I feel so alone!

melissa1987
By melissa1987 Latest Reply 2012-02-02 14:00:04 -0600
Started 2012-01-27 23:44:03 -0600

Aww I think I'm getting worse then better. I can't accept this disease and I know I have too. I'm drinking way more then I usually do and every time I think of it I just get depressed n cry. I hate it so much!! N my moods r so up n down its retarded. I noticed my blood sugar is getting higher then usual n I hate the fact of thinking I'm gonna gain weight. I don't get the card counting or anything n it's like I try to forget it … I feel like I'm never gonna be able to get in a relationship because he won't understand n I have trouble taking my insulin around with me I find it very embarrassing n I know I shouldn't feel like that but I do. O godd I just wonder if it's gonna get easier… I've been diagnosed since aug 29/2011 am I crazy for still not being able to accept this?


34 replies

buster 47
buster 47 2012-02-02 14:00:04 -0600 Report

please dont think you are alone. we have all gone thru this and it really does get better as it goes along. but you do have to cut down on the drinking because that only raises you bs so you are defeating yourself.you are in control of the disease it is not in control of you. there will be times when it may get the best of you but you just pick yourself up and brush yourself off and go again. reach out to all of us we are here for you and we all are willing to help you with the wisdom we have learned.

Redhead00
Redhead00 2012-01-31 21:12:32 -0600 Report

It took me about two moths to get adjusted. It only took my friend a few weeks. We all work a different pace.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-01-31 15:44:09 -0600 Report

No Melissa, you're NOT crazy at all. From my experience it does get easier.

Go ahead and cry all you need. I had many days where I felt like I was becoming unhinged. — and I am normally not like that.

As far as a relatonship is concerned, it will happen, and it won't matter to him because he will love you, in spite of your imperfections.

byrun
byrun 2012-01-31 16:16:50 -0600 Report

I agree with Nick and James except I would rather believe that you will be loved because of your imperfections. They are the creation of our personal character, the make up of who each of us become. Ever changing, ever growing. You are young, seeking advise and help from us who live this life and that tells me that you are also intelligent. With time and smarts you will understand whatever you need to know.

j

hillwalker
hillwalker 2012-01-31 16:11:26 -0600 Report

or perhaps because of them we are made up of our advantages and disadvantages and defined by how we learn to deal with them
often called Character and this place is full of character(s?)

Set apart
Set apart 2012-01-30 06:04:38 -0600 Report

Hi Melissa, well first of all I think you and will almost be sharing anniversaries, I was diagnosed august 2011 also on the 17th. No you are not crazy, cuz if you are than I and a lot of people are also. There are days when I still cry or become very emotional with all of this. With all of that said, Melissa we are in control of what this disease does to us to a great extent. I am now considering the pump, and also get tired of carrying stuff around I carry my log book where I track my readings along with my meals. This will help if you are not already doing this, I try to keep carbs below 40 and am trying to go lower so as not to need so much insulin. For me the hardest thing right now is that you and I are still in the honeymoon period, as T1s I am sure your dr told you that the pancreas for us sometimes wants to still work for us and when this happens we run a risk of a low. Like you i worry about weight gain, but so far watching my diet and exercising I have actually lost 9 lbs since the diagnosis, not sure what will happen since I seem to be needing more insulin that's why am cutting more on carb intake. Some days I feel horrible, some days I want cheetos, and then I remember that the choices I make will depend on how I feel. Good luck my friend!

margokittycat
margokittycat 2012-01-29 22:42:10 -0600 Report

Melissa, You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Your increased BS could be from the drinking. I know it is hard to deal with and cope with, but that is why we are all here. Have you looked into getting in to a Diabetic Education class in your area, they are great and they help you every step of the way.

Don't feel like you will never be able to get into a relationship, if you meet the right person they will accept you for who you are and the diabetes. Just be honest and up front about it, because the last thing you want or need when you get to that point is to hide it and then tell them about your diabetes and getting your heart broke because they can't handle it.

