Jim Edwards
By Jim Edwards Latest Reply 2013-10-14 15:57:54 -0500
Started 2012-03-05 19:33:20 -0600

There has been a lot of viciousness, meanness and other stuff on here of late. As adults, we need to be guided by certain rules.
1) always respect the other person. When you disagree, don't attck the person if you disagree with what they say. Address why you think what they say in wrong or incorrect.
2) name calling in not acceptable
3) Verbal abuse is not acceptable
4) most of us on here fight many health battles on different fronts. Remember that you have not walked in that person's shoes.
5) Some people may be mentally ill. Anything from mild depression (ME!) to multiple personalities and everything in-between. Do not attack the person. Ever.
6) What you need to know, you learned in kindergarden. RESPECT.
7) If someone verbally abuses someone and is a repeat offender do the following:
a) do not acknowledge the post. Not one word.
b) report the post
c) contact your DC friends and tell them the name and discussion and ask them to report the post if they agree.
8) The crap has got to stop. None of us need it and most of us don't want it.

Abuse, in any form, has got to stop. Jim

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70 replies

gayel 2013-10-14 15:51:13 -0500 Report

I don't understand why so many people who use the internet to communicate think that discussions are a way to put down others. We were put on this earth to help each other. This is a "Help" community, so use it only to help those in the community.

Jesse's derby
Jesse's derby 2013-08-14 18:38:15 -0500 Report

I must be reading only the "right" posts. I have only been on board since May of this year. I have only seen extraordinary posts…positive in every way. I am saddened by the fact that rules must be listed for adults who are trying to deal with this difficult disease they have in common. I think the rules listed are "life rules". We would all be better, in all areas, to adhere to them. Thank you for the reminder!

GabbyPA 2013-08-14 19:09:14 -0500 Report

Things have been rather quite of late. It seems to run in waves. For the most part, we are a very friendly and welcoming community. But like any family, we have our moments. They are usually short and we move on. I'm glad you have not seen any. I hope you never have to.

tinkerbell54 2013-06-11 00:43:13 -0500 Report

We "dont" "need" to attck our fellow diabetic friends we "need" to attack is the diaease of diabetes "not" each other. Our bodies has a war every day and its call "diabetes " we fight this war every day of our life, some days we win this war & some days we lost this war. Some days are good days & some days are bad but us diabetic we keep fighting this diaease ,in hope some day there is a cure 4 diabetes. Tinkerbell54 ps. thats ok if we dont see eye to eye sometimes, we still love each of our diabetic friends.

jmb11 2013-06-09 11:00:45 -0500 Report

well, concept yes, actuality not so much. I believe the attacks come from people copying and pasting information into articles without having the courtesy to write what impacts everyone on the site—this is a tremendous waste of my time to read these articles and find out they make little sense.

Some examples are for articles that tell you how to treat one of the "sister" complications of diabetes—whether it be high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. How about the author respect the people on the site and not recommend foods that are KNOWN to cause high blood sugar/spikes. Let them edit their comments first and then post.

Calling those people names is not appropriate but calling them on the idiocy of posting food recommendations that are negative for the whole community and bluntly suggesting they do their homework first, I think, is totally acceptable.

tabby9146 2013-06-08 10:52:37 -0500 Report

thank goodness I have not seen much of it, but I agree 100%, so glad someone has said some of the things I have been thinking. I am not on here sometimes for many days at a time, sometimes a few weeks but in my 4 1/2 years or so of being a member, I have seem some posts that really bothered me, glad no one attacked me, but if they did, I would say nothing and report them 7. a, b, c, all good. people need to always think before speaking and remember: do unto others as you would have done to you.

tabby9146 2013-06-08 10:53:11 -0500 Report

in the past, a long time ago, I purposely stayed away a lot because of it but whatever has gone on lately, I am glad I have not seen or been a part of

coolred63 2013-05-09 21:33:58 -0500 Report

Yes Jim I agree 100%. I am new here and joined to get help and encouragement when needed and hopefully along the way I can help anyone who needs it. We all have our own problems we deal with on a daily basis and we all should be able to be on here for help and support without having to worry about anyone judging you or attacking you because they don't like your opinion or input. We are all adults here and I believe we can all act as such to help and encourage our fellow diabetics. I believe if you don't agree with something that's fine we all have our own opinions so we should as they say "agree to disagree" and move on. That is what makes our world unique because we all have different opinions that sometimes we agree with and sometimes we don't and that's OK. that's what makes everyone different and our society diverse so we can all learn from each other. and that is my opinion which some will agree with and some wont and that's OK. We shouldn't dislike each other just because of an opinion that makes you who you are. That's why I am me, you are you and the next person is who they are.

