Top Five Regrets of the Dying

By jayabee52 Latest Reply 2012-03-21 12:34:16 -0500
Started 2012-03-06 07:50:58 -0600

This is not a discussion on Diabetes per se, but as death happens to everyone, it is IMO an appropriate topic about which to ponder. This just crossed my Yahoo inbox and I thought it would be a good reminder for us all. It got me thinking. The article is here ~

It will happen sooner or later (I pray that it will be later rather than sooner for us all) Perhaps we could while we have the opportunity be proactive so those are not OUR regrets when our time comes.

28 replies

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2012-03-17 17:19:05 -0500 Report

I work with people who are dying, so have had many discussions with them about all sorts of topics, including regrets.
In Dec 2009 and Jan 2010 when I almost died it surprised me that I didn't have any regrets about what I had or hadn't done. One of the most overwhelmng thoughts I kept having was "What does God want me to be doing right now?" It was like He had someone or maybe several someones that I needed to say or do the "right" thing to. I was more afraid or missing His moment than of dying. I still hope I did or said what He wanted at the right time.
when my Fathe was dying on Chistmas eve 2008 he said to a friend "I have no regrets." For awhile that had angered me. He had said some harsh , cruel, and unkind words to me and others over his life. Part of me had wanted an apology. But after almost being there myself, I think I understand a little better, what he meant.
As to seeing loved ones who had already passed, yes I experienced that many times during those days. One minute they were in my room, in a second they vanished, I was frustrated because I had something in my hand to give them, then that vanished also.

jayabee52 2012-03-20 18:57:19 -0500 Report

thanks for sharing that with us.

When I was on my bedroom floor semi comatose for 5 days I was really in LaLa land, So I didn't have regrets either.

GabbyPA 2012-03-21 08:40:12 -0500 Report

OMG! 5 days!

jayabee52 2012-03-21 12:34:16 -0500 Report

but I lived to tell about it! In light of my life since then, I am glad I did live, but immediately following those 5 days were no picnic, but within a year of those 5 days my life had improved so much, that if I was blessed any more, I'd have to be twins! LoL!

GabbyPA 2012-03-07 19:15:59 -0600 Report

This is so very sad...all of those things we have control over. The trick is to realize that we control our reactions to the situations. We may have crummy situations, but our thoughts and motivations in those situations are what make us tick. Why do we let them become regrets? They should be our victories.

Get out your bucket lists and do them while you are young and can enjoy them!
I have one, it is in my journal. It used to be longer and I have checked off a lot of things in it. At this point I am regret free, but that can change. So I keep that list, and keep working on it.

How pitiful it would be to regret lost friends, too many hours at work, bottling up my feelings or not being happy. Especially the not being happy...what a waste of life. (I know that sounds harsh, but really....think about it)

I hope when I go, I will be happy to do so leave no one feeling bad for me.

Lizardfan 2012-03-07 14:24:36 -0600 Report

While thinking of my sister's death one thing kept coming back to me. She loved her grandchild so~ and I felt so sad for her that she died when he was still young. She is missing so many things in his life. Her death and that realization taught me to be the best grandparent I could. And I am keeping that promise too! I think of her often and it comforts me to know she is still teaching me lessons and she has been gone for several years.

pixsidust 2012-03-07 17:02:28 -0600 Report

Perhaps she sees him yet…
My grandma said she saw her relatives the week before she died
2 years earlier she coded…we prayed
Her Brain, heart, lungs and kidneys were all in failure
God healed her when they gave her just moments to live without intervention. She was mad we prayed.
She said her family was there waiting on her with open arms
I believe her

Caroltoo 2012-03-07 17:13:13 -0600 Report

My father said the same thing as he lay dying: that his siblings were there waiting for him. That doesn't really sound too odd, until you consider the fact that he was 86, had been orphaned at 15, and had not seen nor heard from any member of his family (sibs were all that was left) since then.

He must have been a bit of hellion, cause the neighbors took his two younger sisters in but refused to even let him see them.

pixsidust 2012-03-08 14:15:32 -0600 Report

Or they wanted the sisters to sever all past ties
and forget the family they had
People did stuff like that in those days
I think thats sad for him

Caroltoo 2012-03-08 14:26:10 -0600 Report

Yes, it was commonly done and is sad. There was something else going on in the family too though. I commented to him once when I was in college, that I would like to find his sisters. His response was, "No, don't ever do that." I was shocked at the response and so really surprised when he reacted so positively at the time of death. About a year later, I found out a complicated family story about him having a previous family, being employment by a crime figure where he saw something he should not have, then faking his death, and starting another family (mine) some 10 years later after his "ex" had him declared dead. Needless-to-say, I don't know anything much about that side of my family.

