I live in the world of denial

By michelle1118 Latest Reply 2012-01-10 14:54:14 -0600
Started 2011-12-27 23:43:22 -0600

I've written this post in my mind about 300 times, yet I'm still having trouble with it. I'm new to this discussion board, but not that new to having diabetes. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my son back in 2009. In 2010, I was officially diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was so angry, sad, and scared. So, I took my medicine and tested my glucose levels like a good patient, for about a month. Then I was in complete denial and stopped taking my medicine and just kind of ignored the fact that I had diabetes. I went back to my original endocrinologist and he prescribed byetta and I thought that would be something magical, which it wasn't. I thought I would really control my diabetes and really pay attention, but I didn't as well as I should have. I then went to get a refill and found my insurance doesn't cover it, so then I was mad, and again, living in denial.

Fast forward to about a week ago. I had a few things going on, and I researched it and found that my condition was due to lack of blood sugar control. Well I tested my sugar level and it was about 350! My sugars were never higher than 200's before - so I always really thought it wasn't that big of a deal. During the past few months, I've been very lazy taking my medicine and never tested my blood sugar. So, last week, I went to the doctor and they were pretty much appalled that I wasn't doing the right thing and taking care of myself. I felt awful, but sort of had a sense of responsibility. The doctor's office called me the next day and said that the diabetes is affecting my kidneys. Now I feel like because I was in denial and ignored the problem, that I'm going to have a MAJOR problem on my hands. Now, I'm really scared! I told my doctor I needed a support group of some kind, and she couldn't give me any names or numbers. One doesn't exist here! So I'm glad that I've found this place online.

Bottom line is that I'm scared, feeling ill because of the metformin and glimeperide and just really feeling like a fool. The metformin really makes me feel lousy - I'm scared to leave the house for fear I will have to be in the bathroom while I'm gone! It's awful! However I'm testing at least once a day and taking my meds as prescribed. I don't know what to eat, what not to eat and how to handle all of this.

I am under a decent amount of stress too, so adding diabetes and now kidney problems to my plate is almost more than I can handle. I feel so alone and like I'm the biggest idiot in the world for not taking my meds and for not doing the right thing. However, I am committed to taking care of myself now, but I need some support and some help keeping on track. I hope that I can find some friends here that understand what I've gone through, what I'm going through and maybe just offer a little support and encouragement. I feel so alone in this sometimes and now I'm just frustrated at myself.

72 replies

michelle1118 2012-01-09 14:07:23 -0600 Report

Ok so I'm mostly out of the world of denial and into acceptance. Thanks so much to all of you who responded, offered advice, encouragement or posted your own issues too. All of you really helped me when I was in a pretty dark place, so thank you SO MUCH for that. I honestly don't know what I would have done without this support!!!

So I went to my endocrinologist and he took me from 2 pills of metformin 2x a day to only 1 pill 2x a day because of the issues I've had with it. Of course, I feel MUCH better now and am not worried about leaving the house! WHEW! He also put me on Byetta, which I am excited about, yet also weary of. I'm excited because I am really hoping it will help me lose some weight, which will have a great positive impact on my self esteem, I'm sure. I'm just nervous that I'll be one of those people that gain weight or something while I'm on it. LOL things tend to do the opposite for me.. hahaa.

More good news - my blood sugars have been lowering which is great! Still not ideal, but I'm glad they're improving. My endocrinologist said the same thing, so he was pleased too. I feel like at least I'm going in the right direction now, and am having some good and positive feelings about what I'm doing.

I finally decided… I AM WORTH IT!

Thank you — all of you.. for everything.

jnblair 2012-01-10 11:35:49 -0600 Report

It was amazing to read this and the update i really THANK YOU for this cause i know each day is a challenge and it show that you really need to take each day seriously THANKS!!

jayabee52 2012-01-09 16:41:40 -0600 Report

that is GREAT to hear, Michelle!

However the "stages" of denial to bargaining to acceptance can run backward to denial sometimes too. I don't want to Jinx you but just to make you aware that it may happen so you might be mentally prepared for it. Even after 16 years of living with diabetes, I occasionally slip back into denial for a moment or two, (or more) so don't be surprised about feeling familiar feelings and thinking familiar thoughts. It is like the 5 stages of Loss, in death ( indeed it may feel like a death of our old self when we are DX'd ) #1. Denial and Isolation #2. Anger, #3. Bargaining, #4. Depression, #5. Acceptance.

"Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed [below], which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are."

Julie Axelrod " THE 5 STAGES OF LOSS AND GRIEF" source: ~ http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages...

the language we use to describe what we feel about diabetes is drawn from this framework.

Caroltoo 2012-01-09 20:56:03 -0600 Report

It's referred to as the grief cycle, but it's more like a spiral. You not only bounce back and forth, you go around again a few times. Each time you do, you bring with it the knowledge that you learned the last time you were in that part of the cycle. That's why a spiral is a better description…you never go back to exactly the same spot because YOU are different.

jayabee52 2012-01-10 12:11:51 -0600 Report

no it is not too amazing. I think a lot of you and your abilities and knowledge! And I don't see myself as ALL that special.

