Everything in my life is out of sync

Just Joyce
By Just Joyce Latest Reply 2012-07-04 18:04:52 -0500
Started 2012-06-24 20:55:55 -0500

Last Friday my sister and I took our dog Jack to the vet. Poor baby wasn't feeling well. On Monday we got a report of high white blood cell count and vet ordered antibiotics and told us if he was not improved by Thursday to bring him back. He started eating better Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning. However, by 10 am he wasn't doing well at all. I called the vet for an emergency appointment and was told to take him to the Animal ER. While waiting for my sister, I was on the floor rubbing his back. He gasped rolled over and died in my arms. To say I am devastated is an under statement. I really miss my little boy.

Last night was the first night I actually slept. The problem is I can't eat a complete meal. I actually did not cook anything but a hot dog and chicken nuggets since Thursday. Today I baked pork chops but grabbed two slices of bread and ate a sandwich. I eat when my blood sugar drops but that is only enough to get it to rise.

I am very good at motivating myself but I can't seem to do it. I get up vowing to fix breakfast but a cup of coffee and a piece of toast is all I can manage. Lunch is a cup of yogurt and dinner is what I think will get me through the night. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

36 replies

Controlled 2012-07-04 18:04:52 -0500 Report

I understand perfectly. Last Christmas (at 3 am) I had to put down a pet who suddenly became ill. I went to the emergency veterinary hospital but it was to no avail. You learn a lot of from experiences. I have never learned why these lessons are necessary. While this may be contrary to other suggestions that you receive here, I think sometimes you just need to follow your body. If merely eating enough to raise your blood sugar is all you can do; that's all you should do. There is no shortcut through grieving and each of us heal at our own rate and in our own time.

Take care of yourself and be patient as best you can. I don't want to run the risk of offending you with platitudes. Your feelings are real. Come back and check in when you are able to.

Best wishes

Somoca 2012-06-28 21:33:21 -0500 Report

I mourned my Westland Terrier for 5 yrs. The way he died is too horrible to mention but I just couldn't get over my grief. I feel your pain Just Joyce. I am so sorry. Take your time. We have Maximilian now, but Brutus Octavius is never far from my mind or heart.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-28 21:38:59 -0500 Report

I am so sorry for your loss. I was in my yard today when a neighbor was out walking her little ones. They always came over to the fence to visit with Jack. If he was in the house he demanded to be let out for his visit with them. One of her dogs is a miniature dachshund and she stands on her little legs trying to see if she can find him. She looked so sad when she dropped her head and looked like she was going to cry. We are going to look for puppy after the holiday. Hopefully we will hear the pitter patter of little feet running around the house soon.

Enjoy Maximilian he will bring you a joy all his own. Thanks for your response, it gets a little better each day.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-06-28 05:54:59 -0500 Report

Hi Joyce oh I am so sorry for your loss. I am experiencing something similar this week it's been 2 days since we've seen one of our cats. His sister cries for him and my husband said something may have gotten him since we live in the mountains. I just want him to come running home and bother his sister like he used to. I miss him and have cried for him had a BG yesterday morning of 150 cuz his sister cried all night.

This is so hard, but do take care cuz if your BGs are really out of range you know it will affect you more because of the change in mood! time will heal is what everyone tells me so I guess I will pass it on! We will get through this in time! Hugs!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-28 11:23:38 -0500 Report

Oh set I am so sorry, I hope she comes home safely. Animals love each other when they grow up or live together. Thank you. I have gotten my BGs back in control took almost a week but I know he wouldn't want me to be sick. I am eating better and today I plan to grill my entire dinner out in the heat and humidity.

John Lassider
John Lassider 2012-06-26 18:21:24 -0500 Report

I am sorry for your loss. Time is the best healer but in the meantime I suggest preoccupying yourself with social activities. It just helps to keep your mind off of things that might make you sad. I know how it feels, but it will be okay.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-27 10:49:44 -0500 Report

John thanks. I have been busy since his death. The numbness is beginning to wear off. I miss not having him nuzzle me when he wants something, his temper tantrums when he can't have what he wants and his companionship. I am getting better each day.

MewElla 2012-06-26 18:47:20 -0500 Report

So sorry to hear of your loss…

forsakes alive
forsakes alive 2012-06-26 18:59:41 -0500 Report

Ive had my dog now for 13 years, I recently found that he's 1 of them there diabetic dogs. Never realizes it until 1 day when I was having a low BS,he started to smell my shins,from the odor coming out of the skin,he has done this numerous times,yet just didnt realize it. My best friend he is. I wonder why he doesnt bark at me when the lows occur?

