Two Months And Counting

By Young1s Latest Reply 2011-12-09 21:30:44 -0600
Started 2011-12-03 12:15:27 -0600

This has nothing to do with diabetes but I needed my DC family to know about what I feel is a great accomplishment in my life.

Hi! My name is Patricia and I am an alchoholic.

Today I am officially 60 days sober. I never thought I would be able to hold out this long. For many years I have been a drinker but I started getting worse over the past 10 years or so. I have been through hell and back because of my addiction. From black-outs and waking up in unfamiliar places, to arrests, to ending up in the hospital, due to pancreatitis flare-ups, more times than I can count. I have put my poor family through so much heartache and pain over the years, it is trully unforgivable. But they kept by my side through it all and I thank God daily for that.

The last time I ended up in the hospital, this past September, was the day after my last drink. I found out that my pancreatitis was so severe and my body was so deficient of vital nutrients, that they didn't think I would pull through this time. My body was shutting down on me. On top of all that, I was told that I now have diabetes. I took all this as a sign from my body. It was telling me that it was time to quit or die. Well I love life and am not about to let that happen if I can help it. And I can. So but by the Grace of God I pulled through my ordeal in the hospital and started living my life in a whole new way.

This has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have tried to quit in the past but only made it to about a month. Then I would think "It's been a good little while. I can just have a couple every once and a while". Of course that always led back to going through a liter of booze in a day, every day. But not anymore.

I have made it this far by taking better care of myself from the inside out. From the foods I eat, to the medications I now must take. I also go to meetings whenever possible, I'm seeing an addiction therapist weekly, getting tremendous support from my family, and lots and lots of prayer. It feels good to wake up with a clear head and to be able to look my family and friends in the face knowing that I am in my right mind.

I don't miss the hangovers, the morning puke sessions, the days of not caring about whether I ate or not just as long as I can get a drink, none of that. But I do miss the taste and I struggling every day to fight the urge to drink. Especially since I am surrounded by liquor stores and my husband still drinks. But I am sober, still. Recently though, I have been dreaming about drinking. This is particularly disturbing to me because sometimes my dreams have a way of coming true. I don't want that to happen but I can't say that it won't with any great confidence yet. So it is my daily prayer for the strenghth of will to continue to resist the urges.

Tags: motivation

76 replies

2011-12-09 19:59:38 -0600 Report

Hey pc~~ like they say @ those 12 step meetings (I've only heard. Never liked the taste of alcohol) "one step @ a time" I'm hoping and praying for you that you will become an ex~drinker, and start to really focus on your health & well being. The new year is quickly approaching, And yes, every1 will come up w/some kind of resolution, but if I know you, yours' will be to continue this health lifestyle, and giving up all types of alcohol. I know that you can do it pc. I have my utmost faith in you. Keep up the good work!!

Young1s 2011-12-09 21:30:44 -0600 Report

Thanks Lisa, that is definitely one of my New Year's resolutions. However, I have always brought in the year sober, surrounded by my family. I used to tell myself that if I was sober bringing in the year, then I'd be sober for the rest of the year. Yeah right. Actually, the real trick will be getting past the end of THIS year sober. My birthday is at the end of the month and I havn't celebrated it without drinking in a long, long time. But thank you for believing in me and for keeping me in your prayers. And, as always, you are in mine.

hillwalker 2011-12-08 23:20:39 -0600 Report

i think one thing you missed but may now start to see tyhis is related and impotant be strong cleave to your strength and be well there will be the strength you need as you need it

Young1s 2011-12-09 13:36:01 -0600 Report

No, I really havn't. I just know from past experience what kind of a hold and draw this addiction has had on me. However, I do honestly feel that this tme will be different. Call it my strength, faith/prayers, the huge support I have, the treatment I'm seeking, or all of the above, I just feel that my last was my last. But I can't afford to get comfortable and presume that this is behind me, especially at this early stage in my recovery, because it's not. Thank you for the encouraging reminder though. :)

jayabee52 2011-12-09 15:35:12 -0600 Report

I suspect it is all of what you mentioned above. Continuing prayers for the strength to maintain sobriety hour by hour if necessary.

