Feeling really sad today

By genniedevera Latest Reply 2012-09-04 19:18:38 -0500
Started 2012-08-26 14:51:52 -0500

My Mom's birthday today. She would've been 70 yrs old. She was also Type 2 diabetic, but it was Cancer that got her 8 years ago… horrible, horrible way to die… I cannot shake off the image I have of her dying in my arms that morning until the ambulance took her from me… then she was gone…

46 replies

Type1Lou 2012-09-01 14:37:55 -0500 Report

Please take comfort from being with her at the end. You never really get over losing your Mom IMHO. Mine passed away in 2005 and I still miss her. Sending you a hug and a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Ms. DAT 2012-09-04 19:18:38 -0500 Report

O yes I know how you feel because my Mother Rest in the Arms of God since 2006. I still miss her so much. Her birthday is coming this week and I just looked a few hours ago at the calender in remembrance.
I say Celebrate your Mom's Life in memory by doing something special with her in mind. I tell you from experience it helps you sleep at night without regrets. I empathize with you.

runthe 2012-08-30 21:13:12 -0500 Report

I am sorry for your loss and pain. 10 years ago I lost my mom to complications of diabetes. Although I miss my mom very much I have my memories to ger me through the hard times. Hugs to you..

CJ55 2012-08-30 10:49:54 -0500 Report

Hi gennie,
I am very sorry for your loss and pain. The anniversary is always a bit hard to overcome. 2 weeks ago was my moms birthday as well. She also passed in my arms and it is a very difficult thing to live with and all the images it brings back. I do feel your pain sweetie and I hope it subsides soon. Your mom is always with you everywhere you are. She is in your heart and all around you. I get through the rough patches knowing I will see her one day. You Have A LOT of friends here on DC.. We are a community, a family. Everyone cares about everyone. I will keep you in my prayers. Big HUGZ !!

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-08-29 20:03:32 -0500 Report

Sorry for your pain and loss. Although some memories are hard to live with, we have so many good memories to hold onto.
I almost died 1 year after my father due in part to a shared medical condition. It made it so much harder to go through for my Mother. But while I was in the hospital fighting to survive, she had the joy of becoming a great grandmother for the 2nd time. When I see my beautiful 2 and 1/2 year old great nephew I wish my Dad could be watching him grow up too.

GabbyPA 2012-08-30 20:13:50 -0500 Report

He is watching. Quietly in the trees, softly in the sun beams and gently in the breeze. I know my dad is around me often. I had the feeling when I wished he could have walked me down the aisle, but I had my brother for that moment, and for that I am grateful. They keep an eye on us from above and guide us without our knowing sometimes.

pixsidust 2012-08-29 16:45:47 -0500 Report

I shared this story with a dear friend who lost her Dad
I am sure she would not mind my sharing it with you.
Perhaps you are a person of faith or perhaps not
but this truly happened and I hope you take comfort.
I believe in heaven and even more so after this…

My grandma was dying
She coded not once but twice
Her breathing had stopped and they put her on a vent
so the family could see her to say goodbye
We rushed to her side, & she was in a coma
While there she had one grand mal seizure after another
Her heart was so weak that with a doppler they could not get a blood pressure so they said it was 50/0.
Her kidneys stopped as well…Heart, lungs, brain and kidneys
all dying and all gone or almost gone
My sister and I prayed all night
Without aid from the doctors or medicine
Her body turned on like a light bulb
Two days later she was not in a coma or paralyzed
from the many seizures…but she was mad.
She said she was with her loved ones and happy
but could hear us calling her back.
I tell you this because I believe my grandmother
was in that "another place"
She lived two years after that
when she did go she saw her Aunt Bertha several times
before she died.
I believe Aunt Bertha came for her
It was her time…God's time for her to go

That night I dreamed she was radiant and healthy
I had given her the bright pink room she wanted
after living in a nursing home so long
She was smiling and happy
The phone rang waking me early to say she had died.
I did not know she was dying again

I believe she is with her loved ones
I believe she will come for me when its my time
just like Aunt Bertha came for her
I believe your Mother will come for her girl when its time
Mean while the pain is great, the tears are many
but please take comfort in our love, & in this story of hope