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-27 10:59:59 -0500 Report

Forsakes, thank you. Dogs can sense with something is wrong with their loved ones. My sister participates in a Cholesterol Drug test. She was asked to participate when she had a slight heart attack. She has to take this medication every night. The hospital puts all the meds in a tote that she hangs on the door to keep it together. If Jack knew she hadn't taken it he would get her to follow him and bark up at the meds and kept barking until she took it.
He probably can't pick up the scent until your blood sugar is really low. It is good that he can sense this which prevents you from possibly fainting from low blood sugar. Give your him a hug for me. He is a very special dog.

jimLE 2012-06-26 11:20:30 -0500 Report

i've had dogs that i loved in which they passed away as well..and it's like others has said..just like when a family member pass's away.it's hard when a pet pass's on acount they become family as well..last dog i had was part lab n part rottweller.she was one of the best dogs i ever had.she passed in 1998.i didnt want another dog or dogsit for anyone..time will heal all wounds and hurts.no they dont go away completly.but they do heal..i remember that dog never got use to the guy who came around to read the gas meter.lol.now i have a pomaranian.i call her my baby girl.and my mom is grandmaw..lol..geting her was the best thing i could of done..especilly when it comes to my mom..two good things for your dog is,he's not in pain,and you were there with him and for him when his time came..hope you get recover soon..smiles n hugs

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-27 11:07:31 -0500 Report

Jack was raised to protect us so he was kept away from people. However we had 2 neighbors who watched him grow up and would talk to him when he was in the yard. They were the only two people who could pet him but only if he wanted them to pet him. They knew that just because his tail was wagging it didn't mean they could pet him.

I bet she is cute as can be. Pets seem to bring joy to those of us who have them no matter what kind of pet it is. We are going to the SPCA Monday to look to see what is available for adoption.

jimLE 2012-06-30 15:34:58 -0500 Report

spca adoption sounds great..but the only thing i dont like about any pet adoption place,is they spad or fix the animal before the new pet owner gets to take um home.im not for that when the animal is in good health to begin with..thats why i'll get the pet from someone or pet store that dont have the animal fixed before i take um home.now i know that sometimes it's a all around better idea for the pet to be that way when it comes to its health..

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-06-25 20:03:05 -0500 Report

It is very hrd to deal with the loss of a dear companion. When my beloved beagle passed, and my other wonderful dogs, it felt as you describe. The pain will ease, it will just take time. Eventually you will be able to look at his picture and remember without the rawness washing over you.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-27 11:09:40 -0500 Report

Thanks Graylin. It gets better each day. Today is the one week mark and I didn't think I would do well. Responding to you guys is helping. I just got an email from our Community Relations Sgt. in the Police Department. He sent me something to do for him so I am playing his secretary today. People are calling to make sure I am okay.

pixsidust 2012-06-25 12:32:43 -0500 Report

Its in times of vulnerability that we feel most out of sync
Pain, memories of other days wash over us
bringing fresh the rawness of it all
Time will never take your memories but will be a balm to the pain
You will feel strong and in control again
When you do… remember the feeling of vulnerability
for it may lie in those around you… so tread lightly
as we are now.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-25 14:18:43 -0500 Report

Thanks Pixi, the worse right now is the rawness. I think all of my nerves are exposed. I know it will get easier each day. I am just glad he is not suffering anymore. He had a problem breathing which is why he was at the vet. I am glad he was not alone and that he died peacefully. I have his pictures in my phone but I can't look at them right now. I will always remember him and he will always have a special place in my heart.

pixsidust 2012-06-25 18:26:15 -0500 Report

Hope you understand the full message…and remember while you heal

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-27 10:45:53 -0500 Report

Pixi I honestly and respectfully appreciated your response yet somehow I had a feeling the other shoe was about to drop. I don't care about your full message and I lost all respect for you that I had left. I tried giving you a chance but I see I was wrong. This is why I loved my dog far more than I could ever love or care about a lot of humans.

pixsidust 2012-06-30 15:14:56 -0500 Report

I understand you are vulnerable when you hurt.
Many people you reply to are the same…remember that and understand
I love my animals more than people sometimes too

MAYS 2012-06-25 11:58:43 -0500 Report

I am sorry to hear about your loss.
Take your time and grieve, it is a part of the process of healing.
If I can be of any help, please feel free to contact me at any time.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-25 12:25:23 -0500 Report

Thanks Mays, I have to make it pass the one week mark. It will be hard but I will do it.

MAYS 2012-06-25 18:45:29 -0500 Report

I know how it feels, there isn't much that I can say to make things better.
Here is a great, big hug for you… ((((HUG)))).

old biker
old biker 2012-06-25 11:05:07 -0500 Report

I so sorry to hear of your loss..My dog is getting up there in years and I dread the day he won't be around..When that day comes I know it will mess with me big time..It sounds like you are grieving over Jack and that's only natural

locarbarbie 2012-06-25 11:01:04 -0500 Report

Joyce, I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a terrible loss to lose a beloved pet. My daughter has a chocolate lab that I call my "grand-dog"!! I love that dog as if I gave birth to her myself! I can actually bring myself to tears at the thought of anything happening to her…she is 7 years old.
Jack will live on in your heart forever, and he was lucky to have you as his human.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-25 12:32:35 -0500 Report

Thanks Barbie. Give your grand dog a hug for me. My girlfriend has a grand dog and is looking for a new place to live where she can have her grand dog visit overnight.

Robin052 2012-06-24 21:26:24 -0500 Report

Oh Joyce I am so sorry to hear about your little guy. Let me tell you. I have 2 dogs and they are the only things that keep me here on this earth. I will be 60 years old and I feel life isn't worth it for me. I'm on disability and all it does is cover bills. I don't get to enjoy life at all. This is no way to live but that is my problem.

