By Anonymous Latest Reply 2012-03-21 15:40:15 -0500
Started 2012-03-09 23:37:41 -0600

My life with diabetes doesn't go well. I never test or bolus even though I've had diabetes for 7 years. To me, diabetes is just a game I'm losing. And I have NO idea what makes me feel that way. I barely test even though I've been told by everyone I know like eight times a day. I can't take it anymore, I feel like giving up. Has anyone else felt this way?

29 replies

jigsaw 2012-03-19 17:40:27 -0500 Report

The way I see it, I'm probably lucky to have diabetes keeping me company. Thanks to diabetes, I eat much better, I exercise more often, I've eliminated some other developing and potentially devastating conditions. I believe this is what it took for me to see the light. Diabetes gives me a wack upside the head if I don't take care of myself properly. I'll probably live a longer and healthier life with it than without it. It's all a matter of how you choose to view things ! A saying that I think is powerful and appropriate at this time.
I was miserable because I didn't own a pair of shoes until I saw the guy who didn't have any feet. So my friend, have your cry, take a little sympathy if you need it, and pick yourself up by the bootstraps and enjoy your life while the opportunity is here. Trust me, it's much more fun this way.

Caroltoo 2012-03-18 19:23:36 -0500 Report

No, I want to live, be healthy, and play with my grandchildren. If I gave up, I would loose all of that because untreated diabetes does take your life.

Please reconsider and begin to take care of yourself. It's a puzzle, but you can figure it out and feel better.

edvel54 2012-03-13 09:46:45 -0500 Report

I have had diabetes for 15 years now. I have tested, took my meds like I should, had great AC1 scores -5.5-5.8 and what did it get me…kidney disease & being anemic
So many days I say to myself…why try? I try for my family.

jayabee52 2012-03-13 22:08:35 -0500 Report

similar to my situation, Vel . I am about 17 yrs now. Only I had some months of denial and a period of diabulemia in there somewhere. I hadn't controlled my diabetes all that well except for this past year or so.

I believe my kidney disease is due to my being on Metformin for so long.

Lakeland 2012-03-13 09:35:33 -0500 Report

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm glad I have diabetes compared to other things. I am able to test, I am able to know where I am before going for walks or taking a drive.

My brother in law has cancer & he never knows if it's back or eating him up until he gets tested & then it takes weeks for the doctors to get back to him.

I don't know what the future will be, my dad lost his kidney function due to diabetes but he never knew nor did he care where he was & the high sugar content in the blood make it thick & syrup like & it ruins circulation, & if it stays thick it ruins organs in the body. I've seen my brother almost lose his foot.

I respect the seriousness of diabetes, but I can help control it, but only if I know where I'm at. So please for your health & your future sake. Please test. the results of not taking it seriously are blindness, lose of kidneys, loss of limbs.

I understand the feelings you have but you can be a friend to yourself by testing, I'm down to twice a day. I did start at 8 times when I was trying to figure out how different foods affected my body.

best wishes.

Young1s 2012-03-11 14:30:50 -0500 Report

Just this past week I became frustrated by the fact that I can't test the way I would like to (6x daily as opposed to the 3x I'm reduced to). As a result of that, I said screw it and stopped all together. I stopped testing, stopped taking my prescribed vitamins, the supplements I starting taking to improve my BG's and cholesterol and even stopped exercising. The only thing I didn't stop was my daily insulin. I was frustrated but not completely without some sense of responsibility for myself.

At first it was purely out of frustration, but eventually it just became easy not to do anything. My only concern for the day was my morning insulin, then the rest of the day I was free to be me. I'm not embarrassed to say that I ate some foods that I know I shouldn't have but because I wasn't testing, I wasn't phased by what these foods were doing to my system.

Then last night I read a discussion from a lady who was worried about here BG's being around 500 and feeling dizzy. Those few words brought me back to reality quick, fast and in a hurry. I realized how ridiculous I was being about something so simple (yet important to me). Was my tantrum over my reduced testing worth experiencing what she was currently going through? Not at all.