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2012-08-28 23:13:44 -0500 Report

So sorry about the loss of your dear mom. It's harder some days than others, that's for sure. Those tears can be healing though. She must have been a wonderful mom. Hope tomorrow is an easier day for you.

sleepygreek 2012-08-28 21:35:58 -0500 Report

I lost my dad about a month ago. Now I'm worried about my mother. They were married for 68yrs. She is so lost she doesn't know what to do with herself. These times are tough. Sandi

GabbyPA 2012-08-30 20:11:26 -0500 Report

Oh, my heart goes out to her. Most women do better than men in the loss of a spouse, but after 68 years, it has to be so hard.

GabbyPA 2012-08-28 11:17:38 -0500 Report

Those anniversaries are so often hard for us. I lost my dad to cancer in 97 and it was traumatic in many ways, but I try not to think on those things as much as I do about the wonderful time I was blessed to have my dad. One of my favorite memories is Father Daughter skate on the roller rink when I was in high school. I loved skating with my dad.

Then I lost my younger brother in a horrible tanker truck accident in 01. The fire and flames made the front page of his home town paper. I didn't get to say good-bye, he was gone instantly. But the things that make me laugh are the times we spent living together as adults for a short time. I was blessed to have him for a few months in my life that way. It made us so much closer.

Those days are hard, but the way I combat the visions and tears is with the fond memories and the silly things we used to do. Crying is still a good thing to do though.

genniedevera 2012-08-28 06:43:42 -0500 Report

You are all truly AMAZING people! you're all quick to share your personal stories to comfort me and let me know i'm not alone … i really, really appreciate all of you! Believe it or not, i debated if i should post what i was feeling that day … i feared that someone will shoot down my post and make me feel worse than what i was feeling, lose my temper and worse…get kicked out of this community … i know i'm fairly new here, i have lots to learn … but i hope someday, i can also give back …

Nick1962 2012-08-28 08:45:41 -0500 Report

Like any family, we have our little family fights from time to time, but if we kicked people out for sharing their feelings, well that’s no kind of family I’d want to be a part of. As far as giving back – your post here provided a spot where some of us could share things we probably wouldn’t have had the chance to otherwise, and it gave us all a chance to get to know each other a little better. So, you already did. Hope your mood is lifting a little.

herigoagain1 2012-08-27 11:27:56 -0500 Report

My dad died of cancer 23 years ago. His visitation was on one of my daughters birthday and his funeral was on another daughters birthday (Aug 23rd and 24th) I too held my dad as he died. Cancer and diabetes runs high in his family. I have had the cancer and survived it but just barely and now I have the diabetes. I am so sorry for your pain. I, like many on here can relate and just let you know that we are all thinking of you. It's not an easy thing to get out of your mind My wife was also 6 months pregnant when my dad died so that hit me very hard. He was the most fantastic grandfather He loved his grandkids and they all loved him
My thought and prayers go to you during this hard time. I pray for the best for you and hope some of your pain is alleviated. Take good care of yourself.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-08-27 06:11:30 -0500 Report

Hoping this gets easier as time goes by. We never forget, lost my grandmother who raised me 30 years ago and I still miss her. Remember that we also carry these individuals within us, through all their teachings, love, and strength they passed on to us! Hugs!

pixsidust 2012-08-29 16:49:40 -0500 Report

My grandma raised me too. I do not want to imagine what would have happened to me without her

Set apart
Set apart 2012-08-30 05:28:26 -0500 Report

Grandmas are really special, my grandmas was a total of 4 feet tall it seemed like. I was a little girl and I always remember people scolding her for eating sweets. She was a T2, I know now they weren't well educated about D! My dear, sweet grandma suffered so much from D! I wish I would have known then what I know today! Life can be bitter sweet at times!

tabby9146 2012-08-26 23:10:16 -0500 Report

so sorry to hear that. I lost my father to cancer when he was 62, I was 22. It was so hard, and it's been about 25 years now and certain times of the year are sad, we all still miss him very much.

tabby9146 2012-08-26 23:13:35 -0500 Report

I think about how when I lose my mother, she is going to be 85 soon, that I wil be an adult orphan too like some of you, and that thought scares me and makes me very sad. I've been taking care of her the last few years, since she fell and broke a hip and had a few other falls since, the last one just last week, but she is okay. She insists on living on her own. I am blessed to still have her. I try to cherish all the time I have with her.

