I’m sick of this! What to do when you are facing burnout.

Dr Gary
By Dr GaryCA Latest Reply 2012-11-20 15:43:41 -0600
Started 2012-05-05 20:30:02 -0500

How is it going?

We’re here to share the good times and the bad times. And one of the issues that I often hear/read members here share about is their struggles with remaining compliant with their medication and self-care regimens. Okay. And sometimes vent.

I encounter a lot of stories from members, and my own clients, who are fed up with the changes that they have had to make in their daily lives to accommodate their chronic condition. Many of these stories are heartbreaking, especially when the person sharing the experience is so frustrated and overwhelmed that they are not sure if the benefits are worth the struggles of their daily grind.

Here are some of the frustrations I hear about the most:

“The routine has become boring and I miss my old life.”

“The side effects are difficult to live with.”

“After putting myself through this every day, I am not sure if I am feeling any better.”

“I am tired of feeling different from everybody else. I want to be normal again.”

“My family is tired of being inconvenienced by me.”

So I will ask you again: how is it going? Not feeling so okay about your treatment and self-care regimen? Maybe having some down days? Trying to get over the insensitive comment someone made? Here are some ideas to consider to help you stay on the path:

Be part of a community. Traveling alone can get lonely. Talk to others who have been diagnosed with your condition. Learn what they do to stay on the path. Share some tips. Give each other some encouragement. Support is power. And this is a great place to get connected!

Focus on what’s good in your life. It might help to make a list on the blessings in your life and then review your list during those times when you are feeling especially discouraged. And yes, your treatment regimen presents some challenges, sure. But what’s the upside? Is your regimen contributing toward maintaining what’s good in your life? The cup may feel half empty, but it is also at least half full.

See if anything needs to be tweaked. It may be time to update your regimen in some way. Or to adjust your day to day life management, diet, activities, schedules. Burnout can also be a sign that something in your regimen needs to be evaluated and potentially changed for the better. Update your education. Have a conversation with your doctor.

Don’t let other people make you feel bad about yourself. Nobody asks to have a chronic condition or to face the daily challenges that come along with it. You certainly didn’t. Educate and reassure your family members and friends as much as they will allow you to. Get support from people who can be supportive. And maybe it’s time to stop expecting support from the people who can’t give it to you.

Maintain your perspective. Staying on the compliance path is a one step at a time, one day at a time, process. But humans have a tendency to do a lot of “what if-ing” and “awful-izing.” Our minds can create a bleak future, filled with scary possibilities but devoid of the facts, which can lead to that “why bother?” question. We only know what we can know. Today. Taking the best care of yourself is the best you can do for yourself. Today. Flood the fear with facts.

Consider the alternative. Okay, maybe it’s time for some tough love. If all else fails, bring in the heavy artillery. Remaining compliant is most likely preventing symptoms from recurring, and possibly helping to prevent further problems down the road. And it allows you to be the best you can for yourself and the people you care about. In that way, your regimen is similar to an insurance policy.

Take care of your emotions. When you aren’t feeling good physically, you go to a doctor. When you feel overwhelmed emotionally, then this is a good time to reach out to a mental health professional. Don’t go through this alone. Find a safe place to talk about your feelings, including the “bad” ones. Yes, it’s okay to vent.

But also keep mind that staying compliant with your medication and self-care regimen is not only the result of whether you are “feeling it” or not. Taking the best possible care of yourself is a rational decision. And I know that on those days when you are feeling your worst, or when it’s hardest to be complain, it’s hard not to ask the “why me?” question. But staying complaint is a decision that you make and that you decide to stick with, even on those days when it’s the last thing you want to do. You do it because you do it.

So most of all…

Remind yourself – every day – that you are worth all the work and all the inconvenience. It hasn’t always a party but you’ve been doing it so far. Why not to commit to the future – to doing everything you can do so that you can be everything that you can be?

Place your own self-care at the top of your list of priorities. After all, that’s what makes all the good things in your life that much more possible!