I was reminded of how I learned I was diabetic in the first place, while in the hospital suffering from pancreatitis. The highs flirting with 400 for days on end, the liquid diet because I couldn't afford to eat anything without harming myself in more ways than one and the thoughts of I would never be able to control this annoyance because I'm afraid of needles. Worst than that I had been lying to my husband for DAYS about how I was doing. I finally decided that I was acting like a big baby and my deceit would only hurt myself and my family in the long run.

This morning I woke up with a new sense of purpose. To get back to testing (my way), taking my meds and exercising. And to never let a minor obstacle like that get the better of me again. There are people in this community facing bigger challenges than I have and they do it with grace, dignity and a strength that I want to see in myself, if ever in their shoes. So I'm never giving up like that again because this is a game that I am fully capable of winning, so long as I stay in the game. I hope you find some way to get yourself back in it as well.

Type1Lou 2012-03-18 17:55:53 -0500 Report

Wow Patricia, I missed this post earlier. Glad you're back on track and taking care of yourself! I had my doctor write my RX for strips saying I tested a minimum of 7 times a day…the insurers can be so penny-wise and pound foolish…they have a "bean-counter" mentality rather than trying to see the long-term benefits…but that's another whole rant! So happy you're back with the program!

Young1s 2012-03-19 16:50:56 -0500 Report

Found out from my doctor that the only way my insurance will cover the extra test strips is if I'm also taking insulin with my meals along with the Lantus, which I'm not. I left feeling a little deflated about that but I'm not letting it get me down.

Young1s 2012-03-20 22:43:47 -0500 Report

Yes it is, James. What I meant to say is if I'm taking some other insulin along with the Lantus. But because I'm not T1, there isn't a need for me to do that. But I agree, it seems foolish to deny me these few more strips only because the type of insulin I currently take isn't directly regulating my meals.

Type1Lou 2012-03-20 17:59:11 -0500 Report

I wonder, if you could demonstrate that more tests per day yield better BG results for you overall, what basis would they have for denying you more test strips? If more test strips prevent you from needing a fast-acting insulin and keep you healthier in the long-run, it's a WIN-WIN for everyone. Maybe, by contacting your insurer and asking them specifically why they are denying you the strips you need, or asking them if they have specific criteria as to the number of strips which are permitted a person with diabetes, and what you would need to demonstrate to themin order to obtain the strips you need, you might make some headway on this. If the initial person(s) you speak with don't give you satisfacvtory answers, I wouldn't hesitate to escalate you inquiry. My experience with insurers is that the squeeky wheel gets the grease. When I first went on the pump, my endo had written me an RX for 3 vials of Novolog for 90 days and estimated that I would use 15u of Novolog daily. If you want more details on my battle with Medco when they only supplied me with 2 vials vs the 3 on the RX, see my discussion titled "Medco makes my blood boil" Bottom line, I wound up getting the 3 vials for 90 days.

Young1s 2012-03-20 22:48:34 -0500 Report

Thanks Lou, James has provided the link above. I will check that out first thing in the morning. And yes my numbers when I test 6x daily definitely have better BG results than when I test 3-4x daily.

Young1s 2012-03-21 09:53:00 -0500 Report

In a way yes. Because I don't eat the same meal day in and day out, I judge what I may need to or can eat based on previous checks. But when I only test 3-4x a day, it's a little harder to do so. Especially when two of the checks are already laid aside for my fasting and bedtime tests. It may sound a little out there but it makes sense to me and it does work.

Caroltoo 2012-03-21 15:40:15 -0500 Report

Yes, that is ultimately what is important. I test 6x/day also and use the information as a feedback loop too. If I go high after a meal, I'll have a protein snack to bring it back down quickly. Most people talk about recording their readings or at best learning from them (what you react to), but I wasn't aware that you were using it more like I do as a feedback loop for immediate correction/action. Good to know!

Caroltoo 2012-03-19 17:05:44 -0500 Report

That's what my doctor told me when I had private pay insurance. Now that I'm on Medicare, she said she will write it as long as I let her know why I used so many. That was easy: to be sure I maintain control since I am not taking medicaitons.

Keep up the good attitude. By rotating tests you can get much of the same info. I used to buy a few extra strips for the times when I really felt I had to test. Couldn't afford to do that too often though.

