burned out

angry diabetic
By angry diabetic Latest Reply 2012-05-21 15:25:04 -0500
Started 2012-05-10 04:42:51 -0500

i feel so drained, i know what to do to make myself better, i have been studying (and obsessing) with this disease for so many years, i have extensive knowledge on the subject, but i still cannot bring myself to accept it and change my ways… it's as if i do it to myself on purpose to get back at diabetes as a way of making sure i do not become a diabetic, but rather a normal person with extremely high blood sugar, if that makes any sense… yes i do need a therapist, i know… i have been in ICU for 2 weeks with DKA (less than 12hours from death apparantly).. thought i have turned over a new leaf after that, but only 3 days of constant testing and eating right, it was enough and i went back to my old ways :( Need alot of help…


17 replies

cindygal1
cindygal1 2012-05-21 15:18:45 -0500 Report

I really think that when you know what to do to make yourself better that you just don't care. It is a disease that has to be watched all of the time, not just when you want too. Diabebetes is rough disease, but you have to want to get better. If you don't take care of yourself then you are going to get worse. You need to accept the fact that you have a disease and learn to live with and do the things that can keep you healthy and alive. Then after three days of doing what you should be doing and then you just quick doing it means that you don't care what happens to you. It is a sickness that has to be watched and you have to take care of yourself. You need to accept that fact and live with what you have.

John Lassider
John Lassider 2012-05-17 15:30:30 -0500 Report

Angry Diabetic I think you should work on just keeping yourself a bit more composed. I understand that diabetes is a tough disease, but if you can just get yourself under control it would help a lot. Good Luck!

cindygal1
cindygal1 2012-05-14 13:11:18 -0500 Report

You cannot obsessed with diabtes, it is a disease that can be controlled and it doesn't do any good to know what to do to make your self. What is DKA. You need to talk to your doctor have her to recommend a therapists for you. It is not easy to control but it can kill you, so thank God for every day that you are here and start using the knowledge that you have. We all go this, but we take care of ourselves. Please talk to your doctors, they are the only ones that can help you. I will keep you in my Prays and hope that you wake before it is too late.

angry diabetic
angry diabetic 2012-05-15 02:32:34 -0500 Report

Hi Cindy, DKA is diabetic keto acidosis.. It's when your body has no insulin at all and your blood has so much glucose it turns acidic. Almost like poison. My organs started to fail. the morning i was admitted to ICU i couldn't breathe or walk at all, my lungs were the first to start failing.. I am truly lucky to be alive, but this depression consumes me.. i think i will see a therapist in the near future. thank you for your prays - i really need them xx

cindygal1
cindygal1 2012-05-21 15:25:04 -0500 Report

I hope so, because two years ago besides dealing with diabestes I was in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer my husband almost lost me five times, I even coded on them, but I made up my mind that it was not going to get the best of me, that I would take care of just like I do my diabetes and learn to live with both of them. Plus I have a husband who has a rare blood disease, he was given 18 months to live 7 years ago and he is still here. Since he has also become a diabetic, so I have learned to take care of him and myself,and still fine the time to donate time to the church to help the needed. Plus I am helping to raise my 12 year old Grandson. I hope that you do get theraphy and take care of yourself, if anyone was ready to give up it was me, but I didn't and I have everything under control. Get up and get your self together and take care of yourself. See that theraphist and get some help. I hope that we can be friends.

meowbat
meowbat 2012-05-10 19:02:34 -0500 Report

As I said just a few minutes ago, This is YOUR BODY GIVING YOU A WAKE UP CALL!!!!!! Please, for your own sake, face it !!!! YOU ARE A PERSON THAT HAS DIABETES!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! It's time TO GO TO WAR!!!!! and you will learn and live I PROMISE!!!!

Young1s
Young1s 2012-05-10 18:02:11 -0500 Report

It's kind of hard to follow Nick because he's said all the right things, in just the right way. So I'll just say this. You've spent years on research of this disease and that's great, now it's time for action. Think of where you could be health-wise, physically, emotionally, etc…if you put even half of what you know into effect. I think you've made a great first step in finding DC. Let's keep putting one foot in front of the other by doing one thing every day that you know will go far towards controlling your D. How about starting with testing your BG's daily?

meowbat
meowbat 2012-05-10 18:22:23 -0500 Report

Burnout with this stuff is a temporary thing. I've been through it. this is when your body is telling your mind to WAKE UP 'cause you have a NEED TO CHANGE YOUR ACT!!!!!! This is a stage of depression. Time to find the ladder!!!!!!

dietcherry
dietcherry 2012-05-10 17:30:37 -0500 Report

Reading your words made me very sad. I sent you a Friends invite and hope you will accept so I can talk to you by private message here :)

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-05-10 11:07:42 -0500 Report

Angry – I’m just a T2 so I won’t even try to say I know what’s going on in your head. We have another member here (dietcherry) who has been a T1 most of her young (compared to my age) life. I’m hoping once she gets up she’ll chime in here, because even though I know being a T1 is a huge struggle, I both respect and admire her attitude in showing this condition just who’s in charge. She’s a fun person and if it meant me getting “a little diabetic” to meet her, it’s been worth it. There’s also Richard157 who’s been dealing with being a T1 for 67 years now. If that ain’t proof that it’s not the end of the world, I don’t know what is.
You’ve been dealing with this now a while, and you know you’ll still wake up tomorrow with it. It’s an annoying, but serious part of life. It’s not like when you get up and misplaced your glasses, you have time to roam around blind to find them. If you are low or high, you need to deal with it, and now. But the bottom line is it’s part of life, and something you need to handle to prevent it from becoming much worse, because as much of a chore as it is now, imagine how much worse it could be.