62 replies

s l k
s l k 2012-11-19 18:32:54 -0600 Report

My fear is Thursday…I just keep thinking how "unplanned" the whole day will be. For one thing we will be eating at 1:00. And then expected at another relative for dinner at 5ish. That's too close, I've already decided that it's one or the other. But I keep wondering, if I want to just take the day off from watching closely, how do I go about it? I plan on counting carbs, but at what point do I stop pushing the regular insulin (I currently am trying to limit regular to 30 units total for the day.)

Plus I have to have a blood test for my first A1c since my dKa in about 3 weeks. I am sure I've made improvement and can't wait to "wow" my dr with my numbers. And with this log on this site, in all of November and the last few days of October I've had all but four days green!!!!!!!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-11-19 21:42:28 -0600 Report


I know what you mean about Thansgiving Day. It is just nonstop food, and if you have to watch what you eat, especially your carb intake, it can be a challenge, to say the least. It's not easy.

I am unfortunately a therapist and not a medical doctor so I can't give you any useful advice here. I am thinking that it might help to post your own discussion with this question. I suspect that you would get some great advice from other members.

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!


CJ55 2012-11-18 22:06:23 -0600 Report

Hi Dr. Gary.. I was wondering.. I started taking Byetta 5u 1xs a day.. Upped it to 2xs a day. I am now taking 10u 2xs a day. Overall it has been about 3 1/2 months. Everyone I have talked to has lost weight.. 30-45 lbs in just a few months. I however, have not lost any weight. I have lost a lot of my appetite and can only eat a little food at a time due from the nausea I am having from the Byetta. I am eating barely 1 meal and 1-2 snacks a day. For instance today.. I have eaton 1/2 of a wrap with grilled chicken & lettuce. Been nauseated all day. The only thing that calms my stomach is ice cream. Nothing else, not even my carafate, protonix or rolaids. Do you have any suggestions??? I cannot take other Diabetic meds due to my issues with my kidneys & liver. I also take 10-12u of U-500 2xs a day. Thank you. CJ

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-11-19 17:24:45 -0600 Report

HI! I am so sorry to say that I am a therapist but not an MD. So I unfortunately can't help you on this one. But I just have ask... have you been talking to your doctor about this? From what you described, it sounds he/she needs to know about this. Stay in touch with us!

CJ55 2012-11-20 09:25:22 -0600 Report

Hello Dr. Gary. I didn't know you were a therapist not a MD. Thank you for responding to me anyway. To answer your question, I actually saw my Diabetic Dr. & Diabetic Educator yesterday. They work with each other for all of their patients. She did switch me from Byetta to Victoza (spelling ??). She started me on the lowest dose. I took it last night for the first time.. NO nausea. Yeah!! However, I didn't get that full feeling that I got when I took the Byetta. My A1C was 5.6. :-) very happy about that especially since for the past 3 months I have had several cortisone shots. I was very surprised it was that low.
Again, thank you. Have a very joyous holiday season. CJ :-)

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-11-20 15:43:41 -0600 Report


Thanks for following up. I am often mistaken for a MD. Maybe I should accept the promotion (kidding, kidding).

Wow, this is good news. Another testimonial to the value of staying in touch with your doctor and advocating for yourself. I really appreciate that you took the time to report back on your progress.

And I hope you have an excellent holiday season!


lavenderchild 2012-11-17 23:24:37 -0600 Report

Hi Gary,
I have only had type 2 for a period of 4 or so months- But I admit without my friends and especially my families support through this early stage I honestly don't think I would have been able to get through.. 1 example was last night I went to a pre family christmas function and as I walked through the door everyone came rushing at me giving me hugs and saying how proud they where of me and they insisted on taking photo's as I have lost a considerable amount of weight..My family have never done this in my life and a beautiful aunty kept on saying I have my pre married niece back (I was thinking I haven't change one bit in 24 years..LOL) and your so pretty…

I think what I am trying to get at is if you don't have the support it makes life so difficult (I have been in this situation myself in the past so I do know what I am talking about) no matter if you have diabetes or some other illness.. Support is beyond measure… I have found DC a great help to me not only for the wonderful information but also the support. I will be recommending this site to all my diabetic friends that I come across…

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-11-18 21:36:11 -0600 Report

Hi lavenderchild,

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. Wow, it must have been such an incredible moment for you, to have so many supportive, caring people celebrating your success with you. Incredible!