GabbyPA 2012-03-13 09:19:52 -0500 Report

Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is good to have other members voice this so I don't sound like a broken record. I don't know why we feel a need to relive high school drama as adults. It was crappy the first time around.
The only thing I do take issue with is 7c. Sometimes when we share our contempt with others there becomes a worsening of the issue. Better left dealt with by a single flag. If it is inappropriate, it will be taken care of. Other than that...go get 'em Jim!

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-10 06:13:45 -0600 Report

Jim, I love this sorry I didn't see it sooner, haven't been on too much lately, have been feeling down and then I read this post and it reminded me how wonderful this place is and how much I continue to need my friends here. People here are reaching like I am for answers, for support, and for relief that that there are others just like them facing the every day challenges if D! This is a place of unity, as we continue to problem solve towards improvement with our friends at our sides! Thank you for this!

John Crowley
John Crowley 2012-03-07 10:16:24 -0600 Report

Thank you for being (to borrow a line from one of my favorite movies) "a calm and gentle voice of reason in a time of great madness."

The approach you outlined will definitely make a difference here.

Our hope from the beginning was that this place could be a safe place where we could share our real challenges, frustrations, successes, fears, and concerns. Like real friends, sometimes we need sympathy. Sometimes we need tough love. Sometimes we need a listening ear, while at other times we need someone to tell us like it really is. I know it can be difficult to handle every situation perfectly—particularly when we're only communicating through writing and we can't hear tone of voice or see facial expressions.

So if I could add a couple of pieces of advice to Jim's list, I would add this. Please give each other the benefit of the doubt. Even if you disagree with someone, start with the assumption that their intentions were good. I'm not asking for everything to be sunshine and smiles. It's OK to disagree at times. And we certainly will. But let's not be disagreeable. Let's maintain the respect (as Jim has asked) that is necessary to have meaningful conversations about this disease that has impacted all of our lives.


John Crowley
John Crowley 2012-03-07 10:16:54 -0600 Report

P.S. Bonus points to anyone who can name the movie :-)

meadowrose 2013-06-27 19:40:47 -0500 Report

I was just going to ask you what movie that was from. :)

meadowrose 2013-06-27 19:42:21 -0500 Report

How in the world do you delete your posts on here? My computer is exceedingly slow, and so I thought my posting reply didn't take, so I clicked it several times. Sorry for that! :(

Nick1962 2012-03-07 13:44:57 -0600 Report

Field of Dreams - Annie Kinsella speaking of Terrance Mann

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-07 13:54:29 -0600 Report

Field of Dreams - Annie Kinsella speaking of Terrance Mann. Hey John, you said points to anyone who could name the movie, not to the first one that could name the movie! Thanks Nick!

John Crowley
John Crowley 2012-03-07 15:11:56 -0600 Report

And of course, when I said bonus points, I meant bonus "cool" points. So I award both you and Nick 50 extra cool points :-)

Nick1962 2012-03-07 14:07:59 -0600 Report

I hate movies, so i only saw it in it's entirety once (wife's idea of a nice evening).
After Kinsella finishes her description of Mann and the 60's, Beula pipes up and says "I EXPERIENCED the 60's". Kinsella retorts "No, I think you had two fifties and moved right into the seventies."
I have no idea why I remember this.

Caroltoo 2012-03-07 14:12:33 -0600 Report

Interesting that you do. Usually, that connotes some emotional connection to either the content or something that was happening with you at the moment that burned the dialog into memory.

Nick1962 2012-03-07 14:31:56 -0600 Report

Nope, weird junk like that just sticks in my head, and by a 1 in 10000 chance I just happened to see it by John. And it was about '89 and with my ex that I saw it. But if you want to analyze it I'm open.

