Relationships. Friendships. and staring..

By QueenJavigus22 Latest Reply 2012-04-08 11:10:59 -0500
Started 2012-04-03 00:48:36 -0500

I know this is probably dumb, but is diabetes and insulin pumps that much of a turn off? I mean, why do people have to stop being your friend and stop liking you just because you have it? Why do people discriminate? Like today, In the store a guy said "What's that tube hanging out of your pocket?" Like I was an animal. Then, People pull on my pump tube rather than asking sometimes. About friends and relationships, I'm afraid that maybe people are scared to want a relationship with me because I'm diabetic. I think guys find me unatractive because of my pump.. And friendships, people kind of fade away, true friends stay, but the couple that have trouble accepting it all fade away.. Why? I wish they wouldn't.. It's not like I'm going to die or pass out with them.. Plus, when I tell new friends I'm diabetic they get that weird look, like "Oh?" I'm completely new at this website, sorry ifit's dumb, I don't know.. I hope someone has input..! Thanks! Add me?

28 replies

roshy 2012-04-06 21:49:45 -0500 Report

when it comes to friends and relationships : the ones worth having around are the ones who care for you and love you regardless of whatever is hanging out of your pocket! Trust me dont worry about it!! you will come across people like this throughout your life and you do learn to deal with it!!! ive had so many remarks made about my pump all i can do is laugh at them!!! I had one guy ask was i a doctor because it looks like a beeper! another guy thought it was funny to tell his mates the thingy in my pocket is a new device for herion addicts! another dude picked up my pump and tried to change the channel on the tv with it!!! The list goes on and on and on!!! but heres the catch!!!!

I FRICKIN LOVE MY PUMP!!! he is my best friend!! and i wouldnt trade him for all the money in the world!!! if it wasnt for Jimmy ( the name of my pump) id propably be dead in the ground by now!!! Ok he can be a pain in he ass when the tubing gets caught on door handles or it beeps during important conversations but the truth is; i dont care what other people think about my pump because i used to live a life with 4 to 6 injections a day and i hated it!!

So when people dont understand what it is or make unpleasant remarks just remember that your pump is the most reliable, trustworthy closest friend you have!!

And guys wont find you any less attractive because you have a small device in your pocket!! Once you explain what its for they accept it!! I recently started dating a new guy and he is just as used to it as i am!! infact he calls it my "lil partner in crime"!! so dont let having a pump knock your confidence!! wear your pump with pride!!!!


QueenJavigus22 2012-04-07 22:59:29 -0500 Report

I named mine! I named it Paul! After Paul McCartney and Paul Simon. aha. :D I love my Paul!

GabbyPA 2012-04-08 10:58:50 -0500 Report

LOL That is too cute. So you and Paul and hooked up. You and Paul and connected at the hip. LOL There are lots of ways to look at it, but I really like that you have named it. Maybe that is why the guys are staying already have a "boy friend" LOL....Maybe you should name it Pauline?? Just kidding.

Type1Lou 2012-04-07 17:54:09 -0500 Report

Dear Roisin, I LOVE your outlook on life! I never, ever, thought about naming my pump…never even considered what gender it might be???? Now, I've got to give naming some serious consideration. You might want to start a new discussion about naming one's insulin pump…it would be fun to see the responses! Now, I've got to put my thinking cap on…

roshy 2012-04-07 21:11:32 -0500 Report

Lou, ever since my pump came along he flourished his own little personality that id feel lost and alone without him!!!

My friend was pregnant at the time when i was expecting my pump and we planned for them both to be christened at the same time and everything!!! When i write birthday cards to friends or family i always sign off " Love Roisin and Jimmy" ( strange but amuzing at the same time) No doubt ill be having a one year anniversary come july!!!! wer'e together one year

Dont ask me why i called him jimmy; but i can rely on him, he makes me extremely happy and he can annoy the hell outa me sometimes iswell, just like any man i suppose but god .. .. . . . .i couldnt imagine life without him!!

Id encourage young children to personalise their pumps, needles and meters!!! its a relationship a diabetic has for life and it has to be one that is both accepting and positive!!! i suppose thats why jimmy is more then a medical device to me!!!

ya have to lemme know what you name him/her!!!!!!!

QueenJavigus22 2012-04-06 23:43:58 -0500 Report

Oh yeah, my best friend and I call it the stomach phone, because of the teacher. I take it out and pretend like I'm talking on it. We joke that In the future phones will come out of our stomachs. haha.

