An Open letter to the Diabetes Connect Administration and Members

By Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser Latest Reply 2012-04-15 12:15:48 -0500
Started 2012-04-10 13:07:17 -0500

An Open letter to the Diabetes Connect Administration and Members

Lately there have been many threads that have gotten way out of control for many reasons. Most are started with complete disregard for the feelings of our large family here. There is no faster way to stir the feelings of people then come into the room shouting and screaming. When a poster thinks they are the only one here to be depressed and mad at the world, said poster should think again. At one time or another we all reach that point with the many thing going on in our lives, be it Diabetes, other health concerns for us and our family, money woes or personal family problems

We are all here to learn from and if we can help each other through the trials and tribulations of this thing we call Diabetes. The book says there are several types of Diabetes, but to me it makes little difference in us, we all have to answer to the meter to plan our days.

We do not need any member acting as a self appointed moderator trying to police the conversations I know I can be sharp tonged and insulting in some of my come backs but only when it was asked for. I have made many friends here, and one very special friend that I will always thank DC for. If anyone of my friends wants me to change I will try but not totally

We wonder why there are so many one time posters here, my personal thoughts are they are bombarded with follow requests before they get a chance to know anyone. I realize that some of you do it to make the new here feel at home, but from a shy person's prospective give them a little room to ask or find what they are looking for.

The member whom has been coming in after the dust has settled a posting as Anonymous and stirring everything back up by arguing with him/her self does no good at all but make their self a fool.

R ember there will always be as many opinions on any given idea as there are active members posted, and if it starts to bet out of hand its the administrators that should come in and find a common ground in the thread or lock it down. Try to post the way you want to be treated and you should be treated the same way. When it comes to giving advise no one answer is the best answer but a mixing of all answers will give something that will work for most of us.

Take care My Friends we are all in the same boat for the cruise, try not to rock the boat too hard, it might be you whom falls overboard…


41 replies

jimLE 2012-04-15 12:15:48 -0500 Report

very well said and put..even thoe i do enjoy the warm n happy welcomes i recive when ever i join a group,be it this one or a diff one.i do enjoy the idea of looking around the group at least some what before i go any futher then just posting a hi how are ya right along with what ever i post in one message..that way i dont break any rules and/or offend anyone…pluse that allows me to learn to and what not to thing ive learned over the years..even 2 family members who live under the same roof wont and dont always get along..and it'll happen here and other places as when ever some thing is said out of line.i either say something about it with-in reason.or i just let go in one ear n out the other..

TsalagiLenape 2012-04-13 08:43:03 -0500 Report

Well said, thought out and thus makes total sense. If we all could agree with this along with why we are here, then we can make a difference for the good. There is enough negativity in our lives we shouldnt bring it here nor have it here. We need to keep on encouraging, helping, evolving and thus growing for the better. We can only do this collectively. So I am going to stand up and say YES this is what I want and hope to do. Thank you again for your post. Have a great day!:)

GabbyPA 2012-04-12 10:50:30 -0500 Report

It is killing me that we are still having to deal with this kind of thing. We should be able to focus on getting and giving support to each other, not having to defend ourselves or our friends.

I know I keep saying it and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, if you guys would just flag those kinds of comments and let us know, it would help. I don't always see the discussions that are going south until it is too late. Sometimes I never see them at all. If you flag comments that are inappropriate, that allows the administration staff to see exactly what is going on. Then it is their choice as to what to do with it from there.

June Tademy
June Tademy 2012-04-13 20:11:58 -0500 Report

I agree with you Gabby, I always get in on the tail end of things also:) As you stated I thought we were over this also, we need to move on, this is a not the site for this type of behavior if I see it I will honestly try to flag, sorry if I missed it before.

Michael_1960 2012-04-12 21:06:40 -0500 Report

I just think it would be something that they can work out between themselves, wouldn't want to see anyone get booted off the site for small problems.

Lizardfan 2012-04-12 12:27:16 -0500 Report

Gabby, very well said! I never see the posts either until everyone starts the commenting on new posts about the comments on the other ones. And I wouldn't see those if they didn't provide the links either. Guess I just read what interests me, comment if I have something to say and I am on my way. I really enjoy learning about how others with diabetes deals with it. I have learned so much. Continued good health everyone.