And I know exactly what you mean. When you are living with a chronic condition, it is so important to have support. It is beyond measure.

And DC is an excellent place to be supported, and to support others. I am glad you are here!


Nana_anna 2012-05-15 07:55:49 -0500 Report

I do have to admit I eat foods that I shouldn't. I space it out though. I have taken my diet, now, more seriously. I have to because it gets expensive to have to keep getting the meds, or going for follow up appointments and hearing the same thing from your Dr. when there isn't any possitive changes.
I would like to see more possitive changes. Its frustrating when the numbers on your CBC are not normal, and so high that the Dr. have to keep rising the doses on our medication, to the point where they can't go up anymore. They make you stay on it, even though you have side effects that adds to more to the problems. If we don't take care of ourselfs, who is to blame? Us, we, are the only ones to blame. The Dr. can't do much, he/she is limited by law as to what can be done. We can sure do our best on our side! We can help ourselfs, and just do what we need to do to stay on top of things. That's what pleases the Dr. Our bodies sure thank us for it! The less we have wrong with our bodies, more longer we are able to live freely and have full confidence in knowing that we are dong all we can! Being supportive of other's helps to :)

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-24 22:04:17 -0500 Report

Hey Nana,

This is fantastic! I am sorry I didn't see your reply sooner. Some really good ideas here.

You're right. Diabetes is one of those conditions that requires you to be on the case all the time, focused every day on doing what you can do to take the best possible care of yourself. The patient really has the bulk of the responsibility, patients depend on their doctors but doctors really depend on their patients.

Sticking with the program means better health and more peace of mind.

Thanks a lot!


Nana_anna 2012-05-26 09:29:58 -0500 Report

Your welcome! Please I hope I didn't offend you either. I don't mean all Dr. don't I should have said. I have a really good one. That I have seen since 2005. I have had some in the past, that are good, but also do what they have to and that's that. I know most Dr. are caring and concerned for their patients :)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-05-10 13:07:18 -0500 Report

Dr. Gary I don't have diabetic burnout simply because being diabetic is not the main focus of my life. I know I have to test, take my meds and eat healthy. I do this but then there are other things I have to do also. The person who their family is tired of being inconvenienced, it could be a two way street. If the person focuses on being diabetic every waking minute, the family could be tired of it.

For me my old life is what I was doing last year. My new life is what I am doing this year. I can't eat all the sweet treats that I enjoyed prior to being diagnosed. I have found new ones to substitute what I was eating and I don't feel bad about not having the cookie or the double chocolate cake.

I am just as involved in things prior to being diagnosed as I am now. I am still working in my community and believe me that can be stressful if I allow it to be. If I get burn out from something, I take a break or find something new to do. With diabetes burnout, you still should do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy, you simply find a new way of doing things. I think if we allow ourselves to get in a rut, at times it can be hard to climb your way out. When I got tired of testing my fingers, I asked my Dr. about testing on my arm. Now I rotate between my arms and fingers. I try new recipes or change spices and seasonings just for the fun of it.

Life is short, I have no intention of allowing diabetes to control me. There are way too many things I want to see and do before I get too old to enjoy life to the fullest.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-10 22:53:18 -0500 Report

Hey Joyce,

This is fantastic. Thanks for adding a lot of valuable ideas here. I hope a lot of people read your post and gain some new inspiration.

There is a saying that goes something like, "living life on life's terms." You are a perfect example of the potential value to be gained from living by those words. You're right, living in a rut, no matter in what area of our lives, can lead to burnout. We all need to keep moving.