Young1s 2011-12-09 16:58:42 -0600 Report

You know James, that's exactly what it is some days. Not just day by day but hour by hour too. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-12-06 19:04:55 -0600 Report

Way to go. My Mom has been dry for 40 years and counting. I remember as a kid what it was like when she was drunk. It was the best thing she ever did for us. She is now 82. She and we, were raise Irish Catholic, so there was always a reason to drink. Of course, having 6 kids probably didn't help. Wish you the best. Jim

Young1s 2011-12-07 00:13:56 -0600 Report

Thank you Jim. Wow, 40 years. That's amazing. It's hard to admit this but if my body hadn't shut down on me, I may still be drinking to this day. Quitting, before the fateful day of my hospitalization, wasn't even in the back of my mind. So, because God takes care of children and fools ( and I was being the biggest fool of them all), my body was instructed to lock it up. Literally.

I took a couple of steps out of my room, then all of the muscles in my body tightened up and I was stopped in my tracks. It took my entire family to get me back on the bed and fight to force my limbs to straighten/loosen, because I couldn't do it for myself. My face was so tight I could hardly open my mouth to speak and my heart was racing a mile a minute. But by the time the ambulance came, and because the emergency operater gave my husband instructions on how to get my breathing undercontrol, my body had relax a little. If my family wasn't there at the time I probably would not be alive today.

But I am sober now and I wouldn't change that for the world. When I look into my children's eyes I see that they are proud of me. I know that when I go to hug them, they are not smelling the stench of booze on my breath. I'm sure that they wonder if this is the day that mommy starts drinking again, because they've seen it before, but they never show that. And they tell me they are proud of me all the time. It's the best feeling in the world.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-12-07 10:14:43 -0600 Report

Yes, and you will get to see them marry and have grandchildren and maybe your grandchildren marrying and having kids. Mom has 6 kids, 16 grandchildren, 18 great grandchildren and many more unofficially adopted ones in each category. Now the kids were already here when it began to get bad, but had she not stopped she would not have seen over 30 of her offspring. Stay strong and know that you matter, to those here and those yet to come. Jim

REWART2008 2011-12-06 13:01:18 -0600 Report

Well Young glad to see you are doing what it takes to stay sober, I too was a very heavy drinker and smoker for about 12 years, I started drinking at 25 years of age and fell in love with it. I sang in bands around the Houston area and the party was on. Finally the hangovers and lack of will to do anything got to me, I woke up one morning late called into work sick and sat on my bed and told myself I'M done with this part of my life. Imade my mind up right then and their to never drink or smoke again. I prayed to God to help me. give me strenght and take over my life and run it for me because I was unable to. He did and I have never looked back, Praise God. I do not miss it at all and I also found out that all the friends I thought I had were nothing more than drinking buddies, once I quit one by one they slowly vanished from my life. Surround yourself with positive and succesful peolple and you will become one yourself. Thans for letting me share my story with you, and God bless you as he has blessed me.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-06 22:00:32 -0600 Report

That is awesome. And really cool you were able to share that powerful story with PC. I love to hear when people have had the power of God work in there lives, and they realize it!
Praise God is right. And I give props to all of you hear who are working on overcoming their addictions, along with fighting D. You all are true warriors in my eyes.
God Bless ya, Mickey

Young1s 2011-12-06 13:12:17 -0600 Report

Thank you for sharing. What you have just described is exactly the plan I am trying to map out for myself. I know in my heart I can do this as long as I stay strong and keep the love of God, my family and friends always on my mind.

rickbond1973 2011-12-06 12:42:13 -0600 Report

Congratulations on your 60 day mark!! My mom is many years sober. She jokes about having one here and there…I don't find it very funny and she knows it…maybe joking about it helps her. Keep at it…you obviously have quite a network of people right here on DC ready to help you continue this winning streak you're on!!

Young1s 2011-12-06 13:02:08 -0600 Report

Thank you Rick. I joked about having one the first few weeks. I think mostly I was testing the waters. Luckily, my husband saw it for what it was and remained steadfast in his encouragement of me to quit. Hate to think of what might have happened if we both gave in. And now that I have the DC family on board with what has been happening in my life, I feel that much more able to get through this. Even if it is only one day at a time.

byrun 2011-12-06 12:16:12 -0600 Report

Congratulations Patricia!!!! 60 days is a great beginning. I believe you will have the strength to turn that into 60 years or more.

