Frustration; comas; living alone; sick and tired

SaraO
By SaraO Latest Reply 2012-01-07 11:19:27 -0600
Started 2012-01-01 15:18:15 -0600

Happy New Year!!! I guess… I am 34 years old and have had type one diabetes since I was 21. Due to my weight they assumed it was type two, despite my age, so in 2006 I had the gastric bi pass and lost around 100lbs, putting me at a very happy 180 at 5'7". I have 2 sons, born after my diagnosis that are 9 and 11. I am divorcing my second husband, not the boy's father and I feel so alone and scared. In 2008, I suffered a misscarriage at 11 weeks due to my diabetes possibly, but that was when I first had diabetic coma problems.
In 2008 after the baby died, no one knew, and my doctors were trying to up my insulin to prepare for my placneta and hormone changes in my second trimester, I began suffering from Diabetic comas. I am assuming that term is just for low sugar. The baby had died at around 8 weeks after an ultra sound had showed us the beautiful little heart beat. I felt invincible. I felt ready to go through another diabetic pregnancy. So since we saw that heatbeat we had a false sence of security about the baby. My body was all hormoney and messed up trying to figure out what to do with this little passed away fetus that we didn't know had died, so even though I was checking my sugars regularly, I would end up going into these comas and ending up with parametic in my room and multiple trips to the er, where no one checked to see if baby was ok. Duh, but anyway, over a two week period I suffered from multiple comas, once 2 trips to the er in one day, and we tried everything. We had the "epi-pen" shot for dropped sugar. We did honey we did it all. Eventually after being horribliy sick for 2 weeks, I lost the baby, and moved on, well it's a process, but comas were never to be heard of again for 4 years… In fact I felt very in tune with my body and low sugar signals, thanks to the er trips and parametic visits.

SOOOOO… that brings me to what I'm here for. I kicked out my second husband, and he moved back home with his family in July. In another state. We are selling out house so that is holding up the divorce… anyway so here I am feeling so sick and tired of being scared. Of being scolded, of feeling like I can't take care of myself.

I just got home from an overnight out of town for new years. I'm dating this great guy. He's really nice and we are great friends, we dated briefly in the summer, and I fell in love so we cooled it and started back dating about 6 weeks ago. So his band is preforming all night at this pub. Wonderful wonderful night. Great party, great times. So we get back to our hotel, that is 3 blocks away from the bar, at around 2 am and he finds out his Dad is in the hospital with a nose bleed, he takes blood thiners, and is obviously upset even though he is very stoic and quiet. So I had 2 beers and a shot of whiskey over about 4 hours time. I check my sugar and it's 49. So I open up my handy dandy snack pack and get out 2 fiber one bars with about 7gr of protien and maybe 27 grams of sugar. I am exhausted, I give though to running down the hall for a coke or something else sugary but, assume I've had enough to be ok.

Next thing I know I'm being moved on to a wheely strecher thing and am going down the hall and elevator to the ambulance. I start saying the F word. Over and over. I realize I have probably blown it with this guy who I really care about, who I am waiting to have feelings for me…and here I am freaking sick. He needs me. He is worried about his Dad. Why does this have to be happening? I'm so freaking sick of everything. Sick of diabetes, sick of sugars, sick of being the cared for. I should be the care taker. I don't want everything to be about me. Seriously. I hate it.

I'm fairly sure one of two things is about to happen, either because of this rediculous shang hi of the attention. He is either going to realize how much he loves me, or the most likely that as much fun as I am , I am too much freaking trouble to bother with. Know what, I'm sick of bother with myself most of the time soon. I miss "normal" so much. I hate diabetes so much.

He of course comes to the hopital in the ambulance, and he is quiet as usual. That is very normal. He asks me very seriously about how much I had to drink at the pub. I was visable drunk at the party, but he was on stage from 9 on except for one or 2 breaks. I had given up any kind of drinking for about 2 months and had 2 guinness and the one shot of Jameson. And a few sips of champagne. Spread out. I told him that. Asked him if he believed me, he said I don't know and clammed back up. I of course was appoligizing so much to him that I was annoying myself, so I stopped.

By the time I got to the hospital my sugar was around 59. I think they said it was 20something in the hotel room. So the quick and dirty is I ended up having a blatter infection or UTI and even though I normally don't drimk and eat smaller spread out meals, obviously low blood sugar. I am usually sort of a small meals kind of girl and apparently my body and sugars are more used to it than I realize.