There is so much to be experienced in life if we open ourselves up to the possibilities and look beyond the limitations.

Thank you again!


Caroltoo 2012-05-10 13:27:05 -0500 Report

That sounds like a really healthy attitude, Joyce. Good for you! Wish more people had this focus. Life is to be lived.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-05-10 13:45:15 -0500 Report

Thanks Carol, I think people get into a life rut. They have no interest in things outside of their immediate world. When you do this, you drive the people around you crazy. For instance the people who say their children are there world. Children grow up and move away, get married and have their own families. Because you only lived for your children, you may not have other interest. End the end you find you may not have many friends because you were involved with your children.

One day you look up and find friends you had when their kids and your kids we growing up the same time have gone on and developed new interest and you find you don't fit in with them any longer.

The person who does nothing but moans and groans about every medical condition they have will find that people no longer care and no longer want to listen to this.

People simply have to get out of the holes they dug for themselves and open their minds, eyes and ears to new things. Try something adventurous, explore the world and find a new place to eat or visit. Talk to people they don't know and not talk about their kids or health issues. Learn to do something new or interesting. Take a walk through the community and meet neighbors or volunteer somewhere doing something you might like to do.

I am going to take that chance. I will step off the ledge and fall into something new. In the end I will have met people I didn't know, learned something new of found something I want to try just to see if I will like it.

Caroltoo 2012-05-10 14:12:24 -0500 Report

Couldn't agree more! Never know what we can actually do until we try it, do we? That's why I usually view my "challenges" as opportunities. My thought process is: what can learn from this experience, how can I make it work for me?

It's a much happier way to live life. My sister has spent much of her life on the opposite pole of this thought process. My dad used to describe us as being as different as the light and dark sides of the moon. Thankfully, she is doing more for herself and feeling happier now.

angry diabetic
angry diabetic 2012-05-09 01:52:55 -0500 Report

Dr. Gary! i have been a type 1 for 8 years now.. and face diabetic burnout constantly.. have given up! have been lying to my doctor about my diet, readings, etc. i dont even test anymore! i eat the wrong stuff in secret. i am a food addict, i have depression + anxiety attacks.. no one knows… i live my life in my head, and its messed up. i just keep thinking about this constant feeling of fear about dying and worrying about my sugar and knowing that it will never go away… ever! :( cant take it..

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-10 22:49:24 -0500 Report

HI angry,

I really appreciate your honesty here. Sounds like you are really frustrated with what you have to do to stay in control of your diabetes.

But I am also wondering if everything that you have going on emotionally isn't interfering with your ability to manage your diabetic self care more effectively. Is that possible?

So I am thinking that you could benefit from getting some help with your emotions. Have you talked to your doctor about your depression and anxiety? Are you talking to a counselor? That could help a lot.

Mind, body, and spirit... they work together.

I hope that you will stay in touch with us. It is good to hear from you.


GregMc 2012-11-20 10:38:09 -0600 Report

Excellent advice. I struggle with each of these issues and could not agree more that you must address your emotional needs in order to properly care for your diabetes. I always think of it like the airplane safety tips about putting on your oxygen mask first - otherwise, you can't help yourself or others.

mizjay 2012-05-08 13:34:13 -0500 Report

Nice post, Dr Gary!

I have had type 1 diabetes for over 31 years and I rarely allow myself to get burned out. When I was diagnosed in 1981, I was told by a nurse that I would probably have a lot of complications or be dead by 30! I was on a mission to prove her wrong!

I am a little obsessed when it comes to my diabetes management. I count every morsel of food I eat, I exercise daily, I wear an insulin pump and I check my blood sugars every 3 hours. This may seem excessive to some but I am in control of this disease and complication free!

I tell my diabetic friends to try really hard to keep your bs in good control because if you don't this disease can cause more damage then good! Thanks again!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-10 22:45:42 -0500 Report


Thank you for jumping in.

