Help with family

rae carin
By rae carin Latest Reply 2012-01-05 23:47:24 -0600
Started 2011-12-30 17:03:18 -0600

ive had type 1for 11years now and my mom still treats it like she did back when I was 10and newly diagnosed… How do I convince her that I can take care of it myself now that I'm 20and about to move out of the house and in with a friend??? Any and all advice is appreciated!!! Please help me so I don't make her mad… She gets very angry easily whenever I try to tell her anything diabetes related and is very overly protective…

13 replies

rae carin
rae carin 2012-01-05 23:11:26 -0600 Report

I want to thank all of you for the advice. I am partially moved out of my parents place and partially moved in with a friend… My mom has backed off slot since I did this. I didn't do it the best way but it's fixed now. I stay with my parents 3 days then with my friend for 3 days… It almost feels like I'm goin between divorced or separated parents but I'm sure it's just because of the fact that I don't want to really be home… No offense to anyone… But mom seems to be loosening her grip on me and I've got a bit more freedom than before. If anyone wants exact details about what I did wrong you can message me and I'll be more that happy to tell the full story

red flower lady
red flower lady 2012-01-05 23:29:24 -0600 Report

Sounds like you are making the effort and mom will come around when she understands that you need this. You know, us mom's don't like to let our babies go too far even though we know we have to let go.

rae carin
rae carin 2012-01-05 23:32:59 -0600 Report

Yeah… And I'll end up being almost exactly the same as she is with me when I have children… I always say I won't but in the end we are creatures of habit

pixsidust 2011-12-31 14:43:45 -0600 Report

Tell her "I hear you and am so glad you care about me" You have been teaching me well." Also "Its Ok Mom, I will remember because I have had the best teacher in the world and I have you to thank. Validate she is important and it will help her to loosen the grip. She has done her best to protect you and make life safe. Her anger probably comes from fear. Be sweet acknowledge and go on. You can't have a confrontation to get her to stop…You just have to let her know you hear her and you are glad for her. That will let the wind out of the bag…

berrykins0 2011-12-31 14:25:54 -0600 Report

i would try to sit down and talker her about you feel and that your able to deal with your sitation from your past experience.this is my best advice i can give you.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-12-31 12:25:45 -0600 Report

Rae, It is just natural that a mom to want to protect their young, I am 61 and my mom still watches and worries over me, I do the same with my daughters an grand children. You just need to move forward with your life, while at the same time respect you parents and try not to have any slip ups so there are no "I told you so" moments while getting used to you being out on your own. Continue to share your numbers and treatment with your mother so she doesn't feel like she is left out. The only difference is you will be the one in control of your life. Make the best of it, give your parents something to be proud about.

rae carin
rae carin 2011-12-30 17:27:21 -0600 Report

Thanks James. My sisters an I are adopted also. But I agree with you. I just gotta get to it and prove that she doesn't need to keep trying to keep me here. My dad cares about me slot and has diabetes in his family but he's a lot easier to deal with. It just seems like she wants to keep me under her control as long as possible and I'm way too independent for that…

jayabee52 2011-12-30 18:02:30 -0600 Report

No matter who pushed you out of her body into this big wide world, your adopted mother cared enough about you to give you love and bring you into her home.

I just thought about it another way just now, don't confront her directly, but if you get the chance chatting around the kitchen table, you may want to ask her what it was like with her mom when she set out on her own. That may be informative. Because often what mom has seen modeled by her mom, is what she will do in turn.

Behaviors like that tend to run throughout family systems. I would suspect your behavior would be similar (not an exact repilica, mind you) of her behavior when you approach this time of life for you and your children. Relationships between children and a parent of the same gender are often fraught with difficulties. I had a LOT of difficulty with my father, but when it came to setting out on my own he had already died, so I can't judge by my relationship with my dad what would have happened.

It seems to be biologically programmed into young folks (of either gender) to want to be independent and on their own. (I believe it is a mental illness to be too dependent on parents at your age.)

Try that tack and see what you learn. It may surprise you!

Cocoa@40 2011-12-30 21:48:47 -0600 Report

I believe God will bless you as he has been blessing me just stay on the journey of life and but your life in the Lord's hands.

jayabee52 2011-12-30 17:22:23 -0600 Report

Don't TELL her, just do it Rae! To tell someone who doesn't believe you can do it (care for your T1, that is) is pointless and fruitless. Take over your own care for yourself. As a father I am very protective of my sons, and it hurt when they pulled away and went their own way. But I had been preparing myself and them (all 3 sons) for life on their own, and I am proud of the young men they've become.
You are obviously one in whom your mother has put a lot of blood, sweat and tears raising you to this point.

If she is reluctant to give up the task, it is a evidence of just how much she loves you! To be a mature young lady you do have to have some healthy boundries, and stick to them. Just don't go overboard and do something which would damage your future relationship with mom.

I pray your separation from your mom goes well

Blessings to you and yours


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