My health issues

By ilovelife82 Latest Reply 2012-02-02 22:18:03 -0600
Started 2012-02-01 14:10:31 -0600

My fiance of 3 years Shaun has NO real health problems of his own; he drinks beer and other forms of alcohol, doesn't smoke anymore (he stopped in 2009), never recieved a flu shot (for which he clearly stated is the sole reason why he's never caught the flu/cold), doesn't exercise & eats very little (however, the food he does eat consists mostly of processed foods that are high in sodium/fat like Ramen Noodles, hot dogs, etc). He's also stated that he believes healthy foods are expensive (which they are unless you have coupons/sales but am I wrong for saying that?) and insists that we stock up on items that are inexpensive like Ramen Noodles…boxes of them! Being a Type II diabetic for nearly 17 years now, I understand the importance of living with diabetes like eating a well balanced diet, the dos/don'ts of consuming certain foods, etc! My issue is the following: There are certain foods that I'm not allowed to eat that could have detrimental effects on my blood sugar, but Shaun insists that we purchase those same foods in order to cut costs and save money…does anyone have any advice? I'm not trying to sound full of myself, but I want to put me and my life first; Shaun needs to understand that I have certain needs because of my existing conditions. Not only that, but also he has NO family history of any illnesses in his family (with the exceptions of his uncle passing away from a heart attack and his grandmother from brain cancer); I truly wish that Shaun can understand my predicament! I want us to have a long, full, healthy life together but his stubborness and insistance that we buy all processed foods and/or that coupons are bad 24/7 only conflicts the relationship further; life can be difficult when you're the only individual in the relationship who has diabetes (and hypertension as well)! With the healthy foods issue, it's also resulted in arguing constantly over financial issues as well and to be honest I feel lost and hopeless each time! If anyone can offer any assistance into my dilemma, I'd greatly appreciate it…thank you!

10 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-02-02 22:18:03 -0600 Report


I am sorry to hear that your fiance can't and won't understand the importance of a healthy diet and, more importantly, doesn't understand that eating healthy is of life and death importance to you.

I suspect that you have had a lot of conversations with him about this. I am wondering if it would help to bring him to a doctor's appointment with you and ask your doctor to explain your situation to him, and the necessity of a healthy diet for you. He may just need more information.

But you may also have to sit down with him and calmly explain that this is not negotiable, that you have to be on a healthy diet and that this is one area of your life that cost-cutting isn't possible. If he loves you, then he also has to want what's best for you. You are absolutely right to make your self-care a priority.

I feel bad for you. I know this isn't an easy situation. I am hoping that you can help Shaun to seethe light and and get on board with a healthier diet for both of you.

Please keep us posted!


Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2012-02-02 16:12:44 -0600 Report

I believe Shaun is reacting to the grim economy, I do not think he is saying that he wants you to eat unhealthy, but feels the pressure of, and probably like most of us, not having any money left after all the house hold expense's are paid.

draco59 2012-02-02 10:13:29 -0600 Report

Sorry to hear about you predicament, I know hard its deal with you heal problems, I have the same ones plus a few more. I have the support I need from my wife and family. In your case, if after 3 years he doesn’t understand your needs and is willing to help you and support your way of life. Well, I know you don’t want to hear this but, I really don’t think he’s ever going to change. You’re going have to learn to deal with it or leave him. I know that’s harsh, but we’re talking about your life here. If he’s not willing to give you the support you need now, he’s not going to do it for the long run.
I’ve seen it before, your health comes first, and then everything else should fall in to place. You have a hard decision to make and a lot of sole search, but the final decision is yours.
This is just my opinion, for what it’s worth.
Good luck

MEGriff1950 2012-02-02 15:55:13 -0600 Report

Hello, I have to agree with ryver. Your health is your priority and if your partner does not understand this now after 3 years he chooses his desires over your NEEDS. I would try couples counseling and having him attend a diabetes education class with you. If he refuses to do either or both you might want to take a long look at what your future with him will be like.

ShellyLargent 2012-02-01 16:48:23 -0600 Report

Do you each pay for half of the groceries? Does just one of you do the primary grocery shopping? If it were me, I'd simply let him keeping esting what he wants (with his half of the grocery money) and you buy and eat what you need to. Explain to him that you simply can't eat the same things he can, explain why, and if that doesn't work, then let him fend for himself for awhile. Your health needs should absolutely come first, and if he doesn't get that now, unfortunately, he's never going to.

Young1s 2012-02-01 16:36:42 -0600 Report

Wow, that's really tough. It's not selfish to want to eat healthy, especially when it means saving yourself from developing immediate and/or future complications.

I can understand your fiance's desire to save money but doesn't that go hand in hand with clipping coupons? Maybe it's a matter of pride for him. You could try to sit down with him and make a shopping list. Then go online and see what the total would be with and without using the coupons.

Before going shopping, come up with a meal plan for the week. Decide what foods will be prepared for breakfast, lunch, dinner and shop for those items only. That way you can make the list simple and aren't shopping blind or just grabbing things that may or may not be used.

If transportation isn't a problem, try shopping for sales all over. A lot of times I shop at several stores. I look through circulars from Stop n Shop, Shaws, Walgreens, CVS, you name, and compare sales items. But also be aware of the fact that just because something is on sale, that doesn't mean it's the lowest price offered. And the buy one get one free sales aren't always the best deal, especially if you don't necessarily need two.

Buying store brand items is useful if you have a discount card for that particular store. Their products are generally just as good and there might be a store brand discount for items that aren't part of that week's sale. If you're uncomfortable with people seeing the store brand containers in your fridge or cupboards, save the named brand empties and refill them with the store brand contents.

Buying items in bulk (such as TP, detergent, etc..) is another great option. I know their not food items, but when making your list for the following week, that's one or two less items that need to be bought. I also buy my herbs and spices in bulk. That way I just refill the small containers as needed and don't have to bring the large bottle to the stove.

I'm drawing a blank at this point but if I can remember some other things I will certainly let you know. I guess the most important things is to try to get your fiance to see that eating healthier could mean living longer for the both of you. And hopefully without diabetic complications. The only alternative is to eat separate meals. Which would be highly expensive but may have to happen if he won't meet you half way.

J Kate
J Kate 2012-02-01 14:40:12 -0600 Report

I applaud your efforts to put your health first. My heart goes out to your predicament. It is very difficult to get someone who has no idea what it's like to be you to understand. You really have no other choice but to put your health first. If you were to eat foods on the no-no list, we both know what would happen, and by the time your fiance realized you really do need healthy food- it would be too late. Not very helpful. There really isn't an easy answer. You can try to be patient and educate where you can, and you are not wrong for wanting to live a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps you and your fiance can meet in the middle on this. Here is a link to an article that might help:

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