I've written this post in my mind about 300 times, yet I'm still having trouble with it. I'm new to this discussion board, but not that new to having diabetes. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my son back in 2009. In 2010, I was officially diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was so angry, sad, and scared. So, I took my medicine and tested my glucose levels like a good patient, for about a month. Then I was in complete denial and stopped taking my medicine and just kind of ignored the fact that I had diabetes. I went back to my original endocrinologist and he prescribed byetta and I thought that would be something magical, which it wasn't. I thought I would really control my diabetes and really pay attention, but I didn't as well as I should have. I then went to get a refill and found my insurance doesn't cover it, so then I was mad, and again, living in denial.
Fast forward to about a week ago. I had a few things going on, and I researched it and found that my condition was due to lack of blood sugar control. Well I tested my sugar level and it was about 350! My sugars were never higher than 200's before - so I always really thought it wasn't that big of a deal. During the past few months, I've been very lazy taking my medicine and never tested my blood sugar. So, last week, I went to the doctor and they were pretty much appalled that I wasn't doing the right thing and taking care of myself. I felt awful, but sort of had a sense of responsibility. The doctor's office called me the next day and said that the diabetes is affecting my kidneys. Now I feel like because I was in denial and ignored the problem, that I'm going to have a MAJOR problem on my hands. Now, I'm really scared! I told my doctor I needed a support group of some kind, and she couldn't give me any names or numbers. One doesn't exist here! So I'm glad that I've found this place online.
Bottom line is that I'm scared, feeling ill because of the metformin and glimeperide and just really feeling like a fool. The metformin really makes me feel lousy - I'm scared to leave the house for fear I will have to be in the bathroom while I'm gone! It's awful! However I'm testing at least once a day and taking my meds as prescribed. I don't know what to eat, what not to eat and how to handle all of this.
I am under a decent amount of stress too, so adding diabetes and now kidney problems to my plate is almost more than I can handle. I feel so alone and like I'm the biggest idiot in the world for not taking my meds and for not doing the right thing. However, I am committed to taking care of myself now, but I need some support and some help keeping on track. I hope that I can find some friends here that understand what I've gone through, what I'm going through and maybe just offer a little support and encouragement. I feel so alone in this sometimes and now I'm just frustrated at myself.
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