Barbara Kubacki
Barbara Kubacki 2012-03-07 07:32:52 -0600 Report

I am a new newbie. I was sad to read some postings. We are all here for the same reason. I came here to learn from the more experienced diabetic. I am hoping that this will be a good experience for me.

Miss_Teal 2013-04-22 13:48:12 -0500 Report

Me too Barbara I came here to learn and for support

elba237 2013-05-16 13:51:19 -0500 Report

and you and Barbara will found all the support you will need as I found it. Don't let few negative people make you think this place is not good. In every social media or web pages like this you will found people like that. Just ignore their words and report to the hosts of the page any bad comments or post you found. That way we could keep this place in the proper way. Welcome for you and Barbara. !!!

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-10 06:00:46 -0600 Report

Welcome Barbara, some of the stuff recently said had gotten me down, but then I realized the good that goes on here definitely outweighs the bad! This a WONDERFUL place!

Caroltoo 2012-03-07 14:06:12 -0600 Report

Barbara, those of us who have been here for a while are also saddedned by some of these recent postings. We are working to help get the site become a safer and happier place. There is a lot of good information here and some truely wonderful and helpful people.

Young1s 2012-03-07 09:25:13 -0600 Report

Welcome to DC Barbara. I feel bad that you (and everyone who is new) had to bear witness to what transpired but I'm glad it didn't turn you away from this amazing community. It's important to understand though that, even though it looked like it was the worst of us, it is also what's so great about us.

We're a very caring and passionate group. We cleave to each other strongly but will not hesitate to defend one another (or DC itself) with fire if the need is felt. But it's because we're a more than a community…we are family. And like all families, we laugh, we cry and we argue. But then we forgive, mend our fences and come back the next day in unified support of one another. Because the support is what's most important here. We each walk our own seperate paths, but we do it hand in hand.

jayabee52 2012-03-07 07:59:22 -0600 Report

Howdy Barbara, WELCOME to DiabeticConnect. Welcome to the "family". Thank you for having the courage to post here.

Unfortunately like many families there are sometimes tensions breaking open and folks say things in a heated way when they probably could, after thinking a bit cool off and put things in a different, more positive, constructive way.

Unfortunately that is common human behavior. Sometimes it indicates the depth of one's caring. For instance, say my teen age son wrecked the car. Completely totals it! I might be relieved that my son is safe but blow up at him for the collision. It is counterintuitive, I know, but a sad commentary on human behavior nonetheless.

You want to learn, that's great! I believe that this is one of the best places to learn from those who are "waliking the walk" of diabetes every day. I encourage you to ask questons. I do firmly believe that here on DC the ONLY "dumb", "stupid", or "foolish" questions are HONEST questions which are NOT ASKED!

You'll be doing us, (we can't read minds) yourself, and others who are here to read and those who come after, a favor by asking your question. Who knows what your question could bring about?

I pray also that this will be a fantastic and beneficial experience for you as well, Barbara!

Blessings upon you and yours!

James Baker

Lizardfan 2012-03-06 16:12:35 -0600 Report

YES!!! Thank you for posting your thoughts on this. It occurred to me when I have been reading about how to engage people to post on this site that all this negativity and posturing is NOT what this board is about. You won't see me commenting on those threads and if they continue I won't be reading here either. I appreciate the site so much. Let's get back to what we are here for. Hoping you all have had a great day!

MAYS 2012-03-06 16:04:09 -0600 Report

It's real simple, if you are not here to help, or to be helped read the discussion if you choose but leave the negative comments to yourself!

Life is complicated enough (although it shouldn't be) without the negative human element, if there was a single cure that could be granted for anything my request would be that it be a cure for ignorance.

Ignorance breeds many types of discontent which in turn breeds others.
It's human to disagree, but to intentionally harm someone is criminal and with all of the intelligence that man has, he remains the most destructive force in the universe because he attacks his own kind continuously.

How intelligent can he\she really be?

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."


Caroltoo 2012-03-07 02:20:19 -0600 Report

Yes: positive, encouraging, peaceful. No: negative, critical, hurtful. Thanks for sharing this response.

