How do I defend myself from CPS in Texas when they don't play/fight fair???

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
By T-2 single dad with T-1 kid Latest Reply 2016-07-05 17:31:24 -0500
Started 2012-03-10 21:26:25 -0600

My daughter was taken out of our home almost a year ago by the Texas Child Protective Services (CPS), because of fluctuating blood sugars, numerous hospitalizations (6 in 3 years), and my big mouth. They claim I was and am difficult and demanding. I have been vocal and ask too many question… especially when it concerns my babiesr health and education (she just turned 11). I am a single widowed dad. CPS has invaded our lives for 3 long years culminating in enough fabricated and/or exageratted documentation to threaten termination and total destruction of our family as we know it. I am required to "perform" at each visit either through helping with homework or feeding breakfast and allowing plenty of opportunity for negative/destructive documentation until they can break me or terminate us. Can someone out there give us some "hope"??? Anyone out there that can relate with their own horror stories??? Pray for us along with sanity, Justice, and fairness. Thank you.

79 replies

cpsvictim 2013-05-30 09:21:11 -0500 Report

Most hospital ER staff are not diabetic experts & neither is CPS or even the courts. They don't understand that a diabetic child will miss more school & end up in the hospital more often than children without diabetes. It is just a sad fact of a diabetic life. Erratic numbers are not a sign of abuse or neglect. My daughter will get a sore throat & a few hours or a couple of days later go into DKA & there was nothing we could do. Even in the best of times, her numbers will spike or bottom out & there is no reason other than her body is changing the same way any child's body changes.
Last September was one of those times. She had a sore throat, wound up in DKA & was hospitalized. This was the 5th time in 7 years, which is not unusual. While she has been in DKA, I have heard everything from her chaotic ramblins, which cannot be taken at face value.
She told the ER staff that she hadn't taken insulin in over a week, didn't know what day it was & that her doctor had told her to stop taking insulin. The ER staff called CPS. Even though it is impossible for a child to go a week without insulin, both believed the statement to be true, but they both knew the doctor would never tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin. CPS can pick & choose what they want to use in the investigation. They also believe that the title of MD makes you an expert on ALL medical situations & they refused to consult an endocrinologist during the "investigation".
My daughter was removed, even though she told CPS the reason for the hospitalization, but CPS didn't even convey her comments to the court. They determined that my daughter lied to protect me.
While in "protection", the pediatrician overseeing the case only gave her a 4-5 day supply of insulin & then nobody could figure out why she ran out on the 5th day! The foster home was notified, but made no effort to contact the clinic or CPS to get another supply. She was 12 hours without insulin at our visit the next day. Even when I informed CPS about the negligence by the foster home, they told me the home was under no obligation to get the insulin. CPS told me they could not call the clinic to get an emergency supply, but had to follow protocol & get her on the state insurance which could take a couple of days! It luckily only took 5 1/2 hours, but the readings were in the 500's by then. The foster home & CPS refused to take her to the hospital until they got the insulin & she was back down under 200. The CPS state director, the governor & attorney general all say this is not neglect, but rather CPS obeying the law!
The foster home also withheld insulin as punishments. But this again is not abuse or neglect according to the same people.
Strange; this is the same falsified accusations brought against me, but when I have evidence, CPS is untouchable & if the commit crimes, it is deemed a civil infraction. The only agency that can investigate CPS is CPS! Wonder if they ever find themselves guilty of wrongdoing?
After 13 days when CPS was unable to find any evidence of abuse or neglect my daughter was rescued. To this day nobody can explain to me how CPS can remnove a child with NO evidence, NO probable cause & NO court order, than to say in the best interest of the child. But won't define their interpretation of what that means. I was told that statement 20 times, but no definition of what it means. Turns out the definition is ambiguous & not clearly defined & is used to remove children, but even the courts are not told what CPS used to define "Best interest of the child" in this case. It is just an ambiguous statute that allows CPS to remove a child when they can't prove that abuse or neglect took place.
CPS also is rewarded by the federal government for each child removed from the home under Social Security Title IV-E. This gives CPS $4,000- $6,000 per month for each child placed in foster care, but $0 if the child is left with the parents. CPS is encouraged to find eveidence, even if it doesn't exist!
Now I am finding that former CPS workers, CPS attorneys & even judges that retire, many times sue CPS & tell people how corrupt CPS is & it's all about lining their pockets, not about the truth!

