Thanks for being here

By Caliafiosgram62 Latest Reply 2012-03-03 07:23:21 -0600
Started 2012-02-28 18:27:14 -0600

Hello friends.
I wasn't going to do this, but I need to go somewhere with this and I figure I could start with you folks. I usually try not to be "down" but I'm finding it harder to do it lately. You see, seven years ago on February 27, we lost our beautiful 37 month old granddaughter and following the holidays each year it gets really hard to face things. She was born on January 30, 2002. She was born without a brain and she lived until February 27, 2005. 37 months of pure joy. She did everything the doctors said she never would be able to do. I think she is the who taught me to take each day as it comes and go for everything that is possible. If Angela could do what she did then the rest of us should be able to do it also.
So as I like to say, this too shall pass. I'll try to be more upbeat in the future. It just takes a while to climb out of the pit. Thanks for listening.

21 replies

Set apart
Set apart 2012-03-03 07:23:21 -0600 Report

Hello there friend, what a beautiful name Angela, an angel in your midst forever as her love lives through you! So sorry for your pain, children are such a blessing to all! may you find strength through our support! Blessings!

Robin052 2012-03-01 22:18:57 -0600 Report

Hi Sweetie,
I can't imagine such horrible thing. I've never had children but I know it's an amazing thing that I have missed out on. I just happened upon your discussion because I saw responses but I didn't know to what. I'm very sorry for your loss and I know we should be thankful for just being alive, but I have to tell you. Before I came on here tonight to respond to someone, I was thinking I was having a nervous breakdown. I'm still not sure but it was regarding the loss of my baby brother 3/17/09. He was only 50 years old but was diagnosed with Chrohns disease when he was 13. They didn't have medicines for it like they do now but he lived his whole life in pain. I lost my dad in 1990, my mom in 2001 and then him. Now I am an orphan with now family, just my dogs. I just totally lost it tonight and have no clue why. I have never been the type of person to live in the moment. I worry about everything. I was very lucky to fly out to him, get hospice for his pain because the doctors told him the disease was taking over his body. We had a heart to heart talk sitting in his bed and he wanted to be at home. We talked about things like not changing my flight plans no matter what because I hadn't had a job in 3 years. I made all these promises to him. He died in my arms while I told him how much I loved him, that mom and dad were waiting for him and I would see him soon. I just laid in bed with him and his daughter showed up just as he was taking his last breath.

I don't want to go into the rest. Needless to say, his family has disowned me because I had called in Hospice. I am so angry. I know you cherish the moments with your 37 month old grandchild. OMG, what a fighter she was. She was here on this earth but she fought every step of the way. Be proud of her. There was a reason I didn't have kids and this was it. I said when I turned 40 and didn't have children by then, I wasn't going to because I don't know what would be the outcome. That's just me. You have every right to feel sad and don't listen to any one. They say time heals all wounds, but I believe it just lessens the pain. I don't think you ever get over it. How can you? You lost a precious gift. Do what is right for you.

Love, Light & Blessings,

robertoj 2012-03-01 03:08:59 -0600 Report

My beautiful nephew was born with his organs on the outside. The doctor had high hopes that an operation could be performed to fix it. It turned out that his arteries weren't fully formed. The doctor and the nurses were devastated. I'd never seen that before. He lived for a few days and was such a sweet baby. That was fifteen years ago and it's such a sad memory. I'm sorry for your loss.

hannelou 2012-03-01 02:11:05 -0600 Report

Some 48 yrs ago , I lost my first (she also had no brain )…the pain and sorrow never left me , even though I was blessed with 5 other children , all perfect .
Don't give up hope of having other grandchildren , I now am blessed with 11 , ranging from 24 yrs old and 2 yrs old …Saying a prayer for you …love to you , from far away …

Caliafiosgram62 2012-03-01 18:03:22 -0600 Report

Thank you hannelou. I have three more granddaughters now. They are great in their own right. The oldest is 6, then 4 then 1. They keep us busy when we see them.

