How can u get someone to eat the foods he is surpose to have

Lois - 25202
By Lois - 25202 Latest Reply 2008-11-09 12:04:40 -0600
Started 2008-11-08 20:57:07 -0600

How can u get someone to eat what he is surpose to eat, without eating things that he isn't surpose to and when I say somrthing to my husband, he says, I don't want him to have it and it isn't that, he isn't surpose to have it and when I buy health food that he can have,he tells me me if I ever bring that in again, he will throw it in the trash, I'm at wits end and don't know what to do please any ideas thanks Lois

6 replies

kdroberts 2008-11-08 22:22:33 -0600 Report

It's hard, but you can't do anything. The person with diabetes has to want to deal with it.

One shock tactic is to go in with wills, insurance and stuff like that and start discussing what you will do when they die. Planning the funeral, finding out where important documents are, making sure the will is up to date, making sure insurance is good, etc. When they ask why you just tell them that because of their lifestyle and the diabetes you want to make sure that when they die, because that's where they are heading and it might be soon, you want to be prepared and know that you are going to be covered. It may be the motivator he needs. Although it's not something nice to say or do you need to because, if the worst comes to the worst and he doesn't change, you will need to have planned all that stuff.

Lee Ann - 22107
Lee Ann - 22107 2008-11-09 00:04:28 -0600 Report

Personally, I think that approach is really passive-aggressive, and is just another version of scare tactics, which frankly, are rotten (having been at the receiving end of them for years and years, I know). Maybe it'll serve to nudge him in a better direction, but chances are it will push him away more, make him angry, make him resentful that he has this and she doesn't, possibly reinforce his belief that this disease is going to get him regardless of what he does if that's where he's at with this mentally, and really could further strain the relationship.

Like I suggested, counseling if you want to learn to cope with this in such a way that you are taking care of yourself as well as facilitating behavior change in him.

kdroberts 2008-11-09 11:07:31 -0600 Report

There is that side of things but in reality, diabetes isn't a joke. If somebody doesn't want to take care of themselves you need to realize that it won't be all good long term and you will need to know that you and your family will be protected and OK should you loose the income from one job or should you loose that person altogether. It's the hardest thing in the world to do but especially if you have kids, you have to look to securing their future.

Counseling is good but you still need the person to want to change. You can't force it.

Lee Ann - 22107
Lee Ann - 22107 2008-11-09 12:04:40 -0600 Report

I don't disagree that it's important to have those matters taken care of, and hopefully, they're already in place, especially if one has children. Regardless, you said to use it as a "shock tactic". I think using anything just to try and scare or shock someone into managing their diabetes backfires more often than not for the reasons I already stated. You can ask most people who've had the usual scare tactics used on them - "you're going to go blind and lose your legs and kidneys" - and they'll tell you how completely ineffective that approach is. Your suggestion is just another version of that.

It sounds like you think I recommend counseling for some other reason than to achieve the goal of diabetes management, when that IS the reason I recommend it. It would be more accurate to say "Counseling is good BECAUSE you need that person to want to change. You can't force it, but counseling can facilitate that process." If she does need to address long term planning issues, a counselor can help her find a way to approach it that won't exacerbate the situation. Those issues are important to resolve, but he's clearly not adjusting to the diagnosis, and the goal is to help him work through the hurdles he's experiencing, not create even more.

Lee Ann - 22107
Lee Ann - 22107 2008-11-08 21:15:22 -0600 Report

What Judy said is all true. I'll add that diabetes is not just his disease. It's your family's disease because it clearly affects everyone. I recommend seeing if his endocrinologist's office either has a mental health professional on staff or can recommend one. Ideally, you'll both go, but even if he won't go, I think you might benefit from going so you can talk about your frustrations. A good counselor will help you disengage from this power struggle in such a way that might actually facilitate some behavior change on his part. It might seem like a round-about way of achieving the end result, but it's probably going to be your best strategy at this point.

2008-11-08 21:07:15 -0600 Report

Lois, unfortunately as the old saying goes 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink'. This is your husbands responsibility to take control of his food choices and learn what he can have and how much. You can help him but I'm afraid you can't do it for him. I know you sound like you love him and want what's best for him but sometimes that's not enough. He has to want what's best for him too. Wish I had better answers for you but I don't. Sorry. Tough love?