KarynCandy29 2012-03-06 12:02:39 -0600 Report

Well said Jim~
running a board is never easy and guild lines are there for a reason..We've all read the rules before we became a member..we should try to keep them in mind…lets try to remember that..We all came here for support..There's enough crap in real life..lets try not to bring it into our safe haven…be kind to each other after all we're all here for the same reasons…Hugs to all!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-06 12:13:00 -0600 Report

I never read the rules. :)

KarynCandy29 2012-03-06 15:32:31 -0600 Report

ohhhh :-)

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-06 16:11:12 -0600 Report

Well, first of all, I am a guy. A guy, according to the guy code, is not allowed to read anything before trying it, like putting together my grand daughters dollhouse! Reading before you try something is like asking for directions before you leave on a trip! 2nd, rules are usually common courtsey and common sense. I think Mom & Dad instilled both in me. Besides, if I think rules or signs are dumb or stupid I tend to ignore them. Example, for years the local Walmart wanted you to enter their store on the left. This is dumb. We drive on the right side of the road, we enter through the right door. i noticed today, after 5 years, they finally changed their sign. there are rules like stopping at a red light that make sense. It is for everyone's safety. Generally if there is a rule I don't like i will ask why. then decide to obey it or not. Sadly, I raised my children the same way, so as they grew up we explained to them why we had rules and they in turn would ask other adults why "This" was a rule. Final product, 2 girls, now in their 30's that can think, reason, and make decisions by themselves. Rules are not bad or good, it is the final product that they produce that matters.
I work at a children's camp. One very hot summer one of the darlings decided it would be fun to let the juice from the machine overflow the drain. His counselor told him to stop. "You can't make me stop, you are not allowed to touch me". I stepped in and said, "Maybe not. But I can" "Who are you?" "I am the maintenance man. If you do not stop and then clean up the counter and floor, I will turn your air conditioning off in your cabin and i will let your 6 cabin mates know that you are the reason they have no air conditioning" 2 of his cabin mates were there and said, "If you don't do what he says, we will beat you up!" the counselor then said, "And I won't be in the cabin when they do it" He stopped and the counselor had no problems with him the rest of the week AND he apologized to me the next day. Would I have done it. Yep! it is one of my rules. I always follow through on my word. :)

pixsidust 2012-03-06 10:54:55 -0600 Report

We have had a few Discussions on this same sort of topic but not so well put as you have listed some great guidelines. I think they are worth following! A key word is respect. Talk like you respect the other person.

Now if you just do not like what is said so you just feel attacked
because you did not get all the answers you wanted ,
be secure and know you do not have to have everyone agree or say what you want to hear. You can pick and choose what you listen to and accept.

Really most of us mean well. However there has been some disrespectful tones and words. If you feel you are headed that direction…maybe do not reply until you think through the way to be the best.

You can flag something if it is a real attack vs start multiple discussions that insight us to riot. Send your friends messages. Trust me that I will stand by your side. You have to decide. I care about all of you very much so everyone is important.

In this last incident, there was no name calling, no intended abuse but words that hurt because they lacked understanding and were harsh. There was no real knowledge to the full picture or I can not imagine they would have been said. Some of us are more wounded. Those who in our midst who have been treated without Love must be nurtured carefully so they may bloom again.

Even then telling another to Grow up is not my choice of friendly words. It played out in some real emotions and behind the scenes in emails. I would like to see these parties make peace publicly because I think there was some understanding reached via email but we are only privy to the public storm and are left with that only. Forgiveness and saying your sorry is so important.

Some do not know how to fashion their words of truth with softness.
I think we can try a little harder there…if you want to make a difference
and if you want to be received and heard…speak as to your dearest loved
All truth can be conveyed with tenderness

2012-03-05 23:48:20 -0600 Report

Hey Jim, may I add just 1 more thing to your GREAT list of 'rules" (lack of better terminology) "Do unto others, as you want done to yourself."

Harlen 2012-03-05 20:59:23 -0600 Report

Fighting fixes nothing understanding helps every one
If you can't help or are not suporting sey nothing .
Hugs to all my frends Here