I'm so tired of feeling like I can't do things. I'm sick of being too much work. I know I take lots of patience and attention. I'm not for everyone, but I feel so mad about this coma thing. I realized in the silence on the way home that I prefer my sugars to be high. Since I live alone when the boys are at thier father's house, having a higher bs, means I don't have to worry about waking up in a pool of sweat in my bed, or not waking up at all. The harder I try to maintain good blood sugar, the harder it is to keep it up out of the gutter. If it's high, i may feel crappier, but atleast I don't have that fear of something happening when no one is here. Seems like no matter how hard I try my sugars are so brittle, that I wake up shakey and dripping wet and terrified that I might have slipped into unconsiousness and not have someone to call the paramedics. I garentee you I will have a bad sugar day after waking that way because I do tend to over compensate when it's been low and I'm scared for it to drop again.

I seem to have developed this defense mecanism, which I realize is destructive to my future and current health, where it's less scary to have high sugars. I'm in some sort of survial mode. It's crapy and I hate it. But i'm not sure how to stop it.

Thanks for listening! I would love some advice.

SaraO


27 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2012-01-03 17:28:53 -0600 Report

Hi Sara,

I am not a physician so I can't comment on your blood sugar control challenges, other than to say that I am sorry to read that you went through this and am glad that you are okay.

I counsel individuals who are facing chronic illness and did want to try to offer you some support and make a suggestion. From reading our post, it seems that you are feeling kind of hopeless right now, and that you are worried that you are going to be alone. It also seems that you are placing a lot of importance on having a man in your life. I understand that you don't want to be alone and am certainly not judging you.

I am thinking that it could be really helfpul to you to get some counseling from a mental health professional, preferably someone who understands the issues that people with chronic conditions face. You might want to talk about depression, feeling hopeless, self esttem, your anger at how your life is going, and loneliness. A counselor could help you to gain some perspective on your life, help you to have more satisfaction and peace of mind, and help you to learn some new coping skills to help you with the feelings that keep coming up.

I am also concerned about the drinking that you did. Again, no judgments. But for someone with diabetes, alcohol use can be very unsafe, as you know, and can in that way also be self-destructive. It's always a good idea to consider getting some help when you find yourself behaving in a self-destructive manner.

Again, I am not a doctor. But I am wondering if it might help to talk to your doctor about what's going on with your blood sugar and see if you might be able to work together more closely to help you to maintain better control. I know that what you are going through is scary and frustrating. I am hopeful that you and your doctor might be able to help you to get your blood sugar more under control.

You sound like a great person, smart and caring and lovable. I encourage you to reach out for help. The way that you are feeling is treatable. Don't go through this alone.

And stay in touch with your friends here on Diabetic Connect.

Take care of yourself,

Gary

SaraO
SaraO 2012-01-03 18:50:32 -0600 Report

I really appriciate your advice. I do have an anxiety disorder, that stems from living in a violent household when I was young. And I know that I tend to be very co-dependant and I want everything to be "perfect." I also have a "Daddy complex." I just want people to like me, value me so much. Because of these issues it has made it very hard for me to get the councling/help I need, because I feel like as soon as someone knows about my whole life, whole story, I am exposed and embarassed. Then I start missing sessions and eventually quit. I know this about myself. A very good friend offered to give me a ride to therapy, and that seems like a good idea, because then if I try to wiggle out of going, I'm also putting my friend "out."
The drinking thing is sort of new. I began drinking pretty regularly and unhealthily over the summer when the stuff with my ex went down. I drank maybe 3 nights a week, and my A1C was the worst it has ever been. I was hospitalized 2 months ago for Kedoacidosis. 3 days in the hospital 2 in ICU. It was scary and I had never felt so horrible in my life. I discussed with my endocrinologist that I was pretty sure my drinking was to blame, so I gave it up. I was in the habbit of drinking probably twice as much in an evening that I did on NYE, so I was sort of surprised at how drunk I became. I guess my body was enjoying the no drinking, that I had chosen to take upon myself. I figured one night wasn't going to be a big deal. Well, clearly that was a mistake.
I feel really happy to be here where I can take a no bs kind of attitude. I don't have to hide my fears, concerns or problems. That feels really refreshing, I am normally a fairly outspoken person, just not about personal stuff. I guess a main problem of mine is finding that unconditional love thing that so many people seem to have. I have no close family, a few close friends, but I have that fear of running people off because of my fear of not being perfect, not being an easy person to deal with. Maybe I'm being too personal. I don't know. But I do enjoy hearing everyone's advice.

