By Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser Latest Reply 2011-12-27 20:15:52 -0600
Started 2011-12-23 10:33:35 -0600


> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
> table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
> leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare… You
> cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
> that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
> to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
> Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
> gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
> your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
> whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
> car with an automatic transmission.
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
> your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat
> other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
> Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
> This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
> buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
> eggnog.
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
> yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
> becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
> shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
> 8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
> if you don’t like mincemeat, have 2 slices of apple and one pumpkin.
> Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
> Labor Day??
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
> some standards.
> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
> or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
> tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
> Remember this motto to live by:
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
> arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
> skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body
> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
> ride!"
> Have a very Merry Christmas!!



35 replies

2011-12-27 09:56:03 -0600 Report

I ALWAYS thought that 1 should have GALLONS of virgin eggnog between the hrs of 6am- 10am, and anything after 10am then all the spiked eggnog 1 can consume!! Unless you are a recovering alcoholic. Then it's the virgin variety!! SORRY AA members!!

GabbyPA 2011-12-25 15:46:23 -0600 Report

You mean we are not supposed to consume copious quantities of eggnog? It IS never see it but now. Drink up! LOL

These are too funny. Thank you for the laughs.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-12-25 16:21:57 -0600 Report

Before this year we would start buying it at Thanks Giving and I would use it in my coffee instead of half & Half, MMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM good


GabbyPA 2011-12-26 07:31:55 -0600 Report

Really, we can make our own and make it without the sugar. Homemade is good, but mine is never as thick as the store bought...I think it is the lack of tons of sugar.

red flower lady
red flower lady 2011-12-23 16:37:52 -0600 Report

WOW! I love this post. I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard. This is how the men (sorry) in my family do holiday eating. Although, I've been known to hover near the sweets. I just sent the post out as it was too priceless not to share with my non diabetic contacts. Thank you so much for the gift of laughter during this tempting time. Happy Holidays to you

2011-12-27 09:59:06 -0600 Report

So do I red flower. Old & grey has 1 helluva sense of humor!! Thx old&grey!!

Caroltoo 2011-12-23 15:57:28 -0600 Report

Great addition to our holiday humor. I like 7 & 8 particularly. Thanks, Tom!!

2011-12-27 10:01:55 -0600 Report

I do 2 Carol. But tell you what. I'll trade you my portions of mincemeat pie for your pumpkin!! Wanna trade? Pretty please w/ cool whip on top?

Caroltoo 2011-12-27 11:07:37 -0600 Report

Nah…I'm going for the apple pie!

2011-12-27 11:21:42 -0600 Report

So who can I pawn off my mincemeat pie 2?? Any takers? So I'll skip the mincemeat, and go for dbl portions of pumpkin. As long as my cousin didn't make it. That 1, was YUKKY!! :P

Caroltoo 2011-12-27 11:29:09 -0600 Report

Well, if I take the three slices of apple and you take the three slices of pumpkin, we'll just have to see who else wanders over to the table to take the remaining three of mincemeat. Did you find the cool whip?

2011-12-27 15:22:48 -0600 Report

I got the cool whip, but would you rather have either regular or french vanilla ice cream? HMMM? Or both?? Along w/a big glass of eggnog!! :D

dietcherry 2011-12-23 11:43:40 -0600 Report

OMG MY sides hurt! I think the next-door neighbors can hear me laughing! Too many rum balls can do that to a person! #'s 2, 3, and 9 are side-splitting!!!!

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-12-23 11:46:26 -0600 Report

;) trouble is i'm weird love fruit cake!!

dietcherry 2011-12-23 11:49:30 -0600 Report

I had what I considered good fruitcake only once in my life and was a kid so didnt know to get the recipe :(
By the way, I am STILL LMAO at this!!!! Its so good, Im printing it off!!

granniesophie 2011-12-23 11:06:51 -0600 Report

I love it! You have given new meaning to the Christmas dinner feast! Now we can all eat figuratively through your rules and not feel bad that we are not eating literally with them!!
Happy Holidays to one and all…

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-12-23 11:12:31 -0600 Report


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