Does anyone ever feel like just giving up?

By melissa1987 Latest Reply 2011-12-31 02:41:31 -0600
Started 2011-12-20 18:25:28 -0600

I got a lot of depression since I found out I was a diabetic n a lot of stress. My parents want me to go back to work in Alberta but I'm really not ready n they think I'm using how I'm a diabetic as a excuse. I wish more then anything that I could but I can't right now because this is a scary disease and I still don't get it sometimes. I don't know what to do n I'm just getting a lot of depression wishing I could do it n have my old life back but it's impossible for now anyways. This is kinda stupid to be venting about but I love this site… It helps me a lot that I know that there is other people out there going through the same thing

69 replies

Redhead00 2011-12-31 02:07:16 -0600 Report

I also heard someone say:
"A machine comes with no extra parts, and if the world is one machine then everyone is here for a reason, there is no extra parts"

jayabee52 2011-12-31 02:41:31 -0600 Report

that is a very good thought I learned something from you today! I may find a use for that in a discussion post someday!

Redhead00 2011-12-31 02:02:05 -0600 Report

Everyday I wake up and I ask myself; Is life really worth the troubles?
But in my head I always answer "yes". Even on the days it feels like I can't stand my life or diabetes, I know that past the darkness there's always sunshine waiting to break through.
I hope you find that sunshine and treasure life to it's fullest. You only have one life, so why not live it to it's fullest?

melissa1987 2011-12-30 18:27:52 -0600 Report

Thanks guys but I'm to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm not changing anything cuz really I have nothing to live for. No kids, no education, no job, abusive boyfriends, drug addict, n my parents that don't care about my health at all

jayabee52 2011-12-30 19:58:52 -0600 Report

Melissa I was in a similar situation back in 2006.

I had diabetes, had to quit my job that I loved in 2005, had been divorced out of a 25 year relationship in 2001 and had no prospects for a new ladyfriend (believe me I had been trying, online and offline — but most ladies when they found out what problems I had backed away. I had NO income, was living off of credit cards, My 3 sons were off elsewhere away from me. My ex slapped a restraining order against me (I hadn't been harassing her, but she got the judge to OK it somehow) And then to top it ALL off, my kidneys shut down completely! I had to go on Dialysis IMMEDIATELY!

I felt like a dead man walking! 3 days a week for 4 hrs a day hooked up to a machine which kept me alive by cleaning my blood. I HAD WANTED TO DIE BEFORE, BUT THIS WAS THE LOWEST I HAD EVER BEEN! I FELT completely forsaken by God and people. I even talked to the social worker about the possibility of stopping dialysis treatments and just letting the poisonous waste products build up in my body and I would eventually die poisoned by my own waste.

The social worker said "No one would blame you if you do that!" If she said something else after that I don't remember because I got PERMISSION to do it.

But I thought about it more. Would my sons see it the same way? Their dad was in the worst spot of his entire life, and he just gave up? I knew they'd face tough times in life. Life has a way of handing those times to you. Did I want to be an inspiration to them, or be a bad example of giving up when the going got tough.

So I hung in with the dialysis treatments. And for all I knew, I was hooked to that machine 3 times a week, 4 hours a day for the rest of my life, or I got transplanted with a kidney.

Well from that time on things started to get better for me. I started getting stronger. I started getting emotional support from friends, I got an income (social security disability) and medicare. And then, wonder of wonders, one day I got the news that I no longer needed dialysis and could discontinue it without trouble!

And then out of the blue ( I had taken a break from trying to date online) I get an email in my inbox. a lady was interested IN ME! I answered her and we eventually fell in love and I moved to be with her (we were 500+ miles away) and we married.

She was a exceptional lady! And she was just what I wanted and NEEDED! (she has now passed from this life into eternal life).

So Melissa you may well later on look back on your life now and smile that you didn't take a permanent cure for a temporary situation.

I don't often quote Dr Robert Schuller, but he said quite appropriately: "Tough times don't last, but tough people do!"

How do you become a tough person? Persevere in tough times!