Those were some pretty harsh words that you got from that nurse. It's great that you were able to use them to motivate yourself to stay on the path. I guess success is the best revenge.

Obsessiveness can be a good thing when it comes to your own self care. That is one thing in life that you do have control over. Your are an inspiration.

Thanks again!


diva53d 2012-05-08 10:35:06 -0500 Report

Hi Dr. Gary, Thanks for your post.
I guess we all have our good and bad days, frustrations. I am a recent diagnosed T2 and When I found out I felt so alone, with no help and very little information from my Dr and the diabetes clinic. I was left hanging on my own.
So I came to this forum and found a great bunch of people to help and give me the information i was not getting from the professionals in my life.

It was only when I was going hypoglycemic that they started to pay attention to me. I had to go off the Metformin. and am not on anything at the moment. I am doing the diet and watching what I eat, stress, all the things we are supposed to do. I do have some wonderful support here.

The problem is I get so fed up of testing and and waiting for them to make a decision about my life! I see the Endo in June. Perhaps the Dr. I see tomorrow might put me on a new med.

Is this all I have to look forward too?

Okay sorry for sounding off, I know it's up to me to look after me!

But a huge Thanks to you all here!!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-05-11 11:51:36 -0500 Report

Diva, I had to wait two weeks to find out if a biopsy was cancerous. While I waited for that decision, I went on a 7 day cruise. I then had to wait for the results of a CT scan and blood work, I spent a week in Vegas. I never sit around waiting for anyone to make a decision about my life. It is my life not theirs and I make the decisions.

You asked is this all I have to look forward too? Yes it is if you choose to live in that manner. Doctors can only tell you what you should do. They can't make the decision for you. Therefore, they can't make any decisions about your life. Just because you are T2 doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you did prior to the diagnosis. The only thing you have to add is testing your bs, taking meds if that is required, eating healthy and exercising. In the mean time go out and live your life and stop worrying and stressing because that will only make being diabetic worse for you. Good luck

diva53d 2012-05-11 16:21:45 -0500 Report

Thanks Just Joyce, I have been living my life, as best as I can. The problem was the Dr's were not telling me anything. I was left with info off the internet. asking friends and family. I have been the one making decisions for my life, figured I may as well continue as I was before diagnosis. Just making sure to keep an eye on things. Still no dr. will add meds till I see the Endo. I guess thats the best idea. I do have other medical probs so they add to the stress factor of diabetes.
I will take your advise Joyce.. and thanks again!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-08 17:07:49 -0500 Report

Hey diva,

Thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate your honesty.

This is an incredible place, isn't it. Everybody here is dealing with diabetes, facing the challenges. There is a whole lot of power in sharing experiences and information, and offering a "listening ear."

Glad that you are taking good care of yourself and doing what you can do stay on top of this. I know the testing, and the waiting. That has to be frustrating.

I am hoping that you will soon have more answers, and have a better idea of how to proceed. I know it's hard to sit with all of that uncertainty.

It's great to be in touch. I hope that you will keep everybody posted. You have a lot of company on this journey.


kyberr 2012-05-08 10:33:22 -0500 Report

I'm sick of the side effects of the meds… most days i can't get 2 feet from the bathroom..

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-08 17:01:18 -0500 Report

Hi kyberr,

This is sad to hear. Sounds like it has been really hard going for you. Are you working with you doctor on this to see if you can get things under better control?

Stay in touch with us. We're here to listen.


Set apart
Set apart 2012-05-07 16:32:15 -0500 Report

Hi Dr. Gary, Thanks for this post, came in at the right time for me. After 8 months as a Type I, lately I feel tired and a bit down about all of this. I have been missing my life before D. I am trying to get it all back, haven't slipped it's just been frustrating lately for me. Dealing with changes in insulin dosage and still not finding the balance. Doc reminds me that I have up to a year to deal with honeymoon phase, so that just means another 4 months of wondering when my pancreas will send me for a loop. He reminds me that it's all about trial and error, yet forgets it's all about ME and how I feel!

