I am Depressed: I am Here, But Still Depressed;

By Latest Reply 2008-11-20 12:40:46 -0600
Started 2008-11-19 14:11:26 -0600

Normally it helps me to be here, esp. when I am depressed, but today; NOT
I am having a very hard feeling; filled with depression; self-doubt, and guilt. I feel I hurt someone's feelings here and I can't let it go. I sent them an email, but have not heard back. But, maybe it is just me. I have a mental illness, and some other problems that make me less than aware of what I am doing at times. Not that I am trying to make excuses, and it is kind of personal; but might explain some of the things I do wrong, and why. You, see, It all depends on who is on the computer that day, when I wake up. Cause I never know who might pop in and take over, or when. I have a severe problem with MPD, Although I have 43 splits; there are only about a dozen that come forth regularly. You may not be a believer but if you know anything about mental illness, esp. with extreme circumstances, you might. You have to live it, experience it, everyday like my husband does. I know that this does not belong here, but in a way it does, because I know all too well what mood swings and other problems that arise when depression is involved. Who knows; I might even be able to help someone. I have been through years of therapy and even taught some Mental Health Aid and Psychology classes, for incoming students in their chosen field.
But, so today, I am depressed. If I am lucky it will only last a day; If not, well, it could go on for a while.
But; however; I have not learned how to get out of depression yet, after all this years. It is like a rut so deep that you just do not have the energy to climb out of it. So; what do you do when you feel so bad?

4 replies

Robert C. H.
Robert C. H. 2008-11-19 23:17:18 -0600 Report

I as suffer from depression, from early childhood, and it is a rut that you can never seem to get out of;I have been hospitalized twice,given shock and insuline treatment,but it doesn't go away.Now my health has deterioated, with chronic pain 10 surgeries,diabetes 2 and a heart condition,so I can't do any of the things I used to do,I have found that I have backed out of so many invitations, that they don't come anymore.Although I don't suffer anything like you,now I have started having panic attacks,and it's like my life is over,I found this site and through friends I've made and there words of encouragement I get some relief,but I still wallow in my depression,why should I CONTINUE AS A SHELL OF MYSELF>hope that you find a way out soon .You must be very strong to go through this daily,I will pray that you get some relief, MY BEST ROBERT

2008-11-20 09:11:03 -0600 Report

Thanks so much for your openess; that means a lot. There are so many people out ther just like us, but, the only difference may be how it happened. But it is just as bad no matter how your depression or mental illness. We all feel the pain and anxiety. Thanks for your prayers, I will pray for you,too.

anitamusser 2008-11-20 12:40:46 -0600 Report

Please know that you are such a strong person and you are to be admired to be helping others. Depression is hard, diabetes is hard but you are handling it all the best you can and that is all anyone can do or expect. I understand what you mean about not knowing what to expect when you wake up. My sugar drops so low at night sometimes that i am afraid to go to sleep because i am afraid i wont wake up at all. Not knowing what personality you are going to be when you wakse is just as scary. I really enjoy reading your posts and you have helped me so much and i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

GabbyPA 2008-11-19 16:05:39 -0600 Report

I spend some time crying. Sounds awful, and I in no way can come close to the fear and anxiety you must face. But there are times when a good yell, scream and a few tears can at least make me feel better.

My thing is to move on though and even if things kind of haunt me like they seem to haunt you, I keep telling myself that the other preson is probably moving on and so I should too.

It is hard when you don't hear back, but instead of filling your heart with dread, think about how they are just thinking that you were having a bad day and can understand. Sometimes less words are better. No need to open old wounds.

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine that conflict. I know when I get overwhelemed it is over far less than you face. You must know that you are an incredibley strong perosn to be able to deal with this on a daily basis.

Your husband, too is an incredible gift. Listen to his encouragement and words of wisdom. I'm sure he has many for you.

((hugs))) My thoughts are with you.