Jeanae
Jeanae 2012-01-03 08:42:46 -0600 Report

First let me say I am sorry you have gone through the hardships that you have gone through. I am sorry that your life is difficult and life seems to be kicking you while you are down. I have had several miscarriages- none related to diabetes and all attributed to a different reason. We went through several fertility treatments, etc to no avail. During this time I was watching my youngest sister fal in and out of relationships and using abortion as birth control. I was so hurt and angry at God that I stopped going to church, stopped praying, etc. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor shortly after that and things really spiraled. I finally came to the point that I was broken- totally emotionally, physically broken and then a miracle happened. I was healed. Not only was I healed but a few months later I gave birth to my baby boy (perfectly healthy). He is now 18 yrs. old. Last August I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes along with several other medical issues. My first instinct was to get angry. I am the only one in my family that has been in a wonderful marriage and have never cheated on my husband. I am the only one that is not a heavy drinker or smoker. I actually am the only nice one in the family. Yet I have this disease and they are all thin, beautiful and care free. My Mother-in-law (whom I have a love hate relationship with) said to me one day- "are you going to be a cry baby your whole life or are you going to grow up?" I felt like she slapped me in the face. Then I realized I was blessed beyond belief. I did have three beautiful children. I have a wonderful husband. I have a home, a have food, I have health care even if it is… less than great. AND I had the ability to try and fight back. I journal my food and exercise. I journal my thoughts. I have a prayer journal. Yes I have highs and lows. But I have LIFE and a reson to live. You have children who love and need you. If this man leaves, then he was not the right one for you. I know that is easy to say but diabetics will face some serious medical emergencies sometime. You need some one that can be there for you no matter what. You need someone who will carry you when you are too weak to go on (not really talking physically). More importantly you deserve that. The woman who posted and you thought it was judgemental was probably saying what she thought you needed to hear and I am sure it was done with the best intentions. Bottom line- support comes in all types- sweet, comforting words, pratical advice, strong "let's fix this" tyoe words, and even silent prayers that are being saud for you by people not really ready to post. Let yourself feel this support and now get to work on you. You deserve it. Good luck and have a healthy, happy, new year.

lifedriver
lifedriver 2012-01-02 17:20:12 -0600 Report

I can feel your pain and stress you are going thru. I had a family member that aws going through the same things you spoke of. Yes it is difficult to live with the various setbacks of this disease when you are living alone and it is an unsafe situation for you. Stay positive, Stay prayerful …LIVE

'Second Chance'
'Second Chance' 2012-01-02 01:13:18 -0600 Report

'HAPPY NEW YEAR'!! SaraO, don't give up, life is too precious!! GOD gave us life so that we can enjoy it and one another!! Abundantly is HIS promise!! We all have gone through something in our life time, but we have to have faith in GOD, that HE wil see us through it!! HE PROMISED HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US NOR FORSAKE US!! TRUST GOD!!! Ask GOD to give you the strength you need to get back on track with your BS, and stay on track!! And remember, you can do all things through CHRIST who strengtheneth you; Philippians 4:13, be blessed!

SaraO
SaraO 2012-01-02 01:46:14 -0600 Report

I have always like the one about Giving your burdens to God because his yoke is light…I'm not sure the exact words. It always makes me focus better. I was raised in church, lived that life, but it has been hard for me to be on "speaking terms" with Jesus lately. I figure he's a good friend and I know he will take me back when I get over it…It is just so difficult to be in the one place I know I need most because I get that empty chair thing in that building. I stare at my grandparents pew, sometimes it feels like I will look up and see my mom sitting there too, even though she died when I was 21. Yep, not a great year for me… but I appriciate your prayers and understand all of your logic, I just can't accept the Lord right now. I just can't imagine trusting him when so many things have hurt me in the past few years. He couldn't possible just stand by and let me suffer. I CAN NOT possible be strong enough to bear it all. I wish he didn't trust me so much. I'm sure it will all come out in the wash, work out as they say. But I'm just not there yet. I truely wish I was. I'm trying my best to forgive him, I just can't quite do it yet. I never give up, so don't worry.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-01-02 02:19:58 -0600 Report

Actually it was Jesus Himself (whom I believe was and IS almighty God) who said that in Matthew 11: 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” NIV

Yes I have been in a similar place to where you are now, and I also had wished God didn't trust me so much. But after I went through my times of suffering and looking back I can see how that prepared me for much of what was to come in my life later on. And I firmly believe that even though the poem "Footprints in the sand" is not in the Bible, the thoughts and ideas contained in it are. If you are not familiar with it look at it here ~ http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.ph...