Caroltoo 2012-03-07 14:59:14 -0600 Report

Wonderful to learn from our pain and loss. Have you also been able to help share your sister, in her physical absense, with her grandchild?

Lizardfan 2012-03-07 15:03:48 -0600 Report

Yes, we visit them as often as we can. I also keep in close contact with my nephew who was her only child. I keep him informed of family happenings so we do not lose that important connection.

Young1s 2012-03-07 14:58:31 -0600 Report

It's a beautiful lesson learned in the face of tragedy. Bless you.

Lizardfan 2012-03-07 15:07:08 -0600 Report

Thank you! My sister was ill for several months and would not see the doctor. When she did go to the ER they told us she only had about three weeks left of her life. She had lung cancer and it had metastasized to her brain. I was so burdened by why she had to die and just the loss of it all. This idea to make a difference in my grand children's lives came to me one day and I have been at peace with her death ever since.

Jeanae 2012-03-06 21:03:35 -0600 Report

I am not faced with dying but have been asking myself what did I want to accomplish now that I am in my 50's. My youngest will be leaving for college, my oldest married and living with her hubby and my totally adorable grandchildren. I decided to downsize. Who needs this big house? Simplify my life style as well as my things. Less is more. Surround myself with only people that are positive and prune away the poisonous relationships. Focus on inner peace. Be the kind of person that when I die my Dad will say "you were the person I wanted you to be". To look around me and see where there is a need and help fill it if I can. To take time to smell the roses or in my case the mountain laurels. And to show love where ever and when ever even if in small ways.

jayabee52 2012-03-06 21:06:45 -0600 Report

Thank you for sharing. I am now entering my 6th decade of life, and the death of my beloved "Jem" brought the realization home to me!

EdnaShukis 2012-03-06 09:48:18 -0600 Report

Great article and oh so true, I also learned that a perfect house it not necessary ha ha Thank for Sharing!

pixsidust 2012-03-06 09:33:42 -0600 Report

Getting fired 9/29/2011 after 25 years of working, lots of overtime and weekend work too on a straight commission salary against draw was a God's send. They wanted to get rid of my high commission structure. I was worn and tired. I am not rich that I can just stay without an income.

I am thankful for the time to walk the dogs, feel the sun on my face and to see friends and family. To have the pressure of how much money are you going to bring into the company, gone is wonderful.
I do not miss working there at all.

This summer I am going to have time to really have a nice garden to grow things I can eat. I edge the garden with Marigolds so it is beautiful.
I have flags, chimes and whimsical things in it so it is a Joy to look at.
I am adding two raised garden beds to my one this year.

Having the time, to live, and to love is so important
Making a difference in the lives of others is as well.
Its the legacy we leave

GabbyPA 2012-03-09 14:24:18 -0600 Report

I agree. I find so much joy in gardening. Watching things grow from seeds and the beauty of the garden that is alive with bees and butterflies. My hubby and I were out just today transplanting all of our starters. It is hard work (I need that) and a joy to know that I can take care of my family in this way. Nothing like getting dirty to relieve the stress of a day.

jayabee52 2012-03-06 21:09:25 -0600 Report

That sounds wonderful Pixi I wish I had some room here to do something like that. OH well! I CAN Dream!

pixsidust 2012-03-07 16:01:55 -0600 Report

I have a side area that I use large plastic planters for a couple of tomato plants, peppers etc…

Caroltoo 2012-03-07 16:16:31 -0600 Report

Me, too. Two tomato plants (have 5 tomatoes on the bushes today) and a tub each of zucchini, yellow crooked neck, and simling squash. Also a flat wide dish of herbs.

Caroltoo 2012-03-09 16:15:15 -0600 Report

Simling is a little round light green one. It also goes by the names of Patty Pot and Patty Pan. I saute it in olive oil along with onions, then add ricotta cheese. It's yummy.

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2012-03-06 08:31:46 -0600 Report

James, thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to read this. It makes me want to do the things that I know I need to do but keep putting them off. This article encourages me.

jayabee52 2012-03-06 08:44:24 -0600 Report

That was the intent. I looked at it and said to myself "Self, TR needs to see this" (Not really, just kidding, LoL!)