Depression

berryj09
By berryj09 Latest Reply 2012-01-17 21:58:37 -0600
Started 2012-01-14 20:33:49 -0600

Hello all. This is my first post. As I am finally getting out of this stupid depression for what seemed to be a lifetime. Told myself that this year it was going to be different and that anyone or anything in my way of reaching that resolution will be moved out of the way by force. Been living with diabetes for 7 years now and I can honestly say that i let the term disease change my life drastically. For what reason? Idk maybe the fact that I took the word disease to be something that I can't control that it has already happened…I've been reading so many of you guys post on here and although I may not respond to any. I understand where most of you guys are coming from…I too lived in fear, stressed out of the complications diabetes bring to someone who doesn't take of themselves…the long nights of when your laying in bed and wondering why you didn't take your meds and why you didn't listen to those that at only trying to help you…I've lived through that, even if u might think I'm too young "21". I've survived 8 near death experiences. All of which i was told I was almost dead…I'm venting on things that I know you all go through.


18 replies

michelle2385
michelle2385 2012-01-17 21:58:37 -0600 Report

Hello berry , I myself do not have diabetes, my grandmother does and has had it for ee years, i moved in with her recently to take care of her, she was told that she needs to go on dialyisis treatments if she wants to live in the next four or five months, I myself didnt understand how this disease can make someone that was so happy , be angry and mad all the time, but living with her i see what and how it does, the battle to control this disease and it controling you is very difficult. I see how it can rip someones world apart, its not just a change to the way you live and eat for a short period of time it is a drastic change that has to be made for the rest of your life and is important to control it so that it doesnt control you, i never understood why it was so hard but living with her for a week or more , and studying all there is to diabetes i see now, so i just wanted to tell you though i may not know exactly what you are going through , i am here to listen any time you need to vent and talk to ok, my thoughts and prayers go out to you god bless you

michelle2385
michelle2385 2012-01-17 21:58:29 -0600 Report

Hello berry , I myself do not have diabetes, my grandmother does and has had it for ee years, i moved in with her recently to take care of her, she was told that she needs to go on dialyisis treatments if she wants to live in the next four or five months, I myself didnt understand how this disease can make someone that was so happy , be angry and mad all the time, but living with her i see what and how it does, the battle to control this disease and it controling you is very difficult. I see how it can rip someones world apart, its not just a change to the way you live and eat for a short period of time it is a drastic change that has to be made for the rest of your life and is important to control it so that it doesnt control you, i never understood why it was so hard but living with her for a week or more , and studying all there is to diabetes i see now, so i just wanted to tell you though i may not know exactly what you are going through , i am here to listen any time you need to vent and talk to ok, my thoughts and prayers go out to you god bless you

michelle2385
michelle2385 2012-01-17 21:58:27 -0600 Report

Hello berry , I myself do not have diabetes, my grandmother does and has had it for ee years, i moved in with her recently to take care of her, she was told that she needs to go on dialyisis treatments if she wants to live in the next four or five months, I myself didnt understand how this disease can make someone that was so happy , be angry and mad all the time, but living with her i see what and how it does, the battle to control this disease and it controling you is very difficult. I see how it can rip someones world apart, its not just a change to the way you live and eat for a short period of time it is a drastic change that has to be made for the rest of your life and is important to control it so that it doesnt control you, i never understood why it was so hard but living with her for a week or more , and studying all there is to diabetes i see now, so i just wanted to tell you though i may not know exactly what you are going through , i am here to listen any time you need to vent and talk to ok, my thoughts and prayers go out to you god bless you

Young1s
Young1s 2012-01-16 09:31:18 -0600 Report

Hello Berry. Glad to here that you're in a better state of mind and are ready to take control of your D. The term disease, however accurate, has never been how I've described it. I consider my diabetes as a "condition" that I will have to deal with but on my terms. Hold on to that never give up attitude. It will be your strength and the driving force in those times when living with D gets stressful or frustrating. But as Dr. Gary stated, if you feel your depression starting to resurface, seek professional help BEFORE it becomes mind consuming again. We're here for you as well so feel free to vent whenever you see fit. It can serve to releive those emotional build ups that can fester and/or grow out of proportion. Take care and be blessed.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-01-15 23:03:24 -0600 Report