Denise56 2012-01-02 02:17:14 -0600 Report

I have been diabetic for Ten years now and Denial is the first thing you go thru I take metformin , glimpride and now on Byetta two times a day. It is such a expenisive and scary disease. I have the drug com pany helping me with getting the Byetta since it is almost 300 a month. I live on a very low income work full time but make low wages. My insurance is lousy. I dont know if any of this will help you but just know you are not alone . contact me back if you like. We all need to support each other. I am living with my daughter and family for now so the stress level is high until I can afford a new place. I am trying my best to take care of my health but it is maddening and no cure in sight.

billieruth 2012-01-01 10:53:09 -0600 Report

Hi Michelle
I am a new diabetic. I found out when my vision started to get blurry. My friend insisted that i have my bs tested & indeed it was 340 & I had not even ate anything. I went to the doctor and he start me on Metformin. I was about 2 days later I became really confused, so i went to the Er and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. I was really no upset i just wanted to keep it under control. Here I am 2 months later, depressed. i don't want to take my meds. I want sweets!! I know I need to take care of myself. I am frustrated also! Maybe we can work together & support each other to do the right thing!

Set apart
Set apart 2012-01-01 07:36:07 -0600 Report

Michelle, you are not alone in this and this site is a godsend. I am T1 and the Drs tried Metformin with me cuz I was on such a low dosage of insulin. Metformin really wasn't for me I was on low dosage of insulin because of what I ate and my exercise plan. I am new to this and lately seem to be needing more insulin cuz of antibodies they said am kind of scared again! Michelle the key is to watch those carbs and the white stuff. I don't eat anything with white flour, sugar, and am on a high fiber diet. I am currently trying to give up diet drinks altogether, refuse to give up coffee with sugar free creamer. Not sure if this helps Michelle cuz I am also still learning but was proud of myself because I read so much and went into this determined to fight for myself my first 3 months brought my A1c down from 8.7 to 6.6, so I guess I did something right. I read a lot I want to know what's going on in my body! Take care and Happy New Year!

cindygal1 2011-12-31 02:02:59 -0600 Report

Michelle, everyone is discouraged when you are first diagnosed with it, but don't give up they have some wonderful receipes on here and plently of people that wil be your friends, you need to learn as much as you can about your disease and you have come to the right place to do that, this is a disease that you have to learn about and to take care of yourself. I would like to be your friends, my husband and I both are type 2, I have been a diabetic for 12 years and he was diagnosed about two month a I had his under control in a month, and mine has been under cotrol for many years now. It isn't to accept and deal with but you can do it, you also need to get exercise, the diet is the biggest things, learning what you can eat and can't get, so checked out the receipes on here and I suggest that you get a book on diabetes and read the whole book, then make your plan on snacks, what you can eat and not eat, my husband is on metformin ER 500 mg and it doesn't seem to bother him, so you need to let your doctor about the problems on the medication, he might need to change it. It aLSO causes depression, so you might want to talk to your doctor if your depressed and let them know, the first thing is don't give up work with your doctor and you will be fine. I would like to be your friend.

JSJB 2011-12-29 16:23:50 -0600 Report

michelle, Do not get discouraged. Take your meds and think about your son and about seeing him grow up. I was just diagnosed with high blood sugar, 130 to 170 sometimes a little higher. I am 68 years old and plan to see my grandaughter attend collage next year and my two year old grandson go to school. I will do what ever I can to stay healthy. It is discouraging to be diagnosed with an illness but there are way to cope with it. Start taking your meds watch your diet and exercise. You will be fine.

jigsaw 2011-12-29 16:14:34 -0600 Report

Recognizing your denial is a big step toward managing your diabetes and maintaining your health! Many doors will now open, choose carefully, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, and you will surely find your way. You are surrounded with an abundance of opportunities! Congratulations for taking that difficult step!!!

tntcaye 2011-12-29 00:40:48 -0600 Report

You my friend are not alone. Many people i talked to have done the same thing. Myself included:( I amhaving to hit it big time… I am trying to get it all together and like start all over…

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:11:10 -0600 Report

Thanks so much! I'm just trying to get by one day at a time right now. I figure if I can do the right thing one day, I can keep going. Right now I'm struggling with getting in enough water, but I'm going to keep trying. I AM taking my meds every day, so that's good. So I guess, I'm taking it one day at a time. Thanks for the encouragement and support! :)

Mpwife99 2011-12-29 20:51:09 -0600 Report

You can do it Michelle :).. We are all here to support you!!! As far as water goes I had the worst time with it so I just added some fresh lemon or lime to it. One day at a time is the best :-)

tntcaye 2011-12-29 16:19:48 -0600 Report

I am new here and looking for support as well. So to give love is to receive love:) Now i find that i want a cook, and a maid:) If i dont cook it i will eat better, case i am lost with what to eat and not to eat…

jayabee52 2011-12-31 03:50:14 -0600 Report

Howdy tnt! WELCOME to diabeticconnect!

I don't think we can help you our with a cook and a maid. I'd like one too! But folks can tell you what you can eat and what you ought to avoid, I just asked you to be a friend, please accept so I can email you how to find out what foods/drinks "play nice" with YOUR unique metabolism and which to avoid. Not every person with diabetes (PWD) metabolism is the same. And what may spike me may only tickle your Blood Glucose (BG) level a little bit, and vice versa. And sometimes the PWD can eat regular foods and drinks, but have to limit the amounts of them they consume at one time.

