Ignore my pitty party/complaining of life post...you've been forewarned

By rickbond1973 Latest Reply 2012-02-23 13:04:16 -0600
Started 2012-02-16 10:20:19 -0600

Not really looking for pitty, and I know life isn't fair…if you don't want to read my rant then please…certainly don't. I don't know where else better to let it out than here. Diagnosed T2 in March 2011. The dr probably told me my a1c at the time, but it was foreign to me…no idea what it was. Well…I'm quite a medical procrastinator…just had my second bloodwork done this past…Monday? Haven't heard back yet, but I'm expecting it won't be good. I very much want to change and control my food situation…I also very much want to exercise…and I've griped of this before, but I have little to no time in my life for making such changes. I used to work out quite a bit, but that's when I wasn't a parent. My two boys, commute, work…suck up my day. If I want to work out at 9/10pm…then great, but I don't. My number haven't gone below 200 in…I don't know how long. Yes, it's my fault. This would've been so much easier had it interrupted my life at a time when I had some time. Time to make changes…back when I was actively working out because it would've been much easier to just continue (now with a bigger purpose) than to figure out how to fit it into my schedule. Time…it sucks…and it grows less and less the older I (we) get.

I will be surprised if he doesn't tell me I have to start injecting…do I want to…no. However in the back of my mind I think…I might as well to get to healthy, non-destructive numbers. I'm not a talker…another reason I'm writing this. Online…typing it out…no biggie…talking to someone…have a hard time. Talking to a diabetic nutritionist or educator…I could probably do that…if I had time to go. This bloodwork I had done was supposed to have been done in June/July…of last year. Even my eating schedule is tight. My wife works in the evening, so we don't eat our dinner (boys eat earlier) until, quite often, 9pm. Morning fasting test doesn't even seem relevant (or fasting really) since we eat so late.

Again…I don't need responses…not looking for pity. I know it's all up to me to get ahold of this. Just frustrated and had to get it out somewhere. Thus I sit here at work ranting. If I tried to do it at home I couldn't get a sentence out without 8 interruptions and it would push it out 20 minutes to get a sentence in. Ugh…March 5th follow up with my doc. I also expect a nurse to call from his office telling me to come in sooner…once they see my numbers. I'll shut up now. Back to work.

26 replies

LTennion 2012-02-23 13:04:16 -0600 Report

Hello Rick! I hope you are feeling better by now! Don't appologise for venting. There is a great amount of satisfaction knowing that if nothing else, we can listen with understanding and compassion. Most every time you post, you will receive lots of tips and encouragement to help you out in your time of need. For me, the emotional aspects of coping with Diabetes can be devastating at times. It is a very fascinating & yet frustrating disorder. Once I finally realized that- unfortunately, I was/am on an emotional roller coaster, having "ups" & "downs"…good days & bad days…I try to remember, "This too shall pass". Ironically, this attitude has helped me to get through tough times. And of course, having our diabetic community available to me has certainly helped relieve the stress and bad attitudes that arise. Just knowing that this condition doesn't really have a quick, certain "fix", as there are so many variables that factor into how your body system is going to react under any given circumstances, and those situations are always changing. Change is inevitable, right? We have ALOT of choices to be made on a daily basis, and it's unrealistic for anyone to be expected to constantly always make the right decisions each & every time we're faced with the issues regarding our health. I'm not saying that we shouldn't always put forth our best effort with attempts to control our blood sugars, but I don't beleive that it's productive to beat yourself up or experience the guilt that often accompanies this disease. Just to except the "slip up" and get "back on the wagon" as soon as possible, has worked for me. Taking things one day at a time makes coping easier and not so overwhelming. Try taking baby steps. You are right about, time. It flys by. I don't know how the process works when we "actually" make the decision to change, but it does come from within, when we are truly ready. I'm not sure that simply "wanting it" is enough. There's bound to be more to it than that, otherwise, it would be easy, huh. It might help to try things and activities that include your boys. It's a sneaky way to get in some activity and spend quality time with your kids. My kids are grown now and although, I was blessed to be a stay at home Mom while they were young, and worked outside of the home once they were older. Looking back, I treasure the time I was able to have spent with them. I gathered that one of your biggest frustrations was not having enough time. I understand. It's difficult to prioritize when there are demands coming from all directions…jobs, mortgage, household upkeep and maintenance, expenses financially & emotionally raising kids, spouses needs, etc…and you don't feel good, nor do you have any extra energy, right? It's a balancing act! The feelings associated with diabetes come and go…expect that. Try living in the moment and yet always be aware of the future. Your children are only young for a short period of time. Strive for good memories, ake them proud of you for how you've dealt with the cards you've been dealt. Sorry for rambling on, but hopefully some of what I've mentioned or suggested hels in any small way. Best of wishes for you! Take Care!