With all of this said, I continue to exercise and make right choices trying not to get down on myself. I keep myself going through positive meditation and exercise. Diabetic Connect has been a life saver for me, whenever I feel like I can't do this I just get online and my friends remind me how WE can do this together. People like you and all my friends here keep me going! I also have great family support!

angry diabetic
angry diabetic 2012-05-15 03:29:39 -0500 Report

hi Set apart, i still feel frustrated after 8 years of this crap.. It is really hard to carry on knowing it will never get better! makes u wonder sometimes: what's the point?! Family support is very important, i have absolutely no family support at all, which leaves me feeling very alone.. my husband doesnt understand- he just tells me to grow up and stop complaining.. that's about as far as my support goes. As for the rest of the family: well, my mother hasnt bothered to learn anything about diabetes, and so when i get my sugar control right once, then she seems to be completely surprised if i tell her it is out of control the next day! my uncle and grandfather, all they do is crap me out for anything i eat and tell me i'm fat all the time! my dad lives so far away.. it makes me angry that these people who are supposed to love me and be there for me are doing just the opposite!!! i am happy to have found this site, i need people who understand how hard it is to get through a day with diabetes, nevermind a lifetime..x

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-08 16:57:34 -0500 Report

Hey Set Apart,

Nice to hear from you on this. I am glad that my post was helpful in some way.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot in the process of getting your optimal regimen on track. Really sorry to hear, this has to be frustrating.

I am glad to know that you hanging in there. I also meditate, and find that it really helps to keep my stress level down, and helps me to stay focused.

You are in the right place for support! Let's stay in touch!


papi01 2012-05-06 15:16:01 -0500 Report

I just wanna add one frustration, I heard that they can cure diabetics but they don't wanna do it.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-08 16:53:03 -0500 Report

Hi papi, that is my hope as well. Sounds like you are pretty frustrated. I hope we can help. You came to the right place! Gary

mkhojh99 2012-05-06 19:50:35 -0500 Report

I do not know of a cure per say but new research and studies have shown that the gastic surgeries help a great deal with diabetes. In some caes I have read that it is reversed. Now a gastric surgery is also hard work along with following a good diet and excerise program. It is all hard work for diabetes.

Caroltoo 2012-05-06 15:42:16 -0500 Report

Not sure who the ubiquitous "they" are that people are always blaming, but you can come as close to a cure as you need to by following a healthy diet, exercising daily, taking charge of your emotions by reducing your harmful stress, and reducing the environmental toxins in your food and household.

There are a number of us Type 2s on DC who have done this. It's not impossible, but it does take consistent work and the desire to do this on your own. If you take charge of yourself, what "they" are/are not doing really doesn't matter.

cindygal1 2012-05-06 07:39:37 -0500 Report

I have been a diabetic for 12 years, and I keep up my routine at the same time I am face with my husband having diabetes and a rare blood disease, I could let all of this get me down but i don't I think God everyday for him still being here, he was given 18 months to live and that was seven years ago. So I take care of him and myself, and we share everything. He goes every two week to give a pint of blood to help control his disease and they throw the blood away. He also stay in a lot of pain, and he can't do much, so I do what I can and I support him all the way. Neither of us feel sorry for ourselves we didn't ask for these disease but we having learn to accept them anddo what we can to stay healthy with both diseases. You don't give up, you keep going and following your routine. we have bad days and good days, but we still enjoy life and we do everything that we can to help anyone that needs it. I am glad that both of us have been able to manage our condition and still stay on our routine, but most important of all that we still have each other.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-06 21:07:51 -0500 Report

Hey Cindy,

We haven't been in touch in awhile. Nice to catch up with you again!

This is such a great post. You and your husband are partners on this journey, hand in hand, good days and bad. You are really fortunate to have each other. Sounds like you watch over each other and keep each other motivated. Fantastic!