ngtowl117 2011-12-06 08:41:40 -0600 Report

Congratulations on your sobriety. I too had a severe drinking problem. I would drink a fifth of whiskey, straight, each night, pass out, and get up and do it all over again the next day. I have been sober for 7 years with the support of my husband and God's grace. The desire (craving) was taken away from me when I surrendered it to God. Keep your feet on the path you are on and it will be taken from you too. Just keep the faith. You will be in my prayers

Young1s 2011-12-06 12:04:39 -0600 Report

Sounds like we are two peas of the same pod, just with a seven year split. I am strong in my faith but havn't been to church in a long while. Maybe it's time to consider going back. It would probably make my kids happy, they ask me to go with them every once in a while. And I know it would make my mom happy, she's been begging me for years. I'll have to pray on that one a little while longer. I have developed some very strong views about the hippocritical nature of people, some that I know, who go to church. I soured me a little.

ngtowl117 2011-12-06 17:57:20 -0600 Report

It is the season for miracles. You have to remember that people are prone to be spiteful and mean. They are not the reason you go to church; you go to have a relationship with God. Your soul need fed just like your body. Give it another try, with an open mind, you may be amazed. I too was tired of hypocriticat 'church people' until I found a way around them, I just don't liisten to or associate with them, but I really like the church family I have now and they give me alot of support

Jan8 2011-12-04 17:23:01 -0600 Report

You can be very proud to be at the other end of this horrible addiction. If you can just look at your last paragraph, you have said it all. The things you don't miss are far more important than any taste. I have no room to talk though because I am still smoking. You have done an emense amount of work. You are a winner.

Young1s 2011-12-05 12:42:20 -0600 Report

Thank you for your support. I am proud of myself. It's a small victory, but it means a lot to me. And your right. With all the other great tasting things to experience in the world, that one isn't worth the dwelling over.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-12-04 16:13:23 -0600 Report

Congrats PC. I am so glad you are still with us. The only addiction I have is smoking. I have tried quitting but was never successful. You never know what burden a person has and when you find out you feel good for them and gain more hope that you can shake the burdens you have.

Young1s 2011-12-05 12:39:33 -0600 Report

I am so lucky to have found DC. Words can't express how blown away I am by all of the well wishes of support and prayers. I feel so blessed and loved. I know what you mean about the smoking, been there, done that too. Don't think I can give up both without completely losing it, though. Good thing is, I smoke less now that I am not drinking. But I will kick this habit too eventually.

Nick1962 2011-12-06 09:47:48 -0600 Report

Congrats on the progress so far! How did you cut down on the smoking? I really need to quit.

Young1s 2011-12-06 11:54:30 -0600 Report

Well then I may not be the one to help you with that. I have always been able to quit cold turkey. Never missed a single one with every pregnancy. Have always been able to go days at a time without having one. So, I smoke less now because the alcohol made me want to smoke more. Stupid but true.

pixsidust 2011-12-04 09:42:59 -0600 Report

Lord Jesus
I ask for Patricia this day
to get past the hurdles and the urges
Set her free from these chains
Show her what to do in replacement and in these moments
While she battles for her mind, to remain clear
Let her listen to no lie that only a little won't hurt
For her demise is there with the first sip.
I proclaim her an Overcomer
She can do all things in Christ who strengthens her
Give her work to do with her hands and mind
Satan I bind your influences and we cast you out
Spirit of alcohol, compulsive addictions we bind you and cast you out
Holy Spirit fill her void & Come to her now
In Jesus Name, set her free
I ask for Patricia this day

Young1s 2011-12-04 10:31:14 -0600 Report

Thank you for that Christy. I woke up this morning feeling like I was breathing new breath, so I know all of our prayers are being heard. No dreams of drinking last night either.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-04 20:59:32 -0600 Report

That is wonderful! Keep seeing that white light surrounding you and filling you up! It will push out the negativity and doubts from you. I'm so happy for you!
God Bless, Mickey

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-04 09:53:40 -0600 Report

That was wonderful and very powerful. Gave my goosebumps! Can you 2nd a prayer like you can a motion! Just a little levity there!
In all seriousness, I am with you on this. All prayers are powerful, but if we all read this, mean it and send it to our Lord, how can he not hear? He hears your prayer.
All for the healing of our friend.
God Bless ,