Nick1962 2012-08-26 19:58:09 -0500 Report

I can feel with you. Lost my mom 2 years ago in november to COPD. She was the last of my "blood" relatives. The rest of my family is all half sisters or brothers (both parents married once before they had me and my deceased baby sister) that pretty much just all went on their own ways.
I remember visting her in her small room at the nursing home before she passed (I live 2000 miles away). She seemed genuinely happy I was there and wanted nothing more than to order a take out pizza and split a beer, but I could see that she was falling asleep from the excitement of the day so I let her doze off with a smile on her face. I came back the next morning but she was pretty much out of it. I planned to go back for christmas, but she slipped away in her sleep a week later. She was 80. She joked that she wasn't going to die before daylight savings time so she could get that hour of her life back. Damn if she didn't do just that.

genniedevera 2012-08-26 20:21:47 -0500 Report

Thanks for sharing, Nick! My mom was 62, planning for her retirement…the week before she died, she told me she will keep fighting and beat this…it only took 3 months from the day she was diagnosed til she died… But the damage it's done and the pain she went through those 3 months, it was awful and painful to see her struggle and frail, most of all, lost her independence, really devastated her…she didn't care about losing her hair and all the weight she lost from chemo …

Nick1962 2012-08-26 21:04:58 -0500 Report

That's tough. I know my mom was ready and accepting, but at 62, you have to be caught off guard. There has to be comfort in knowing that sometimes passing means going to a better place. My hope is that those who went before us put in a good word when it's our time.

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-08-29 19:48:17 -0500 Report

About a month ago I was talking with a resident about how 2 and 1/2 years ago I almost died. He asked me why I thought I didn't die then. I said "Good Doctors and God wasn't ready to put up with me full time yet. About 1 week later he died suddenly from a heart attack as I was assisting him to bed. When I was talking with his daughter's a few hours later I shared this conversation with them. Adding I had no idea he would be doing it so soon.

Nick1962 2012-08-30 10:10:32 -0500 Report

It might sound a bit morose, but I find stories like that interesting. You surely must still have some work to do Graylin. I’ve always said heaven don’t want me and hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
I’ve been longtime friends with large Indian family. The patriarch of the family built the family home his kids and grandkids later moved into, he then built his own little shack further back on the property once he had become a widower. He was always doing something on that shack, tools all over the place, and during one visit I asked him when it would be finished. “When I die” he said. He did finally pass and when they went back to clear out the house they found all his tools neatly put away.

CJ55 2012-08-30 10:41:13 -0500 Report

Nick, all I can say is "wow".. They say you know when it is your time to go and he knew.. he had to since his tools were put away neatly. Very touching story.. thanks for sharing. Hugz

Nick1962 2012-08-30 10:50:12 -0500 Report

That is one of those things that stuck with me. Sad thing is that my buddy (his grandson) was killed in an accident two summers later on the way to a camping trip with us.

herigoagain1 2012-08-30 09:04:56 -0500 Report

You just never know do you. I work in a hospital setting too and about 8 years ago a resident went home with his brother to Italy. He got killed on the motorcycle he rented and his brother was virtually untouched. If it is time for you God will take you. Obviously it wasn't my time and I made sure I thianked him for it. I am living life as it should have been lived for years. I am enjoying my grandson who is 3. My kids and I are lots closer and without my wife of 30 years I know in my heart I wouldn't be here. I am one of the lucky ones who got a fantastic loving worman.

herigoagain1 2012-08-29 17:59:57 -0500 Report

My father was 61 and had been retired for 10 months. He made me promise that if I found out he was going to die that I would get him home so he could see all of his grandchildren. He never made it home. He had one surgery after another…4 days in a row and he died on day 4 that night. I held him while he died. It took me a long time to get over the feeling that I let him down. I am alright with it now but all of it takes time. I still think of him all the time too. We had a better relationship in the year preceediing his death than we did the rest of his life. We were just making up for a crappy relationship when I lost him. I think that is why I took it so hard when I got the diagnosis of the same cancer as his.