GabbyPA 2012-04-14 11:42:11 -0500 Report

That is the key. Read what interests you. That is the best thing we can do. Then when you find an argument going, just move on. Those don't interest me, but I have to read them sometimes to see what is happening to the health of the community.

JSJB 2012-04-11 17:05:31 -0500 Report

Right on target

JSJB 2012-04-12 04:11:25 -0500 Report

Nice post James but I never read anything from you that was nasty. Some times it takes a little straight talk to wake someone up but it is not to belittle them only to help them and open their eyes. We are still friends. Keep posting maybe Tom will reconsider his actions.

pixsidust 2012-04-11 13:10:58 -0500 Report

Your words are so well said and put
I wish this discussion could be required reading material for all members
so they can think before they speak.
I love your sense of humor and you well placed tart remark
For me you are one of my special people here that makes it worthwhile

I agree with the bombardment of follow friend requests
when you come here new.
I really was taken back when I first had them
from people who were strangers to me and had never conversed
with me in a discussion or I them as I was new.
I now see where even spammers are followed once in a while
and I think its the point system coming into play, where rapid fire requests are sent out to do the most and have the most points.
I suggest you pause and talk to a person first…please in a discussion, not just send a hundred have a good days.
We all need friends, real friends and everyone here is fine stuff and capable to be just that. I know I love and need you all.

Administration, please hear and read Tom's words
Take them to heart…I know I have.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-04-11 21:42:22 -0500 Report

I agree with you. I think the whole count on friend, followers is insane, why should others know how many you have. I am picky about who I accept, want to know about them. I'm amazed at the number of friends/follower/following people who joined the same time I did have. It's like they just add everyone.

I think the site, if needing to put a number could maybe do something like "more then 10" and leave it at that.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-04-11 08:36:52 -0500 Report

I didn't mean that I am stressed with DC. What I meant is that, "aren't our lives and the world hard enough without additional stressors. I guess I just wish we could all get alonG. :-)

June Tademy
June Tademy 2012-04-13 20:16:35 -0500 Report

Totally agree, sometimes there are too many opinions and too many defensive receivers. I hardly ever start a discussion anymore. I have enough stress fighting this disease and do not need anymore, just require good solid advice and a little tlc. It seems we are always fighting this problem. Flag it and let us move on.

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2012-04-11 07:20:05 -0500 Report

Tom, Thank you for posting this. I appreciate what you have said. Very True !!! I would just love for everyone who is on this site to be adults and get along and always put themselves in the place of others. I have been married for 35 & 1/2 yrs. and the one thing that has made this possible was by me putting my husband first and biting my lip more times than I can say. There are many opinions and everyone is different but after all that's what makes the world go around. Everyone is special in their own way, individually created. Many times spirits clash and people don't get along like they should and what this does is causes others to be stressed by it. It doesn't prove one or the others point. When there are heated discussions I usually quit reading the discussion because I would rather not take any sides. I always prefer peaceful solutions as much as humanly possible. There are nice ways to resolve issues. I think that everyone here on DC are wonderful and special and I always do my best to see the best in everyone.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-04-11 06:38:20 -0500 Report

Recently as I visit DC sometimes I get discouraged to find that there is disagreements, ridicule, and hurtful words towards others. I will continue to choose my discussions and especially my responses very carefully! The world outside of DC is in such turmoil, I see pain everyday in my work. Dr says, NO STRESS, how when I see a 1 month old whose sensory system is out of whack causing pain and agitation because a pregnant mother chose drugs. The story goes on… I visit DC for my support, my friends here have touched my life in so many ways, support and ways to control D and the list goes on! My grandmother said one time, "choose your battles wisely and ask yourself if they're worth it.". My world outside of DC is difficult, wouldn't want to add more stress to my life or anyone else's for that matter! Best wishes to all!

Michael_1960 2012-04-10 21:25:23 -0500 Report

We are all on here to support one another and to give out advise to one another, we can all choose either to take you up on your advise, or not to. I will listen to each and everyone, and I will speak my mind on some things, they do put a like button at the bottom of your reply for a reason, but there is no reason for anyone on here to have a falling out over a reply which may seem unfair or misunderstood. Let's all try to get alone with each other, and be kind to one another. After all we all are on here for the same reason, and we are all looking for support, and no need to make someone feel uncomfortable or steer them in the wrong direction, thanks!

jayabee52 2012-04-10 20:44:15 -0500 Report

Well Tom I suspect you were referring to me when you said: "We do not need any member acting as a self appointed moderator trying to police the conversations "

Since you have apparrently blocked me from following you and have removed my name from your friendship list you give me no recourse but to do this publicly, when I would rather have talked to you about it in the inbox.