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-03 19:50:32 -0600 Report

PC: Up until now I didn't even suspect you were fighting such a battle and let me say how proud I am of you. 21 years ago I had a drug problem. I worked nights and in order to keep my family going I got addicted to speed. I finally went to a Dr. who knew I needed help and put me in a rehab center asap. There were countless sessions I went to but the most important ones was 3 times a wek they had my family come in for counsoling also. They had to know the in's and out's of addiction and why I got addicted in the first place. Not to mention I have an addictive personality. I've been clean and drinking free sober as well for 21 years this past September. I did have a profound effect on my marriage because I needed my sleep and no moe partying for me. Drinking or otherwise, espically the otherwise. I'm just as proud of me and my sobriety as I am of yours. Just remember to stay away from old drinking friends, make new ones and stay with AA. I personally went to NA and AA together, oppisite nights of course, but oh what a Blessing they were to me. I'm here for you girl. Just reach out and I'll grab on. I'll always be here for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. Valentine Lady

Young1s 2011-12-04 00:39:30 -0600 Report

Thank you Peggy for your kind words. I have already taken the necessary steps in cutting ties with past drinking aquaintances that didn't, as you frequently say, have my best interest at heart. It saddened me to do so but I know that had I not, it would have been too easy for me to slip back into my old ways. But I do have a couple of friends who are very supportive and I want to see me succeed.

While I am actively going to meetings, I haven't chosen a sponsor yet. I don't know, maybe I am being picky but I haven't met anyone that I feel I've made a connection with, yet. But I will get one eventually because I know I that I need to be able to talk things out with someone who has walked in my shoes, just like I do with you guys about D.

I am glad that you were able to overcome your demons and I am sorry you had to go through all of that in the first place. I am proud of us as well. I pray that I can foillow you and JB's lead, to a long life of living without addiction. With the exception of my DC addiction, of course. I trully believe that God puts things and people in our lives at just the right time and the Lord knew that I would need you all.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-03 23:34:57 -0600 Report

God Bless you! That is wonderful! That is quite an accomplishment! Glad you are here to reach out to others who are walking that path you have fought down already. Now that is a blessing!!
Love, mickey<3

Caroltoo 2011-12-03 20:10:52 -0600 Report

Congratulations, Peggy. That is quite an accomplishment…21 years!! WOW!!!

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-03 20:38:59 -0600 Report

Carol: Thanks, it wasn't always easy but I had the Lord on my side…Hugs, Peggy

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-04 14:39:02 -0600 Report

No Carol because I had become superwoman on the speed (pills only) I could work from 10:00P.M. to 6:00A.M. come home fix breeakfast for everyone, clean house, keep the laundry up all the ironong. I could sleep until my then Husband came home and then cook again, clean up, lay down for a nap, satisfy my Husband and only sleep 3 to 4 hours a day. I was quick crashing. But I had energy. And everyone never suspected what was going on. I just recieved praise for my home looking so good and me and my family looking so good. Not to mention I went out dancing with my Husband before I had to go to work and on my days off. I was a bartender at a quite famous hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.
But when I quit, I qiut. I changed friends I stayed a bartender until I graduated from College and on my happy way I went working with animals. My 1st love…not to brag but while I was quitting I quit smoking then too. I had a great
re-hab center. Although I was not an alchoholic I drank, so to make sure I didn't trade one bad demon for another I just quit it all. I know that probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it did to me. It's hard to believe that was 21 years ago and not once have I fallen on anything I quit. That's what makes me proud…Hugs…Peggy

Caroltoo 2011-12-04 15:31:45 -0600 Report

Quite a story of successes! When I said it wasn't easy I was speaking to the effort it takes to stop this adrenaline driven behavior. It's a little like standing in front of a moving train. Proud of you!!! Hugs, back. Carol

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-04 16:35:59 -0600 Report

sorry I misunderstood you Carol, but your right the effort it takes to stop this adrenline driven behavior is like standing in front of a moving train. I like the way you put that…really never thought of it quite like that before. Something more for me to ponder about. Hugs, Peggy

pixsidust 2011-12-03 17:32:16 -0600 Report

Patricia, My step father and my sons girlfriend's mother both died at age 44 from alcohol. It broke the blood vessels down and they bled to death internally. I say that because as you desire the taste. You must not yield in any way. I know you know this. Patricia you are important. We need you here for a long long time.