Praying God's blessings start coming your way soon!


melissa1987 2011-12-30 23:18:36 -0600 Report

Thanks James
You guys are so helpful.. I am so glad I found this board , my depression seems to be getting worse but it could have a lot to do with the benzos I'm taking. It's funny you said that quote tough times don't last but tough people do because I have a tattoo of it. I was thinking long n hard about suicide today but I don't think I could do it because I have 2 gorgeous nephews that I think the world of and I seen how he felt when my dog passed away so I couldn't do it to him as much as I don't care for myself. I love him to death n I don't want to see him hurt. I'm just praying 2012 is a better year for me. Thanks for sharing your story with me. Have a good new years n best wishes in 2012 Hun

jayabee52 2011-12-31 00:35:01 -0600 Report

you know I am here should you need to talk. I will send you my cell number via DC email if it gets really bad for you (no this isn't a come on) I have someone else I am "seeing" now. Only concerned for your welfare. I have been there in a similar place where you are. Too many times! ( once is enough )

you'll get my number momentarily

melissa1987 2011-12-31 00:50:43 -0600 Report

I was wondering if the diabetic clinic would help you out if you have a addiction to go to a rehab, I know to many people that went to detox n it did nothing for them. I know your not from Canada but your smart n know a lot n don't worry I didn't even think of it as a come on lol

jayabee52 2011-12-31 01:13:12 -0600 Report

I am from las Vegas.

I think you have met Caroltoo? she is from Hawaii and had connections to that world of rehabs. Pick her brain to see what you can find from her. My last work was a certified Nurses aide in home health and sometimes in hospitals. that area is a bit out of my depth. although I have had relatives and friends in rehabs and if you are MOTIVATED to get clean and sober, you will.

Even in the best rehabs if you are in denial or in resistance to change you won't change all that much and your money is wasted. It has to come from you and your desire do better than you had been doing before. I believe you CAN do it!

I had a good friend I met through my 2nd wife (now deceased) who had been on some heavy drugs when she was in her 20s and she went through rehab and applied herself and got clean, and sober and was hired as a med. runner in a california hospital. Her problem was she had BiPolar disorder ("manic/depressive") and was trying to self-medicate once she got on the right meds for that she became a productive citizen, a wife and mother. She has her moments of unsteadiness in mood, but nothing like it was as I hear tell (I didn't know her back then)

I will continue to pray for you melissa

Caroltoo 2011-12-31 00:59:03 -0600 Report

I'm pretty sure they could do a referral to outpatient evaluation and therapy. Yes, lots of people go through detox and don't stay with it. It helps to realize how much you have to lose (your life and hope for a wonderful future).

Maybe talking with Patricia would help. She has three months sobriety now; perhaps she could share with you what motivated her to make the change. Patricia is pcyoung38.

dietcherry 2011-12-30 18:34:49 -0600 Report

You have everything to live for Melissa I would like for you to check your blood sugar please Sometimes with T1 when we go too low or too high we can have mood swings that make us depressed or put us in a blue funk Please keep your blood sugar level and that will help you deal more capably with the crappier things life hands you

ms.motivation 2011-12-29 22:53:06 -0600 Report

hang in there melissl. ive had diabetes since i was eleven. i get depressed all the time but in being depressed i don't let it overtake my life.. hold your head up high and don't let it overtake your life. your stronger than that.

Starry20 2011-12-25 18:48:00 -0600 Report

My mom doesnt really believe that add an adhd is real… Dont ask me y, she just doesnt… But yes my brother told me what it means. My friend says he has adhd, and told me i had add, but he is no doctor.