veggieD 2012-03-17 19:33:26 -0500 Report

I am t1 mom with non diabetic children In ne, MO, and IL DCFS was called by "concerned" neighbors and teachers. I had my first child taken away because of her father's psychotic manic depression and his wacky behavior when she was born. she was 8 days old and I was blamed for what happened. I never regained custody of her. I suppose my parents had a lot to do with it and my diabetes. the other two are still with me and are grown. It does get better. My daughter and I are in contact, though we don't have that parent child bond. morre like a distant acquaintence or relative. thanks to CASA and DCFS. I am praying for you and suffer your pain. Foster care and adoption is the worst on a family at times. and the horrors, having to perform like a trained dog, etc, are forever ingrained in my pysche. DCFS people lie also, and fabricate things to get parents into more trouble. and they write down everything. if you say in front of them, "oh, look! a pretty flower!" they will write it in the file! what does that have to do with anything?

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-18 06:41:15 -0500 Report

You said it! When I do things right they condemn me any way they can. I am in a no win situation. As far as CPS is concerned I am a nuisance that is in the way. I am dead man walking/waiting until they terminate what is left of the carcass of my family.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 04:46:53 -0500 Report

Thank you to everyone who has and continues to contribute to this discussion. I thought I started off with some background but apparently this went to another discussion so here goes:

It sounds so simple and easy. Try some of these suggestions in the "real" world, and see what happens. Of course, you all are adults, and can advocate for yourselves. As a single parent, and only "responsible" adult in my daughters' world, things have not worked out so easily. My daughter was diagnosed with type 1, the day after Thanksgiving 2006, at the age of 5. Six months later, my wife of 25 years drops dead of a heart attack, leaving me totally alone and ill-prepared for the impending storm and nightmare which continues to this day. After my wife's passing, we were forced to move out of our home. You see, three years earlier we had put our place up for sale, and we accepted a bonafide offer within months of her demise. Meanwhile…I was dropping my daughter, Alissa Pearl, off at school and then frantically looking for a place until time to get home and pick her up. After finding a place, we moved with the help of my parents. Within six months of settling down, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and subsequently died six months from that diagnosis. Adding to our misfortune, we lost a parrot and dog, not to mention several family friends in rapid succession. I can see now, this was meant to toughen us up for what was too follow. I was able to manage Alissa's diabetes until 2009, when she was first hospitalized post-diagnosis with DKA, depression, and some behavioral issues. The educated professionals could not definitively tell me she had ADHD, but I was bullied into putting her on prozac and ritulin in short order. The more I advocated for my child, the more people I upset or downright pissed-off. I was labeled as being "difficult", and "demanding". Alissa was hospitalized 6 times in three years for a total of 9 inpatient days.

In between and during these hospital encounters, child protective services of Texas (CPS), was called in to document and investigate. This began the nightmare that continues to this day. We were being accused and investigated for suspected medical neglect, by people who knew little or nothing about her affliction. From 2009 - 2011, "medical neglect" was ruled out twice. The third attempt by the department was met with a ruling of "unable to determine". With the fourth invasion, I was exhausted, let my guard down, and had issues with the caseworker. With ammunition I unwittingly provided, she was able to fabricate enough of a story to justify taking my daughter from her home with the justification of concerns for her 'safety" or in their words, because of numerous hospitalizations, fluctuating blood sugars, and my big mouth (refusal to come up with a "safety" plan). Without a spouse, and limited support system, CPS has been able to bully and torture us at free will. I hired an attorney to guide and protect me through this ordeal, but I fear has lost interest in me or the complications involved. This runaway freight train has gone from supposed re-unification to almost certain termination and destruction of our family.

Is there anyone out there with suggestions, advice, help, or prayers that might get Alissa Home??? I am looking for data/facts on Juvenile T-1 diabetics and hospitalizations, length of stay and encounters with CPS.

Tigeress73 2012-03-13 23:58:14 -0500 Report

Best Advice is get on with and start fighting them with their own laws and policies! There are plenty people on this site to help and direct you to win the case. I have been where you are and fought tooth and nail to get my special needs son back in my home.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-18 06:42:35 -0500 Report

Thank you…I did but Texas is not represented there. I did get some good advice.