MoeGig
MoeGig 2012-01-29 21:33:16 -0600 Report

Hi Melissa: There is no doubt, the disease is a big pain to manage. After 46 years of testing and diet and taking shots and exercising and juggling all these issues, there has been good that has come out of it all. I am healthier than most of my old friends and peers. They didn't have to take care of themselves so they "blew up", got lazy, sedentary, etc. If you react properly, it can be a blessing in disguise. The disease itself doesn't really care who you are and your personal circumstances…it simply responds to what you do. If you take care of yourself and follow the rules, you remain healthy; if you don't, you can really suffer horrible and expensive complications. I've been lucky and at 67 am still very active and enjoying life. We all wish you happiness and good fortune.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser
Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2012-01-29 14:43:31 -0600 Report

No Melissa, you are not worse, you are still here trying to find the help you need, there are many here offering their hands in help, grasp as many as you can as you need to rely on as many good people as you can, the more pulling for you the better chance in finding what you need.
I am offering my friendship again, if this is something you want go to my profile and ask.
tom

sweetpea646
sweetpea646 2012-01-31 11:58:20 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed with diabetes and Im learning to deal with it daily. I joined a gym to keep my active and fit. And I walk as much as I can. After my 3rd child, my weight was 280lbs, I am now down to 219lbs. I still have another 49 more lbs to go.

buster 47
buster 47 2012-02-02 13:51:41 -0600 Report

you are doing wonderful keep it up. i have lost 80 lbs but i still have a ways to go i weighed 320 but i just keep trying even if i fail once in a while

Gypsyd21
Gypsyd21 2012-01-31 14:29:07 -0600 Report

Hi sweetpea! nice to meet you! You are doing so great on losing wieght! Keep it up! You are an encourment to me, thanks :)!

Young1s
Young1s 2012-01-29 13:38:56 -0600 Report

No you're not crazy and it's okay to cry about it. It's a good release of these feelings that are building up, when words just don't cut it. The important thing is what you do after that good cry. What choices are you making to change your situation or condition? Take a moment to sit down and really think about your diabetic journey up until now and ask yourself some questions.

Do I really know what diabetes is, if not, who or where can I go to to learn? Is it clear to me how my D is going to effect my body, moods, life, etc…from here on out? Have I taken good steps towards living a healthier lifestyle so far, if not, what do I need to change? Do I have everything that I need for controlling my D, if not, where can I get them? Where do I want to be 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, etc…down the road in my journey.

They may sound like silly questions but it's answering questions like these that will force you to really looking your D in the eye. Maybe these aren't the right ones for you but you do need to ask yourself if you know the basics of D living. You don't just wake up one day and know everything. You learn it a little at a time, day by day. Otherwise you'll find yourself on diabetic overload and won't be able to make heads nor tails of it all.

There's some excellent advice in the postings, from people who genuinely care about you. Take a moment to really hear what they are trying to say to you. Then, if you can, try to take one thing from each of them and apply it to some aspect of you D journey. As Gabby said even changing one small thing at a time is a step in the right direction and a confidence builder. Be blessed and hang in there. Things will get better and easier with time.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2012-01-29 03:03:36 -0600 Report

This will sound kind of weird, but this post does sound better than your last one. I think I see a glimmer of hope in that. You should too.

Getting a diagnosis like this is like dealing with the death of a loved one. Everyone takes it differently and everyone works through it at their own pace.

Perhaps by focusing on what positive things can come from this, you might be able to turn that corner that seems to elude you right now? Accepting it will mean that you can start to work on it. Working on it will mean that your numbers will tend to improve. Improved numbers will give you less of a roller coaster ride emotionally. Stable emotions can help you overcome your need to drink to make it all go away. Less drink will make you feel so much more confident. Confidence is unstoppable.

It does get easier, but only if you make some effort to start. Just like anything in life, the more you practice what you need to do, the easier it becomes. Then you can expand your growth from there.

Don't worry about what might go wrong or what people might think. That is not important. It is what you think that matters and if you are thinking of more positive outcomes of your day, then that is what will come to you.

I know it sounds easy on paper (or a computer screen). It is not always that way. But it won't get any easier if you don't try at least one thing. Make it something small that you are certain you can do. Then let that confidence build so you can try the next thing.

