By LillithaT Latest Reply 2012-03-02 06:12:17 -0600
Started 2012-02-26 14:50:31 -0600

I really don't understand what is up with me lately. I think some of it is switching around pills, off metformin, on paxil (again) a new anti-inflamatory for my back. Some days I just want to scream, others i just don't want to get out of bed all day. I have been doing better but the progress seems so slow at times. I have a bad habit of not giving myself any credit for the things i do accomplish. I also think that diabetes is one of the hardest things to live with at time. You cant just NOT eat. I watched my mom and most of her siblings pass away due to diabetes complications and now I am admittedly scared. I know that i am trying to take better care of myself than she did, but the fear is still there. She died when i was 23 and I see my kids and worry that i am going to leave them all to soon. I know that i will just keep plugging along in life and doing the best that i can. I guess I just needed to get all of this out in the open an out of my head. If you take the time to read my thoughts, thank you. Hopefully if nothing else, this will make someone else not feel so alone in what they are going through.

8 replies

TraceyLin 2012-02-28 11:45:47 -0600 Report

Thanks for sharing Lillitha, like you, my mom and her dad's side of the family is where the diabetes came from. The good news is that I was aware of my genetic history so took the proactive route and had my PCP test me on a regular basis that's why my A1C's never got higher than 7.5. The great thing about having diabetes now is that there is so much more knowledge and technology available to help us to not only cope with but to excel in spite of the fact that we are type 2 diabetics.

I have learned that the more stress I am under, the harder it is to control my diabetes. Stress also makes me doubt myself and my power to live a long healthy life regardless of my ailments. But as you said, it is soooo tiring and trying. Especially in the eating department. I am also a mother and grandmother. I didn't have diabetes when I was raising my children so I could eat all of the food they left on their plates without fear of going into a diabetic coma. So I do understand the trials of being a mother of young children. I've also had my grandchildren visit for long period over the summer and it is really difficult not to pig out on the cake, cookies and pies that they want me to bake since I have the biggest sweet tooth and the least amount of self control in the history of humans. I don't even keep the stuff in the house when I'm home alone because I am so bad, I will eat junk food every meal, no real food, substitute cake and ice cream for a meal. I'm horrid with sweets. Then of course I go through the guilty feelings of having attempted suicide by sugar. The funny thing is most of the time I do pretty good, but than someone will bring me a box of candy and I'll pig out until it's gone. Needless to say, I'm not perfect and food is not my enemy. But I do have to plan what I will eat before it's time to eat it.

I don't mean plan your meals in advance. I mean the "ok what do I feel like eating today?" kind of planning and build your meals around your desires. I find that if I eat what I have a "taste" for I tend to not binge or eat foolishly. I've found that I can eat anything I want to eat, just have to do so in moderation and with some planning. If I want my cake, I take it when it is time for me to take my meds so I know it isn't going to do as much damage and that my system can handle the levels of carbs that I'm dumping in. Don't worry, you'll develop a system that works for you over time. You can eat the same foods the kids eat, just not in as large quantities as they do. I try to keep my carbs down around 36 per meal. that's 2 slices of bread. I only cook parboiled rice as it has a lower glycemic index, like uncle bens, zatarains or some other parboiled has less carbs to start with. Only eat red potatoes, they have a lower glycemic index as well. this means it takes your body longer to break it down so your system isn't getting carbs dumped in as fast, but slowly and gradually, longer energy spikes from this. And all pasta, adante, not too soft, takes longer to break down the more firm it is.

You're doing great kiddo, not to worry.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-02-27 05:48:55 -0600 Report

Hi Lillitha, although every day is a challenge D can be controlled. This is one if not the only disease that when your doctors give it to you, a lot of what will happen will be about you and your choices! Every day for me is challenging, but everyone here on DC has helped me through support and education. The key factor is wanting to change and although some days we will have no control, taking care of yourself will make you feel better and you will enjoy your life to a greater extent! Enjoy your little ones, blessings!

pixsidust 2012-02-27 00:36:37 -0600 Report

in the midst of the all the stuff we endure
that affect our feelings of Mood, well being and feeling good
Reserve something for you each day
that gives you a reward and makes you feel good.
For me it could be many things
giving myself a facial, pampering my feet, stretching and light exercise
Planning my summer garden or some craft projects.
Theres that great cup of tea in the quiet after the kids are asleep
and the magazine that finally gets read.
Being a Mom, you are used to being on the back burner
Take a few moments when its about you
Put you on your schedule
Soon the burdens that press down will be lighter
and life will be richer…

Nick1962 2012-02-26 18:53:59 -0600 Report

Don't worry Lillitha, as you can see from James below, this doesn't have to conquer you. We know so much more about this condition now, and as you'll see from many folks here, you can get it down to just a minor incovenience with a little time and effort, and live a very fulfilling life.
Hang around here for a while and ask questions, there's usually at least one person who knows what you're going through and can jump right on it. This is a nice place - a real "if you are chilly, here take my sweater" kind of gang.

Young1s 2012-02-26 18:49:05 -0600 Report

Hello LillithaT. Welcome to DC. I'm glad you were able to get that off your chest. As James said this is the perfect place to vent like that. Sometimes it can be a relief to be able to talk to people who will understand because they've walked in your shoes.

I think you should take this fear you have right now and use it as fuel for your desire to be there for your kids. To teach them at an early age to live healthier and that this disease doesn't mean your world is coming to an end. I think you'll be surprised to see how easily they'll adjust to your new lifestyle.

Personally, fear was a great motivator for me to quit drinking and to do all I can to learn how to control my D. Back in September, I was hospitalized with a serious case of pancreatitis for the umpteenth time. I felt like and probably was literally on deaths doorstep. But by the Grace of God I pulled through. I was told that given the severity of the state I was in, and the quantity of which I drank on a daily basis, if I didn't quit drinking I most surely would die. Then the day after getting out of the hospital my doctor informed me that I am a Type II diabetic and needed to make some serious lifestyle changes to get control of it or it would get control of me and riddle me with all types of complications.

Well I love my family and my life too much to go out like that. Thankfully I was in the hospital long enough to reflect on how my numerous hospitalizations were effecting me, my family and everything I held dear in my life. So it was a no brainer. And after months of therapy, going to AA, lots of prayer and with the huge support system I have both home and here I have made some wonderful life changes. I am proud to say that I am now close to being 5 months sober and getting better control of my D and my overall health every day. And happier for it.

I guess I said all of that to say, don't be afraid of your fears. Chanel it into being your catalyst for a change for the better.

jayabee52 2012-02-26 15:58:20 -0600 Report

Lillitha, you are welcome, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

This is a place where you CAN come and vent and know there is someone "out there" (that is here in DC) who understands your feelings because likely they themselves felt the same way.

I see from your profile you're T2. I think you CAN get your diabetes under control eventually. I had to go through a long process to get "there", but if you want to get there without the complications and all the time I took to get there I could share with you my diabetes management menu, where I manage my diabetes without the use of diabetes medications simply through my menu plan. On this meal plan last year, I normalized (or close to it sometimes) my Blood Glucose readings, had an A1c of 5.5, lost 65 lbs in 1 yr and reduced the pain in my feet due to diabetes related neuropathy. If you would be interested in that meal plan just ask and I'll send it to you.

Blessings to you and yours!