Do We Need to Learn How to Nurture Resilience?

By MewElla Latest Reply 2013-10-11 07:52:29 -0500
Started 2011-12-14 13:51:53 -0600

We all need the ability to deal with life's curveballs and challenges…It's a trait anyone can cultivate and one that helps diabetics to thrive.
See a challenge as an opportunity, not as a threat.
Feel a sense of control and believe you have the power to make things better for yourself.
Cultivate a Positivite Attitude.
View diabetes as a blessing in diaguise. Many say that they are healthier than ever; that diabetes helped get their priorities straight. They have brighter moods, greater energy and a sense of personal control.
Focus on reasons you'll succeed in managing your diabetes…could be that you are eating better, exercising, reducing stress, working with your medical team and dr's on the best dosages of medications for you, testing your blood sugar regularly and getting plenty of sleep.
Know your strengths - you never know when you are going to have to pull on them at any given day or night.
Manage your expectations - don't think managing diabetes is easy and everything is going to be smooth - it won't…everyday new things to contend with.
If you mess up one day, forgive yourself. Vow to do better tomorrow, after all, we are only human.
Set daily goals - even eating one more vegetable per day; going to bed 15 minutes earlier; everything counts and remember, success often breeds more success.
Maintain a sense of humor.
Have fun!! It does not have to be a big deal, sitting outside with a neighbor, laughing and talking; watching nature in action at this time of year; just something to look forward to.
Deal with depression- most diabetics know this affects emotionally and physically big time.
Exercise - Just a short walk outside, if you can will give you a dose of sunlight and will boost your mood…
Anybody else have some other suggestions??

29 replies

Vigneswari 2013-10-11 07:52:29 -0500 Report

If u feel tensed/depressed..just close ur eyes and count upto 50…if u think its not working count untill u feel tension free and happy. It works for me. :-)

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-19 08:13:40 -0600 Report

Great advice that we need to remember. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the everyday drama, that we have to remember what is really important! These are wonderful words of wisdom and advice. Lets all take it to heart and do better for ourselves so we can be better for the ones we love!
Have a Blessed Holiday,

Caroltoo 2011-12-16 13:38:20 -0600 Report

Nurturance is so important. As adults our patterns are more set and years of negativity may have lowered our horizons somewhat, but I fully believe exposure to at least ONE positive and informed individual who can encourage and support us can literally make the difference between life and death, in some cases, and good life or just existence, in others.

We all have our own issues to deal with, but approaching them with a positive attitude and looking for how can succeed, rather than why we will fail, will change our own success rate. When we feel better about ourselves, we don't have to be prickly and defensive of our ideas.

We can begin to embrace others where they are in their journeys, overlook the occasional pettiness or disagreements, and help them to also succeed in LIVING with this thing called diabetes, rather than dying with it! With stakes that high, we need to look beyond ourselves: to look up for support and to look out to see who we can support.

I think the challenge for us here in d.c. is to remain positive and supportive of each other, to really listen to what each person says, to be open to new ideas, to grow with each other. There has been some on-site bickering recently. I hope we can set our own needs aside enough to listen to each other and hear the real message which sometimes is that the person we are talking with is very afraid and really needs our support. This is the real essence of Christmas.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-16 13:22:06 -0600 Report

I think as we grow older we should make our lives less stressful. We don't have to shop till we drop for the holidays. We have the whole year to buy gifts when we see items on sale. We can prepare foods for the holiday feast ahead of time and freeze it. We can not let Diabetes take control of us, we can take control of it. Don't dwell on things out of our control. We can live each day as the first day of the rest of our lives. Make each trip we take a pleasant one whether it is to the doctor or around the world. We should take a few minutes for ourselves each day and not feel guilty about it. So what if you don't dust or vacuum today, reading another chapter or watching a favorite tv show was relaxing and we need to relax more often. Nobody ever told us the road would be easy. It is how we travel the road that makes the biggest difference.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-16 13:14:40 -0600 Report

What a wonderful post Ella. One thing we should all do. Do not set goals so high we cannot attain them. Giant steps will get you there faster, but small steps will give you time to rest, enjoy life and at the end of the day you will still have reached your goal.

roshy 2011-12-15 17:24:18 -0600 Report

resilience, positive attitude, sense of humour, reasons for suceeding. . . all brilliant words which have deep meaning. I think internal locus of control springs to mind. knowing what is in your sphere of influence and what is not. Being self aware and emotionally intelligent is also key!! family and social support is also very important to resilience.