I like to send it via the inbox on DC so the discussions are not filled up which long repetitive posts. It also has the benefit of being readily available in the inbox (providing you don't delete it) when you'd like to review it.

Praying God's richest blessings to you and yours in this new year!


michelle1118 2012-01-09 13:57:51 -0600 Report

James can you send that info to me too?? I'd REALLY appreciate it! You sound like you're very well versed on nutrition, food and diabetes. Thank you for helping me, and the rest of us on DC!

Set apart
Set apart 2012-01-10 14:34:01 -0600 Report

Not yet, James whenever you have time that's fine. I know you're busy - thanks ahead of time. Blessings - Louise

pixsidust 2011-12-28 19:39:49 -0600 Report

Now you truly have hope
You have a goal, direction and a plan
You have a chance to do better
perhaps not then but now
you will stop, look and not just leap
but direct yourself towards life and living
You are in charge so fear needs to be gone

You are in control of your destiny
Take the reins and move forward towards the good tomorrows
for they shall be many as you do the right things

Pick yourself up
dry the tears and discover all the possibilities
You just have to make yourself a priority
take the time to plan your meals
shop accordingly and cook for yourself…Love yourself
You matter, your life touches many
and now you hold the candle of Hope
You truly have hope now…

Hugs, Smile, Forgive yourself, Be directed, Be sensible…
Shhhh… Peace…Be calm. We are here and we understand

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:14:36 -0600 Report

You just have to make yourself a priority

This is the bane of my existence! I tend to put everyone before myself. I am learning that to be there for others, I need to take care of myself. I feel guilty because I can't imagine not being here for my children, yet why didn't that make me try harder rather than give up on managing my diabetes??? I'm trying hard to move forward… and I'm making strides to getting better, so I guess that's a good thing. Thank you for all of your support and encouragement! I need it! I need to know that someone has been there and has survived… and in some small way, someone that cares. Thank you!!!

pixsidust 2011-12-30 11:47:31 -0600 Report

Feed you family healthy. Discover tasty treats that the kids can have and you can have in limited quantities. You will feel an immense peace come over you as you eat right and see the family doing the same. I make stir fry with a mix and take mine out before the sauce goes on it. Convert your family favorites. I eat spaghetti without the noodles. I make it thick with meat and veggies. You will find the way. Welcome here!

Caroltoo 2011-12-29 15:24:12 -0600 Report

Michelle, you can probably motivate yourself to begin by thinking about your children, but to maintain change, you have to able to believe that YOU are worth the effort.

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:43:24 -0600 Report

Well, then that explains it! Like I said, I want to be here for my kids but yet, I feel guilty because that wasn't enough to make me keep on track and taking my meds… but I guess I didn't realize how I needed to realize that I am worth it. I still need to work on that a little… but through everyone's support and encouragement, I'm sure I can feel better about myself and boost my self esteem and believe that I AM WORTH IT! Thank you!

Caroltoo 2011-12-29 15:48:00 -0600 Report

Here's a little challenge: start a list of all the things about yourself that you like.

If this is hard, at first, you could start with a list of all the things about your friends and loved ones that you like and then begin to look for ways in which you also share the same characteristics.

Young1s 2011-12-29 20:55:46 -0600 Report

Carol: That's a really nice suggestion. Because a lot of times, the things we love about family and friends are often reflections of ourselves, albeit big or small.

Caroltoo 2011-12-30 01:29:34 -0600 Report

Right. In our friends, we look for piece of ourselves that we like or pieces we think are in deficit in us. Either way, it's enlightening.

Young1s 2011-12-28 20:32:39 -0600 Report

Well said as always Christy. I really like that line, "Take the reins and move forward towards the good tomorrows…". A piece of advice we all need to follow.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2011-12-28 17:24:15 -0600 Report

Welcome! You are on the right path as you have asked for help and know you need to make changes. This can be overwhelming but DONOT give up. I would give you some info, but the previous post by pcyoung38 has done a wonderful job of getting you started. Remember, it starts with you and a healthy you makes for a better person and mother. That is the best reason to take control of your life. Good luck

Young1s 2011-12-28 15:12:00 -0600 Report

Hello Michelle. Welcome to DC. I know you have been getting some excellent advice so far, but I just wanted to emphasize some points. The first is to start checking you BG (blood glucose) levels regularly. How regular is up to you. Some check 2-3 times a day, while others check 6+ times. It all depends upon the availability of strips, comfortability with testing, if checking out BG reaction to a particular food/beverage, etc… So, do what's good for you but, at the very least, you need to test first thing in the morning (fasting) and before bedtime.

Along with the testing you ought to be keeping a journal. That journal should at least have DAILY records of:
1. When you test and what the BG level was.
2. What food(s) or beverage(s) you eat or drink and when.
3. What medication(s) you take and when.
4. What exercise you get in and when.

