Help with educating non-diabetic Husband

Carol1950
By Carol1950 Latest Reply 2012-08-20 17:27:06 -0500
Started 2012-08-16 13:50:11 -0500

I need help with an issue, that's been on my back burner for a long time. My husband (going on 37 years) becomes frustrated with my diabetes, and lectures me. He's a good companion, reminds me of my shots. Makes sure I do my testing. However, I feel more like he is a schoolmaster, than a helpful understanding husband. Therefore I rebel. What can I do for him to help him understand my disease. It's been ten years and that's a long time to go with this problem. I'm a class A procrastinator. Is there a blog within this group for support spouses??? Carol


21 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-08-20 17:27:06 -0500 Report

Hi Carol,

There are very few things more annoying and hurtful than someone who constantly gets on your back, who lectures and gives orders. While your husband is most like behaving this way out of concern for you, clearly this is not helpful to you.

Here is a link to an article I posted awhile back on "patient" education:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/10618-patient-education-what-s-your-technique

You might also want to check out the Chronic Communication series under Living with Diabetes.

Looks like you hit on a hot topic. I see you got lots of great replies.

Please keep us posted!

Gary

Jccandals
Jccandals 2012-08-19 03:55:57 -0500 Report

I am a spouse of a type one and am a type 2 diabetic myself. I always focused on him, because his was more "brittle" than mine.. funny thing is lately I have been the one having more symptoms. Seems like sometimes I was so involved in my husband's health that I didnt take care of myself. From being a type 2 and now getting ppl at work overly concerned about me I will say this: " not treating a diabetic like a baby that is overly fragile" is key.. but making a diabetic lifestyle incorporated in the homelife is important, be willing to change the lifestyle not the person. As a diabetic myself, I didnt like the feeling of others acting as though I may be incompetent in an area just because they thought my diabetes may get in the way ( which it never has)

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-08-19 04:28:28 -0500 Report

please take care of yourself.

Like they said on the flight I just took in the part where they deal with the oxygen masks dropping from the overhead, take care of yourself first, so you can then take care of others who may need help.

Carol1950
Carol1950 2012-08-17 14:47:37 -0500 Report

Hi Guys- I really appreciate all of your support. Your right, he loves me, and please know this- I love him (after 36 years of marriage) I guess I didn't quite give the whole picture. I have had a lot of other health issues over the years, stroke, etc., and I think I have relied on him too much. This is to the point where I think I am not as self-reliant as I should be and I depend on his bugging me.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-08-17 14:59:22 -0500 Report

This is where communication comes in, tell him you want to start taking control for yourself that your health will allow and work out a plan:) I'm sure that even though he loves you and is willing to help, he wants to see you have some independence which will also help your self esteem. Try it out and let us know how it goes. HUGS

Harlen
Harlen 2012-08-17 12:34:08 -0500 Report

Be glad he cares that much for you a lot bail (its just to much)
Just maybe its not something he needs to fix ????
As I got better at working with D my wife backed way off thank god .
Best wishes
Harlen

pixsidust
pixsidust 2012-08-17 10:54:56 -0500 Report

Carol, after 10 years the procrastination should have ended on your end.
You have great advice here and they are right. He loves you. One thing I will tell you is that you can't have the reminders for testing etc… and not
have the whole ball of wax. He either is part of it or he is not and because he loves you, he always will be

Why not spice your marriage up and kiss him passionately from time
to time when he reminds you of stuff and tell him thank you for your love and care. Put a different dynamic in it and have fun.

Lizardfan
Lizardfan 2012-08-17 10:03:59 -0500 Report

What I would do in this situation is take him aside and tell him I appreciate his advice, prodding, etc. From this moment on I no longer want his help with my diabetes management with said reminders, prods etc. Then you stop procrastinating, do what you need to do for your health and you will both be a lot happier. I am betting this revolved over time and you are to the point where it is not good for either of you.

I would add that if you are in trouble, severe low etc. in that case let him know what support you would need in that event. That is the only time my hubby assists me in my care. My DH has type 2 as well and I don't bother him about his care either. After all it is up to each of us to manage it.

Lizardfan
Lizardfan 2012-08-17 10:03:59 -0500 Report

What I would do in this situation is take him aside and tell him I appreciate his advice, prodding, etc. From this moment on I no longer want his help with my diabetes management with said reminders, prods etc. Then you stop procrastinating, do what you need to do for your health and you will both be a lot happier. I am betting this revolved over time and you are to the point where it is not good for either of you.

I would add that if you are in trouble, severe low etc. in that case let him know what support you would need in that event. That is the only time my hubby assists me in my care. My DH has type 2 as well and I don't bother him about his care either. After all it is up to each of us to manage it.

MAYS
MAYS 2012-08-17 05:16:14 -0500 Report

Maybe, just maybe, he is the diabetic in his actions?
He is showing not only the concern of a spouse, but also the actions of a diabetic by staying on top of things that you are pushing to the wayside!
There are many who would love to have either a pouse, or a companion such as your husband in their lives, or in their corner.

The following links may be helpful for both of you to view, although I must give you these words of caution first, the messages in these videos may backfire on you and heighten yoir husbands concern for you and he may take a tighter control of things pertaining to helping you to manage your diabetes.
And that is a good thing, after all isn't that what love is all about?
Caring, and sharing?!

Here are the links:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/videos/1492-wh...

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/videos/919-dia...

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/videos/877-ani...

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/videos/879-dia...

~Mays~

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-08-16 22:14:39 -0500 Report

Well, my suggestion is to open your eye's and see he is on top of it because he cares, which is where you should be:) When he see's that you are taking it seriously then he'll ease off. Diabetes can be taken care of individually, but having that extra support is so awsome when you work together. Now if you are eating right, exercising and taking any meds as well as doing the bg checks and having good control, then open the communication and ask him to back off. Don't let this keep building up until you both blow up at each other.

RAYT721
RAYT721 2012-08-16 21:10:26 -0500 Report

Carol: Maybe I am reading this wrong but it sounds like you don't need to educate him at all. It sounds more like HE is trying to educate you. You've confessed that you are a procrastinator so perhaps THAT is the subject of his lectures? I'm just sayin'. What is it that he's doing to irritate you other than loving you??? :) … You've got lots of support here!!! What can we do to help???

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-08-16 17:57:25 -0500 Report

Howdy again Carol.
I remember there being a brief discussion here on something like that. read it here ~ http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/15... it led me to this from Diabetes Mine here ~ http://www.diabetesmine.com/2012/05/calling-a...

You could also look at the "Living with Diabetes" link on the left and see what you might find there. Part of that is a series on communication by Dr Gary here ~ http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-artic...

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-08-16 15:44:04 -0500 Report

Hmmm, my wife has the same complaint when I get on her about her diet. Funny thing is, we both started the same diet to lose weight and not only were we the top two winners in our weightloss class, but we actually had a statistical tie - she lost a few more pounds while I lost more body fat. Trouble is, I kept up with it and she didn't. I didn't nag her while we were taking the class and for the longest time after. I did start nagging again when she signed up for yet another weight loss program after she gained much of it back. She obviously wants to lose the weight, and she obviously had the tools to do it.
This is going to be out of character for me to say (sorry in advance), but you've already admitted you're a procrastinator, so I'd bet he'll stop nagging when you stop giving him things to nag about. Jo K's right, he does it out of love and wants what's best for you. The schoolmaster rarely has to lecture the A+ student.

Carol1950
Carol1950 2012-08-16 15:54:11 -0500 Report

Yep, got me. By the way men lose, and keep off weight better than us women folk. It's nature wanting to nurture…