Thanks a mill for that!! putting things into perspective for us!!!

Caroltoo 2011-12-15 14:49:55 -0600 Report

Here in Hawaii, the Zero to Three folks did a study on resilience in children. It was determined that even in the worst of home situations, a child would be much more resilient and capable of thriving if there was just ONE adult in their life who would support and encourage them.

I believe this is also true of adults. Our patterns are more set and years of negativity may have lowered our horizons somewhat, but I fully believe exposure to at least ONE positive and informed individual who can encourage and support can literally make the difference between life and death, in some cases, and good life or just existence, in others.

We all have our own issues to deal with, but approaching them with a positive attitude and looking for how can succeed, rather than why we will fail, will change our own success rate. When we feel better about ourselves, we don't have to be prickly and defensive.

We can begin to embrace others where they are in their journeys, overlook the occasional pettiness or disagreements, and help them to also succeed in living with the thing called diabetes, rather than dying with it!

With stakes that high, we need to look beyond ourselves.

To look up for support and look out to see who we can support.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-16 11:53:49 -0600 Report

Carol this is very true about the resilience of children. They can survive in the worst conditions. I encountered a kid outside of a corner store in my neighborhood. Something about him didn't fit. His clothing was clean but shabby and his tennis shoes were worn. He followed me in the store and whispered do you want to buy some weed. I asked him if he had done this before. He said no but one of the dealers on the corner told him to sell it and he would pay him. The kid was 13. He said he needed money to buy detergent and bleach and hotdogs and Baked Beans for his brother and sister for dinner the next day. I asked him where was his mom. He said she was an addict and he had not seen her for a few days. I bought him the detergent and another lady in the store bought him the bleach. I asked him his name. I asked him if he were going to school the next day. He said he was and told me where. I told him where to go after school and who to talk to and told him I would call and tell this person to look for him. I city him to one of the Mayors Stations. The director at the center was a friend. The young man went to see him and was given a box of food my friend bought him some meats he could prepare. I didn't see this kid for several months. One day I was outside with the kids after school when someone ran up and hugged me. It was the kid. He had on new clothes and shoes and his sister and brother were in the back seat of a car. He said with the help of my friend who is now his friend, he was placed in foster care and was happy. His foster mother thanked me for saving him and his siblings. Sadly the man who did all of this passed away Sunday night and was buried yesterday.

If we can take a negative and turn it into a positive, we will not only help ourselves but others. We all have positives and negatives in our lives. If we focus on turning the negatives into positives, our journeys will become less cumbersome and we can all thrive.

Young1s 2011-12-16 12:17:12 -0600 Report

Sorry to hear about your friend Joyce. But I am glad that God allowed him the time to be able to help that young man. Hopefully, later on in life, he and/or his siblings will look back on that moment, remember how blessed they were and will be in a position to help someone less fortunate than themselves.

June Tademy
June Tademy 2011-12-14 19:43:08 -0600 Report

I agree wholeheartedly with exactly what you said. I also agree with pixidust that life is hard enough to deal with, I think we have to make dealing with D less stressful for ourselves. Good work and thank you for sharing.

pixsidust 2011-12-14 18:54:51 -0600 Report

I just have to say Be your own best friend. Life is hard enough. All good advise and wisdom. Amen, Mary Ann, Amen!

GabbyPA 2011-12-14 17:35:58 -0600 Report

I love this discussion because it is so very true. If we keep positive, we will attract positive. And quite the opposite is true as well. So keeping our minds focused, not on the disease, but the control of it and how it is making us better is a great way to overcome many obstacles. This is going to be one of my goals of 2012...My journey to healing myself. I will be doing a lot of these things.

Young1s 2011-12-14 17:25:02 -0600 Report

Thanks Mary for putting this all back into perpective and bringing me back to reality. I became laxxed in my efforts to maintain my daily routine. I paid for it alittle yesterday but I am back on track today and moving forward. Very wise words indeed. Be blessed.

Itallian Kitty
Itallian Kitty 2011-12-14 16:56:36 -0600 Report

If you have a hard time sleeping it can effect your mood so try meditation or tea and if those don't work get melitonin from over the counter or you could eat a lot of turkey even after the holidays. lol just kidding.

jayabee52 2011-12-14 16:05:54 -0600 Report

Thank you so much Mary for that piece of wisdon.

(can't resist: when you say "postiive attitude" does that mean "I am positive diabetes is gonna kick my fanny?" No? j/k )

With all of my "medical challenges" is I didn't have resillience I would not have survived.