Nick1962 2012-02-23 09:54:11 -0600 Report

Sorry Rick, latecomer to the party. After reading everything that’s been posted so far, can I ask a couple questions? I read your wife works late and as such you eat late. Is there a reason you need to eat late with her? I know it’s the “normal” thing to do, but can you eat earlier with the boys? Because of our schedule, me and the wife haven’t shared a weekday meal more than a dozen times in the last 10 years – weekends and holidays yes, but setting a feeding routine is necessary to control. Is it possible you and the boys could all exercise? Go for a walk at night? Could you walk on your lunch hour?
Do you need to have bread for every lunch? I know it’s convenient, but is a salad possible? My routine lunch is usually raw fresh vegetables and some form of nut snack mix (typically less than 10 carbs and 4 sugars the whole meal). Like you, I drive a computer most days and really don’t need to “fuel up” as much for the job. Weekends, yes, but I look at my potential caloric expenditure and tailor my intake to it.
Who controls the food in the house? You snack on whatever is available, but are they reasonably healthy things? Almonds are great, but even that can be overdone (like I do with unsalted peanuts).
Anyway, just wondering if those are some things you could possibly change.

rickbond1973 2012-02-17 14:27:56 -0600 Report

Well…I just called the Dr office to find out what my first a1c was…back in April 2011 (around my initial diagnosis) my magic number was 11.4 and my new magic number from earlier this week is 9.7. I realize it's still not great, but it's an improvement, and I can now hope that mentally I can convince myself that if I do MORE, make more changes (haven't made any DRASTIC changes yet)…maybe I can get it down more significantly. Though I guess I find it odd…because today my testing numbers have been 249, 357 and 327…and these are typical for me lately… ugh.

tahoeTed 2012-02-18 11:55:47 -0600 Report

Ok! Here's my rant which is also a thumbs up to you. My tests are very rarely above 200 but the a1c is always between 9.5 and 10.5. I would like to know what you ARE doing and I'm NOT to get better a1c's

rickbond1973 2012-02-23 09:12:39 -0600 Report

Unfortunately I'm not sure what I'm doing that's helpful. I still don't eat all that great. Minor changes…switched from bread for lunch to deli slims…pretty much limit my snacks from grabbing whatever is available at home…whenever I feel like munching on something (no telling what it may be) to a small handful of almonds whenever I get the snack urge (which the almonds are probably far healthier than what it was / could've been)…I still haven't added exercise (time constraints). I guess, as much as you may not want to hear it, it may be related to the individualism of db.

Here's a question to anyone reading this…maybe I should open a new conversation, but…do T2 dbetics get lows as well as highs or are the lows just for T1?

Nick1962 2012-02-23 09:26:28 -0600 Report

I can't say whether it's typical for T2's to get lows but I do. I have been in the 40's at times (but I don't trust meter accuracy), and it's usually a result of a rebound after a high spike.

jayabee52 2012-02-18 18:08:31 -0600 Report

Ted, since the A1c is an average if someone is prone to lows those lows show up in the average. My late wife sometimes because of her Rhumetoid arthritus and Lupis had to take steroids (prednisone pills or a cortisone shot) and when she was taking them had Blood Glucose levels in the 300 + range. But during the same time frame she had an A1c of 6! When I asked her endo about it he pointed out that A1c is an average including the highs AND the lows. Since her A1c was 6, she must have had some mighty low lows. He was right — she did have many lows. So having a lower A1c may not be as healthy for us as having a little higher A1c and not be on the BG roller coaster!

Caroltoo 2012-02-17 15:17:55 -0600 Report

Definite progress, Rick. Considering how down you were feeling and how stress also keeps our numbers up, just getting in a better more positive frame of mind about managing your diabetes may also help bring your numbers down a little.

Have you ever thought about learning more about ways to reduce the impact of the stresses in your life? You may not be able to make the stressors go away, but to learn how to give them less power?

rickbond1973 2012-02-23 09:05:00 -0600 Report

Can't say I have. There are a small number of things I would love to do if I could finagle the time, and I have yet to figure those out. lol In fact, one of them would probably, greatly assist me with my D…used to cycle a lot and haven't in years…miss it.

Harlen 2012-02-17 11:12:33 -0600 Report

Yep ben there done that
there are a lot of things you can do if you wish too
Ok this is silly but it workd for me
Working out
got my little one to help me do it she was all in to do it and when I later didnt feel like it she gave me crap (from a 6 year old its hard to take it ) lol
so I would do it every day just a very light work out nothing hard .
Now we do it every day ??
Best wishes