Caroltoo 2011-12-25 20:51:25 -0600 Report

Raven: ADD and ADHD are legitimate diagnoses, but they seem to be over used at this point with children who lack impulse control being described as ADHD and given medications. There are lots of things that can be done to deal with the symptoms without the convenience of popping a pill. Sometimes, it's as simple as eating in a way that eliminates pesticides and chemical additives from our food. For others, there is a real need for medications, because docs can't figure out what the cause is and the symptoms are making the person unable to do what they need to do in life. Carol

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-25 17:03:58 -0600 Report

Mellisa: I'm so sorry that your depresed and feeling somewhat of an outsider, atleast to your family that is. First let me say, You are now a diabetic and your life has changed forever. Even if you get to the point you can controll it by diet alone you will still be a diabetic. That's a plain and simple fact. I used to wish I could have my old life back but the plain truth is I take better care of myself now than at anytime in my life. That's probably why I'm a diabetic now. I make my diabetes a challenge for me each and everyday. How can I make today better than yesterday. Know too Hon, the diabetes isn't keeping you from work, the depression is. I know because I suffer from Clinical Depression and will always be on medication for it. In my situation medication and therapy should have fixed the problem and my brain start making the seratonin it needs to control my moods. Mine never did that…I'll be on depression medication all my life too. Not to say you will, but let me suggest you go to a therapist and tell him/her all this and let them help you. You'll be so surprised how much better you'll feel. How much more productive you'll be. I went through all your going through right now but I listened to good advice and got the help I needed. All I was asked to do was pass it forward when the chance came up. So to you I pass my advice forward. When your all well and feeling good and you run across someone who's down do me a favor. TELL THEM YOUR STORY AND PASS IT FORWARD, PLEASE…Hugs to you, Valentine Lady

Young1s 2011-12-25 17:15:29 -0600 Report

Nice pass V. I hope Melissa is able to find a way to do just that some day. I feel the same way about the challenge that D has brought to my life. I take better care of myself, I make healthier choices for my family, I get off my butt and move regularly now, you name it. Silly me for not seeing the light in the first place but, hindsight and all. Besides, then I never would have gotten to know the most wonderful bunch of mixed bagged folks I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Boy that was a mouthful. Seriously though, you all are very special to me and I can't imagine going through this without each and every one of you.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-25 18:25:28 -0600 Report

Patricia: That's me, period. Had I made the right choices and taken better care of myself I may not be i the situation I'm in now. But like you said hinsdsightand all. I sincerley hope she'll see this in the future and follow through like I suggested. I think she needs mental health as well. When a person has been that depressed for as long as she has, only a professional will be able to help her out of the big dark hole. Then she can see her diabetes in the light that was given to her in the first place. Don't you thnk? I pray for her mental recovery then I really believe that her acceptance of diabetes will follow. Thanks for listening…Merry Christmas, Peggy

katnkits 2011-12-24 17:52:13 -0600 Report

Yes, I often want to give up. I grew up hating and fearing this disease because my mom had it. I am 50 and just recently found out. I didn't ever go to the Dr I didn't have insurance and just couldn't afford it. I have had it for a long time and finally everything is catching up. My eyes, my hands. I am trying to do what I am supposed to instead of what I want to. I feel guilty when I eat or drink something I shouldn't. I am just taking one day at a time, if I have something I shouldn't I try to make amends the next day. I hate it that I have it. I grew up thinking it was a death sentence. I am trying to change that thinking. It is good to know you aren't alone. Kat

Starry20 2011-12-24 13:21:39 -0600 Report

Ooo… That makes sense. Ok. Now ive a question for anyone who cares to reply, i am distracted quite easily, and i was wondering, because the feelings in diabetes are so strong could there be any connection? Because my brother says ive add, but my mom says not. Does this happen to anyone else?

jayabee52 2011-12-27 04:50:20 -0600 Report

Raven, I am one who has ADHD. I received a Dx in June 2009. My H (hyperactivity) is my MIND is hyperactive. I sometimes cannot shut it off! (frustrating when trying to sleep)

Often that means that the person who has it functions on a different level than most other people do. I have learned how to work with my ADHD and I do not use medication to manage my symptoms. I've just learned how to work with my symptoms over my lifetime. I am easily distractable too. My apartment shows evidences of it, but on the other hand I can hyper-focus also. I get on DC and get researching something which interests me and time just flies for me!

Have you been to the ADHD website which is a sister site to DC? I think you'd be quite interested!