Nick1962 2012-08-30 10:44:44 -0500 Report

I think that’s a common thing among men. Either their relationship with their father was great, or it was rocky – not much in between. I’m glad you had the chance to at least let each other know that you were both willing to bury any hatchets out there. That understanding had to bring some comfort.
My father died when I was 16, went into the hospital one day from work and never came out, so I never really got to know him. He worked a lot what with 6 kids (one terminally ill) across 2 marriages he had to support. In fact most males in my family rarely lived to 55, which, like you, has me a bit scared when I look at the common lifestyles I have with other males in my family.

herigoagain1 2012-08-30 13:37:28 -0500 Report

It is scarey. My dads sister never lived beyong 54 years of age. his mom was 48 and his sisters were 50,52, and 54. My dad was 61 but his brother lived to 75. There is no reason or logic behind it. His brother had throat cancer and lived with it for many years. It does boggle the mind how life works doesn't it. Have a great day Nick…always a pleasure chatting with you.

AF Retired 462
AF Retired 462 2012-08-26 19:32:16 -0500 Report

I too am an adult orphan. Dad 7 years ago. Mom 1 week after 911. I still get bummed out on the dates and birthdays missed…I just try and remember the good times…

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-08-29 19:55:44 -0500 Report

My mother-in-law died 3 weeks after 911. A good friend died in a flood on my 18th birthday. She had called her Mom and said "Don't worry about me, I'm safe", then she went back up the canyon to try and help others out.
Some dates can never be just ordinary days anymore.

genniedevera 2012-08-26 19:12:49 -0500 Report

Thank you everyone for sharing your personal stories and support! Been a long time since I've cried like that… Before turning 40, I became the matriarch of my family. After my Mom died, 4 other family members passed and I took care of all the funerals and everything… It's been hard for me, everyone depends on me to make the right decisions. And now I have diabetes. Which my whole family had and were experts on, but none of them are here to help me with it…but am I sooo glad I found this community! All of you…

Speaking of cancer, one day I was talking to one of our medical providers and I said to him, with all this technology and research, why haven't we found a cure for cancer? What he replied stuck to me and really upset me. He said "what makes you think there isn't a cure yet? It is one of their ways to keep the population controlled, not to mention they're making way too much money from the medications…"

DeanaG 2012-08-26 18:16:05 -0500 Report

I too am an adult orphan.
I lost my Dad to a massive heart attack(complication of his Type 2) and my Mom to a massive bleeding stroke (clogged arteries due to untreated high cholesterol). She neglected her health while caring for my Dad.
I miss them both every day, but believe they are still with me.
((((Hugs)))) Remember all the good times and celebrate her life. ((((Hugs))))

MAYS 2012-08-26 15:57:01 -0500 Report

I lost my father to cancer, my mother had it als but beat it somewhat she passed away two years ago in her sleep of natural causes, so I can sympathize with you, my mothers birthday would have been this month also.

Physically she may be gone, but your mother lives on within you!

Whenever you do something that she taught you how to do, when ever you teach someone this either directly, or indirectly, she continues to live on.
In your mind, her voice, her image and her touch are still there, she will cease to exist if you allow her too!

But the feelings that you now have and are experiencing (although they hurt) keeps alive and close to you, she continues to guide you as you will guide others.
So cry if you must, if you listen closely and allow your body to feel that slight chill that accompanies your cries, you will feel her talking to you and comforting you. You may feel a chill but it is your mother placing her arms around you, just when you need it most!

Take care,

CJ55 2012-08-30 23:11:43 -0500 Report

Very touching Mays.. You brought tears to my eyes as my mom has passed and August was her b/d as well. Thank you..

genniedevera 2012-08-26 15:29:32 -0500 Report

Thank you, Jo… I'm so sorry for your loss also… yes, adult orphan… no parents, no grandparents… I only have 1 aunt left… it really hit me hard today…I couldn't stop crying this morning… thank you…