Also consider what is written in 1 Corinthians 10: 13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." NIV No God didn't say it would be easy, but He makes it so you can ENDURE it.

Set apart
Set apart 2012-01-02 16:52:08 -0600 Report

James, you are so right! What you wrote I think all of us needed to hear. Sara when I first diagnosed 4 months ago with this terrible Type I Diabetes, I cried so much and I still cry from time to time. I have 5 siblings and am the only one that seems to have gone through so much with my kids and my ex-husband. I have had to fight for everything in my life since I was like 13 and am 48 now. I even asked God - WHY ME-isn't there anyone else you can pick on? Come on God like look around me there are so many others who haven't had a turn in a long time. Through all of this Sara - God and I have gotten stronger, can't remember the scripture exactly, maybe someone else can help, "If thou art with me who can be against me." The New Year has started Sara and like you I got a little down - got some bad news that seems to be leading me to more and more insulin daily. What worked 2 weeks ago isn't working now. Sara don't give up - let God carry you through this. He will - for he has promised us - to worry and to have anxiety comes from Satan, but with God we find peace! I get scared when I sleep - I sometimes may over do it with carb intake when I go to bed in case I am a little low, I can't find a medium with all of this, but I know that God can prevail for me and he will. He loves us and please remember you are a child of God, you are protected by the blood of Jesus Christ, Satan runs from this so remind him of this. Please take care and don't give up. I have a new husband now who reaches out at night to make sure I am not sweating, sometimes I wake up wondering if he even sleeps as we checks to make sure I am okay. Go to bed at night with peace, check your BGs and have a snack, and then ask God to hold you as you sleep. Keep in Touch! This website well everyone knows how I feel it's a Godsend for me and everyone else!

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-02 01:55:34 -0600 Report

You are right. He is a good and patient friend and will take you back when you get over it. I've similarly wondered at times why he would allow such pain, but I do also know that you and I are both strong and the fact that we are discussing this together today shows that we DID bear it. We didnt' WANT TO, but we DID bear it.

Seeing places we have previously shared in life with loved ones who are no longer with us is very painful. Don't know if you are in a large or small community, but, if there is more than one church, you might try another for a while. I've had times when I've been so disappointed with the Church, that I've made a hillside or patch of wildflowers my church. You don't need to be in the building until you are ready. God is willing to meet you anywhere.

Anonymous
Anonymous 2012-01-02 18:35:14 -0600 Report

Hello,First Happy New Year, God never place more on a person than they can carry, God bless. DavidHol.

SaraO
SaraO 2012-01-02 00:23:19 -0600 Report

Thanks Carol. I appriciate your words. Sometimes I think I'm so used to the crazieness of my life I forget how it must affect my diabetes too. I didn't know I had a blatter infection until I got to the er. For some reason I don't get the normal pain with urination like most people. I even took my temp that morning because my throat was hurting. Seems funny it turned out to be the other end. See I guess I CAN find humor still. :) I look forward to talking more.

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-02 01:25:24 -0600 Report

LOL. A sense of humor is a mind saving characteristic. The lack of sensitivity of your bladder can be the result of a specific diabetic neuropathy. High blood sugar kills nerve sensitivity. It can happen in any part of the body. Expand that a little and it's not a good thought.

Caroltoo
Caroltoo 2012-01-01 23:36:10 -0600 Report

Hi, Sara,

Sounds like you have a whole bundle of major life changes going on right now. That is certainly enough to frustrate you! I am experiencing a bunch myself right now and can sure identify with the feelings!! The difference is that you woke up in the hospital confused and afraid, while I have control of my BGs and feel safe. It is a BIG difference and that, too me, is where the problem lies, so think with me a little bit.

Yes, infections cause our BGs to soar, so does stress, so does eating inappropriately or differently, and drinking when we don't usually. It seems that some of those things were happening to you yesterday and you crashed. I don't know what that will do to this new relationship you are cherishing hopes for, guess only time will tell about that and that's a hard one to accept because you seem very invested in it.