I was trying to help make the site better and to cut down on the verbal vitriol and try to keep things from spiraling out of control. I saw that as being a good citizen of this site. I have NO illusions as to what my place is on this site.

You admit, "I know I can be sharp tonged and insulting in some of my come backs but only when it was asked for."

Nobody ASKED for the kind of responses you dished out, especially the new person who had just come onsite. There are other more polite ways to disagree without being disagreeable and saying nasty things.

Also, when you were dishing out those disagreeable responses to a disagreeable person weren't you trying to be a self-appointed moderator as well?

I have learned how to better deal with a situation like that now and when I find a nasty comment, I will simply red flag it and tell the moderator why I flagged it and let the moderator decide.

I expect you'll red flag this reply to you, but note I have not been rude to you or said anything nasty to you at all.

A couple more things and I will cease this reply, you said "If anyone of my friends wants me to change I will try but not totally"

Well I would ask you Tom, but you no longer consider me a friend. I consider you to be one, and when you were considering leaving the site over another "incident" I was one of those who urged you to stay.

So I ask those who are on Tom's friends list to ask him to follow up on what he said about changing.

I expect nothing but expressions of disapproval from many who have commented here previously, but I am used to being disagreed with and disapproved of.

But I assure you I am not planning to go away.

June Tademy
June Tademy 2012-04-13 20:25:21 -0500 Report

I know I am probably late on this response and all is probably settled but, James I totally do not agree with Tom, I admire you and I trust you and you above all are always always trying to be kind to others and you are always always trying to keep down confusion. I respect your response to Tom and I am in total agreement with your statements. I want you to always continue to be here for me you have helped me with my diabetes from the first day I came on to the site and you are one of the most important persons to me on this site. I will always need your advice and assistance. I thank you for always being here on this site for me. Continue to do what you do, I see nothing wrong with it.
Blessings to you and take care my dear friend

pixsidust 2012-04-11 13:18:19 -0500 Report

James I never doubt your good intentions and heart.
I am sorry for this rift of opinions and understanding between two people
I think highly of. I had no idea until reading further down and saw this.
Sometimes people and conversations do get out of hand and I have been part of that. I only hope forgiveness prevails.

jayabee52 2012-04-11 13:44:48 -0500 Report

I pray that forgiveness prevails also, Pixie.

I am however, open for forgiveness at any time. Lord knows I need a lot of forgiveness myself.

It is my prayer and fervent hope that we can reconcile too, eventually.

June Tademy
June Tademy 2012-04-13 20:32:30 -0500 Report

James as long as you ask for forgivness, move on in your life. Blessings to youl if one does not accept it is on that person not you. I will not say anything more just got in on the end of this and wanted to let you know I support you and always will.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2012-04-10 21:03:10 -0500 Report

If the shoe fits wear it, and no I will not red flag this and the Incident you speak of was a now banned poster leading a very troubled person to the edge of the cliff to jump and I was trying everything in my power to wake her up, thank god she is still here and she is still one of my friends. I choose to block you so I could ignore you and for the second time I ask you to ignore me
Thank You

jayabee52 2012-04-10 21:28:54 -0500 Report

Sorry Tom, NO CAN DO, not any more than you can turn off your caring nature.

I will try to avoid directly commenting on your posts but when you cross the line,IMO I will red flag the offending post if I think it warrants, then we'll let the moderators decide if it warrants removal.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2012-04-10 21:33:26 -0500 Report

your choice but I will be the bigger man and for the sake of the forum and my many true friends and totally ignore you from this second on.

Thomas J. Benoure

pixsidust 2012-04-11 13:25:41 -0500 Report

Tom, I am sorry… for you too are a person I love and care about.
I respect you and think highly of you.
I have not been here much so I have no true opinion of what you speak but to say you are important
I know I have been one of those monitoring people as with Howegold.
I am glad people here forgave me and some really understand
the intent of my heart. I feel badly about this but respect you… Nuff said

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