I too have suffered near death experiences. They are really scary of course. Some of my near death experiences I saw angels, talked to God, and my guardian angel. Suicide is never an answer…never. I never suffered depression with this disease until about a year ago. When my blood sugar falls too low, I get really depressed. I have been forcing myself to avoid lows to the best of my ability, and this has helped a lot. It seemed easier when I was in my 30s, but I have really noticed since I turned 40, things have changed. I have severe joint inflammation every night, an ulcerated left foot. I bought new shoes—-diabetic shoes—2 pair, and this has helped . Just keep on praying to God, if you are a Christian, and I wish you the best!!!!!!!—-Sincerely, ANNE

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-14 23:49:52 -0600 Report

Sounds like you have done a major attitudinal 360 degree turn. This is so perceptive. Were all here to be a support, just ask for what you need. Carol

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-01-14 22:10:35 -0600 Report

HI!

Thanks for your excellent post, with so much honest and wisdom. It sounds like you have learned a lot from your experiences and are moving forward in 2012 with an empowered attitude. I hope that you will look to your friends on Diabetic Connect to support you this year.

But if the depression creeps up again, I encourage you to reach out for help from a mental health professional. Don't go through this alone!

Best wishes for 2012!

Gary

berryj09
berryj09 2012-01-14 21:27:32 -0600 Report

My life has been through so much but I know that with the strength you held and I do now I will make it through and as signs of me improving…depressions and suicide does not run my mind anymore. I've come to accept what I have and am willing to give to show anyone and myself that I'm here because I never gave up.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-01-14 21:21:35 -0600 Report

WELCOME! Berry! I am glad you're getting your depression under control. I have suffered with depression at some level most of my life, from my teen age years until about 2006 or 2007. (I'm almost 60 now so that was a lot of years). For many of those years I lived with suicide ideation, and according to whether things were going good or not so good for me the suicidal thoughts would be more in the background, or more in the front of my mind and consciousness if things were tough for me.

My darkest time was when I had to go on dialysis for a kidney shutdown, and I had just been divorced from a 25 year marriage, my sons were scattering across the nation, I had become disabled a year before and had virtually no income and no health insurance. It was a rugged time for me! And I thought of stopping my dialysis treatments and let the disease carry my life away.

But I thought of the example I'd set for my sons. It would give them the wrong message if I willingly let death take me when the going got tough. When my sons would have hard times in their lives they'd see a dad who gave up instead of fighting for life. And then they might get the idea that it would be OK to take the "easy way" out of this life. I did not want to give them that example, so I chose to continue with the dialysis treatments.

Since that time I have not had one suicidal thought. Over the course of 2007 my life improved greatly. I got better from the dialysis, eventually not needing it at all after 1o mos. I also was declared to be disabled by the social security Administration and entitled to income and medicare, and then I met a fantastic lady and we fell in love and got married in 2008. Even after my bride died July 2010 I still didn't become depressed. And even though my physical health is not so good, my emotional life is doing great! And continues to be so as we enter 2012.

I pray you will find emotional health as well as physical health.
Blessings to you and yours

James baker

berryj09
berryj09 2012-01-14 20:52:33 -0600 Report

The only thing I do to control my emotions and let it all out is by writing poetry…staying to myself somedays to think about things that really bother me and why…or I just play my video games. Trust me all this helps me greatly.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-01-15 23:06:47 -0600 Report

Thank you for reminding me of hobbies…something I do not always do enough of. I make rugs and I like television…of course, watching television I do not want to gain weight. I have definitely found that writing letters here online helps me tremendously, as I cannot thank everyone on this site enough for being such good friends with me…ANNE

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-15 23:25:13 -0600 Report

What kind of rugs do you make.
One of the new people just today said she wanted a pen pal. She lives in Maine.

annesmith
annesmith 2012-01-17 00:56:29 -0600 Report

I make latch hook rugs…I started making them when I as 13 years old, and then went about 8 years not making them, made them more off and on, and am back to making them. I never did like detailed stuff like knitting…ha. I could use a pen pal, as we are more short staffed than ever at work, and it was a very great day, but very stressful …the stress from lack of help ( I work in a store and love my job), but the stress level is getting huge..some days are quiet, but the stress…everywhere so many people are going through so much stress at work it's astounding. It would be nice to have a pen pal to talk to…sincerely, ANNE