You are in the grief process and that is why your eating if off. I lost my baby brother 3 years ago and still am in the denial stage. I totally get what you are saying. I know you baby was comforted having you with him. My brother died in my arms as well in his bed. If your baby was so sick, like my brother, it's a comfort to know they are at peace and out of pain. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it will get better. I have my good days and my bad days. They will come and go for you as well. You will get back on track with your food when you are ready. If you feel like chatting, I'm here. Just because I'm not in a good place right now doesn't mean I can't help.


Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-24 21:49:52 -0500 Report

Thank you Robin, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. He is an angel watching over you every day. My little guy weighed 90lbs and would try to sit on my lap. He got back rubs everyday because that is how I would calm him down when he was a puppy. Animals have a personality all their own. When he got mad with my sister he would come to me. When he got mad with me he was with her. There were things he would only let me do and the same way with her.

Robin life no matter how bad it is is always worth living. Growing up we always had some kind of hobby. Mom taught us how to play cards, board games, embroidery, jigsaw puzzles and paint by numbers. With both parent dead, we were bored out of our skulls and went to AC Moore to find a new hobby.

Cigar Box Purses were the big thing but I saw a necklace and said I wish I could do that and a customer told me how to do it. We bought what we needed and each made a necklace. We took a class at AC Moore and learned how to make necklaces a different way with matching earrings. We started out with cheap beads and had so many sets we went to a community fair and sold all of them. We now have a business and we use more expensive semi precious gemstones, wood, glass, nuts from Peru, beads from Africa and we sell them at the Flea Market on weekends. We even took a One Stroke Painting Class and the big thing now is Duct Tape Purses made with colorful or patterned Duct Tape.

When that dropped off. My sister had a slight heart attack and had an epiphany in the hospital. We took the last 200 bucks we had and went to a wholesaler and purchased 200 dollars worth of Stainless Steel Jewelry for men and turned it into 600 bucks in 2 days. We now have that as a business also.

I said all of that to say this. Think of what you really like to do very well and turn it into a business to supplement your disability. I have noticed that women who can read patterns and can crochet or knit make good money making all kinds of items. You Tube is filled with all kinds of craft instructions. There was one woman who tore old clothing into strips and crocheted beautiful scarves. My sister taught herself how to Peyote Stitch with seed beads and bought a loom 3 weeks ago and taught herself how to make bracelets with that. She connected with someone at the flea market and is going to make dog collars for small dogs.

Get out and do things if possible. Save money for a day trip somewhere. If there is a Senior Center go there. My aunt goes on day trips with them all the time and has the time of her life.

There is so much you can do with little or no money that will bring enjoyment in your life.

Hugs to you too.

Caroltoo 2012-06-24 21:05:31 -0500 Report

Ah, Joyce, I'm so sorry to hear this. Our animal friends are such an important part of our lives. This has got to be very painful for you. I'm glad you were able to be there for Jack when he died; I would think it would be comforting for him to know "his human" was caring for him so much.

What you are describing about not eating is one of the ways grief manifests itself. Don't worry to much about it as you will get back to eating. If you have lows because of not eating, then why don't you get some easy prep foods that you could snack on as you need to, but skip the meal preparation piece. Your motivation and focus will return, you just need to give yourself some time.

Maybe, when you and your sister feel you can, an evening spent going over pictures and sharing memories of Jack would be healing for both of you.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-24 21:29:59 -0500 Report

Carol thanks, I never thought of grief. I have a very busy week this week with some form of a community meeting everyday. I am going to have to eat because I will be running around. I have to try to focus because I can't let anything get behind or I will be playing catch up and I hate doing that.

We actually looked at adoptable pets the day he died. We are going to get a new pet. I am going to see if a neighbor three blocks away has any puppies. If so we will adopt one of Jacks brothers or sisters.

Caroltoo 2012-06-24 21:38:09 -0500 Report

A brother, sister, son, or daughter would be a perfect way to memorialize him.

We did the exact opposite when we lost our precious little 18 year old lilac point siamese about 5 years ago. Wayne wanted a companion before I was ready, so I agreed because it was so important for him, but looked for one that would not remind me of Elizabeth.

At the Humane Society, we found a 3 yr old, skinny, orange tabby, neutered male, who was about as different from my 18 yr old, 20 pound, lilac point, ladylike, neutered female as we could get. He was so scrawny, he looked like a lanky Abyssinian. He is now a 7 yr old, 20 pound, loving boy who has learned that "his people" love and care for him. I still miss Elizabeth, but I do have a new and loving friend named Pippin.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-06-24 21:56:35 -0500 Report

I don't want another dog right away. My sister does because she doesn't like being without a dog. So I am doing what you did. I have a neighbor who walked her tiny little dogs and she would walk them over so they could visit with Jack. It is sad watching his two little friends look for him. I won't go outside when I hear them now.

I also miss our other dog Chips. He will always be a precious memory. I cried all the way to the ER with him when we had to put him down.

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