I celebrate your success and tell you that you are amazing. The strength in the heart of the strongest pull is not had by all and those I mentioned.
Patricia You are so loved and so needed.

My prayers are with you to heal you fully and they are with your husband. I pray your family will intercede for him to stop as well.
Surely he knows how hard it is for you and he probably needs to be clean as well.

Cast off Satan in the name of Jesus. Tell him to be gone from you every time you feel the urge and set your mind on Jesus and who you are. You are an overcomer. You are set free. You are strong, You are beautiful to the Lord…and you are Our Patricia!
Love my friend…Love

Young1s 2011-12-03 18:59:11 -0600 Report

Christy, I want to say thank you for your prayer of an annointing. I really do need all that I can get. I know that it will probably get a little harder as I go along because the devil doesn't want me to win. But I am determined to rise above this. Alcohol was such a major part of my life that I find myself having to learn how to cope with everything and everyone all over again, sober. It is strange at times but I am managing to work it out.

I thank you and everyone for all the love and support you show me in this and all that I try to do. It really does mean everything to me.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-04 17:00:29 -0600 Report

Dear pc: I've been there, my heart feels for you espically at this time. Your like a little baby taking her first steps. Learning to deal with the world sober is an adventure only you can take. But as you grow in your new life you'll find more and more strength to put all the past behind you. Now I don't mean that we are not here for you and will continue to do so, but you need more support like AA. You have a special circumstance that many don't go through, your Husband still drinks. That's why I suggest AA. You'll get a sponsor who will be there just for you, just like we'll be only face to face. The temptation will get that strong espically that it's right under your nose. And I'm sure he'll soon get tired of you being sober and will try to tempt you, there's where a good sponsor will come in. You are after all married…my heart is with you, my prayers are for you. I am so proud of the step you've already taken and am anxious to see your journey as it goes. Thinking of you, Valentine Lady

Young1s 2011-12-04 17:39:27 -0600 Report

Thanks V. I do feel like a baby in the woods trying to crawl my way to the clearing, but I will. I look at it like this, every one who has years of sobriety were once in my shoes. That is why, even though two months is not a long time, it means everything to me and my health. So I will celebrate this small victory in order to be able to appreciate the big win.

While I understand your concern about my husband, fear not, because he is not like that at all. He is the one who was urging me to quit over the years, which is why I tried so many times in the past. But ultimately it was my decision to start up again. But we did have a long talk last night and he has agreed to try to make a better effort to quit too.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2011-12-04 18:08:17 -0600 Report

Dear Patricia: You bet you will, you'll crawl to the clearing and out too. I have all the faith in the world in you. I'm so happy to hear that your Husband is the one encouraging you all the way. That will make it so much better if you quit together, tell him I'm pulling for him too and will keep him in my payers as well. Celebrate this victory in a big way, 2 months is really something, in fact it's WONDERFUL. Just remember to live for today, keep your eye on the future but your feet planted here. We each have to get through one day at a time is what I'm trying to say. I'll always be here for you. You were so brave to come out on DC and confess your an Alchoholic. That took guts and real determination, you've got what it takes to make it work. Take care and remember, one day at a time…(((((HUGS))))) Valentine Lady AKA Peggy

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-03 15:56:26 -0600 Report

PRAISE GOD! CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is such a wonderful accomplishment! I'm SOOOO proud of you!!! I have had friends that have battled this demon, and it is tuff! My father was also an alcoholic. I ruined his life. It was sad.
But you, girlfriend, I have the utmost faith in you. It won't be easy, but know that we are all behind you! Having a strong support network is key.

I had no idea you had this going on, and looking back to see how much love and support you have given everyone is just amazing! You truly are a warrior! I'm just busting at the seams over this! I wanna give you great big bear HUG!!!!!

You know that demons try and pull you back in and you are most vulnerable when you are asleep. I don't know if you already do, but every night before bed, aside from prayers, picture yourself surrounded by the white healing light of our Lord Jesus Christ and just say, Nothing but good is allowed near you while you sleep, that the Lord protects you in slumber and nothing evil or unpure is allowed to touch you or come near you. Actually see the light surrounding your body. You might think I'm crazy, but it works, I've had to do it to protect myself from dark things. Keep doing it, it will help.

If you ever need to holler out, you know I'm here for you. Please keep on doing what you are doing, you are heading down the right path.