You’re still at the age where you have plenty of things in life to experience. Maybe a family, satisfying career, travel, and all those things will come to you at those points in life when they should. You need to be in a certain condition to appreciate the work you put into getting there. I know it sounds odd, but me getting this condition was probably the best thing that could have happened. It taught me that if I don’t take care of myself, I may never see my kid get her master’s degree, or snorkel off that island in Bonaire, or hike to Waimoku Falls in Haleakala National Park in Maui. These are all things that are important to me, and I’d rather not try to experience them from a wheelchair. Some I’ve already crossed off the list, but as soon as one comes off, another gets added. And it’s not just the big things either – even just going out to dinner to a fancy place all dressed up means planning, but none of it will happen unless you make it so.

What are some of the things you want to do? The whole reason our community exists is to make sure you get to do them, and live a satisfying life. It can be done!

angry diabetic
angry diabetic 2012-05-11 03:56:15 -0500 Report

Nick, your words made me cry coz there is so much i still have to do (and want to), and i have a beautiful little girl who is everything to me, and i am so angry for almost killing myself by not taking care of my condition! i am happy i found this site and look forward to much motivation and friendship :)

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-05-11 12:22:40 -0500 Report

Well, I didn’t mean to do that, but yeah, um, we’re going to make some changes today right?
Maybe a short term goal, like a picnic or outing with the little one? Something where you might have to test in less than ideal conditions? Maybe this weekend start looking at what you can do with your diet? For the fun of it, try thinking up some “realistic dream” activity you’d like to do, and set some milestone goals to get there. One of mine was to take a cruise, but I was overweight, so trying to squeeze into an airline seat was a challenge, let alone a little shipboard cabin. It took a while, but I lost the weight and got my numbers under control, and had fun as a reward for my work.

Let’s not forget getting some exercise. I walk for mine, but I gotta have music, so this thread that flipmom started really helped with some new music for me http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/14...

And more proof that good things come to those who go out and get them – setapart just got her Master’s
http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/15...

There is so much good research going on now (Islet replacement, robotic pancreas, intestinal cell transplants) that I’m confident that even though they may never be able to cure diabetes, there is hope for T1’s like you that in the near future, there may be some form of relief. You may not have to deal with this forever!

Bottom line is life is yours to live, but you’re still responsible for (and to) others. And of course now you have us to hold you accountable!

Harlen
Harlen 2012-05-10 11:06:33 -0500 Report

Ever think of getting a pump ??
Makes it easy to care for myself .
Best wishes
Harlen

angry diabetic
angry diabetic 2012-05-11 03:52:54 -0500 Report

Harlen, i have been thinking about getting a pump, but i am scared of knowing that i have something permanently on me, u know? i have such a fear of drowning in my diabetes, that's why i so often choose to run away from it. How long have u been on the pump and has it helped you? x

LynnEster
LynnEster 2012-05-12 14:22:13 -0500 Report

I'm not on a pump but if you need a rolemodel look at Jay Cutler, Quarterback for the bears. He is T1 and uses a pump. He doesn't use it during the game but he has done a lot and still keeps growning.

Harlen
Harlen 2012-05-11 14:58:07 -0500 Report

A little over three years I think and its not permanent ,it comes off .
You can even take a brake from it if you feel you need too .
Only sticking a needle in you one time every three days or two is a lot better then a lot of shots .
If you dont take care of your D it will take care of you ,lost foot,eyes,kidneys
you can and will lose every thing ????????????????
I wish to see my grand babys grow up and to have a shot at that I have got to take care of me !!!!!!!! If not I will die from it and I would like to live with out all the things that will go rong if I dont take care of D.
And Yes it has saved my life !!!!
I wish you the best
Harlen

roshy
roshy 2012-05-11 11:29:18 -0500 Report

hi AD!! I had a very dangerous dka about two years ago and it really scared the socks off of me! i know xactly how you feel; knowing exactly what you have to do in order to change but just making those changes and feeling stuck.. . . my sugars were out of control for ages. . . . i had a number of accidents which the majority of them were my fault for not taking better care of my diabetes. but iits not easy, and definitly not easy when you try to take control by yourself.

i moved over to pump therapy last year and it was the best decision i ever made. Like you i didnt initially like the idea of having a device attached to me 24/7 ( im 24 years old and its not attractive at that stage) but it really gave me everything i needed; control and independance over my diabetes.

My finial point is that we have all been there and there is a way out of it. Just remember when you let yourself loose control you can find a way to gain it back again. Talk to someone at the hospital, like a diabetes nurse. Join a social support group if theres one in your area. Start asking family members for more help and support. your still young and have plenty of time to right the wrongs!!

Best of luck

Roshy!

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