Jojo2483 2016-07-05 17:31:24 -0500 Report

Did they have an order for you anywhere in Texas that was similar to there program I too am in Texas and I'm in need of some kind of help from someone who has a voice in the courtroom I've done plenty of research and am overwhelmed with trying to scramble the right paperwork evidence in the right order to defend myself in my case

jayabee52 2012-03-14 01:05:05 -0500 Report

I went there and all I can say is WOW! i PRAY it is not too late for T2 single dad with T1 kid! From what I saw and read there, it may be the best advice he's been given so far.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-14 00:38:31 -0500 Report

Thank you.

pixsidust 2012-03-14 02:37:31 -0500 Report

Find if there are any groups in your area that meet for Type I's. The hospitals may know of support groups or find an American juvenile diabetes group online that should direct you to locations in your area. Those parents can fill you in. There may be someone who can advocate for you

nanaellen 2012-03-12 20:47:41 -0500 Report

I've had to deal with DCF(department of Child & Family) and I know how frustrating it can be believe me!! I had to fight my own daughter for custody of my grandson. It took 1 year of going back and forth to Court and in the end the Judge dismissed the case because she got mad at the doctor! It wasn't until she had ANOTHER baby and the same thing happened ALL OVER AGAIN!! It for me was a choice of Do I want the State to have custody or do I want custody? No choice there!! But I still had to fight for another year of Court and the last day…after saying she would sign papers for me to adopt him…her Public Defender told her IF she jumped through all the hoops she could get her kids back!! It was the hardest thing I ever had to do when I told her in Court that if she DIDN"T sign the papers I would wash my hands of her AND her kids!! It broke my heart…I went for a ride and my Oldest daughter called me and said her sister was signing the papers and I needed to come back to the Courthouse cause I had to sign them too!! It's HELL going through anything like that…I truely feel for you…please don't give up…do what you have to do, it can only make things better…do WHATEVER it takes!! The State charged her with Neglect and Medical neglect and "other" neglect. I now have my grandson who is 14 yrs. old since he was only 3 months old! His brother is now with my oldest daughter. There's NOTHING fair about any of it you just have to be determined to do WHATEVER and grit your teeth and take it!! And I would defintely take Harlen's advice and get out of dodge!! Start over somewhere else! I wish you all the best and please keep us posted, o.k.? Your friend Ellen :)

Harlen 2012-03-12 16:05:30 -0500 Report

When you get her back and it is done move to a new state for they will never stop going after you .
Best wishes and good luck

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 05:55:34 -0500 Report

Thanks. It is scary how many people have suggested we move. I was born and raised here. I wish I could be part of "fixing" or changing the system.

Harlen 2012-03-13 19:02:29 -0500 Report

Dont we all but there is way to much money to be made off of keeping it the way it is

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 21:23:48 -0500 Report

Harlen…bulls eye!!! The State gets $$$ for "saving" children from harm. This is usually justified or moralized "in the best interest of the child". In order too generate additional revenue, the State "builds" a case over time. From personal experience I can say that the State has vast resources at their disposal. All agencies of the State are related. Some closer than others. Many agencies of the State share information and/or provide "professional courtesy", amongst each other. CPS have many incentives for removal of children from their homes. Additional incentives are given for termination of familial relationship/parental rights and adoption. Recently on the news here there was a report on ho Texas was #1 in the nation for adoptions of kids in the CPS system. The Judge that I go before was sited as an adoption advocate. The rationale is that they are taking these kids out of a "bad" situation and giving them a chance to succeed (or survive in a few extreme cases).

What I can't figure is why they will not let my daughter go??? She is not worth anything to them on the open market. She is a liability with her health and special needs issues, although they do get more $$$ because of her special needs. She is an older child in a system that usually does not waste time and resources on older children.

Finally, if they made the steps for reunification parent-friendly, there would be less income generated to perpetuate and grow the system.

GabbyPA 2012-03-13 08:34:28 -0500 Report

Have you considered going to a TV station and getting the consumer reporter's help on it? Maybe they could find a way to get things worked out.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 21:35:40 -0500 Report

No…never considered it. Not sure I want to expose myself to that wide an audience. I am writing to my congress people and searching for someone with power, a brain, and common sense to help. I am looking for the checker who can tell me where the balance is… in this situation. I am looking for someone to show me the way…give me the rules/instructions… and let me succeed.

GabbyPA 2012-03-14 20:18:02 -0500 Report

You will do it. Did you see the parental rights website up closer to the top of the discussion. It looks like there might be some good information there as well.

pixsidust 2012-03-12 11:14:45 -0500 Report

You have to play the game
You have to watch your mouth
My sister lives in Texas and went through stuff with CPS there too
The longer you do not cooperate and do exactly as asked
the longer your kid is away.
If you think its worth being challenging and not having your kid
keep it up.
But they will tell you how they want everything done
and you have to do it, take notes if you must.
Bite your tongue, smile and act right…Get your child

Sorry this is happening, but 3 years is a long time
to have them in and out of your life and has to be hard for you.
Get your kid and apply for jobs out of that state
Someone is reporting you, the school, the hospital or even a family member who thinks you are not doing things right
Get away from who ever it is

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 21:46:33 -0500 Report

Thanks. I am learning this the hard and stubborn way. I would like to think there is a glimmer of a chance I can undo any additional damage I may have done…or CPS may have blown way out of proportion.

