and no matter what will always have your back. This is why I have several very close friends. The rest don't matter because I took every drama queen and king, every person who sucks the energy out of me and put them in the delete file.

nanaellen
nanaellen 2012-09-08 14:13:10 -0500 Report

All I can say is you sound like a VERY smart man!!! I agree wholeheartedly! I think that's where I messed up with my kids… they never suffered any consequences for the things they did wrong and now their out of control! And they're all grown now so there is nothing I can do. I'd like you to do a favor for me and go give your Mother a great big hug cause she did a great job raising you!! She should be very proud!! Your friend, Ellen :)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-08 20:00:20 -0500 Report

Ellen growing up in my house there was a rule, actions=consequences. We knew what would happen if we acted out anywhere including home and the consequences was not "time out". In fact "time out" was never a part of the equation. As adults, you kids will have to learn the consequences and they more than likely will not be pretty.

Ms. DAT
Ms. DAT 2012-09-08 21:55:02 -0500 Report

Much of our techniques for resolving conflict stem from the type of environment one grows up in. Some family units are open for resolving problems or getting the truth out while other families use the do not speak rule because what ever is said, it had to be accepted even though what they said was wrong as two left shoes. So the conflict in many cases doesn't get resolved and often leave an emotional scar that heals with solutions on how to resolve issue without cutting people out of your life. If you are the peacemaker and the other person is a confusion starter then somebody has to make a decision to make changes. Some so-called friends you have to let go doesn't mean love loss.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-09 21:10:05 -0500 Report

Ms. DAT sometimes the peacemakers are like messengers…they get shot. Sometimes being the peacemaker can create just as much confusion. The peacemaker can't be a part of the initial argument to prevent from taking sides while peacemaking. In other words the peacemaker has to be a mediator.

The other problem is that those arguing may not want to listen. People get caught up in the anger and are unable to become reasonable. When arguing people do and say things out of anger and depending on what is said or done cannot be fixed. Also, both parties can turn on the peacemaker. This is why domestic calls are very dangerous for police officers. One of the people arguing calls the police. To make peace the officer may ask one of the parties to leave to cool off or if an assault has taken place and one is under arrest they both could turn on the officer.

For families where the do not speak rule applies can be just as dangerous for other family members as it is for the person who may need to speak up. If a person cannot express anger, it can do one of two things, the person holds it in and becomes angry at him/herself for not being brave enough to speak up or it can get to the boiling point where violence occurs.

It is a two way street no matter how you look at it. If a person is the kind of person who loves to argue to the point eyes are bulging and neck veins are popping, the best thing to do is avoid the person altogether. If the person is the kind of person who lets someone yell at them in anger the best thing to do is simply walk away.

Ms. DAT
Ms. DAT 2012-09-10 01:09:26 -0500 Report

Just Joyce, your points are valid as relating to eruption of violence that results in the police being called. It is not only good to simply just walk away but stay away after the violence erupt, hopefully walk away before it gets to dangerous.

Yes it is do some people are very difficult to reason with even when they are not angry and that a good time to say, I love but it's time to part ways. such as so-called friends, we don't have time to be in relationships were there is constant conflict and resolution isn't.

Yes it is a good resolution to walk away when it's safe!

I just heard this weekend about a person who was hit in the back of the head with a brick that knocked them out cold for a few days for simply walking away. Yet Blessed to be alive today. That same angry violent hit another person in the head but now they are no longer on the streets but serving time.

When someone declares they are a friend but their intentions of harm becomes evident that is when it is time let go. In some cases Abuser's gets angrier when one does walk away that results in death in many cases or serious injures of which the news is full of in today's time.

We've heard many times of woman who left their Abuser's for safety yet their lives is abruptly ended including children!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-09-10 11:34:40 -0500 Report

I worked with a woman stabbed 75 times by her husband. She got away from him and moved out of the area after getting a restraining order. He kept finding her and she didn't know how. Her mother would tell him every time she moved. Her mother believed a wife stayed with the husband no matter what. He kicked in the door to her house one night. She got their 5yr old out and sent him to a neighbor who called the police. They found him stabbing her. He got 20 years. She changed her and her sons last name. Got a post office box and moved. Her son was never given the address to the house and her mother never knew where she was. She would go out of town to mail cards to her mother and rented a car to visit. Just before he was released she was panicked because he told her mother if he ever found her he would kill her. Thankfully, her boss got a job across country. She went with him. To this day I still hope she is safe. The problem is women and men in relationships can't let go when the relationship ends. You cannot make people love you or respect you.

The problem is people want to be loved. Women and men will stay with an abusive person because when they aren't being abuse "he/she loves me and treats me well". The most dangerous time is leaving and finding a safe place.

There are simply people who are angry and if you delve into it, many grew up with angry parents or in an environment where violent behavior was a common and acceptable practice. These kids do not know of any other kind of behavior. The end result in too many cases is they feel the only way to communicate and handle anger is with violence.

Ms. DAT
Ms. DAT 2012-09-10 15:36:34 -0500 Report

Oh yes a way of escape was made for her and others like her!!!!

Many times in relationship the abusers will find a way to invoke fear and intimidation of others in-home and out of the home-work, church, social gatherings or whatever they go, they spread who they are until it takes that one person who will take a stand to end this violence whether physical,emotional or psychological.

Many times people often let words that others express that we as people-men/women often give importance to what people they say to or about us and take it too heart that is not even significant such as "you're ugly" or "don't nobody want chou" "if I can't have you then nobody else will have you" I tell you put your track shoes on and run!!! I have heard it myself from women and I leave that friend and if I do talk to them because they call I will keep the talk real short and some I don't talk to at all. The same rule applies to women friends too.

Yes in many household there is broken relationship that effects how many respond as adults that act out. But there are alternatives to overcoming broken or abusive relationships on any level.

This is a hot topic dealing with relationship because it can go in so many directions!!!

I believe the most important type of relationship is to have with self is to know that "God Is Love" because if one does not learn or know how to Love themselves then the emotion of brokenness and destructive living so how can they have healthy Love relationships.!!!!!