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-25 16:20:23 -0600 Report

Raven: I'm Type 2 and I have a son who was recently told he too is Type 2. He has those distraction problems and was tested to find out he is also ADD. Not a bad thing but it does answer some questions we in our family has had. Their working with him to help him on his job as well as in life in general. They put him on some type of medication to slow him down and help him to be more focused. You may want to have yourself checked out. It couldn't hurt…by the way ADD stands for attention defficent disorder, for adults. Valentine Lady

Caroltoo 2011-12-24 13:41:42 -0600 Report

Raven: if memory serves me, you are a Type 1. As such, you may have extreme lows as well as highs. Both cause disorientation and memory issues — a VERY good reason to try to modulate your BG into the more "normal" range. Your little brother could be right, but it is much more likely that it is because of episodes of unhealthly LOW sugar. Carol

berrykins0 2011-12-24 07:17:02 -0600 Report

i don't want to give up ever cause it will make my health turn ugly which means completions. please don't give up on yourself cause you put youreself at risk of damaging your body with high blood sugars. take care of your self it takes time to understand this diease. do you see a nutrionist if so ask questions on what your not sure of they are there too help you as much as we are there to help you. hang in there were all new at this and until we understand it.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-25 16:29:09 -0600 Report

Berry: Don't give up, never give up. Your so right it only brings on complications that will be serious on top of the diabetes that you already have. Good advice, Berry…Valentine Lady ;~}

Young1s 2011-12-23 09:17:40 -0600 Report

Vent on Melissa, this is the best place for it. It's been since October for me. I haven't felt like giving up but I certainly have had times of being free and loose with my diet. It's fine and human to do so. I wouldn't stress too much about your parents. Either they will come around or they won't. What you have to do is live for you, not them. Move at your pace and comfortability. The rest or others will fall in line eventually. Be blessed and Happy Holidays.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-25 16:32:32 -0600 Report

Dear Patricia: Great advice, nothing more for me to add. Merry Christmas day, dear friend. Hope all your dreams came true for today. Peggy

KarlG28 2011-12-23 05:48:59 -0600 Report

Hang in there Melissa. You are too young and much too pretty to give up. Depression is natural. Have you talked to a therapist???

thehungryone 2011-12-22 21:17:43 -0600 Report

Hey man I'm in that club myself. Kats like us can't be thinking about quitting because stuff like that just adds more weakness. Keep happy brother and keep fighting the BS!!!!!!!!!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-12-22 20:42:14 -0600 Report

Hey Melissa,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and, it sounds like, stressed right now.

It's not easy to live with a chronic condition, especially when it is new to you. There is a lot of adjusting to do, as you know, changes in the way you live your life, changes in the way you feel. Lots of changes. Change is scary, especially during the early stages when you are trying to figure things out. There is so much to learn.

It's normal to feel scared and sad and frustrated, and to miss your life the way it was before your diagnosis. During this time, venting is a good thing. Feelings are just feelings. Let them out, don't hold back. And don't keep them bottled up. Do you have someone you can talk to, who can listen with judging you or trying to "fix" you? Talking it out can help a lot.

I suspect that you are doing what you need to do to get educated. That is a good way to deal with the fear factor. And the use knowledge to empower your self-care.

Now... about that depression. That is always a important word for a counselor like me. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, then this would be something to let you doctor know about. You might also want to reach out to a mental health professional. Depression is treatable.

I am glad you are here with us here on Diabetic Connect! It's important to get a lot us support and I can't think of a better place than this place.

Stay in touch with us!


Hinboyz3 2011-12-22 15:29:00 -0600 Report

We have all been in your shoes one time or another. But you cant give up cause when you do that your giving up on yourself. It's only one of you and your special and worth trying. You have to learn to take baby steps if none at all, just try to stick with it and you will get results. Hey if I can make changes in my life so can you. Yes it's very hard at first but you kinda get use to it, especially when others can see the changes in you before you can see them yourself. So please understand we are all in this together, and don't be afraid to vent, we all do.