In my professional life before being a Certified Nurse Assistant I had a lot of trouble and disappointment, and when I told my story to a therapist his response was "Lesser men wouild have been in the psycho ward over what you experienced."

Sometimes I think that I learned that resillience growing up as a kid with ADHD under a father who just didn't understand why I did what I did. (that made two of us, most of the time)

There were times when it seemed to be too much and I wanted to end my life, but I did not and kept on going. When my kidneys shut down and I had to go on dialysis (at that time I thought it was for the rest of my life — but it was only for 10 mos.) I wanted to stop dialysis treatments and let the disease "take me". But because I understood that my death did not affect myself only but would affect those who loved me, and it might give my sons permission to take their lives when their lives got tough, I hung in with the dialysis and lived.

I believe God blessed me for that decision. After 10 months of dialysis I was able to discontinue it. And after that I met a lady who would become my bride and who made me very happy as I made her too.

Now that she has passed from this life, but not my memory, I have a lot to look forward to doing and being while I wait to be with her and with Jesus forever.

Praying Christmas Blessings be upon you and yours Mary


June Tademy
June Tademy 2011-12-14 19:48:06 -0600 Report

James, you have such a testimony, always good to hear from you, after reading your discussions and/or replies to discussions I always feel better and try my darnest to do better and I always do. Thank You and Many Many Blessings to continue to you and your family. Thank You

Young1s 2011-12-14 17:20:30 -0600 Report

James: You have put things back into perspective for me, and I thank you for that. That was an inpiring story and a lesson in why we must continue to push through the rough parts. I forget sometimes that my problems, while massive in my mind, are very small in comparison to what could be. I am so glad you were able to get off dialysis and then go on to meet and marry your Jem. There was true love there. I can here it everytime you talk about her. I'm proud of you for having the courage to hang in there and fight; for yourself and your sons. I can only guess at how difficult things must have been for you to consider, even for a moment, ending it all. This is going to sound selfish but I'm glad you are still here for all of us to learn from your wisdom and follow your example. I couldn't imagine this community without you in it, nor do I want to. Be blessed and have a happy holiday.

jayabee52 2011-12-15 02:35:19 -0600 Report

Well thank you pc! It was difficult especially because I had suicide ideation ever since my teens, coming when things were tough, receding into the back of my mind when things were good.

Because I believed what my church taught about suicide I was restrained throughout my life from acting on it because I didn't want to spend eternity in the hot place!

Now I had an "out" because my kidney shutdown was something that was allowed by God. ( I must say things very carefully here) I therefore could take this course of action — not returning to dialysis — without fear of condemnation because it was different from me taking up a gun or a rope and ending myself. It would have been a natural outcome of my disease.

I even spoke to a Social worker in the dialysis clinic about it. She told me that no one would blame me if I took that course of (in)action. From my experience on the floor of my bedroom for those 5 days before my Dx, I thought that the process would be rather pleasant, or at least not all that painful.

When I made my choice, it seemed as if whatever it was in my psyche which wanted me dead was defeated. I have never again had suicide ideation, even when my beloved Jem passed from this life. I knew it was not my time to go yet.

So as I tell folks now, I am not going to climb into my coffin just yet —- someone else is going to have to put me in.

Thank you pc! for those kind words

Praying a blessed christmas and a prosperous new year to you and yours

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-16 13:35:34 -0600 Report

James I have been down that road. I thought it would be so much better if I were dead. I lived through a traumatic ordeal. I was so mad with God because I could not believe that he would allow such a horrendous thing to happen to me. I no longer believe entirely in God, I also believe in the elements of earth and how the changing of the universe effects my total being at times. I know that when the universe is aligned things go better for me.

Had I taken my life, I would have missed out on visiting Hawaii and taking 13 cruises and visiting some of our many states and getting a college degree. I would never have met all of the wonderful people here. Life is what you make it and what you want it to be. It comes with some of the hardest choices to make and hoping our choice is a wise one.

Like you, something is going to have to put me in my coffin. I am not going to put myself there. I am glad it wasn't your time. Your input is wonderful and I loved reading your testimony. We all have something to share that will help someone and even ourselves.

There is an old gospel hymn. I believe James Cleveland sang it. "Nobody told me the road would be easy. I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me".

Jan8 2011-12-14 16:57:18 -0600 Report

Wow james now that is a real testament to us all. Thank You and I am so very happy for you.

MewElla 2011-12-14 16:08:58 -0600 Report

Thank you so much James…always appreciate your kind words…Merry Christmas to you and yours…

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