Will Power and determination and attitude adjustment

Tess K.
By Tess K. Latest Reply 2012-02-16 21:52:07 -0600
Started 2012-02-15 16:01:38 -0600

I am looking for some good suggestions to handle my weak will power, lackluster determination and an overall attitude adjustment. I need to get out of this poor, poor pitiful me…i have this wrong, that wrong, attitude, feel sorry for me, etc…I need to build self esteem and confidence…Please look at your experiences and throw some creative ideas my way. Looking forward to some good ideas for me to put in place and perk up and bring back to life the me I always was and always will be. (and boy is this taking a lot for me to put down on the computer and reach out to all of you) Thank you.

7 replies

Caroltoo 2012-02-16 19:38:43 -0600 Report

When I am feeling unsuccessful, I select one thing on my to-do list that I know I can do successfully and MAKE myself do it. It can be a LITTLE thing; the only goal at first is to get moving on something. When I'm finished, I check it off the list and look for another thing I can do. After I've done a few, I feel more in change and can begin to do a little more planning and start some bigger things.

Another thing I like to do is to set myself up for success. I've been sick for last 10 days and felt pretty bad, so I haven't been doing much besides blowing goo out of my nose, coughing, and sleeping. Those doesn't rank high in my perception of accomplishments, so today I decided I needed to do something that needed to be done (paid the bills) and then reward myself with something I wanted to do (go take a drive and see the beauty around me and, since I live in Hawaii, I don't have to look hard). Tomorrow, I will select a couple more chores and do something similar. By the end of the week, I'll be moving back on track and feeling better physically and better about me.

This time when I was sick, I also took good care of myself, so I need to acknowledge that as a plus. This is another way to reinforce yourself. Make a list of the good choices you have made recently. If something was 20% good and 80% unsuccessful, focus on the 20% success, not the unsuccessful part. Look for ways to add to your list. We all have a list of our failures that we can call up and recount enthusiastically at the drop of hat; do the same with the positives and make then count!!

You may need to take a serious look at what you are getting in exchange for allowing your will power to remain weak, your determination dulled, and you attitude not supportive of your success. This may sound like a foreign idea, but we people do what rewards us in some way. Now the reward may be negative. So … what do you get out having weak will and a poor attitude?

Change is frighening. I've seen in several of your posts that you want to make major changes. I'm guessing … and it is a guess, so it may be wrong—only you will know that … that as long as you see yourself as weak and unmotivated you don't have to tackle the scary mountain called change. The reward is that you can remain immobile and don't have to face the fear. Instead, decide what you want to do and then break the mountain down into managable steps. Celebrate the completion of each step or partial step and start climbing the mountain.

If you hang with the depression, you can dig yourself right into a pit. Sometimes a funny visualization might help you get out of it. Visualize you, head first down a hole, with just you feet sticking out. You could write a funny saying on the soles of your shoes "GIVE" on the left and "UP" on the right. Wave the feet around a little bit. Laugh at how silly you look, then pull yourself back out of the hole and get moving. Movement overcomes depression.

The unfailing cure for depression is motion. It doesn't much matter what you do or where you do it (as long as you aren't putting yourself in jeopardy), just move physically. Until it becomes a pattern, you may have to consciously take a walk or a run or a bike ride MANY times a day. Physical motion gives you energy for other tasks. Eventually, you will be able to movitate yourself with a thought rather than a walk.

Tess K.
Tess K. 2012-02-16 14:25:41 -0600 Report

Thank you…I needed to hear all this again…I appreciate your help.

Caroltoo 2012-02-16 19:06:37 -0600 Report

Tess, you always have the option of editing anything you wrote to make it sound more like what you wanted.

If you want to remove this post and just leave your response to Just Joyce at the end of her post, then click on "edit" and take out everything but the last period or remove the comment and add a brief statement like "oops, double post". When you edit, you will always still have your picture and at least one character, but you can change or remove most of your comment whenever you want.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2012-02-15 18:20:55 -0600 Report

To build self esteem, you have to have confidence in yourself as well as your abilities. Often times people fall into the "woe is me" category because they spend far too much time feeling sorry for themselves, or because they thrive on peoples sympathy because they are getting attention for the "woe is me" behavior.

I use to be that way, I had "Door Mat" etched on my forehead and people walked all over me. I finally got tired of having my feelings hurt or feeling as though I wasn't worthy and grew up. I learned to be assertive and started speaking up and out.

Many people get into a rut and at times feel as though everything they do is wrong. You have to step back and look at what you are doing, how you did it, and think of a way to do it better. Finally when you know you have done the very best that you can do, stand by it. Look at it as a thesis you have written or being sued by someone, you have to defend yourself and defend what you have done. You think that everything you do is wrong because you don't believe you can do something write. For a lot of people this comes from childhood. If a parent constantly berates a child for doing something wrong no matter what it is, the child is going to grow up to believe he or she can do nothing right. You are appearing as one of Pavlov's Dogs who have been conditioned to respond to certain stimulus. Only with you, you have conditioned yourself to being wrong all the time. Well I want you to know you did do one thing right. You reached out for help with your problem and that is a very big step in the right direction.

Wallowing in self pity only makes things worse. When you see yourself as a failure you project that image to others. They will see you also as a failure. If you work, your co-workers may eventually over time will not want to work with you.

Take one day at a time. Take one problem you have, it could be something you want to do, are currently doing or something you don't think you can do and try to solve it. Nothing beats a failure but a try so until you try to do something right you will always fail. Ask for help and listen to what the response is. There are people who can learn by watching, who can learn by listening or a combination of the two. I am a visual learner.

Go to Amazon.com and look for self help books on building confidence and assertiveness. If you can't afford to buy the book, borrow them from you local library. Contact your community college and see if they offer a class in Assertiveness Training and if you can't afford it, ask if you can audit the class.

Always know that you don't have to go through this alone. Someone on DC will be there to help you. Good luck to you.