annesmith 2012-02-17 01:52:42 -0600 Report

Vent and rage all you want!!!!! I am so glad I am not the only one who is feeling hostile lately. This is the first night I have felt over half positive about this danged disease which really is a pain in the you know what. I'm glad someone reminded me that life is not fair..sorry to sound so negative. It's not. I think what happens part of the time is we all get used to , and thankful for, the positive things in life, then when something big happens, like say, your car breaking down ( my car is showing signs of getting ready to break down, and I can't afford a new one right now), we go " Hey!!!!! Everything was going so smooth, and now all of a sudden, WHAT am I supposed to do?" Yeah, I'm tired tonight, so, sorry for my jagged words, but, I myself am not happy with this economy…so many people ( including myself ) making only $7-$8 an hour. I only clear $243 a week between 2 jobs, I'm tired, attendance policy has gotten extremely STRICT at both my jobs. We can't even have an emergency room slip anymore at one of my jobs, and it is still counted as unexcused absence…you get 2 " unexcused" absences in a 3 month period, you get written up, then we get 3 write ups in a year before termination…LUNCHES? They now have to be EXACTLY 29 or 30 minutes…if we are diabetic, or have any other health condition, and we get back from lunch after 36 minutes, it's a strike against us…so, if I have 3-5 late lunches, I get wrote up for that, too…surveys—-I am now being evaluated at work also according to how many people decide they are in the mood to do a survey————I go home every night wondering in the back of my mind, HOW am I going to know from day to day how many people will turn in a survey for me? Sorry to go on—-I'm normally a very positive person, but, lately…ha…ANNE

MetalCohen 2012-02-18 08:10:39 -0600 Report

I finally got a grasp with online school and my partial broke. …4 weeks till approval. I am now laughing with two missing bottom teeth !

rickbond1973 2012-02-17 13:38:15 -0600 Report

I certainly don't want to "rub it in"…I was at an unpleasant job prior to my current job. always watched over the shoulder…I do feel fortunate to be where I am now…not under a microscope as I'm sure that would add significantly to my woes. Sorry to hear you have that stress adding to it all.

annesmith 2012-02-17 22:59:19 -0600 Report

I didn't think you were rubbing anything in at all. It helps when I write things down, or type them I am finding. I can see my whole picture better—-stress level, diabetes, and finances. I thank God I am only 41 years old..I hope your stress goes better. It sounds like you are happy where you are at now…ANNE

George1947 2012-02-16 21:27:17 -0600 Report

Ok, you whined, now get off your ass and get to work! Take your meds and change your life… You need to eat properly and exercise on top of any meds you need to take…

BTW, I didn't complain when I got diagnosed and I didn't complain with the cancer diagnosis either… I do what I need to do to stay as healthy as I can.

this isn't a scolding, it's a pep talk! :)

judy makowski
judy makowski 2012-02-16 16:50:54 -0600 Report

Heard you loud and clear. You aren't having a pitty party but you do sound frustrated and angry to me. Glad you felt you could vent with us. You did a great job of it. Even without knowing it you might have lowered you bs. If you want help at some point we are here for you any time.

Young1s 2012-02-16 14:38:34 -0600 Report

I'm glad you had the opportunity to get that out of your system, Holding it in is putting more stress on top of what you already have going on. I won't try to give you any advice because that's not what you want right now. But know that we are all here for you whenever you need us, for whatever. Be blessed my friend.

byrun 2012-02-16 12:22:16 -0600 Report

Good morning. Sometimes we just need to vent and this is a good place to do that. I my opinion, venting is a way to verbalize (in this case..virtually) your concerns and does help to get your thoughts/feelings in order. I think that you have done that and I don't believe your are having a pity party. You are right…life is not fair, we are living proof of that. I'm hearing/reading that there are several stressors in your life, work, commuting, kids schedules, all kinds of time constraints. Stress will also negatively affect our BG#'s and all of these normal-life things are part of that. But, I am also hearing/reading that you want to make changes and are having a difficult time with that…also very normal and not much different than almost everybody here. Worry will also cause a person additional stress. Your upcoming Dr. appt and test results will be whatever it is going to be. You could try to skew the #'s a little bit but that will require some drastic (also stressful) measures on your part. If I may suggest, pick a small change to do, for yourself and your family every week and gradually bring those changes into the healthier lifestyle that you want…and need. I wish you well my friend.

jayabee52 2012-02-16 11:44:13 -0600 Report

I am glad you have this forum on which to vent. I have learned that when someone needs to ventilate, it is healthy to do it, and do it in a forum where one feels safe.

But I am a GUY and one of my urges right now is to try to tell you how to fix it. I resist that urge, but want to let you know that IF (and only IF) you want some potential solutions, all you have to do is ask. Even if you think it is a "stupid" question. I believe that here on DC that the ONLY stupid question is an HONEST question which is NOT ASKED.

I hope that my praying for you and your situation would be OK.

I will shut up now.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-02-16 11:40:44 -0600 Report

We all need to vent at times, and who knows that better then your fellow diabetics. Sweetie, I'm 50 and have been type 1 since childhood and I know I have ranted, rebelled, cried, etc… Then after I'm done, I tell my self how lucky I am to be here and do all of that and have my family. I want to continue to be here, so I do what needs to be done like it or not.

You are so new to this, but it will click:)

dietcherry 2012-02-16 11:25:59 -0600 Report

Rage against the D all you want! Its healthy and one of the steps in coming to terms with it. Youre not asking for advice so Im not giving any; just know I heard you loud and clear :)

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