Some other things that are:
1. Keep all doctor's appointments. Ask all the questions you need to and make sure you are satisfied with the answers. Also, let the doctor know everything you have been doing between visits. Whether it's the right thing or not. That way he/she can give you an acurate assessment of your progress (or lack of it).
2. Research everything that you want to know about diabetes. You don't ever want to be in the dark about this disease. We can give you answers but, for the most part, they are our personal opinionst. We're not experts, so your search for knowledge needs to come from outside professional sources, as well.
3. Drink plenty of water. The general rule is 8 glasses a day but more is better. ESPECIALLY when you BG's are too high.
4. If at all possible, meet with a dietician or take a diabetes education class. They will be able to give you a general idea what to expect in dealing with D. They will also be another source of information and support. And can give you an idea of what foods/beverages you are able to eat/drink, until you can get your levels down.
5. Take notes of whatever you deem important to remember. Not just of the things that are pertinent to you now, but of the things/ideas that may be of assistance to you in the future. Write it down, save it on a flash drive or print it out. This way, it is easily accessible to you.

I'll stop there but I'm sure there is something I'm leaving out. (Thank goodness for an edit button) I know it seems like a lot, but don't let it overwhelm you because it will get easier with time. Just keep one more important thing in mind. We'll do our best to be of support, but this is your journey to walk. We can't make you test, eat (or not eat), exercise, etc… these things are all on you. But we're here for you and have your back whenever you need us.

This is the best place to be, in my opinion, for whatever kind of support you may need, information you may want, questions you may have or frustrations you just have to get out. We're happy and willing to help you get through this difficult time and we look forward to what it is that you can help us with. Because, whether we've been in this fight for a while or if we're new to the battle, we're all learning from each other and that's what makes this place, this family, so special. Be blessed.

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:21:05 -0600 Report

WOW thank you so much for this advice! I'm definitely going to start a journal..although I hate the idea of it. I'm so not the type of person to write everything down, but I realize that to really manage my blood sugars, this may be a very necessary step. So, I'm going to do it - starting tomorrow. Then I'll take it to my doctor so I can show him I've been trying hard and doing what I need to do in order to manage my condition.

Thank you SO much for your post - it's put everything in black and white for me, and has streamlined what I need to do, and what's important. I need to keep all my appointments and bloodwork appointments too, no matter how much I hate it. I absolutely HATE having my bloodwork done, but I know it's totally necessary and I just have to stop being a baby and just take care of myself because nobody else is going to do it for me. I can't imagine what a doctor feels like when they see a patient like me come into their office. I'm now on a mission to prove to myself and to my doctor that I can do this. I can manage my diabetes. I know that I'm not perfect nor will I ever be, but I can make concerted efforts to really take care of myself. I love my kids and want to be here forever to help them and see them grow.

Thank you so much for your advice, encouragement and support. You have no idea how much this all means to me!

Young1s 2011-12-29 16:12:55 -0600 Report

You're welcome Michelle, but really, this is just part of what we do here.

I'm glad that you're going to start testing and keeping a journal. It's important, in order to see your progress and what you need to work harder on. Even if you just start with journalling about your BG levels, it's a step in the right direction. Then you can add more items as you become more comfortable with it. Also, it doesn't have to be handwritten. You can create an Excel spreadsheet or a Word document and just type in the information there. You're already at the computer anyways, right?

I'm excited that you are re-energized. You seem to be in a more positive frame of mind than when you originally posted this discussion. I'm glad that I can be a part of this change of attitude. But if you should start to feel overwhelmed or if the reality of what's to come starts weighing heavy upon you again, do exactly what you did and reach out to us. While it is perfectly fine to have these feelings, the goal is to keep you from reverting back to not taking care of yourself agian. And as you can see, there is always someone here to talk these things out with.

My family and my love for life are strong motivating factors for me, as well. Yes they should have been looong before now, but we can't dwell on past mistakes. However, we can learn from them and try our best not to repeat the behaviors. One day at a time is as good a way of doing it as any. Be blessed.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-28 13:57:49 -0600 Report

Hi Michelle, I always tell people two things, you can't hide from your problems because they come back to haunt you and sticking your head in the sand leaves your butt exposed. You have to remember this. Diabetes never takes a vacation even if you do. Frustration at yourself isn't going to help you. I think many of us has been there.

Everyone here gives good advice take what you can and work with it. This is a great group of people who have been diabetic longer that both you and I and they are very supportive. Never think you are alone with diabetes. Ask friends, family and neighbors if they are diabetic. They may have sound advice for you.

Thankfully, I had a doctor (he retired) who was wonderful in helping me get started in helping myself. I added friends and family members and coworkers who are diabetic and got a lot of help. I have a neighbor who is a Registered Dietitian who helped me with meal planning.

The first thing I did was go out and buy a food scale. I then started a spread sheet with columns for Breakfast, am snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner and after dinner snack. My doctor put me on a 1200 calorie diet with 60 carbs per meal. I never eat 60 carbs per meal and rarely eat 1200 calories. i wrote down everything I ate for a month and took it to my doctor.

What helped me the most was my sister. She had a slight heart attack a few years ago so we now eat the same things only she can have sugar. We don't have to prepare two different meals. The problem is she can eat things that I am allergic to but we work around that.

I also joined http://www.dlife.com, http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com and I go to Kraft foods and find recipes in their diabetic section. I also bought books to help me.

I know you can get your blood sugars under control. You have people here that will help you. Good luck and Happy New Year

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:22:44 -0600 Report

I always tell people two things, you can't hide from your problems because they come back to haunt you and sticking your head in the sand leaves your butt exposed.