I think maybe the bigger issue for long term success for you, is that you discover how it identify what causes the problem and avoid those situations or at least minimize them…like, if you know you have a UTI, stay home and take care of it. OK, it was New Years Eve and no one wants to stay home…I do get it. I'm just suggesting that maybe in this next year, as you process this experience, you can start identifying the stress points that may have built up and caused the crash and work on a plan to help make it not happen again.

I, too, hope your relationship servives this experience, but the more you can take charge of you and show you can manage, the more likely this will be a one time experience instead of a recurrent one. It would scare me to death, to repeatedly pass out like this and I would do just about anything to figure out how to prevent it. For your safety, as well as your childrens', I hope you figure this one out.

Hang around with us and let's process this some more as you get more ideas about what may help.

Carol

maclover1524
maclover1524 2012-01-01 20:10:57 -0600 Report

You create your own experience. Realize that what is happening to you is of your own doing. That is not to be cruel that is to be real. You need to get yourself under control, you need to realize that the diabetes is real and you are in control of that disease also. Stop looking for answers outside of yourself - stop blaming everyone else for your problems. Yes, you have had some difficult times and losing a baby is one of the most heartbreaking events anyone can experience. But that doesn't mean your life can spiral out of control. Start taking responsibility for your life and your diabetes. Stop making excuses. You will know you are in control when you go to the library or an online book store and order the book, "Diabetes Solution" by Richard Bernstein, M.D. Read this book. It will tell you that your diabetes is in your control and it will tell you how to have normal blood sugars and so much more. I say that you will know that your in control when you get this book because when you buy the book, you are taking the first right step to getting yourself back to being healthy. Diabetes does not have to cause you all these problems. Your drinking and the way you are living your life is something you need to get control of and now. Life is wonderful! Life is good. You live in the United States of America - THE BEST country in the world to live in. You have more advantages than 90% of the population of this world. Take advantage of them - use them to create a new experience - a new life. A life of taking care of yourself, a life of health and well -being. A life that looks forward to the future with anticipation not dread. You create your own experience - remember that line. It will lead you in the right direction every time.

roshy
roshy 2012-01-07 11:19:27 -0600 Report

"by choice, not chance, determines ones destiny!!!!"

sums up what your trying to say!!! and your right!!! nicely said! except on the US being the best country in the world!!! I have to srick up for my Island!!!

trmckinnon
trmckinnon 2012-01-03 21:06:28 -0600 Report

That was very well said, I have been a diabetic for 21 yrs. and never thought of it as being a death sentence but, for years I chose to live life by my own self taught standards and looked at the doctors as if they knew nothing. When I finally took responsibility for myself it was only then I took my life back and stop feeling sorry for myself or even playing the pity roll. I have always been ambitious and outgoing but, I let myself go through the why me stage and often questioned GOD. Now I often say why not me because, I have this disease and i am in control of it now. I changed a lot of things in my life as eating habits, weight loss, and exercise. Educating yourself and knowing your own body is the best advice I can give on being a diabetic. When you know your own body then you know the different warning signs when things change with you. There will always be difficult times and trying times but, also rewarding times and fun times. Our life is precious and we only have one. Lets continue to make the best of it. God bless each of you always.

SCLWKR
SCLWKR 2012-01-02 16:04:32 -0600 Report

To Sara regarding MACLOVER1524:

This is a very loving and supportive place. And it is a place where people will tell you the truth not just what you want to hear. If someone seems to come on strong it could be because they really care and understand that diabetes is a very serious matter and needs to be taken care of immediately. It is easy to soft sell daibetes and think, well, I'll get on track after the Holidays, next week, next month, etc. But the hard truth is that it is never too soon to take this thing seriously. I don't think anyone on this site is judemental as we have all walked a mile in each other's shoes and have learned many things along the road. I, for one, am happy people care enough to tell it to me straight as MACLOVER 1524 did. So hang in here with us and think about moving forward from today and giving up the past. Also, it is vital that you surround yourself with people who not only say they love you, but understand what it is you need and how able they are to support you. If there are people in your life who choose not to be behind you on this, let them go and find others who will be on your side. You are the one responsible for your self and your actions. Don't do things to please the new boyfriend (drink, party,ignore your treatment plan) just so he thinks you will be a no maintenance playmate. Take a step back and get your health in order (it takes work, but what doesn't?), then you can choose who you want as a life partner. Committ to yourself and partner with diabetes instead of fighting with it. Keep us all posted and I look forward to your company on this journey. {{Hugs and Health}} Sherrie

SCLWKR
SCLWKR 2012-01-02 00:03:30 -0600 Report

Just ordered the book at "Better World Books.com $4.93 with free shipping. Looking forward to reading it.