So many people are telling me to pack up and get out of their radar of control.

I would not think they were so evil if I did not witness and experience their powers.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-12 06:24:59 -0500 Report

Not sure what your whole story is, but as a student do you have her on an Individual Education Plan, IEP in NM, or a 504 plan, this would mean that she has a disability or with the 504plan, that she may require some intervention in her school environment and that medical school staff is actively involved and aware of her situation. I deal with CPS a lot with the clients I work with. You need to make sure that these plans are set for her, meaning that she may need intervention, etc… When this happens you then will fall under the Individual Disabilities Education Act, and then your state may view her case through different eyes. Sometimes we don't want our children labeled, but sometimes it is to protect them and ourselves. There are also agencies in NM such as Parents Reaching Out, PRO which advocates for the family in various situations. You may have to seek legal counsel, and have your Endo involved, so that CPS understands what is going on, and that these issues are not neglect of any sort! Not sure if this helps, but please look into it, dealing with CPS can be exhausting, but if a child is removed the process in getting them back is more exhausting, causing trauma to all parties involved. I have also written on your profile, a bit more.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 04:30:09 -0500 Report

Thank you. The day they removed Alissa from home I had just returned from an ARD meeting and set up her IEP for the next year. The school nurse was calling CPS monthly and every time her BS was high or low.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-12 09:09:23 -0500 Report

As I ponder more on your situation, just remember that your goal is to work with CPS towards reunification, but also in understanding and educating them as to what your daughter lives with as a child with T1 Diabetes. There is one thing I have learned through my first six months living with D, the importance of educating others, it's not that they don't care, some people just do not want to admit their lack of understanding! Good luck!

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 04:25:45 -0500 Report

Thank you. The CPS caseworker involved does not want to "work" with me. Any knowledge, information, or suggestions I may have now has been tainted and skewed with my behavior and response early on before I felt the wrath and power of this agency and caseworker hell-bent on teaching me a lesson.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-13 05:42:01 -0500 Report

One thing that I've seen with CPS is that as long as you follow their plan and comply along with them, the steps toward reunification
Will come! Some caseworkers as social workers I have seen so many times lack empathy towards others! I know it seems exhausting, but keep your head up, and know we are with you! Blessings!

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 06:37:53 -0500 Report

Yes…I have come to learn how the system works (somewhat). How do I change the caseworkers opinion/attitude/treatment of me, after the friction we have had in the past??? Every word, movement, or thought by me is met with defense, negativity, aggression, and disgust by this caseworker. I have been backed into a corner with no wiggle room, relegated to nuisance status. Don't get me wrong, I consider it a blessing every time I see my daughters face, look her in the eyes, and know that she appears on the outside to be OK. After we get comfortable with each others presence and restricted (supervised) interactions, we both look at the time and can't wait to get back to our temporary life. Children are resilient to a point, but there needs, feelings, and attention span is/are growing, changing, and developing. One fear I have is that given enough time and attention, she will have disengaged herself from me and her old life.

So how do we reverse (or at least address) this de-sensatization or lack of some critical element in a profession such as caseworkers or social workers???

In one of my former lives, I was the data manager of a bone marrow transplant program here in San Antonio. We dealt with poor prognoses and death for the most part. I saw the staff, doctors and nurses, become immune or far removed from their patients' reality. It was only after some form of personal life experience that empathy was re-ignited…one of those lesser known "senses" we all possess.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-13 09:25:32 -0500 Report

To some degree I know exactly what you're talking about, with my employment I work with children that have been placed in foster care. I provide services during visits with CPS along with parents like you. It is NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY, you are closed up in what seems like a 5X5 room with someone watching you, as if you're under investigation. The visits last 1 hour within this time parents are trying to provide warmth, nurturing, snacks, and with me there as support. Usually I just assist the parents to hopefully make the visit more comfortable. I have seen children transition from their home, into foster placement, and then back into the home! What you're going through is so much! I like the word you have chosen for certain individuals, "de-sensatization." Not sure if any of my words have helped, but please do not give up, be strong, and "know that I am with you." Have FAITH! I am not trying to preach, but HE has held me up!

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 22:08:33 -0500 Report

I sometimes wish I lived in another State. Are your services provided by the State, Feds, or a United Way type agency??? I imagine because Texas is so big, there is no room to even care about the parents??? Texas gives little to no value to human capital (except as cheap labor and forms of tax revenue generators). What kind of assistance or services do you provide???