OK, this is EXACTLY what I needed to "hear"! That's SO true! I can't hide from this disease anymore… because it's basically kicking my behind. So, I have taken it seriously now and will continue to, because I will do this. I will need your support and encouragement, speaking to everyone here, but I know that I have a group of people who genuinely seem to care. I truly appreciate it!!!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-29 15:45:44 -0600 Report

Michelle, control your diabetes, don't let it control you. Recognizing that you were in denial and how it affected you was a mistake is your first step. Each step will get easier once you start educating yourself. Dr.'s don't know all there is to know about any one disease. Dr. Phil always says you can't fix the problem if you don't acknowledge you have it. I know you will get through this.

rickbond1973 2011-12-28 12:33:21 -0600 Report

Hi Michelle…welcome to the best place on earth for those of us with that one common thread. You are FAR from alone, and honestly it sounds like you're currently in a better place than I, so don't mind if I try to leverage some of your willpower. I'm 38, diagnosed back in March of 2011 with type 2. I did great at first only to slack off (denial and laziness mixed in with a very busy life). This place is great, these people are great…definitely hang out here regularly and read. It's all overwhelming…ya' spend so many years of your life living one way, and you're comfortable with that…then BAM!! You need to stop and start changing things, which isn't easy. Baby steps is definitely the way to go. I can't really offer up much advice, as I'm still trying to kick my own butt into gear…I completely intend to read the responses from those who've dealt with it for a while and hope to learn more, get some ideas, etc. Thanks for starting a new conversation on here for me to learn from. :-)

michelle1118 2011-12-29 15:26:23 -0600 Report

So have you leveraged any of my willpower yet ;) I'm feeling much stronger about all of this now. I finally feel like I have the support of others and I'm actually so happy about that. I am so glad I found this place, as I truly believe THIS (support, encouragement, friendship etc) is what I was missing for the past few years in tackling this disease and why I just really gave up on myself. I felt that nobody really cared and nobody understood how I'm feeling. Now it seems like I've "met" a great bunch of people that truly care - you all have taken the time to write and answer my post and "cries" for help. I am so excited to be here!

I can SO identify with what you said about denial, laziness mixed in with a very busy life! I was always so scared to go back on my meds because of the side effects. I didn't have TIME to worry about being home in case I have stomach issues! Such a struggle… but we can do this! :) Let's do it together!!! :)

rickbond1973 2011-12-31 10:43:13 -0600 Report

Haha not yet I haven't, but working on it. Glad to hear this place is getting to you in that positive way. Big step, for me, today…wife txt'd me asking what kind of girl scout cookies I like…I responded with "the diabetic friendly kind"… Lol She apologized … Still kinda' new for both of us.

michelle1118 2012-01-09 14:00:11 -0600 Report

WOW that is a HUGE step… I don't know if I can resist those yet! :) How are you doing now… any improvement in your outlook?? I find that I'm getting better day by day. I had an endocrinologist appointment last week and he had me step down my metformin dosage because it was making me SO sick… so I'm feeling more positive about that… but still struggling every day. But, I am committed and determined NOT to let this disease control me. I will control it. :)

rickbond1973 2012-01-10 13:48:17 -0600 Report

Heh If they were in front of me…I would've caved. No huge improvement yet…it's really hard…trying to figure out what I can and can't eat…breaking my habits…and with such a limited amount of time for myself to even think much about any of this and figure things out. My numbers still aren't looking that great right now, but they've been worse. I had no idea what a person's "A1c" was until I came here. The doc probably told me what it was when I was diagnosed, but it didn't mean jack to me. I'm way past due for a follow up with my dr…should probably get on that.

Mpwife99 2011-12-28 11:46:29 -0600 Report

Michelle- Welcome… I was recently diagnosed with being diabetic Type 2 (October), it has been a huge life changing event for me… I always knew there was a chance I could become diabetic, my Grandmother and my dad were both diabetic. I think I always had the attitude it won't happen to me. I found out real quick it sure can happen to me… I hit the ER one night and my Blood sugar Level was 695, I've never been taken back so fast. When the DR. told me I was pretty close to a coma that scared the living crap out of me. I've had to adjust on my own my husband is in the Army and stationed over in Korea right now.

When I hit the Dr's office a few days later my Blood sugar was 300 and I weighed in at 212 lbs. My A1c level was 15.7. This was the end of October of this year I have since lost 45 lbs and my Blood Sugar is now between 80-100 :) .

You mentioned you are on Metformin, I am also and I totally understand about the bathroom but it does get a bit better after awhile. I am also on Junvia…
I also watch everything I put in my mouth… Drink lots of water it helps flush out your system and lower blood sugar… I eat alot of chicken, turkey, fish, broccoli, cauliflower, and mushrooms…

I know it can be very overwhelming and it can tick you off but the most important thing is to follow your Dr.'s orders and take your medication…

Big Hugs to you… You will get through this :).

Kirla 2011-12-28 11:16:20 -0600 Report

This is what helped me. Only took a few weeks to go from the 300–400 plus range to almost normal numbers in about 6 weeks.

Feb 2009 I was diagnosed with a fasting blood sugar of 366 and A1C of 14.1. Started to eat a salad every day at supper. Also started to eat lots of low carb vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, cucumbers, spinach, pickles and sauerkraut. Started to drink 8+ glasses of water every day.

I then bought a meter and started to test my blood sugar before and after each meal. At first I was testing 2 hours after each meal and when my numbers dropped a lot I started testing 1 hour after meals. I test 5-7 times a day. I cut back or eliminated foods that spiked my blood sugar more than 50 points after eating.