SaraO
SaraO 2012-01-01 22:04:25 -0600 Report

I realize that I have had a really tough day and may be missreading you intention, but it seems like your responce is somewhat judgemental and preachy. I am looking for a little bit of encouragement here. I'm hoping that I am not the only one who has ever had these feelings. I wish that I could say that the misscarriage I had was the worst thing that happened to me in the past 10 years. I know that I'm a downer today, but I guess I was looking for encouragement. I feel like you are lecturing me like my mom or something, tough love or whatever. I feel bad enough about my situation with out you telling me it's all my fault. You might not approve of my lifesyle, but it feels to me like you are trying to sell books or something. I pride myself in being kind and helpful to other people, and unfortunately cruel to myself. I hate that about myself. I wish I had the confidance that I encourage others to have. I wish I wasn't so passionate and outgoing. Sorry I wasted your time with my pitty party, but I was taught if you don't have something nice to say atleast TRY to say it in nice way. Sorry about sounding harsh, but I thought this was gonna be a loving place.

trmckinnon
trmckinnon 2012-01-03 21:24:06 -0600 Report

Hello SaraO,
I know a lot about miscarriages, I have had six and each time it took a lot out of me. I understand how you must be feeling but, believe me when I say that it will get better for you. I have been married for 16 yrs. and me and my husband do not share any children together. I had two children before we married and we raised them together but, still it was sad because we continued to try and I continued to miscarriage. Don't be sorry for expressing yourself and your feelings. We all need a prayer, some advice, or a new found friendship. Keep your head up. If you ever need to talk feel free to write. I have found out that when I talk things out, it helps me overcome obstacles throughout my life and share what I have been through with others openly and honestly. Don't let this get/keep you down. In time all things will heal. You seem to be a beautiful young lady that hit a bump in the road. Keep traveling and the road gets easier. Never be your worst enemy Sara, I used to be the same way. I used that so other people could not hurt me but, that too was a dead end road of self-destruction. You have something to share as well as others do and maybe you are going through this so you can teach someone else. I want you to know that taking control of your life is not cruel but, real because until you do then things will continue to be out of control. Take some time to figure out what keeps driving your blood sugars through the roof. There are a lot of factors that are known and unknown that will do this. Everyone has a story to tell it is up to you how it will end. With love and concern always, Tangela.

SCLWKR
SCLWKR 2012-01-02 16:03:49 -0600 Report

This is a very loving and supportive place. And it is a place where people will tell you the truth not just what you want to hear. If someone seems to come on strong it could be because they really care and understand that diabetes is a very serious matter and needs to be taken care of immediately. It is easy to soft sell daibetes and think, well, I'll get on track after the Holidays, next week, next month, etc. But the hard truth is that it is never too soon to take this thing seriously. I don't think anyone on this site is judemental as we have all walked a mile in each other's shoes and have learned many things along the road. I, for one, am happy people care enough to tell it to me straight as MACLOVER 1524 did. So hang in here with us and think about moving forward from today and giving up the past. Also, it is vital that you surround yourself with people who not only say they love you, but understand what it is you need and how able they are to support you. If there are people in your life who choose not to be behind you on this, let them go and find others who will be on your side. You are the one responsible for your self and your actions. Don't do things to please the new boyfriend (drink, party,ignore your treatment plan) just so he thinks you will be a no maintenance playmate. Take a step back and get your health in order (it takes work, but what doesn't?), then you can choose who you want as a life partner. Committ to yourself and partner with diabetes instead of fighting with it. Keep us all posted and I look forward to your company on this journey. {{Hugs and Health}} Sherrie

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-01-02 00:27:45 -0600 Report

I believe that this IS a loving place Sara, or I would not have continued here for over 3 years!

I shared my slipups with the people on the website and I have had responses of comfort and support and then there were folks who felt I needed some tough love a time or two. I took that tough love for what it appeared to be, tough to take, tough to say, but meant in love nonetheless.

