Need some help accepting

krystal lynn
By krystal lynn Latest Reply 2011-12-29 00:46:21 -0600
Started 2011-12-23 19:40:02 -0600

I am so mad about my diagnosis that I cant seem to get passed that long enough to take care of myself… I'm afraid if I dont wrap my head around all this real soon it will be to late and too much damage will be done I guess I'm finally reaching out for support and tips my A1c is 12+ my feet and toes are numb I have all the resources to do it I just wont…

6 replies

LindseyLou993 2011-12-29 00:46:21 -0600 Report

It is SO hard. We all understand exactly what you're feeling.

The one thing that was so healing for me and that helped me wrap my head around it is teaching others about it. I know it sounds crazy, but the part that frustrated me most was that no one else understood anything about diabetes.

It gets better, I promise. Just go through one day at a time.

krystal lynn
krystal lynn 2011-12-24 18:05:08 -0600 Report

Thank You so much it is nice to know that a complete stranger would be willing to talk through some tough situations! and I'm super excited about finding this site! I have a GREAT feeling about all this! thanks again and Happy Holidays!

Caroltoo 2011-12-24 14:02:15 -0600 Report

The experiences in your life taught you that you are not in charge of you, everyone else in authority in your life makes decisions for you. This is a perception you can change. You can be in charge of yourself and your life choices.

The other thing the PTSD, BPD, mom's and brother's drug addictions, dad's abusiveness, and your ex-husband's domestic abuse issues taught you is to not value yourself. If this is your photo, you are a lovely appearing young woman of 29 with your whole life ahead of you. You are worth making the changes to get yourself healthy! Don't get me wrong here, it will be work and you will have to believe that YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT before you will be able to do it.

I'd guess that in the past you would decide to make changes and then the old script about your worthlessness pops back up and you undermine your efforts to heal and OOPS there goes the BG back to 500. One of the real pluses of the diabetic connection site, is that you can be on here multiple times per day and get the reassurance that you are looking for. At this point, the reassurance is external and you may say, yeah…but you don't really know me. True, I don't know the details, but I've met many other women who have been in similar situations and I do know that you are a much better person than you have been lead to believe.

Hang around with us for a while and we will do our very best to convince you that this is TRUE and you are worth the changes you need to make to get healthy.

Christmas may be a tough day for you with all the family issues you mentioned. If it is, hop on the site and talk with me. I'm out here in the Pacific Ocean in Hawaii, so by mainland times, am available rather late into some of your sleepless or dream ridden nights. Drop me a line.

krystal lynn
krystal lynn 2011-12-24 05:55:56 -0600 Report

Actually I was diagnosed when I was 21 so 8 years ago… It was at such a horrible time in my life I had just exhausted all of my resources to help bury my 23 year old brother who died of a heroin overdose, I was getting married and starting my life with a really abusive man at the time of course I had NO idea… My mom is a 30 year drug abuser.. my father well lets just say he should NOT be within a 100 feet of a school this coming from personal experience if you catch my drift.. anyway so at the time I had no Job lost it after taking too much time to grieve no education 9th grade drop out… so no way to quickly find another, no insurance as you can imagine I was like What will I ever do… 8 years later still nothing now the thing today is I am in a much better place in my life! I asked our government for help and after 3 years they finally are!

I want to feel better and it is scary cause the docs are saying that I'm heading to kidney failure by age 35 :( I make all these goals and get real excited about making a change and it is always short lived… only last a couple days to a week, almost like I pretend there is nothing wrong with my body "WHAT MY SUGAR IS 500? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?" am I punishing myself? why? wait I can answer that myself… I have PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Panic Attacks, all coming from my robbed childhood… and I also have trouble taking meds for.. so do you think that I'm trying to pretend like it will go away? cause for many years I pretended that my mental state was "NORMAL" to more or less protect myself… and it worked till I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a institution.. I don't want something terrible to happen like losing a limb or Dialisis to wake me up to my reality.. I want to get a grip on it now! ok so after reading what I just wrote to a complete stranger lol PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!

Caroltoo 2011-12-23 19:52:36 -0600 Report

You are Type 1 so that means your pancreas has stopped producing insulin, and I'd guess that feels a BIG betrayal by your body and you are tying to punish it for betraying you! I'll show you, body!!! That's not unusual for early in a diagnosis, but you are right. You do need to bring that 12 down by about half.

How long ago were you diagnosed? What medications are you using? Are you willing to start modifying your diet? Do you exercise? These are all bits of information that would be helpful for you to give us.

We are all here to support you Krystal. Think about who you are actually punishing for this diagnosis and what you have to lose. Then maybe a good place to start would be to decide which one change you are willing to make first and start slowly. Or, you could just decide to show your body who is charge, and make a bunch of changes and get to feeling a lot better pretty quickly. That last tactic was the one I used. I got frightened, then angry, then just so pissed about the whole thing that I decided I was going to take charge and beat it!!

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