By testing I found that foods like bread and most foods made of grains along with pasta, rice, corn, potatoes, oatmeal, cereals, chips, crackers, cakes, cookies, candy, soda, fruits, fruit juices, milk and most foods that contain more than 5-6 net carbs per serving as found on the package label all spiked my blood sugar. Some people can cut back on these foods and some people like me have to stop eating them.

After about 6-8 weeks my blood sugar readings were almost normal levels.

I found by reducing and eliminating high carb starchy foods helped me a lot. By adding small amounts of chicken, beef, pork or a hard boiled egg to my meals helped reduce blood sugar spikes also.

Good luck

Copper Owl
Copper Owl 2011-12-28 10:38:36 -0600 Report

Hey girl, I'm in the same boat! I've been on meds for 2 years and I don't test or eat properly. This is my first day on here. I've finally decided I need to take control. So don't think you're alone. Heck, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or when. It's definitely gonna be a learning experience! :-)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-29 00:04:09 -0600 Report

The problem with not eating or testing your blood sugars is that you are opening the door to other medical problems. I don't follow the rules to the letter but I manage to stay in control. If you aren't sure of what to eat and when, talk to a dietitian and go to dlife.com or diabetesliving.com and order a free meal plane. Diabetescare.com will send you a meal plan and 5 free cookbooks if you have health insurance. Good luck.

SCLWKR 2011-12-28 10:31:13 -0600 Report

Hello Michelle, welcome to this great site. You will find yourself surrounded by supportive, caring people who really understand what you are experiencing and will reach out to you. I often suggest to people who are newly diagnosed with diabetes to understand that there is a grief process involved in response to the disease. Denial is the first of 5 stages of grief and it is powerful and often times detrimental to gaining control of this very managable disease. Anger is the second stage of grief. You might find yourself saying "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" Next is bargaining. Perhaps you will try to strike a deal with your higher power, "I promise to lose weight if God will give me one more chance." Next comes depression. You may find yourself throwing your hands in that air and saying, "What's the use? Nothing is going to get better." But hopefully you can move through these stages of grief to get to the last stage which is acceptance. This is where the action happens. You understand that this is a real situation and you feel like you are able to do something about it. Seeking out this site is one step in acceptance! I encourage you to be kind with yourself, stop the recriminations and use that energy to focus forward. This is such a managable disease and there are so many treatments to improve and lengthen our lives. Contact your local hospital and ask to speak with a social worker. She/he can connect you with community resources, education classes, nutrition seminars and support groups. You didn't mention where you reside, but diabetes is such a widespread disease that most communities offer basic services related to diabetes and diabetes education. Additionally, the internet provides a wealth of information; however,it can be confusing unless you have a basic understanding of the condition and how is specifically effects you. I strongly suggest you attend a basic diabetes education class then a nutrition class to understand the vital role a healthy food plan plays in the overall management of your condition. I also understand the negative side effects of some of these medications. I too have experienced having to limit my activities for fear of being caught short away from home. This will pass (no pun intended!) once your body adjusts.
I also suggest that for the first several weeks you test yourself in the morning (fasting) before lunch and after lunch, before dinner and after dinner (after a meal is 2 hours after your first bite). Once a day is not really giving you a full view of how what you eat and the medications you take affect your numbers. Work with your healthcare team to make adjustments where necessary and fine tune your treatment plan, as diabetes affects everyone differently. I know this sounds overwhelming, but if you take things a step at a time (beginning with ALWAYS taking your medications as directed), you can get your numbers under control and stable, reduce complications and live a long and healthy life. Hang in with us. I look forward to your company on this journey! {{Hugs}} Sherrie

michelle1118 2011-12-28 09:22:57 -0600 Report

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to reply to my post. I truly appreciate it… it's exactly what I needed. I feel so alone in battling this and now I realize that I'm not alone, there are real people struggling just like I am, and those that have struggled before and have gotten it together.

Thanks for helping me to understand that although my decisions in the past haven't been the right ones, I need to let go of that and move forward. I am so glad I found this place online - it seems like all of you are very supportive and are willing to reach out to someone in need… thank you so much. I am going to need some help going through this, but once I get myself together and get my diabetes under control, I hope to be able to do the same for someone else.

Caroltoo - you're ABSOLUTELY right. I've been pulled kicking and screaming from the world of denial into a world of fear, anxiety and it seems like I'm all alone… however I don't feel alone anymore since I have found this site! I am very excited to know others have gone through the same thing as I have.

I guess when I first found out I had diabetes, the doctors never really told me much other than to take metformin, eat low carb and exercise. Well exercise really sucks for me and I can't get motivated to do it, so I chose to try to eat low carb, but that didn't work out either when I would do everything I thought was right, only to end up having high blood sugar anyway. So I got frustrated and kind of gave up thinking "My blood sugar isn't *THAT* high… low 200's, I'm still ok". So I stopped trying everything - then things got worse.

