By limo-dan Latest Reply 2012-08-16 12:47:46 -0500
Started 2012-08-14 04:49:59 -0500

this is another thing i cant get over,my mother ment every thing to me, she would go at times and stay with my sisters for along while,, one sister lives in my town calif, the other lives in Arizona, ther are 6 of us 3 boys and 3 girls,when my mother whould be at one of my sisters to long my sister would call the other and try to pass her onto her but when my mother would be ther each one would try to talk her into selling her house brothers too..I have never seen so much greed omg ,, any ways my mother past away, and left me everything that was 3 yrs ago,, what I wish is why i cant cry 4 her,,after she past away ,,,,about 8 moths later is when i became a diabetic.. i havent talk to any of my brothers or sisters since moy mom died, can any one tell me why i cant greve 4 her ,,Sometimes i think i can but it does not happen is this normal??????

9 replies

limo-dan 2012-08-15 23:38:04 -0500 Report

Thank you every one for your replys,,Yes i am angry at my siblings,Because all they wanted was to get what ever they could befor she died,my mother would ask me what i wanted,, I would say to her Mom all i want is to take care of you,, I want to be there holding you till you take your last breath,, You know right after i said that i would almost want to cry,, I knew it wouldnt be to long,,and even right now i am tearing up and i want so bad to cry but just wont happen,,I miss her so so bad,,, I was holding my mother at the time she died,Thank everyone

Caroltoo 2012-08-16 12:47:46 -0500 Report

I think, Dan, you may have the key to your answer right there. If you want to cry and outwardly grieve for you mom, think about you and your mom and the interactions between the two of you in those last days and hours.

Leave your siblings and their selfishness totally out of your thoughts. You have reason to be disappointed with them, but don't let that get connected to all the good things that you and your mom shared.

Cherish those last days/hours/moments with her. They were special. My mother also died in my arms holding me close to her. I will never forget it either. She literally waited for me arrive and have a day with her before she died. It is a special gift that your mom (and mine) gave us. Focus on that and I believe you will find you are able to cry and grieve more openly for her.

mystikfairy61 2012-08-15 00:03:04 -0500 Report

I have been there recently as well, Limo-dan. My mom passed away Jan 2010. I have not been able to cry about it. Sometimes I feel like I need to see a therapist to try to let me feelings out. My mom was T2 and now I am, as well as both my brothers. My mom was only 69 years old and was my best friend in the world. It still hurts every day. When I go thru my stuff, I find cards or letters she sent me a long time ago and get emotional but not for long. It seems like I am trying to avoid grieving and want to stay in the denial phase although I know she is gone. She was cremated and I was living across country and couldn't be there in person but was at her memorial by phone, so sometimes it seems unreal to me. I don't know if maybe you are upset at your siblings and that might be holding you back from grieving or not. Sorry i reread this and it sounds like I am rambing a little. If you would like to talk feel free to message me privately. Maybe we can help each other. HUGS

Caroltoo 2012-08-15 00:40:30 -0500 Report

You have a good point there, MysticFairy. If Dan is angry at his siblings that could stop him from crying.

MAYS 2012-08-14 19:31:17 -0500 Report

I understand your pain.
My mother (who was my greatest supporter in life) passed away in October of 2010, and up to this date I haven't taken the time to officially grieve her passing.
I have been very busy handling my affairs because that is what she has taught me to do first and foremost, my fondest memories concerning her take me back to the most important events in my life because at each one she was always there!
Siblings can act "strange" if I can use that word, when it comes to the death of a parent or a loved one, and everyone acts differently than everyone expects them too.

Remember this, in the wake of tragedy, life goes on.
Grieve, but handle your business, live the way that you were taught to live.
Don't associate one thing (death of your mother) with your diagnosis of diabetes.
Your mother lives on in you, in your thoughts and memories, in your actions and in your insight.
You can't grieve because within yourself you can find no reason to grieve, she taught you well and the strength that she embodied you with is showing, don't ever take it as a sign of weakness, it is a strength, YOUR strength!

If you ever find a need, or a reason to cry you will, don't force it upon yourself, let it come naturally, and when it does come let it flow, you will feel much better afterwards!

Take care of yourself, my friend!


Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-08-14 17:40:09 -0500 Report

Grief is very individual. As Carol says tears does not equal mourning. Each stage of grieving may last different amount of time.
Events arround us can delay how we cope with grief. When my father-in-law died so much was happening (hubby was suddenly facing spinal surgery and my dad was admtted to the er all in the same week) it took me several years to really feel the loss. In my mind he was still alive since we had not been able to go to his funeral.

Caroltoo 2012-08-14 16:43:50 -0500 Report

Dan, we all grieve differently. It sounds like you are unable to cry for your loss of your mother, but your words sound like you are grieving, just not crying. Crying does not equal grief. You are feeling the loss of your mom, that is real grief. Carol

Harlen 2012-08-14 09:06:47 -0500 Report

I am sorry for your loss
I to lost my mom and my sibs where all over the things she had and it wasnt much ,by the time I got there there was photos on the floor but you know thats what I realy wished to have lol
There will come a time that you will let it go and when you do take the time and let it out .
It was three months for me .
Best wishes

Nick1962 2012-08-14 08:15:33 -0500 Report

I’m no therapist Dan, but have a similar situation. Since both my parents (as well as uncles and aunts) were married once before I came along, many of my relatives are “halves” – half sisters, brothers, removed cousins, etc. – we never had that solid family bond many have (heck I even dated my cousin without knowing she was related).
Most in the family had connections to second families so my mother not only had to maintain the family I was born into, but one my half-sisters came from too. So did my father. There was a lot of tension about who got what when my mother passed a few years back, which was tough on her in the final months, and it weighed heavily on her. She decided to let an attorney sell her house without regard to family, which in the end was a blessing because all the belongings we would have fought over were gone and turned into cash. Sure there were hard feelings, but once she was free of all that she was relieved and passed shortly after.
I’m not a person who cries out of sadness, so my grief was actually happiness for her that she was finally free of all the junk life handed her over her lifetime. Some of my half siblings are still bickering about the way things went down (not like they can change it or anything), but I’m glad my mother doesn’t have to deal with it.
I don’t think there is any certain way you have to grieve.

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