You have made a great effort and are still here. That is a wonderful fist step.

hillwalker
hillwalker 2012-01-28 22:32:35 -0600 Report

i feel your pain and wish i could help you with it. you have those that care and will help you if you ask you are definately not alone and certainly not the most crazy i know(i think that might be me some days) hang in there we are here for you

Nick1962
Nick1962 2012-01-28 18:21:06 -0600 Report

Nah Melissa, no crazier than the rest of us. These things will work out, and you’ll go on to live a full and satisfying life. No one says you’re gonna gain weight either. Once you get the carb thing straight, you’ll probably stay the same, and be able to control things so you can lose a little too if you think you need to. If you want I can walk you through the carb thing.
I second all the wisdom already posted, but want to add something else about you and relationships. The fact that you feel like you’re never gonna be able to get in a relationship because he won't understand I think you have backwards. Your condition (I don’t used the word disease) kind of acts as a filter to screen out all the jerks and idiots. You don’t find relationships; they find you, and sometimes the harder you look, the more they hide. One day it will happen, and he’ll be the guy who always has extra alcohol swabs in his glove compartment, takes you out to buy a new purse ‘cause all your testing stuff doesn’t fit in yours anymore, and checks local restaurant menus on the internet the week before Valentine’s Day to take you someplace he knows you can eat. Eventually he’ll probably always be checking that you have your stuff before you leave the house (might even keep a spare meter at his), and hound you more about your condition worse than you would yourself.
In the meantime, try not to waste too much emotion on something you know you’ll have to work with (I know, easier said than done). Eventually, it’ll be second nature and you won’t even think about it. I sometimes work with a girl a few years older than you who isn’t shy about her insulin. She doesn’t make a production of it, but she’ll whip out her pen just about any time no matter who’s around. Makes her a little stronger in my eyes.
Music always helps my moods too. If you have some favorite songs, sometimes dancing in the dark and singing into your hairbrush can be just the right pick-me-up (not that I do that).

MAYS
MAYS 2012-01-28 14:25:51 -0600 Report

As with any chronic illness depression can set in making matters worse.
You have to take things one day and one step at a time, easier said than done at first but necessary…remember we are all here to help one another!
Together we can all help one another deal with diabetes, just give us a chance!

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser
Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2012-01-28 14:07:39 -0600 Report

:( .

melissa1987
melissa1987 2012-01-28 18:59:57 -0600 Report

I wanna say I'm sorry to you… I over reacted I think n I shouldn't of lashed out like that just cuz I had a drink in me no excuse. I can't get on the site to inbox you. I hope you will forgive me Hun because I did not mean it n maybe I took the inbox message in the wrong way. I don't want to have enemy's on this site ..take care to
To old n grey

pixsidust
pixsidust 2012-01-28 11:42:49 -0600 Report

You are not alone and yet you are
in the company of friends that you keep.

Please seek the help of diabetic communities that teach
about the disease face to face so you can meet people

I do not know if Canada has AA but you have to build yourself
a network of people who support your life of healthy living
because they are living healthy themselves

You are beautiful, stunningly so
So be careful and discerning on the choices of people
many will gravitate to you so just be choosy
Love yourself…We all need love
We love you here but you need the right love at home
and in your companionship

Jan8
Jan8 2012-01-28 07:47:57 -0600 Report

Yes, it's a normal reaction. My doc sent me to a diabetic nutritionist and for counselling. The nutritionist really gave me some good info. Also there are products on this site that will give you some good ideas. You do not have to gain weight. Some people say that with insulin you gain weight but it's all individual. We are all different and I have not gained weight since I was diagnosed.In fact, I have lost weight because I am eating differently.

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-27 23:55:59 -0600 Report

No, Melissa, not crazy at all. You're having a reaction to your diagnosis. You want it to not be real, so you are acting like it isn't there. It's called "denial" and its part of the grieving process that each of us go through as we try to come to understand this major change in our lives. It's not easy at first; in fact, it's really hard at first. When you learn the skills involved and accept the need for treatment, it becomes a lot easier.

Since diabetes can cause serious harm to your kidneys, heart, and blood vessels, you do have to come to grips with this and move forward to keep from further hurting yourself. It's a balancing act for now … how long can you put off taking care of yourself before you cause yourself some serious harm? I don't know the answer to that and neither do you, but the situation is real and you need to make some choices soon.

Still hoping that you will soon care enough about you to take care of yourself and have a long, healthy, and joyful life ahead of you.

MEGriff1950
MEGriff1950 2012-01-28 07:19:30 -0600 Report

Melissa in addition to what Carol posted you need to discuss all of your issues with your doctor. You may need medications to help with depression, anxiety or bi-polar problems. You may also need help with your drinking disorder. Sometimes getting on the correct medications for mental issues will help you to stop drinking. I quit drinking in 2000 while I was on prozac. I think that you really need professional help to get you through this.
I also highly recommend a diabetes education class to help you to understand you disease and gain the tools you need to gain control. Keep searching this DC site and learn how others are coping.
Good luck and God Bless
Mary

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