I feel like I was thrown into a fight that I cannot win. However, I also realize that i wasn't given any tools to really help me either. I needed some emotional support and I believe I will get that here. I also need to develop a plan on how to go about controlling my blood sugars and like caroltoo said, to take babysteps. I figured out last week that trying to change everything at once won't work for me. I would try to eat low carb, test my sugar and take my meds only to have a high reading anyway, so I would get frustrated and stop trying. Now I realize that I have to take this in steps to get to the goal of controlling my blood sugar - just like any other goal, I need to break it down into smaller, achieveable steps. So my steps this past week were to take my medicine every day without fail, and drink lots of water, and to test my blood sugar at least once a day. For the most part, I've been pretty successful. I have taken my meds every day and have tested my blood sugar every day except yesterday. I've also been drinking a LOT more water, except for yesterday. For some reason, yesterday was an off day for me, but I still took my meds, which in my mind, is the most important. I've also been sort of consciously making decisions regarding the carbs I eat. For example, I chose not to eat bread, but ate mashed potatoes at Christmas dinner. I didn't have any icecream or pie, but I did have a piece of chocolate and a few cookies. I know I'm not counting carbs or doing it exactly right, but I'm paying attention to it and at least making decisions and not just eating everything I want to.

I'm also not even exactly sure where to begin in managing what I eat. When I was diagnosed, I wasn't given much information, just to limit my carbs to a certain amount per meal. So, I found that our hospital offers diabetes education classes, so I'm going to sign up for those and hope that it helps me plan for meals better. I realize that I absolutely NEED to plan and that I have to make a conscious effort EVERY SINGLE DAY to manage this. I've taken my health for granted and it's time that I put on my big girl pants and start taking control of my diabetes and my health - because nobody else is going to do it for me.

Thank you all for your encouragement, wisdom and advice. I will be leaning on you quite a bit to help me through this journey, and I appreciate your help.

Maryjo.diaguila 2011-12-28 08:01:56 -0600 Report

Michelle I'm in the same boat as you are. I was diagnosed with diabetes 1 year ago. Was borderline for several years. Didn't listen!! Went to doctor in Oct. Told me that I am in kidney failure, I have too much protien and my number is 353, 1-17 is normal range. He said that I can change around by diet and exercise. I need too loose weight. I've lost about 10 pounds. I go back to the doctor in Feb. I'm very scared and nobody gets it!!

michelle1118 2011-12-28 09:27:46 -0600 Report

What did they do about the kidney failure? Did they give you medication? I'm on lisinopril 5mg… but they didn't tell me my numbers or anything.

I also need to lose weight, but I realize that in order to do that, I have to eat better and limit my carbs, which I haven't found out exactly how to do. My main problem is that I HATE veggies. I can eat salads and that's about it. I like corn, but obviously that's high in carbs, so I can't even really count that as a veggie. I guess a lot of times I'm just confused as to what I can eat, what is best to eat, and if given a choice between lower carbs and higher fiber, what do I choose?

I go to my endocrinologist next week and I'm petrified as to what he's going to say. I almost hope he'll put me back on byetta because that is supposed to help with weight loss, but it was SO expensive because my insurance won't cover it because there is no generic, so I have to pay for 80% of it. Although I did decide that no matter what the cost is, I'm going to take it this time. If it will help with my diabetes and my weight, then maybe I might feel like exercising.

Losing 10 lbs is GREAT!! Keep it going!!!

Maryjo.diaguila 2011-12-28 10:55:03 -0600 Report

I am also on Lisinopril 20 mg. You probably need to see a dietician. That has helped a lot. They will help you with carb choices and portion. I don't care much for veggies either but I make myself eat them and I have gotten used to it. I find eating them raw is better. Green/red pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, cauliflower, I can't eat broccoli raw. Most of them are free foods. I have switched to brown rice and wheat pasta and bread. I measure my protien about 3 to 4 ounces at dinner, I et egg beaters for breakfast, lunch I usually have a sandwich usually 2 ounces of chicken or turkey. You also need to eat a lot of green leafy lettuce and baby spinach in salads. I know it sucks!!

The doctor said I am in stage 5 kidney failure. He said by losing the weight, exercise and diet I can turn this around. I have too!! I'm 50 and have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids (both 15). I have a lot to live for!! Good luck at the doctor!! We can do this!! Stay strong!!

Mpwife99 2011-12-28 11:30:34 -0600 Report

Maryjo- my doctor put me on Lisinopril and they had to take me off of it, it was lowering my blood pressure and I was on the lowest dosage 2.5 mg. Have you had any problems with your blood pressure?

Mpwife99 2011-12-28 12:30:55 -0600 Report

I mine was down to 87/60 something like that. My husband has high blood pressure and he uses Licinipril.

jayabee52 2011-12-28 01:18:39 -0600 Report

Howdy Michelle! WELCOME to DiabeticConnect! Sorry you qualify for inclusion in our "little" family but since you do, are happy you've found us and chose to hang out with us for a while. I would pray that it would be for quite a while. You don't have to go it alone, should you choose to be with us. We understand, because most of us have BEEN THERE DONE THAT!

The past is over, and it can't be changed. The only thing that can be changed is your attitude toward the past and your behavior in the future.

Use your behavior in the past to inform your behavior in the future. You may feel like an idiot. but we've all done some idiotic things! Ask questions of us here. My own philosophy is (and I think many here share the same philosophy) is that the ONLY foolish question is a HONEST question which is NOT ASKED!

Caroltoo (below) gives you some good suggestions as how to get started. And I echo her thought that it will not be easy.