QueenJavigus22 2012-04-06 23:42:15 -0500 Report

Thank you! :) Yeah, people can be rude.. a lot of people assume they know what it is, like I pulled it out in class because it beeped and some guy who sits by me asked another guy who sits by me (Why wouldn't he ask me?haha) ANyway, the guy said it was a heart monitor. I had to tell them what it was, then a teacher thought I was texting once! And some people have even told me it wasn't attractive.. Oh well. It is sooooooooo much better than injections! I am so thankful for it! THat's funny that you named yours! :D I think I'll name mine too!

roshy 2012-04-07 11:07:09 -0500 Report

well for the moment pumps can kind of look like a medical device but you need to look at some of the new ones available!!! they look and work like an iphone!!!! pretty cool!!! if ya need help naming your pump just give me a shout!!! when i new i was getting my pump i had a pump party!! i had all my friends round and we even had a cake !!! its weird the way something so small can make such a huge difference to your life!!! but hey!!! pump power!!

Type1Lou 2012-04-06 18:30:15 -0500 Report

The person who is no longer a friend because you now have diabetes was never a true friend. That hardly lessens the hurt though. A while back there was a discussion about pumps and people's remarks with some really snappy comebacks I'll see if I can find them and post the link(s) here. I've made a "blingy" carrying case to wear and carry my pump when I don't have pockets to put it in. I'll have a friend take a picture and post it with my photos…may take a few days since I'm digitally challenged. It's shaped like a party dress. Your discussion is not dumb. There are a lot of uninformed people out there whose remarks can be hurtful; when I encounter someone like that, I use the opportunity to educate them. If they have problems dealing with MY diabetes, that is their problem, not mine. My plate is full enough already!

Boats@52 2012-04-05 11:27:43 -0500 Report

We all like to be normal and fit in that is the way of the world . We are blessed to have been born in an age where we can treat this Disease with a pump
Much better then multi injections you are very young enjoy your teens you have plenty of time to date don't rush it this is an exciting time cherish it !

robertoj 2012-04-05 01:19:59 -0500 Report

It isn't dumb at all. People lack proper etiquette, empathy and common sense. I'm lucky my friends are supportive. Of course I'm a lot older.

marla50 2012-04-05 00:16:12 -0500 Report

Hi, How old are you? I was 6 when I was diagnosed. That was 47 years ago. I wear my pump,I don't try to hide it. I get a few comments about it. With you being young,you will more than likely get more comments about it. I agree with making a joke about it. Be prepared for horror stories. For some reason people love to share with me "oh my aunt martha had diabetes,they had to cut her leg off." Diabetes is becoming the in thing (unfortunately). But people still don't understand it and they are sometimes uncomfortable with the unknown. Your true friends will stick with you. There's nothing dumb about what you said. The pump is like wearing a label that says I'm different. But it's better than 4-7 shots a day. You could always call it your rude zapper. Tell people that are rude enough to ask you about it that it sends out an electric shot at the touch of a button. then point it at them and act like your pushing a button. lol Hang in there! Just remember us fellow diabetics "we will,we will, ROCK YOU"

QueenJavigus22 2012-04-05 00:56:50 -0500 Report

I'm almost 14. I was diagnosed 2 years ago.. it really is so better than the injections!! …haha. :) Thank you so much!

sasypphire 2012-04-04 20:36:54 -0500 Report

I don't think is dumb at all!! I have been diabetic for 10 yrs now and just got a pump a few months ago. I have tons of people ask me about my pump and show them and explain that helps me stay healthy. If they look at me funny I ask the well you rather have one of these( the pump) or give yourself a shot 4,5,6 plus times a day. They usually good for the pump opinion.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-04-03 15:06:54 -0500 Report

Hi and welcome!! It is not stupid or dumb and feel free to always speak your mind. Yes, people do react the way you speak of, but that is because they are affraid and curious of what they don't know which is natural. I find that people take a que from how I approach being a diabetic. Do I openly just throw out that I am, no, I judge the situation and decide who needs to know when I'm ready to tell them. With the different straps that you can get to hold the pump,( can even hook it to bra) it makes it harder for anyone to grab it or the tube. But if you feel good about yourself, then wear it as you please and tell people "hands off." As far as friends, educate them as they just feel uncomfortable about not knowing how to treat you and what to do should something happen. Just keep that positive attitude up and it'll get better:) Hugs!

QueenJavigus22 2012-04-03 17:23:08 -0500 Report

Thank you so much everyone! I really like talking to people who are actually diabetic. It helps a lot, I like this website already! :) Yes, some people have just mentioned that my pump and tube are a turn off, and I guess if they don't like me because I have diabetes or an insulin pump than they'll have to find somebody else. It isn't like it's something I can help, or anyone can help. I guess the right types of people will come along! Thank you so much again!

lowdown5758 2012-04-06 15:30:51 -0500 Report

I had 2 marriages that both of ladies left me due to my diabeties if been rough finding someone too share my life with I take it one day at time to stay on top of my health if u have a commend let me know

jayabee52 2012-04-06 15:46:16 -0500 Report

I have been married twice also. I met the first one in the usual way (actually no internet dating then) and was married to her 25 yrs. She was good about my diabetes at first, but when she decided to divorce me my diabetes did come up as one of the reasons she chose to do it.

