Question if you please

By Anonymous Latest Reply 2012-03-06 14:40:36 -0600
Started 2012-03-04 06:09:21 -0600

Would you tell another person who has been a victim of MENTAL, VERBAL and PHYSICAL ABUSE in recent months, to believe those who abused her, care about her still? Would you tell that victim to "GROW UP" and accept the olive branch of Friendship? Knowing perhaps that those abusers are trying to worm their way back into the Victims' life? To know you may be accidentally setting the Victim up to be Abused again by her Abusers? I am trying to help a friend of mine who this was done too. She is highly upset and I know that some of you on here would give her the insight love support she is in need of plus the answer. Thank you Hugs

29 replies

MAYS 2012-03-06 14:40:36 -0600 Report

Freedom of choice can either be a blessing, or a curse.

When we decide to do, or to say something we must accept whatever becomes as a result of it.
Time allows us to move on, if we decide to forget time will help us to do so, if we decide to forgive it will assist us in this also.

Love comes in many forms and in many ways.
When you chastise a child is it out of love or hate?
The beauty of being human is our ability to choose the paths that we desire, some are joyous, others are not but walking the roads of life with a companion makes the journey less lonesome, even if the companion is a silent one!

Sometimes a hug is all that is needed to say, "I Love You."
The greatest weight that you can carry is the one you have placed on your very own shoulders!

If it's too heavy and it hurts, take it off and set it aside, as you walk away from it you will notice that the further you walk, the smaller it gets in your view when you look back at it until it disappears.


Jan8 2012-03-06 11:58:04 -0600 Report

I worked for an abused women and children center. My advice to them was get lots of plastic bags,put your stuff in them get out of there and I would pick them up at a Wendy's and take them back to the shelter. I did this because one time in my life I had been that woman but there were no shelters then.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-05 19:20:36 -0600 Report

You have your reasons for posting privately, but I want you to know, the bulk of the people on here don't care what your past "sins" are or why you are in the situation. We are here to support you, as you are, in any way we can. Peace to your heart and to your friend. Jim

Anonymous 2012-03-05 20:09:18 -0600 Report

Well this was like an erosion that slipped in and SMACKED me. Yet after someone saw me recently and realized that things were off, commented on it, did I look to see what they meant. So I am now getting back to where I was before. tyvm

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-05 19:12:54 -0600 Report

NO! I would tell and, if I could, help her, to get her butt out of that situation ASAP. I would tell her to stick the olive branch of friendship up their butts until it came out their nose. The crap that some people have gone through and are going through as far as abuse goes, especially when it is from someone that is suppose to love and care for them, is wrong. My parents, with 6 kids of their own on a blue collar workers salary, took in 6 kids over time that were abused. My admirattion for my parents just grows when I think about it.

pixsidust 2012-03-04 18:52:58 -0600 Report

The abuse Temi has received from her spouse is more
than we really know or hope to fathom.
Its a sad and shameful thing that has been done
While this man may feel some good feelings
and want to say he is a friend or cares
the truth of his actions speak for themselves
and the nature of his being is that of a snake.
He is unrepentant
He has bitten too many times
and is not to be embraced for he is poisonous to Temi's health.
There can be no friendship for the very nature of a snake
can never be trusted…let alone a man on drugs

We can only support from afar as she learns
to care for herself
She is not used to that and her new steps in that direction
may falter from time to time
We can listen to pain that seeks a place to be understood
Everyone needs someone to understand them.
If not us, then where?
Thats friendship and its love.
Beyond the purpose of this site, we are friends
In friendships we are family
Temi and all of you are family
Lets Love her…unconditionally

TsalagiLenape 2012-03-04 21:22:13 -0600 Report

Wow…now I am gonna cry happy tears ok? Hugs to all of you!

pixsidust 2012-03-06 14:07:27 -0600 Report

now if you left I could not say these words to you
I could not stand beside you
nor hold your hand or you mine
I need to love on you as much as you need me to do it
I would have loss in my heart if I could not.
I know (((you))) would never want me to feel that…

jayabee52 2012-03-04 19:13:23 -0600 Report

While i suspect this is referring to Temi, and I DO want to give her all the love and caring I can from this end of the wire, as IMO she is deserving of that.

This discussion was put up annonymously and didn't mention names. It could be a similar situation to Temi's, but a different situation. There are certainly many other women who are in essentially the same situation right now. So unless you have information on who posted this, Pixi, we cannot take it for granted that this refers to Temi.

Whoever it is does need love and compassion from us, to be sure!

pixsidust 2012-03-04 19:21:12 -0600 Report

You are an example of what a good man should be, James!

jayabee52 2012-03-04 19:25:50 -0600 Report

Thank you Pixi. I have always tried to be. I think that "Jem" saw that in me and I think SQ my current long distance relationship lady is getting that impression too!

She looks forward to getting my phone calls at night she says!

GabbyPA 2012-03-04 17:05:16 -0600 Report

This sounds like it is between your friend and her "abusers". Only she can know for sure what is going on. Sometimes we want to be involved and we really have no place to be in the middle.

There are always two sides to the story. Not saying that to defend the ones who abuse. They are generally emotional messes themselves, thus the abuse. There are just a lot of things that we are not privy to in such a situation.

I would offer her support and allow her to make her own choices. When she asks for help, be there. But if not, then help her work through what she needs to do to keep herself safe and healthy.

dietcherry 2012-03-04 16:26:46 -0600 Report

An unequivocal NO! There would have to be so much unfounded speculation on the advice-givers' part to even think that the victim somehow contributed to their own abuse!!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2012-03-05 19:17:41 -0600 Report

Victims, whether they are women, children or men are often made to think not only are they part of the problem, but are, in fact, the cause. This ends up getting ingrained in them and soon they feel that the acusations are right and they continue to return to be abused, becasue that is what they deserve.
Nobody deserves to be abused. Not in a friendship, not in a marriage, not in a parent-child relationship, not at all, in any relationship.

jayabee52 2012-03-04 09:36:29 -0600 Report

Perhaps I am wrong, but this sounds like someone here on the boards as of late. I won't mention her name, but let her know that she has my love and support.

It is hard to tell someone in her situation what to do, because I was not witness to the actual incidents of abuse. If she feels abused, then stay away from that person who did the abuse.

I had a situation in my personal life where I was subtly being emotionally abused. It took me a while to see it because I was so "in love" with her, but as she was a "borderline personality" she had a way of slipping the knife in and twisting it and making me feel like I was wrong.

My life is better without her in it everyday. Now about 10 yrs after the divorce we are back on speaking terms, and it is OK, but my relationship with her now is more like 2 old friends who have a long history together, but has had a rift in the relationship, now barely healed, and we can remember the good times of the past, yet we still hold one another "at arms' length".

If there has been physical abuse then that changes things. Above all she should be able to be safe. If necessary have her take a "temporary protective order" out on the person(s) involved in the abuse. (each jurisdiction has its own terms and requirements for filing — but generally the lady gets what she needs to feel safe).

My prayers are with her!

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-03-04 15:07:23 -0600 Report

I don't think you are wrong, as I'm sure I'm thinking of the same person. But I agree you need to stay away from that person.