GabbyPA 2012-02-29 19:40:53 -0600 Report

I know it is hard when you miss someone, but those months were pure miracles! Wow, to be able to thrive as she did is what I would use to inspire myself. She was sent to teach you to see the gift of life. How it is to beat the odds. She did more in her short life than many of us do in a lifetime because we put limits on ourselves. She knew no limits so she lived a life unbound.

Being down is understandable, but focus on the joys she brought and you will have her with you always.

Caliafiosgram62 2012-03-01 18:01:45 -0600 Report

There were no limits where Angela was concerned. Her father, my oldest son, would literally fling her into the air and she loved it. He would ask her if she wanted to fly and she would start to smile and laugh and squeel. It was great. So when she left us I like to think she flew away under her own power. Oh, she also knew sign language as talking was very difficult for her. I'd ask her questions and she'd sign simple answers to us.

GabbyPA 2012-03-02 09:58:11 -0600 Report

That is incredible! She may not have had a "brain" in the traditional sense, but she used what she had more than some of us who have a whole one do. That kind of thing amazes me.

Caliafiosgram62 2012-02-29 18:27:24 -0600 Report

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I know that everything everybody has said is true. I firmly believe that she has gone to a better place and that when my time comes, she will be there. Thanks again.

pixsidust 2012-02-29 13:28:42 -0600 Report

How the heart grieves~
She was your Angela…your Angel
So sweet in her brief moments here on earth
Surely the Angels swept her away with them and she lives
eternally with God.
She is not gone but in another place and you will see her again
completely whole.
My gram saw her relatives come for her before she died
and I believe she will come for me.
Your love will always remain and the treasure of moments
stay in your heart until you meet again.

Love to you

Caroltoo 2012-02-29 13:35:27 -0600 Report

Lovely thoughts, Pixsi. My father had the experience of his siblings coming for him. Really rather amazing since he was orphaned at 13 and had not seen or heard of/from them between that time and his death at 86!

locarbarbie 2012-02-29 11:07:33 -0600 Report

It sounds as though your grandaughters life was a miracle in itself, I was not aware it was possible to even live without a brain.

In addition to the Bible of course…a beautiful book that I have found comfort in is, "Heaven is for Real". Perhaps this book will offer you comfort in your time of need.

runthe 2012-02-28 22:29:47 -0600 Report

Hi Cali­afio­sgra­m62, I can relate to you. I lost my 15 month old granddaughter to Lukemia on sept 8th 2001. her bithday is on may 3rd. Every year on the death of her anniversary and her birthday I feel depress and cry. I try to remember the good times that i had with her. The sad thing about her death was that we didn't know she was sick until the last minute. No symptoms at all. She got sick labor day weekend and she died 7 days later. We were all in shock and it took us a long time to get over this. I know that you can never get over a death of a loved one but as times go by you get better. Try to remember the good things that you had with her. Take your time and grieve as long as you need you need.

Caliafiosgram62 2012-03-01 18:25:09 -0600 Report

It's always worse when it is a child. With us, we always knew that it was a possibility, but as time went on we started to think the doctors were wrong and she was going to beat the odds. But even then we had her for more than the six weeks the doctors predicted.

Caroltoo 2012-02-28 19:35:43 -0600 Report

You have just come through the January 30 to February 27 month in which you honor her birth, life, and death. Not surprising that it gets you down as the many of us experience sadness and/or depression during times which involve major trauma.

You are right in saying it will lessen, but I don't know that it will ever pass or that you would want it to. You have wonderful memories of her to cherish for your lifetime. The sad reality is that she has predeceased you and we parents/ grandparents aren't wired to cope too well with that degree of loss. It feels like its not the "natural order" of things to loose our children and grandchildren.

Perhaps each year, you can celebrate the joys a little more and feel the pain a little less and gradually come to a point of stasis that you feel that you can live with. You have had a major cause for celebration: birth and an extraordinary life and a major cause for grief and sadness: loss of a grandchild and all that child's potential. Allow yourself to grieve as much and as long as you need to honor Angela, then try to redirect your energy to celebrate the lives that remain to be lived.

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