Set apart
Set apart 2011-12-22 06:19:59 -0600 Report

Melissa as a T1 still new 4 months I can definitely relate not sure whAt it is lately the holidays I think that have gotten me down, knowing that I will never be the same, but you know what underneath this skin with tiny bruises on my stomach from insulin shots I am still here! You are still the same Melissa - we just have a bit of baggage that comes with us now. I can't remember who said it but when I was first diagnosed and visiting this site someone said words that have stuck with me, we have a disease that like no one else is something we can CONTROL, it is not going to control us like terminal diseases, etc. For this Melissa I am thankful, live your life to the fullest, count your carbs, exercise, and conquer each day! This site is my godsend like yours so stay in touch!

jolynn43 2011-12-22 05:08:11 -0600 Report

hey it will get easier as you go along but it wont be fun going i know cause i the same thing when i found out that i have type 2 and a herniated disk at the same time it really is not that easy going through life even at this age. keep up the great work of smiling at yourself and smile at every thing else to. " A laugh a day WILL keep the doctor away!"

'Second Chance'
'Second Chance' 2011-12-21 21:31:37 -0600 Report

Hang in there Melissa, at some point in all of us,(diabetics), it can get very frustrating. i'm very happy I found DC, because I get a lot of support from all of my friends here!! And yes if you need to vent, that's what you do. We're here for one another!!

Starry20 2011-12-21 20:57:04 -0600 Report

i have, but then i power thru it, what i do is fix my mind on a goal, like fixating my blood sugar (which after 9 years ive yet to do.) and stick to it, its hard but it keeps me preoccupied

GabbyPA 2011-12-21 19:07:44 -0600 Report

Depression and chronic illness go hand in hand quite often. It is kinds of like which came first, the chicken or the egg? So don't be ashamed of that, find some help to work through it. Being diabetic doesn't stop you from doing the same things you were doing before. You just have to adjust a little and figure out how keep it going. You are young and you can do it. I'm glad that you like the site. I know it saved my life on more than one occasion. So hang in there. Many of us are willing to help you privately if you want as well. All you have to do is ask.

melissa1987 2011-12-21 23:01:08 -0600 Report

I was wondering I see a lot of people talking about vitamin D on here… Should I be taking that?

Type1Lou 2011-12-23 08:54:32 -0600 Report

Ask your doctor to check for your Vitamin D levels the next time he/she orders blood work. My endo discovered in March that I was deficient and I was advised to take 3000iu of D3 every day. It's best to add this under your doctor's advice.

GabbyPA 2011-12-22 09:40:26 -0600 Report

It is always good to talk to your doctor or pharmacist before just taking anything. Key to it is to make sure your body needs that or something else. I get a lot of sun in the summer, so I don't take D in the summer, but I take it in the winter. So ask. Specially your pharmacist, as they know what else you are taking and how it might affect other things.

Caroltoo 2011-12-21 23:09:34 -0600 Report

Would be an excellent idea. It helps with BG control, helps you not have seasonal affective disorder (depression during the winter because you don't get enough sun), and it helps you body maximize it's absorption of calcium. All very important for us. A good therapeutic dose is 2,000 IU/daily.

Caroltoo 2011-12-24 13:16:49 -0600 Report

Some milk is D fortified. It's not an adequate source though when you live in the colder/darker northern climates. And since D is needed to absorb Calcium, we females need a lot of it to keep us healthy as well as happier (also helps avoid depression caused by lack of bright sunshine hitting our unprotected skin). Even use of sun screen can interfere with absorption of Vit. D.

SUNNYSAL45 2011-12-21 18:33:02 -0600 Report

You are going to be fine Melissa, are your blood sugars under control? For a long while after I got Diabetes, I would'nt even go out of the house except for to go to work. There are other youg people who have juvenile diabetes, maybe you can find other teenagers to speak to that have diabetes to find out how they are doing.. Take care and keep your chin up..Sally

Uncle Lew
Uncle Lew 2011-12-21 16:34:34 -0600 Report

Never feel afraid to vent. We all neesd to do that to survive this disease. And here we underestand your frustrations and need to vent because we all have that need and have done it. You are among real friends here. So let go and then go on to survive, no CONQUER, diabetes.
Good luck and Godspeed.

