I am 19 years old and about to go into my third year at college. I've have Type 1 diabetes since I was 6 years old. My most recent A1C was above 11 and this is obviously affecting my school performance. My grades from last semester were mostly C's and D's.
However my main problems is, I simply don't care. I want to be succesful in life and I don't want to develop complications, but I can't find the motivation to do my school work or care for my diabetes. In fact, its almost a regular practice of mine to be intentionally self destructive in that I will even get to the point of thinking, "oh hey, I should check my blood sugar," or "I should take insulin for this," but don't. Plus on top of this I binge eat.
I'm currently living at home for the summer and my mother is driving me up a wall trying to get me to take care of myself constantly asking me what my blood sugar is and catching me in my lies about checking my blood sugar.
I am not currently seeing a therapist or anything of the sort, but do have plans. My problem is that I feel like I have to be the one to take charge of my diabetes in full. I'm sick of my mom riding my ass and feel like even if I were to turn things around the section I start reporting good numbers to her she'll feel like its because of her and I'll get what feels like a congradulations to a child who pooped in the toilet, a pat on the head and a "good job." I know this isn't a game, but I can't seem to get over that. I feel like a need a support system to fall back on and trust when *I* feel like I need help after taking the reigns, but what I have is a militant authoritative figure looming over me 24/7.
Even this spring when I did have a little more independance because I was living at school, and I was having trouble in school, things had been okay with my and my mother for a while so I attemped going to her for help. I ended up crying and saying how hard school was and still, the responce I got from her was okay and supportive, but it didn't last long. It soon went back to threats of taking my car away and pulling me out of college (my parents are paying for my college in full). I don't need threats, I don't need constant reminders (I'm not forgetting anything, I just choose not to care [I always tell my mom mid-argument semi-humorously that I've been diabetic as long as she as, trying to make the point that she isn't diabetic but I am]), I need help.
Basically what I came here for was suggestions on dealing with my mother and my complete apathy towards my health.
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