Your words have helped tremendously. You and others here have given me insight into my anger and feelings. Although it stung and was painful to admit, I was taken aback by the consensus. I realize that my feelings come across loud and clear and on so many levels. If I come across this way in front of a jury then I will almost surely be my own worst enemy.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-14 06:19:30 -0500 Report

CPS falls under the umbrella of the state, also known as Children Youth and Families Department in our state, not sure about yours? They are also mandated under certain laws to take action, for example CAPTA laws which protect children under the age of 3 who have been involved in substantiated cases of either or both domestic violence and drug abuse. Our agency provides support and intervention to these families for children birth to 3. Most of the workers that I deal with are okay to some degree, some are tired and probably in the wrong place. All these said you will still have to deal with them, find the positive in all this, although it will be difficult you may have to send them the message that they are helping you out. They have rules and someone always has a superior to answer to, I have had parents that I work with call the main office in our state to report unresolved issues. You have to find the right agencies, legal defense to advocate for you and at the same time show that you have a plan in place. What saddens me about your story is that the health professional at the school maybe through her own failures and maybe feeling incompetent in her role laid blame on you. Type I Diabetes is an everyday battle, I have just been prescribed my first glucagon emergency kits, to be prepared for my ongoing lows. We will have lows and highs, along with bad days, but with management we can be okay! All of this said, again best of luck!

jayabee52 2012-03-13 22:15:04 -0500 Report

I've lived in several states during my adult life, and I have not lived in one state where people were in love with CFS (or agencies like it).

If it goes to a jury trial, it is good to know that about yourself. But in child custody cases it more likely will be before a judge of some kind, without a jury. At least that's the way it is here in Nevada.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 22:46:06 -0500 Report

In Texas one can request a jury trial. I believe I stand a much better chance. It is somewhat comforting to know that there is a consensus of feelings. So how do I/we affect or change the system???

jayabee52 2012-03-13 22:52:52 -0500 Report

I've managed to get my 3 sons raised without the intervention of CPS, so I am at a loss to suggest a course of action. So very sorry.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-03-11 15:24:53 -0500 Report

Not knowing the details from all side, I would suggest finding an attorney who specializes in this type of case. Also, I would change my attitude towards the CPS( look at it in terms of them just caring about your daughter), then work with them and learn what your child needs. They really don't like to take kids away and just want her to keep her health under control. This would be a good way for you to take care of your diabetes as well. Ask them for classes you could attend and anything else they have.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 04:16:27 -0500 Report

Thank you. I have an attorney but they have little/no experience with T-1 diabetes. You are correct that they are "caring" for my daughter but it is obvious they don't care about her or her diabetes. I send information about diabetes functions and camps to no avail. I have completed everything on the family plan but that was not enough. I recently taught a class on diabetes to the elderly. This was used against me. I am also a parent representative for the children's initiative, with the agency that I completed parenting classes.

I have asked repeatedly what more I need to do to get my child back. I was told that I need to show that I can maintain her BS levels. This is hard to do when I am not allowed to be near her.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-03-13 12:00:07 -0500 Report

Is your daughter on an insulin pump? That helps

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 22:53:44 -0500 Report

She was…for about a year. She liked it at first but then she started removing it at any and every opportunity she could. She would go to the bathroom at 2 or 3 am. I would find her pump on the counter or under her bed in the morning. Her BS would be off the charts after several hours without insulin coverage. In the Summer of 2009, I asked her MD. if she could take a break and start again in the Fall. Unfortunately they do not think she was ready (mature enough). Now they hesitate until she comes home or is permanently placed.

jayabee52 2012-03-11 11:34:07 -0500 Report

I agree with finding a lawyer. However it would be to you and your daughter's best interest if you could change your attitude toward TX CPS. Make your times with your daughter something which is enjoyable for the two of you rather than looking at it as something where they are there to trip you up.

I had a therapist who said something I felt was quite profound IMHO. He said "Feelings Leak!" If you are holding negative feelings toward these people I suspect that they can feel it. Perhaps you might convince yourself that these people do want the best for your daughter! They may be misguided on what is best and how that is accomplished, but, they want what they think is best for your daughter. Keep that mindset and your negative feelings won't spiill out and contaminate the relationships you have with the CPS and eventually with your daughter as well.

Make your interactions with your daughter happy ones, and the case worker will eventually see the positive vibes between you and daughter. Keep that up long enough and the CPS ought to loosen the strictures of your visitations. Eventually she may be fully in your custody again.