God Bless you with the strength and wisdom to continue this righteous path.
Love, Your Sister in Christ, Michelle<3

Young1s 2011-12-03 16:42:30 -0600 Report

Thank you so much Mickey. I am trying to be that warrior but there are some days when I am just a stones throw away from grabbing a bottle and it scares me. I don't want to be that person anymore. I AM a fighter but this particular bout has always gotten the better of me. I well up in tears every time I am hit with flashbacks of past behaviors and then that makes me want to drink even more to forget.

Thank you for the understanding about the dreams thing. I know it is my inner demons trying to resurface and so, yes, I do pray on it. When I have those dreams, I wake up in such a panic because I swear to you the tastes, the effects that it used to have on me, all of it just seems so real. It takes me a moment to realize where I am and calm down. Then I lay back down and pray some more. I have made it this far, and it is farther than past attempt, so I am very hopeful that I will get control over this.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-12-03 23:31:45 -0600 Report

It is not an easy road, recovery, to walk. It is one you will have to be on guard for the rest of your life. But with time, it should get a little better, you will be stronger in the tools you use to combat it.

I think you have more strength than you give yourself credit for. Look how far you have come. When you are having a ruff time of it, reach out! Do you have a sponsor? If not, you might want to get one. It will be invaluable to you. Keep up with your meetings and therapy. We are all rooting for you!

You are warrior women, hear you roar!! I can hear you!!
God Bless you, Mickey

Gardencricket 2011-12-03 13:42:18 -0600 Report

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and more prayers on the way my new friend!! I am learning fast that everything seems to be connected, and I know prayer works! Congrats on 60 days and we will be here when you celebrate that every day!!

Young1s 2011-12-03 14:31:24 -0600 Report

Thank you. Prayer is what is keeping me strong and focused, with this and D. I start each day in prayer, accept how it unfolds and hope that I learn whatever lessons that are meant for me to receive.

jayabee52 2011-12-03 13:23:16 -0600 Report

Howdy Patricia!

You can add my prayers to yours for strength to resist the urges. I am really proud of you for your 2 months of sobriety!

Please keep up the great work! Let me know if there is any way I may assist you in maintaining your sobriety. As one of my friends you can contact me via DC email to tell me how I possibly may help you (I do not recommend putting contact info on the discussion boards, as I have seen parts of discussions on the boards in Google searches. — frighteniing, to say the least).

My great grandfather was also alcoholic according to my grandfather and dad, They did not use alcohol (except as a remedy for a cold).

When I started experementing with alcohol my dad was worried that I might also become an alcoholic. He said he was worried about the "curse of the 3rd generation" where the great grandchildren are destroyed by alcoholism. (I was told by one of my therapists -later in life- that I had a personality which could be prone to addiction).

Fortunately that has not proved to be the case, at least not completely. Out of my first cousins I am aware of only one great grandson who had been afflicted by alcoholism. Unfortunately it destroyed his marriage to a local beauty queen and strained his relationship with his daughter. And it destroyed a budding business as an earthmoving contractor.

But I am proud to say that he has been sober for several years now, and is rebuilding his life and his relationship with his daughter. I don't know if he attends AA or not, but from what I hear of him he is doing well in his new life of sobriety. I pray that he continues in that sobriety.

I also think you are very courageous to tell your story to all of us, as before this I had no idea of your struggle with alcohol.

You say that your husband still drinks. Is he a social drinker, or something more than that? I pray he is only a social drinker and that your new sobriety does not negatively impact your relationship.

Praying God's richest blessings upon you and yours!


Young1s 2011-12-03 13:48:02 -0600 Report

Thank you James for you prayers and concern for my husband as well. He is a little more than a social drinker but doesn't drink any way near the way I used to. Our relationship is as strong as it has ever been, he has seen me through some really ugly days and he is still by my side. And he has recently said that my sobriety is making him rethink whether he should quit as well. I pray that he does because living in a alchohol free house is high on my list of goals. It is my goal to come out of this on top, like your cousin did, and have years of sobriety under my belt. I want to be a better example to my children. They have, unfortunately, seen me in some pretty bad states as well, but now I want to be able to show them that it is never too late to turn an awful situation around.

jayabee52 2011-12-03 16:09:30 -0600 Report

That's wonderful to hear that about you and your husband.