Sorry, Sara you had such a rough day. It is REALLY tough going through the life changes you are experiencing at this point in your life. Even if you want to get rid of a spouse, going through a life change like a divorce is tough. I had been divorced out of a 25 year marriage about 10 yrs ago. I didn't want it, but she did, and even though I tried everything I knew to change her mind she didn't want to change it and would sometimes get hysterical and frantic when I brought up certain subjects. Now about 10 years later I became acquainted with her again (because 2 of our 3 sons were getting married Oct 2010 & Oct 2011 ) and our relationship is more like old friends who keep one another at arms length. I am not totally comfortable with her and it seems the same with her too (she has remarried, about 9 yrs ago I was remarried in 2009 and then my bride died in July 2010) but we can talk about old times, sometimes with fondness and we can be civil to one another. (One more son to marry off. No prospects yet).

I could tell from remembering her emotional state during the divorce, it was NOT easy for her either.

So please don't leave because of the replies to you from one person. I do believe she meant well.

I saw your post before you had any replies and passed on replying on it because I didn't feel right to comment on your loss of your child, and also because of my divorce possibly triggering me into a harsher toned reply than I should use. We all have our backgrounds, and we do have triggers, either known or unknown to us.

I don't think maclover intended to sell you a book. She suggested at first to find and borrow it from a library.

I haven't read Bernstein's book but from what I understand, I follow a quite similar eating plan, and I am doing well on it. Upon your request I can send you what I do. (free of charge as I am not in the publishing business)

I pray you'll continue with us at DC and that you'll find the answers and the support you need from us.

To your better health

James

SaraO
SaraO 2012-01-02 01:29:45 -0600 Report

I'm so sorry about the death of your second wife. I've had to bury most of my imidiate family, so I understand how hard that is. It's a different kind of love I know, but a strong bond just the same.
It is encouraging to hear that your first wife and you have come to decent terms. Sounds like a blessing. I am lucky to get along with my kids step mom, she is his 3rd wife, not the one he had an affair with when he and I were married, so I have no quarrel with her and I am lucky that she loves my boys so much. It's not an easy relationship nessisarily but we are both determined to make it the best one it can be.
I think it may be a good time for me to recharge and do some new learning. I'm not against that.
I have often said that dissapointment is so much harder for optimists, which I assure you I am on normal days, because you have harder to fall and you thought things were gonna be just fine. I guess I put that theory to the test today, like it or not.
I appriciate your kind offer of the book, I just hate to bother you. I know it's not a bother, but, I couldn't take it.
I guess a lot of my dissapointment stems from me hoping for a nice trip since Christmas was kind of rough this year. The day after Christmas seemed like such a nice day for a wedding anniversary when we got married. Guess you don't imagine what a bad one it is for bad outlooks.
My church lady friend, as I call her, is taking me out to lunch tomorrow, and I'm sure that will make me feel a lot better.
Sometimes it is hard to be such an emotionally driven person. It's hard for others to deal with too. Passion is my most dangerous quality.
I wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you on here. I'm not going anywhere…:)
Sara

jayabee52
jayabee52 2012-01-02 01:51:50 -0600 Report

Unless I am in the hospital, or Jesus takes me home to heaven, and I be with "Jem" I plan to be here too! I am addicted (it is a good addiction) to DC!

maclover1524
maclover1524 2012-01-01 22:34:21 -0600 Report

I just want to help you. Sometimes we all need a wake up call. I am sorry if my reply sounded harsh. As I said in my reply, losing a baby is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. That is a terrible experience and I am sorry for your loss. I just want you to realize that you truly are in control of your life. Once you do, you will be empowered to make the changes that will bring good things into your life. You are kind to others but you say you are unfortunately cruel to yourself. I want you to change that. The way to make that change is to sit down and look yourself inthe mirror and say I am not going to be cruel to myself any more. You can be kind to you. This is a very loving and supportive group. I have no connection with the book I told you about. That book or reading that book saved my husband's life. Thats why I told you to get it. I also said its available at your library. Again, i am sorry to have offended you. I have been down the path of horrible effects of diabetes. I nearly lost my husband to that disease. Dr. Bernsteins wonderful book not only gave us hope, it gave us the way back. Its been 9 years since my husband came off of 43 units of insulin, lost 80pounds, eliminated painful neuropathy in both his feet and has had any of those horrible hypoglycemic night sweats ( which he used to have every night). I want you to be in control not your diabetes. Put aside whatever you think of my comments but get that book for you. Thank you for your reply. I will soften my comments. We all learn from each other. Good luck and God bless you.

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