However I want to caution you to "take baby steps". Go slow in building your diabetes control plan. I had diabetes for something like 15 years, now in my 16th year I believe I have finally gotten a good handle on the management of my condition. But I have been building up to this point for 15 years.

Blessings to you and yours


michelle1118 2011-12-28 09:30:35 -0600 Report

You're right - babysteps — just like any other goal I want to achieve. I have to break it down and figure out the steps it will take to get there. I figured first and foremost - taking my medicine would be the best first step. I'm also drinking more water - a LOT more! Now, I've got to figure out my next steps… which is where I'm kind of at a loss. Hopefully when I have time to really look through this site and to go to the diabetes education classes the hospital has, I'll get those steps ironed out and start on track to a healthier me. Thanks for including me in your "family" and I hope to be a regular on here! Thanks for your support!!!

Caroltoo 2011-12-28 00:23:39 -0600 Report

Yes, it sounds like you HAVE lived in a world of denial, but have been rather roughly shaken out of that world into a very uncomfortable and frightening reality.

You will find that there is a lot of knowledge and support here on the site. People are friendly, open, and caring. You will find help, support, and information. You definitely will NOT be alone if you choose to come on-site with us.

Having said that, I also need to say that it won't be easy and you have to want to live enough to work hard at this. As the days go by, you will learn the details, but in a brief summary you will need to exercise regularly, learn how to eat healthy foods, count your carbohydrates, drink lots of water, learn portion control and balance in all aspects of your life.

You are correct in saying your stress level is high and influences your BG. As you make these changes and learn what it feels like to be healthy again, your stress level will also begin to decrease. For now, go easy on yourself. You could have made other choices in the past, but you didn't and there's no way to make that any different. Now you can take hold of the choices you have in the present and move forward to improved health now.

Don't waste your energy beating yourself up; use that energy to make changes starting tonight. A good night's sleep is a good way to start right now. A high protein, high fiber, lower carb breakfast will get you off to a better start tomorrow. Do what you can to minimize your stress tomorrow. Take a walk, enjoy the beauty around you, listen to bird sing or to a child laugh. Appreciate your life and know that you can and will make it better each day from now on!

pwiley 2011-12-28 00:10:00 -0600 Report

Michelle, this may not be the party you wanted an invitation to but you are here. I have been a borderline diabetic for 30 years and two months ago finally lost the battle to control my BG with diet and exercise. It took about two weeks of being serious with my diet and taking metforman and glipiside to get acceptable numbers. The payoff is that I feel so much better. I'm 67 but feel at least 20 yrs. younger now with controlled sugars. You made some bad choices in the past but "tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."

michelle1118 2011-12-28 09:31:51 -0600 Report

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. You're right… it's the first day of the rest of my life… and I'm going to take that seriously from this point on. I realize I won't be perfect, but I will be better and strive to make this happen.

Desert Hiker
Desert Hiker 2011-12-28 13:49:47 -0600 Report

Michelle, Everyone has given you some great advice and support. I thought I would offer mine.

The number one method to control my sugar is testing. I was going crazy with it, testing 7-8 times a day. I have discovered for me, that I would feel tremendous guilt if my nuimbers were high. But I would think back as to what I ate. One gentlemen suggested testing your bodies reaction to certain foods. For me bread, chips, crackers, pasta all increased my readings and my cravings. However by eliminating these items and replacing with low carb options and others I have better control.

I don't feel guilty anymore, because I have an opportunity to do better with each meal. I made up my mind to exercise. I go to the gym everyday, walk 4 miles at 4 mph and burn 500 calories. You will lose weight and you will feel better.

I have a long family history of diabetes, my mother, my grandmother, my uncle (same side of family) and a father with a family history of heart desease. Now theres a great combination for ya! Some of us have been delt a lousy bunch of cards, but you can't give up. Your life depends on it, and your children depend on you too.

Take care,


Desert Hiker
Desert Hiker 2011-12-28 13:49:47 -0600 Report

Michelle, Everyone has given you some great advice and support. I thought I would offer mine.

The number one method to control my sugar is testing. I was going crazy with it, testing 7-8 times a day. I have discovered for me, that I would feel tremendous guilt if my nuimbers were high. But I would think back as to what I ate. One gentlemen suggested testing your bodies reaction to certain foods. For me bread, chips, crackers, pasta all increased my readings and my cravings. However by eliminating these items and replacing with low carb options and others I have better control.

I don't feel guilty anymore, because I have an opportunity to do better with each meal. I made up my mind to exercise. I go to the gym everyday, walk 4 miles at 4 mph and burn 500 calories. You will lose weight and you will feel better.

I have a long family history of diabetes, my mother, my grandmother, my uncle (same side of family) and a father with a family history of heart desease. Now theres a great combination for ya! Some of us have been delt a lousy bunch of cards, but you can't give up. Your life depends on it, and your children depend on you too.

Take care,


demodip 2011-12-30 18:05:59 -0600 Report

hi everybody, I am NEW to this site and have been diabetic for one year now. I am 66 and never dreamed I could get this disease. Does not run in my family on either side, so don't have anyone to talk to about it I only weighed 110 lbs. when I got it, and now I weigh 98 lbs, seems like I keep going down hill. Lately I have been having a high protein neutrition shake alon with my meals, hasn't changed my weight yet…any suggestions.

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