I pray that the day comes soon that you and your daughter will be a family again.

Blessings to you and yours

James Baker

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-11 12:37:47 -0500 Report

Thank you for the advice. I struggle daily with the knowledge that my daughter is in the care and custody of others and has been for these last 11 months, along with the frustration of being relegated to the periphery of my daughter's life. I work with a therapist and counselor on my leaking feelings and negative attitude. For the most part, they validate my feelings and work with me on successfully hideing, muteing, and/or changeing my negative attitude. At the end of the day, most everyone I talk to agrees with me. Many people agree that I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don't. It is what it is …but that does not mean I have to like it or even fake my feelings with a smile. I will do whatever it takes or is required of me to get her back home safe and sound. Our visits are a great blessing …but still artificial and provide the caseworker with the opportunity to orchestrate and or document my demise. Try being positive with this looming in the horizen.

Thank you

Marynils 2012-03-15 14:58:25 -0500 Report

Hi: Have had Type I diabetes for over 60 years and have done quite well. Wrote a book about this. Here are some thoughts I have for you.

1) Good you are receiving counseling, we always need objective, helpful people to guide us in difficult situations.
2) You write very well. Work with the case worker to set a goal to get your daughter back home with you, and write a plan for this. Ask what she feels is needed on your part to prove to the court that you are capable of taking care of your daughter.
3) Check out the side effects of Prozac, children are placed too easily on medicine today, this might be what has thrown her diabetes off and see if you can engage the caseworker in a discussion about possibly side effects.
4) I have a goal plan that I could share. Let me know if you would like it and use it. It would be a good tool for you to demonstrate your plan, and help you remain calm while achieving this.


Caroltoo 2012-03-13 04:23:57 -0500 Report

I, too, have been a foster parent as well as a mother to my own son. The eight we fostered ranged in age from birth to 18 years. Loved them all, but also made it clear we were a loving, though temporary home, while they and their parents worked towards reunification.

You have many losses you are grieving — your wife, daughter, health, mother, pets, etc. — and that is justifiable cause for anger. Regardless of how justified your feelings are, you can't change the past. I hope you can use this time to strengthen the loving bond between you and your daughter. Show CPS how much you understand her diabetic needs by packing the most D-friendly breakfast you can create; same with snacks, if allowed, at the other session. The schedule is tough for you and you shouldn't have to be doing this, but turn it into a positive and show the workers how much you care about your daughter and her continued good health.

How ever justified your anger may be, holding on to it can only poison the relationships that need to thrive for your daughter to be returned home to you. Put the hurt aside and look to the goal of having your daughter at home soon.

Seeing someone sitting in the corner of the room taking notes is traumatizing, but see how many good things you can give them to write down in that 45-60 minutes. Their job is to record tha good and the bad that they observe. Focus on giving them lots of good things to report. Remember the goal is to bring her home soon. Wish you the best in this tough situation!

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 23:00:16 -0500 Report

Thank you. I have tried and will keep trying. I hope they give me more time and the opportunity to succeed. Do you have any suggestions on extreme D-friendly low-carb breakfast choices that are less than 60 carbs other than scrambled eggs, sausage or bacon, milk, and dry or sugar-free jellied toast??? I need to mix it up. She has cereal and milk on school days.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-14 06:27:51 -0500 Report

I like french toast with pb, lots of veggie omelets, 1/2 cup oatmeal with pecans and strawberries, boiled eggs, low carb breakfast burritos, I mix it up. I usually keep chopped veggies, since mornings are rushed for all of us, toss them in to sauté, add the eggs, sprinkles low fat cheese, and wrap in a low carb warmed tortilla! Breakfast can be hard I as an adult deal with eating a lot of the same things, your daughter probably needs more excitement, have her help plan her meals for the week, and help you cook them. This may help!

Caroltoo 2012-03-14 00:24:30 -0500 Report

One of my foster daughters liked home cooked chicken tenders — NO breading, just the chicken I sauteed in a little olive oil and seasoning — to that add maybe 1/2 toasted English Muffin and a bowl of blackberries. Adjust amounts to meet her carb requirements.

Snacks: raw almonds, string cheese, crunchy peanut butter on celery or apple or 1/2 banana.

I am T2, so you might also ask some of the T1's what is most successful for them for breakfast and snacks. dietcherry and roshy are two that come to mind who would be helpful.

Caroltoo 2012-03-14 16:05:18 -0500 Report

Anyone else who might have some good ideas for an 11 year olds breakfast that can be packed to go???