Young1s 2012-03-19 10:15:49 -0500 Report

Me too Lou. I have an appointment later today and will see what can be done. May have to get a little firm with my stance on this but it's worth it for the peace of mind and the betterment of my health.

Caroltoo 2012-03-11 14:54:20 -0500 Report

Glad you are back on track, Young1s. I think we all do that once in a while for one reason or another, but it feels good to get it back in our control. You can probably get the information you need from testing when you get up and after each meal. That would be 4 instead of 3, but it's a lot less than 6. Another thought, is to do before breakfast (for your insulin), after dinner/pre bedtime, and one other post during the day. You'll get the average when they do an A1c, so you don't really always have to do pre/post.

Young1s 2012-03-11 15:30:02 -0500 Report

Of course you're right and I have tried testing 4x at different times throughout the day, but it doesn't work out well. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's because I'm still fairly new to all this I don't know but it has really been stressing me out. I was seeing some very good numbers back when I was testing pre/post. It was how I kept myself in check and I had more confidence in what I was doing. Now (2 months after testing fewer times), my numbers are all wacky again and the gaps in my testing make me doubt myself a lot of times. I know I will eventually get to the point of not needing to test as often but I just can't see that happening any time soon.

jayabee52 2012-03-11 16:01:52 -0500 Report

You can make the 3x/day testing scheme work for you. The 2 which are fixed in time are your fasting as soon as you get up, and then at your bedtime. The other testing time can be varied following a particular meal. For instance: test 2 hrs after breakfast for your testing on Mondays, on Tues 2 hrs after the lunch, and on Weds 2hrs after the evening meal, and so forth.

That would be a way of keeping one's BG levels checked and the effects of your meals on your BG levels checked too.

When I did a lot of testing for putting together my book of how certain foods affected my unique metabolic responses to foods I bought extra strips for my meter too.

Caroltoo 2012-03-11 16:16:57 -0500 Report

Well, James, another syncroniscity. This is the information in the last half of my comment that she didn't respond to. Maybe with the two of us saying the same thing … who knows?

Young1s 2012-03-11 18:02:10 -0500 Report

I realize now that I wasn't clear in my answer, sometimes what I say and know in my head doesn't always come across in my answers.

When I said I've tried testing 4x at different times, it was meant to imply a fasting test, bedtime test and 2 other random tests in between. Hope that clears things up for you. However the fact still remains that I am more comfortable and confident with testing frequently, for right now.

Young1s 2012-03-11 19:07:42 -0500 Report

Well I'm hoping that my doctor and I can come up with a solution to this at my appointment next week. Will probably have to switch meters all together because the strips my insurance covers is just too expensive to pay for extras retail. I tried to get them at a reduced rate through Amazon but was sent the wrong strips and still waiting for replacements or $$ back. I've also explored wholesale options but this last experience has made me a little leery of the process.

GabbyPA 2012-03-11 12:18:39 -0500 Report

I am type 2 so my not testing doesn't do the same as yours, but I do know when I don't test, I get very lax and slip into a denial that really messes me up. Two summers ago I was in that place and even though I knew it was bad, I kept doing it until I got a reading over 400 one curious day. I freaked out and got so worried. I knew better and had no one to blame but me, but my emotions didn't really care until that moment.

So now, even if I know I am not going to get a desired number, I still test. I am not a number. Those numbers tell me what to do. They are tools that I can use, or let them get rusty in the garage....I don't want to go to the hospital. That is one thing that keeps me going.

BobbieNJ1000 2012-03-10 15:00:56 -0600 Report

Type1Lou may be on to something. Depression makes it harder to focus on staying healthy, and diabetes requires serious effort to manage. But if it were a game, you wouldn't be losing - you're not playing. But don't give up. If you talk to your doctor - or a social worker, clergyperson, or DE - you may be able to figure out why you feel this way, and how to get back in the game and start winning.

Type1Lou 2012-03-10 09:42:02 -0600 Report

Could you be suffering from depression? Depression is not uncommon in diabetics and can seriously affect your willingness and ability to take charge of your condition. Last December, I was diagnosed with depression. With the help of some drugs and counseling, I regained control. It might be worth it for you to get checked out…it IS a matter of life and death.

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