And thanks for sharing this here!


MewElla 2012-05-06 07:28:25 -0500 Report

Having been diagnosed two years ago with diabetes, I now find that I can not afford to take days off from my everyday regime of taking care of me. It is a constant on going fight to make sure I don't slip and "forget" to exercise, watch what I eat or test and journal ea day. It is not easy every day but if this is what it takes to keep me healthy for as long as I can, then I will get up and out ea day. I only have one life and I am so worth this struggle. I have firmly dug my heels in to not give an "inch" in my fight to keep my diabetes in control with out meds or insulin. Sure happy that I am diet/exercise controlled and life is good because I feel better and now have documentation (lab reports, A1C) to spur me on…

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-06 21:04:52 -0500 Report

Hi MewElla,

You have a very empowered attitude. One foot before the other, but always moving forward. You're right, the positive reports are a great incentive.

Thanks for sharing you positive attitude!


CarltonS 2012-05-06 18:14:18 -0500 Report

Wow that is great that you can do this with out meds and Insulin. I was diagnosed in 2005 and one med has been dropped but still on Metformin and now on Insulin . The Levermir flex pin which makes it easy to do. I still struggle with it but I seam to be doing ok. I now have to dill with Asthma and the temporary meds for that. I say keep up the good work.

jayabee52 2012-05-06 04:25:14 -0500 Report

I want to support what you are saying.

I think you know my story about being on the bedroom floor for 5 days before my son found me and took me to the ER.

I will tell it again here for folks who have not heard it. After I got to the ER I found that my kidneys had shut down due to an infection and I would need to go on dialysis (for the rest of my life - or so I thought at the time). I was in no shape to protest but once I was out of the hospital and on regular dialysis treatments I did a lot of "stinkin thinkin". I thought that since I had no income and no med insurance at the time and I was digging myself deeper and deeper into debt, and since I had been divorced out of a 25 yr marriage I thought my romantic life was dead too. No self respecting lady would give me a 2nd look over.

I seriously considered stopping dialysis treatments and just letting my blood get loaded up with poisons which would eventually take my life. I spoke with a social worker at the clinic and all she said was "nobody would blame you if that's what you chose". I thought about it more and came to the conclusion that it would matter a lot to my 3 sons. I didn't want to give them a bad example to follow when (not if - but when) their lives took a bad turn somehow.

So I clung to life and eventually, within a year most of what I had lost was restored to me in different ways. My dialysis only lasted 10 months and I was told I could stop it safely. In the mean time I got income from social security disability and also Medicare. And then about 1 year after my kidney shutdown I received a message from a lady on Dating4Disabled, which led to the most satisfying romantic relationship of my life.

Unfortunately my bride "Jem" passed in July 2010, but her memory lingers with me as a wonderful memory.

But now I had met another lady the same way on the same website and while she is not "jem" (and I wouldn't want her to be) she has many of the same qualities, and I will be able to tell more after I meet her in a week. I am flying to Milwaukee to meet and be with her.

So for those of you not having heard my story that is it. And for those of you who have heard it, thank you for your indulgence.

Blessings to you and yours

James Baker

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-06 21:01:11 -0500 Report


This is an incredible story and it definitely bears repeating for those who haven't heard it. You are a real inspiration here.

And I am looking forward to hearing how things go in Milwaukee.

Blessing to you, too!


jayabee52 2012-05-07 07:08:49 -0500 Report

I will certainly let y'all know how it goes!

Caroltoo 2012-05-07 15:01:43 -0500 Report

Will you have internet access from back there on a regular basis? Guess what I'm going for here is whether you will be contributing regularly like now, or just doing the occasional update because of limited access?

jayabee52 2012-05-07 23:12:33 -0500 Report

YES SQ has internet access.

After all we did meet online at Dating4Disabled.

I suspect my level of activity will go down because I don't expect to have as much free time as I do now (dkr'll put me to work in the "salt mines"), but from what I can tell at this point "it's a good thing."