Fyremarshal 2011-12-21 16:15:43 -0600 Report

Hi Melissa. I am new to this forum, but not new to the things that you are experiencing right now. I have my moments where I sincerely wish I was six or seven years old. I guess it is sort of a protective mechanism built in us to take us away from our current situation, even if only temporarily. I am glad that you are here, and other people with the same issues that we have. Yes, it is nice to know that other people feel the same way and we aren't really special in that aspect. Like other people here, I am here for you, for your support, and to continue to encourage you well wishing. We'll all get through this together.:-)

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-12-21 14:19:56 -0600 Report

Melissa, you have such an over loaded plate right now, finding out you are diabetic, admitting you have a drug problem, and it sounds like your parents are in denial and pressuring you to move forward too fast. I realize there is probably a financial shortage also. I think you need to find a local support group as well as continue to reach out to us on DC for support. Please take care of your self as we do care what happens to you Melissa!!


pixsidust 2011-12-21 14:10:24 -0600 Report

I do feel sad and depressed at times usually not Diabetes related.
Other things in my life threaten to tear me down
Me being Diabetic will not change those things.
There is always a way, an answer and in the end of the day… Hope
No matter how bad I feel

hillwalker 2011-12-20 23:28:37 -0600 Report

hang in there
i understand completely 6 months since d day for me
still not me any more haven't had this much problem keeping the rage in for decades and the loss of self no memory, failing at my work waiting for them to fire me for the things i forgot to do in the haze as my blood sugar goes into the normal range being cold all the time when i used to play in the snow in a t shirt the world is not the same place as a year ago

Caroltoo 2011-12-20 22:14:11 -0600 Report

No, it's not stupid at all. It's a really normal grieving process. You have lost something (your health) that was very important to you and you miss it. You will sometimes feel angry that this happened and wonder why it had to happen to you. Eventually, you will learn how to live with it, but it's going to take some time. If the depressive feelings last more than 6-8 weeks, I'd talk with my doctor about them. Grief that goes on indefinitely is not healthy for us either. For now, what you are feeling is uncomfortable and unhappy, but a very, very normal and understandable place to be. It's only a problem if you get stuck there.

w8chd 2011-12-20 20:27:44 -0600 Report

It's not stupid to vent about. Keeping it bottled up would not be good. Many of us go through periods of doubt about all this. In my case it's been 10 years. That's kind of happening to me now. I know it is really depressing but it will get better. Don't give up! If you need to vent, do it. There is a large supply of listeners here on DC.

berryj09 2011-12-20 20:14:38 -0600 Report

How long ago where diagnose? and your right, there is a lot of people going through the same…me being one of them. I've given up countless of times and regreted it every time(8). I've been a diabetic 7 years now and it sucks not doing what we used to do. The stress and then your stuck in a depressed mode trying to get out of it and it takes all your energy away. I been through all of this and still going through it. Even those unexplained mood swings…I don't understand it still. Really the only thing that's keeping me doing right is my mother…I'm tired of seeing her cry and now she's become more sick with her diabetes so I'm taking care of myself so that I can take care of her…I had another reason why but it's no longer a reason now.

MarleneSophia 2011-12-24 01:25:33 -0600 Report

I think most people have depression of some sort, it's how we handle it that matters. It can be really hard, no doubt. The times when we feel like giving up we need to get out of that mode by doing somethiing we like, for example taking a walk or listening to christian music works for me. Just find something that works for you. I wish you much success in getting well.

berryj09 2011-12-24 01:29:37 -0600 Report

Mines was the beach… The only place I felt at ease but since I moves to Orlando the beaches are no where near close to me…that's has money I can't afford during these times.

MarleneSophia 2011-12-24 01:34:07 -0600 Report

Yes, the beach was also mine as well . When my father passed away a friend of mine recommended christian music. Now whenever I'm having a bad day, I listen to the music and I feel great after. I hope you find somthing that can turn your mood around. Maybe going for a run…