My 2nd wife I found on a website called "Dating4Disabled",. or more accurately, she found me. I had tried to date online but I had a lot of trouble attracting and more to the point, keeping her once I found her. But since my "Jem" was already disabled too, we hit it off almost immediately. She had a lot of "medical challenges", as she laughingly called them, and so was quite accepting of mine. She passed from this life in July 2010 after several wonderful months of marriage. Currently I had been contacted by another lady on D4D and we have hit it off wonderfully. I haven't met her in the real world as we are 1800+ mi apart, but I plan to fly there sometime this month to change that.

So I have had very good fortune from the ladies on D4D.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-04-03 21:33:16 -0500 Report

Absolutely right!! You don't need people in your life who can't accept you as you are. I promise you that the right person will come along for a relationship and will be worth the wait, until then just have fun. Maybe try to think of something funny for the pump and tubing? Call it your twin, time jumper or intergalactic cell phone, just have a sense of humor about it and don't stress the small stuff as life has alot of good things waiting for you<3

I'm a fellow type 1 and have been for many years, so feel free to talk:)

GabbyPA 2012-04-03 13:26:42 -0500 Report

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that they are afraid. Fear is a funny thing and it will make you pull away because of what "might" happen down the road. What we have to do is find a way to reassure them that we are pretty normal. Of course that is kind of relative. LOL

I think too, that when people do ask, we need to take the time to feed their curiosity. If we are excited that they are curious and we share with them how incredibly cool some of this technology is, it might just spark more interest.

If we work on not being defensive about being diabetic and treat it as something that is just part of our daily lives, it does help. Then people are not as scared to talk about it or afraid of offending us. If we make it "fun" then they are not as intimidated.

It is always scary to try something new, so getting into a relationship with someone with with a chronic illness takes a special set of people. Not everyone is up to that task, but the ones who are will be friends for life.

draco59 2012-04-03 13:05:19 -0500 Report

Hi Queen,
Most people are just don’t know about it because they don’t know anybody with it. As for the rest of them that stopped being your friend and all the other crap you deal with, there just IGNORENT FOOLS and most weren’t really true friends, but a few are scared, because it’s something different and it could also be if something happens to you while your with them, they don’t know what to do. So just hang in there your true friends will rise out of the rest. As for relationships, don't rush it, it will come in time, when your least expecting it… Like everything it takes time……………….
Good luck and keep me posted….

Harlen 2012-04-03 12:38:43 -0500 Report

Hello and welcome
Its not dumb to think this way I have seen it myself .
The time is if a man cant see you for what and who you are then your lucky for thats one that would not stand by you when things get hard ,better to know now then when in a tight spot ?
Love your self and other will love you too
best wishes

Nick1962 2012-04-03 11:26:34 -0500 Report

Let me be the first to say welcome, sorry you qualify for our little club, but glad you’re here. It’s always nice to have a young person’s perspective too. As someone once said here (quite correctly I might add), adults tend to overthink things.
I’m not a T1, so I can’t speak directly to your issues regarding pumps and such. I do however have a work aquanitance who is (about your age, which is half of mine), and she really isn’t shy about her condition. She uses the pen and will “shoot up” anywhere she sees fit. She’s done it out in a field working with a group of engineers and architects – just reached in her coveralls and “pop”. Those of us who know her see her as a bit stronger than most her age. Her new husband figures if she can handle that, she can handle most of life’s little crisises.
As for relationships, most of the friends you have now probably won’t be around in another 10 years. You’ll get through college and gain a whole different set of friends, or through whatever work you find yourself doing, yet another group. If it seems folks are “fading away”, it’s just the natural progression of life. Nothing to do with your condition.
As far as guys finding you attractive, the guy who finds you won’t be phazed by your pump. He’ll probably be the one with an extra meter on hand in case you forget yours, always checking to make sure you have supplies when you leave the house, and will make sure to find restaraunts decent enough to fit into your diet.
Yes, people will be curious about the girl with the tube. If you have an upbeat way of explaining it, then it can be educational to many folks, and they may even find you fascinating.
I’m sure some T1’s will chime in here, and with all the studies and reports that have been posted, I’m hoping that the pump may only be temporary and there will be options in your future to do away with it.