Jeanae 2012-03-11 21:01:24 -0500 Report

As a former foster parent I can only say that the kids that came to stay with us were all ( except 1) reunited with their families when the situation changed. So instead of thinking that you have to perform, look at it as a chance to actually help her do homework, feed her breakfast, or whatever. And even if you want to look at it as a performance test, I amsure you go through this at work. I don't know what county you live in or who you are dealing with but even if you have to bite your tongue… do it. Do whatever it takes for you to have your family whole again. For your sake and for hers. Hopefully she is in a home where she is cared for and loved. I loved and still love every single one that came into my home. Now the teensagers are a different story. They remiained in my home until after they were too old for the foster care system and we stilll kept them, loved them, paid for everything for them until they were independant. Good luck.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 04:00:38 -0500 Report

Thank you Jeanae. You give me a glimmer of hope. I have no problem helping with homework or feeding my daughter…at home or in a natural normal setting. The issues I have with this, is the scrutiny and motivation behind the scenes. I get to see my daughter twice a week. On Thursdays for 1 hour 30+ miles away from home. We spend 30-45 minutes doing homework. On Saturdays I get up extremely early in order to make breakfast and pack it up so I can make another 30 mile trek to a different location where I have to pay to visit her. This is designed to document justification for removal and to make this difficult on all the parties involved. She is staying 1 block away from home.

We live in Bexar County Texas. I am disabled, retired, and work for myself.

Jeanae 2012-03-13 08:45:36 -0500 Report

I also live in Bexar County so I will say this- get a different lawyer! Now. Also get a different doctor. Contact the Juv. Diabetes Assoc. and ask for advice. The school nurse was obligated to contact CPS when your daughter had highs and lows with her bs. I know that sounds horrible to you but she was required by law. I am not sure which school district you are in but even though she is not living with you, you still have a right to know what is going on at school so you should receive report cards… Also as a former teacher the school can not make you put your child on meds unless she has been tested and has been determined to have ADHD and then they should have sat down with you and developed an IEP. Don't lose hope but it is essential that you control your temper and your mouth. People will use any and everything against you. Sit down with your new dr. and lawyer and come up with a "plan". And also please get some grief counseling. So does your daughter. You have both been through hell. In fact make that part of your plan. Social workers and educators want to see a parent that is proactive. They see too many that are not and that can say the right things and not follow through. They have seen too many children fall through the cracks. I am praying for you and your precious daughter and for her return.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-18 06:53:44 -0500 Report

I live near UTSA/1604. There are only a limited number of Juvenile Endocrinologists in the area. School district is NSISD. I have not received any information from the school. I will ask again.
Thank you.

jayabee52 2012-03-11 12:45:34 -0500 Report

I hear you Irv, it IS difficult but not impossible. Do what you can to convince yourself that #1 this is only temporary, #2 this is for your and your daughter's good. I will pray that you can overcome this hurdle.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 03:43:07 -0500 Report

Thank you Jayabee52. I just can not see how this is in anyone's best interest??? Are you saying I was bad for my daughter??? The only good thing in this whole painful tragedy is the knowledge and experience gained about myself and my daughter and the injustice of a broken system with no checks and balances. Obviously I was not doing the best job I could do at maintaining her blood sugars at a "normal" level, but that is no reason to remove her from her home and destroy our family.

locarbarbie 2012-03-11 09:38:01 -0500 Report

Type 2 Single Dad…I have read your past posts and although my heart breaks for you and your daughter, I know you are looking for more than just sympathy and pats on the back.

I used to listen to a christian radio station that featured a wonderful segment called, "Jay Sekulow Live, The American Center for Law and Justice". He is a renowned lawyer who I believe takes on cases just like this. I am not sure, but believe he also does it pro bono. Google him and see if this may be an option for you.

In the meantime you will both be in my prayers. Please keep us updated and visit this site often to receive support or just vent. God Bless you and your daughter.

pixsidust 2012-03-12 11:06:03 -0500 Report

I think they defend those whose Christian rights are being violated

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 03:30:41 -0500 Report

Thanks for your input. No disrespect…But…are you implying that if you are not "christian" your "rights" are not worth defending??? Does this mean anyone not of the christian faith may be violated???

locarbarbie 2012-03-13 09:25:16 -0500 Report

Oh no, from what I understand they represent religious freedoms. From what I remember, they have also defended those of Jewish faith in addition to various christian groups and probably others as well.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-11 11:38:23 -0500 Report

Thanks for the tip on Jay Sekulow. I will check him out. You are correct in that I am looking for sympathy… and more, like empathy,common sense, fair and equal dignified positive treatment designed to grow and nurture those areas that the CPS caseworker identified as areas of concern, instead of hindering my chances for success and setting me up for failure.

