My five minutes!!!

By dhopfer Latest Reply 2012-03-09 15:03:11 -0600
Started 2012-03-05 17:04:11 -0600

Okay, I try very hard not to let my emotions out. I try very hard to be positive but as I sit here I realy want to get into the floor kick and bang my hands on the floor and scream "I DONT WANT TO BE A DIABETIC" I dont want to carry a big purse for all my diabetic stuff. I dont want to fight every hour of every day. I dont want to watch what I eat. I dont want to go out to eat and watch everyone else have fun gobbling up all the junk while I count every carb and calerie. I dont want to pack a lunch just to go out shopping for the day. I dont want to worry about meds, test strips, batteries for my meter, food intake, water intake, liver, kidneys, leg gramps and nerve damage. I dont want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO BE SCARED THAT THIS WILL ONE DAY KILL ME. What happened to the days of geting up and go do what I want. Going horse back riding with out any luggage. Going to the store with out snacks in my purse. What happened to not living in fear. Did I eat enough so I wont drop during the night? Did I take my meds? Did I thank god for today???? Did I show appreciation to those that help me everyday? Did I accept what I have just for today and agree, just for today to fight the good fight to stay healthy? "YES"

Okay, thats my five min. Now I am going to go wash my face and get back to it!! Thanks for letting me vent!!

30 replies

Mizzgreenjeanz 2012-03-08 19:46:44 -0600 Report

You are not alone at all. I feel that way every day also. In fact, if I am being honest, I sometimes get so mad I sabotage myself by eating cruddy foods I shouldn't have. I have to constantly slow myself down until I am only taking it one step at a time. One day at a time. One MINUTE at a time sometimes. I even hate the doctors appointments! I have to force myself to go! So don't feel alone. I don't like this at all either! If you find a way to get past that…let me know ;)

jsiratt 2012-03-08 15:10:09 -0600 Report

I was feeling that way yesterday and a little today. You are not alone. I am glad it isn't just me. I have been feeling like the biggest baby and that i don't appreciate all the good I have. I believe we are all entitled to our moments.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-03-08 01:51:22 -0600 Report

It is ok to vent and feel the way you do, especially since you are so new to this. Once you get your routine down and know how to recogniize and correct symptoms, then it will get easier. The earlier you can do this, the better your life can be. Oh, you will still have days of the why me, but it'll pass.

Your last line proves just how strong you are!

Jeanae 2012-03-06 21:57:59 -0600 Report

It is good to vent. It is good to give voice to our frustrations and then let them go. I love how you ended. My Dad used to turn everything we said that was negative around and say it back as a positive. When I would say "I hate waking up at 4 to milk cows" He would turn and say "Thank you God for loving me so much that you gave me cows for fresh milk, butterm and beef." If I was upset because I was fat and my sisters are tiny he would look at me and say" I am so happy that I have been blessed with abundance of food that I do not have to worry about starvation" and so on. I try to be like him. My Dad was the kindest, most compassionate man I have ever known. He was the perfect balance to my Mom who always looked at the glass not only as half empty but probably filled with something she didn't like. I have psyched myself up. I took some friends out and we made it an adventure- shopping for purses that were large enough for my kit, my snacks, my walllet, my water bottle, etc. Glad you were able to vent- now you are ready to meet diabetes head on and kick its behind! Have a great day! You are not only a survivor you are a thriver!

Jan8 2012-03-06 16:15:29 -0600 Report

It's okay to feel the way you feel. Everybody feels that way now and then. I was there last week. Perseverance is the key but gee everybody needs a break now and then.

jigsaw 2012-03-05 20:41:13 -0600 Report

Here is a saying that helps me when I am feeling as you are expressing! It's simple to the point and profound at the same time.
I was feeling lousy about not having any shoes,…Until I saw the guy that didn't have any feet! It may sound harsh, but for me it's a great way of reminding myself how much I really have.

digitaldoorbell 2012-03-05 20:14:00 -0600 Report

I'm sure you will find that none of us here want this. I think you will also find that you aren't as afraid once you have more information.

We all understand and these feelings come and go. Just try your best every day. You may surprise yourself how well you do and how many of the concerns that you have become second nature. You just need to do some things differently now.

All the best.

EdnaShukis 2012-03-05 17:58:16 -0600 Report

oops feel free to vent when every you need to, this place is so helpful and I am glad you found it!

dhopfer 2012-03-05 18:05:14 -0600 Report

Thank you Edna. I have that brittle diabetes thing and am starting to lean toward insulin just to get better control. I am usally ok with it but the last few days I guess since saturday I have really been a bit emotional about this. We went to a fish fry saturday at out church and well. They had table and tables of what I cant eat. I know I could have a little but thats just enough to make me want more. I get a little frustrated. Thank you for the hug. I needed that. Heres one back at ya (HUGS)!!!!!!

EdnaShukis 2012-03-05 17:57:49 -0600 Report

Awww, you need a big HUG! so here it is BIG HUG… Learn all you can about being a diabetic and read, read and read. Ask you doctor to enroll you in a Diabetic Education Class, It seem so overwhelming at first but it becomes a way of life and you can remain very healthy. I have been an insulin dependent diabetic since 1993 and a diabetic since 1976 and after a while it just becomes a way of life. (I felt so much better when they put me on insulin and stopped the pills and less fatigued.) And I very proudly announce I have no complications!!! :>) After a while it becomes habit to carry the stuff you need, always have a food source and the medication you need when you go out. It just becomes automatic thinking and don't be embarrassed, there is no need to excuse your self or fell like you are the odd one out. like I said it becomes a way of life. I eat out a lot and it is not as bad as you think. I never tell anyone I am a diabetic unless it is a need to know, like my family and extended family like at work. If I should have symptoms and don't recognize them, I want them to remind me to take my meds or eat. God Bless you, my dear and good luck in your new Lifestyle.

byrun 2012-03-05 17:12:33 -0600 Report

Excellent!!! I am glad that you have a safe place to do just that…vent away my friend!! This "new exciting lifestyle" of ours will always be an adventure.

dhopfer 2012-03-05 17:44:48 -0600 Report

Thank you byrun!!!!!!!!!!! I really needed to air it out a little!!!

byrun 2012-03-05 17:47:18 -0600 Report

You are welcome my friend. You did air it out quite well and I especially liked your closing line.

dhopfer 2012-03-05 17:56:46 -0600 Report

I do feel better. you know, I am cancer survivor, I buried my first born child, I have had 7 surgery's, I am in menapause, I just turn 41 two days ago and now this wonderful new thing of diabetes. I am a little tired. I also know I am strong, I am a survivor!!!! I will NOT let this kill me. I might wine sometimes. I might even through a good fit. But at the end of it, I am still a survivor!!!!!!! God did not bring me this far to drop me on my head. I dont have to like having diabetes but I do have to accept it and take appropriate action every day, every hour!!!!

jigsaw 2012-03-07 11:59:48 -0600 Report

You are amazing! I would imagine you to have tremendous strength. I'm sure at times when your pain is not as sharp, you would be able to offer a great deal of understanding and support to others in need.

byrun 2012-03-06 14:34:32 -0600 Report

Sorry about the delay in responding. You are a survivor my friend. Your attitude is very similar to mine. I have diabetes. I will die with diabetes but not because of it.