She also is planning to take a trip to chicago to attend a scrabble tournament.

Plus my navy son will be in Chicago area at that time so we plan to meet him then too.

Caroltoo 2012-05-07 23:16:52 -0500 Report

Sounds great … that your son can meet her also. Scrabble tournament … must really be feeling better. Wonderful.

I knew she had internet, James, but you had, at one point, said you couldn't stay there when she wasn't there and I though you were going before she got out. Of course if she had a laptop that might not be an issue.

jayabee52 2012-05-07 23:31:36 -0500 Report

she is making arrangements for me to handle her scrabble tiles for her when her arms get tired. And she has a couple more weeks to recuperate. I haven't updated on her condition in the discussion "Prayers Requested" because things were still kinda fluid at this point

The way things are looking she may be out as early as Thurs. She really wants to stay there until Sat. but she is making a lot of progress with PT abd OT, so she may not be able to stay in hospital.

Yes the apt complex where she lives said that I cannot live there without her present, which I think is ultimately wise.

She has a desktop computer at home and also has an i-Pad with her in her hospital room.

Caroltoo 2012-05-07 23:38:06 -0500 Report

You still planning to fly out on this Saturday? I'm so glad she is doing well and the hospitalization is coming to an end. That has been such a long and hard path … from such an unexpected beginning. Please give her my best.

techguy87114 2012-05-06 09:01:44 -0500 Report

Awesome story man! I had read it before ( I think you posted it here before ) but reading it again is even better the second time. I'm sure we are all waiting to hear hour your meeting in Milwaukee goes. I wish you the best!

jayabee52 2012-05-07 07:08:09 -0500 Report

yes I have posted it several times since I've been on DC, when I feel it is appropriate and a benefit to people who might think that it is ALL over for them.

To go through it was not fun, but I believe I was brought through it (God brought me through it) to be able to encourage ppl when they're down and thinking that all is lost, and especially to those who are considering doing away with themselves.

MHoskins2179 2012-05-06 00:25:04 -0500 Report

Thanks for sharing this, Dr. Gary. I've been living with type 1 for most of my life (since age 5), and so after 28 years this is all I have really known. There isn't really a life before D for me. But I deal with burn out. Quite often. And often hate the routine, despite having "accepted" it long ago. Your point about community is one of the most powerful and important ones anyone can make. For me, that made an incredible life-changing difference that's allowed me to find that support from people who "get it." the Diabetes Online Community keeps me accountable, and just by sharing stories and being able to connect with others has made all the difference when I'm feeling down. So I echo that point. Thanks for seeing the significance.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-06 20:59:25 -0500 Report


Great to meet you. I am so glad that this post was helpful to you in some way.

But you are the real expert here. Having a community of individuals like you, who share their experiences and the wisdom they have gained, makes a huge difference in a lot of people's lives.

So thanks a lot for jumping in here. Let's stay in touch!


lawgal 2012-05-05 22:23:56 -0500 Report

Thank you Dr. Gary. I especially needed to hear your statement "And maybe it’s time to stop expecting support from the people who can’t give it to you." Thing is…who do I seek out to give me support if I am unable to get it from my family and friends?

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-05-06 20:55:04 -0500 Report

HI lawgal,

I would agree with James here. You came to the right place to get the support that you need. Glad that you are here!


jayabee52 2012-05-06 03:59:00 -0500 Report

lawgal, you if you can find a support group for those who have diabetes (look at libraries, or hospitals or even look at meetup.com and see if there is a local gathering of PWDs with which you can hook up.

You can also use us here to fill in the gaps. You can vent, kvetch, beyotch whenever you feel like it. You can also get a lot of support and information for your medical challenges.



watson4042 2012-05-05 20:44:46 -0500 Report

thank you dr. gary…i really needed to read your post just now! and i will take it to heart. all of life's little hassels can be overwhelming to say the least. it can be hard to stay on track and your post is exactly what i needed to get back in line.

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