The situation I found myself in with CPS was totally and utterly my fault and responsibility…in the beginning. The situation I am currently drowning in is based on the obstacles, hoops, and demands placed on us by an over zealous case worker with an agenda towards termination without any evidense or consideration towards re-unification. In the end, when they present their carefully organized and orchestrated documenation of distorted exagerated, subjectively skewed "data", they will get a large federal bonus for successful termination, followed by and even larger pay day for successfully placing my child into an adoption setting. Given my daughter Alissa's special medical needs, they will get double the funds for their hard work. It is also my understanding that I could be asked to forced to pay child-support until her 18th birthday.

When I began this odyssy with CPS, I knew very little about the codes, rules, values, norms, behaviors and expectations of the actors involved. Today, I am painfully aware of the process and my place in it. I learned the hard way…There were times during this last year that I screwed up royally. At times I let my humaness, frailties, and emotions, mis- guide my actions and my mouth, which only exaserbated an already tense emotionally charged situation. There were times during this last year that I went above and beyond what was expected.of/from me.

Finally, From myself, you, and others, I am looking for "hope", a pep ralley, and closure regardless of the outcome g-d, and the State of Texas, see fit to bestow.

Thanks again for letting me vent and bend your ear,

Jeanae 2012-03-13 08:55:22 -0500 Report

Actually, that isn't really true. It is extremely difficult to adopt out an older child, especially one with "special needs". IF they terminate your parental rights (which it doesn't sound like it would be warranted) you are no longer obliged to pay child support. They (the case worker) does not receive a bonus for termination. I don't know how high her highs were or how low her lows were but if it were extreme then cps was doing their job by removing her. HOWEVER their goal should always be to work with the parent to educate the parent and reunite the family. Here is my pep talk- Your daughter is old enough to know that you love her beyond measure. She is old enough also to take an active part in her diabetes treatment/maintenance. She is also old enough to request sessions with the school counselor to work out her grieving issues. You are well informed enough to know what type of plan they are looking for, you have self control and can show only a positive outlook to those you are dealing with and if you feel yourself getting frustrated and wanting to lash out- get an image of your daughter laughing, smiling, giving you a hug and hold it in. Good luck and Gob Bless.

locarbarbie 2012-03-12 09:16:27 -0500 Report

Irv…In the year since Alyssa has been removed from your home, has she been hospitalized? Are you aware of what her blood sugars have been running this past year? I am only asking because if there have been instances away from you and you have documented these dates, a lawyer should be able to use this data in your defense.

I wish you well in your search for justice, vindication and peace.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 03:20:02 -0500 Report

Alissa has not been hospitalized since removal…but her blood sugars have fluctuated both at school and at the caregivers. Her A1c is great now. Of course, she was not allowed to go anywhere or do anything all last summer. This included functions with the JDRF or the diabetic camps I signed her up to go.

Part of this last year I was allowed to pick her up from school and bring her home for a few hours. I took this opportunity to copy her BS log from the nurse and gave the information to my lawyer. So far they have not used it in my defense. When CPS got wind of this they never let me near the information again. The lawyers are requesting a jury trial so they could/should get all the records to help in my defense.

A big part of my problem is that nobody understands T-1 diabetes here in South Texas. They do, however, have some knowledge of T-2, especially with the Hispanic population.

Caroltoo 2012-03-10 23:37:28 -0600 Report

Federal law says termination of rights must be filed within one year of removal. I'd say talk with a lawyer, but do your very best to jump through every hoop CPS gives you and land correctly so they have nothing to file between now and the one year anniversary of removal which some states do find a way to stretch a little. Rather than being put down by it, use the time to learn everything you can and become the best dad you can possibly be to this child.

T-2 single dad with T-1 kid
T-2 single dad with T-1 kid 2012-03-13 03:03:39 -0500 Report

Thanks for your input. My daughter was removed from our home April 19th 2011. My year is up in May, but CPS has asked for more time and so some time in August is our drop/kill/terminate date.

I take offense at your insinuation. What gives you the impression that I was not the best dad I could possibly be???

Caroltoo 2012-03-13 04:27:30 -0500 Report

Wasn't implying that, but as human beings none of us is perfect. We all have things we can learn and it doesn't hurt any of us to look for ways to do things better.

Caroltoo 2012-03-13 04:57:12 -0500 Report

It's a really tough situation. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. It hurts to even hear about it, and your pain has to be sooooo much bigger.

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