I have read articles about how when one abuser of substances (drugs or alcohol) changes their relationship to that substance it changes the relationship between the people, because their relationship was at least partially based on the substance. Often the people start to have relationship problems and there may even be a break in the relationship.

I am glad that that is not the case with you and your husband.

Young1s 2011-12-03 16:48:59 -0600 Report

You are right about that because he had been my "drinking buddy" for years. And we both did feel a little sad when I had to stop. But given the enormity of the situation (as far as my lack of control was concerned) and the consequences if I didn't quit, it was an easy decision to make. Just wish dealing with it was just as easy.

jayabee52 2011-12-03 17:41:17 -0600 Report

From what I have heard it gets easier as time goes on and you don't relapse.

I have also experienced this first hand. (I believe I told you somewhere that one of my therapists told me I have a personality type prone to addiction)

At one time I had an addiction to online porn. That addiction (in part) broke up my first marriage (there were also other issues). I admit it was not a substance abuse problem but it was just (at least for me) compelling. My (then) wife caught me early one morning and I asked her forgiveness and vowed not to look at it again. Well too soon I couldn't help myself. I had to sneak a peek and soon I was back at it again.

So I know the power of an addiction. Even though I rationally knew that it was not good for me, or marriage and our little family, I just could not seem to stop.

The divorce didn't stop me either, in fact it probably made iit worse, because of the lack of feminine companionship. And truth be told I was a little POd with God because He disappointed me and didn't stop the divorce (and some other stuff too). So I was in my mind "getting back at God" even though it was really hurting me. And it made me a double-minded man. Going to church on Sunday morning presenting a righteous face to fellow church members and my pastors, and then Sunday afternoon going online including the viewing of porn.

I existed like that for about 6 years until I met a wonderful lady online at a website for disabled people. We struck up a friendship and it progressed to love. We were 500+ miles apart but we found a way to meet safely half way between us.

The relationship developed quickly from there. And we could talk about ANYTHING, even my porn viewing habit. She didn't want me to continue, of course, and asked me to talk to her about it should I feel the urge again.

The excitement of being in "new love" again and a new marriage pretty much did away with the online viewing. And I moved away from Las Vegas and all the fetters of the past which haunted me.

I haven't kept track of my last view of porn, but I would guess that I have been porn free for about 5 years now. The habit has never returned even after my new bride passed from this life in July 2010.

The thought has crossed my mind occasionally but I dismiss it easily. So at least for me it has gotten easier as time between the behavior and where I am at now lengthens.

I pray that it will get to be easier for you too.

Young1s 2011-12-03 19:07:39 -0600 Report

James, thank you for feeling safe enough with all of us to be able to share what I am sure was a difficult time in your life. I am happy that you were able to overcome this. I think that your "Jem" must have been some kind of lady for you to be able to open up to her and ultimately work through it together. I hope my second chance on a new way of life is just as successful.

jayabee52 2011-12-03 19:17:26 -0600 Report

I pray it will be.

I really wish you (and everyone here) could have met her.

Actually when I opened up to her on that, my heart was in my throat, but I had decided I wasn't gonna hide anymore and if that was, for her, a deal breaker, I would have been disappointed, but not crushed. I didn't want to be keeping secrets from her and play false to her because she was such a trusting, loving lady. Jem had the kind of love that I had wanted for years. Even before I met my first wife.

Caroltoo 2011-12-03 18:18:23 -0600 Report

James: thank you for sharing this. Don't diminish the impact of this type of addiction by saying it's not chemical. Viewing stimulates the feel good center of the brain and produces chemicals that are the same as with many so called chemical addictions. It is an extremely difficult one to overcome. My hat is off to you for doing so. Carol

MAYS 2011-12-03 13:21:52 -0600 Report

Continue taking it one step at a time.
We are all very proud of you and your accomplishment.
Keep it up!


Caroltoo 2011-12-03 13:08:14 -0600 Report

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Patricia. You mentioned some it from time to time, but is helpful to hear the full context. Wow! You are doing so well and have come so far in two short (but I bet they felt long) months. Congratulations on making some very supportive choices for yourself. Let us know if we can help you in any way along your journey.

Young1s 2011-12-03 13:31:52 -0600 Report

Thanks Carol, will do. It really Has been difficult. I am more in tuned of everything involving alchohol now. From it being mentioned on the TV to hearing the clink of a glass; my ears perk up like a little puppy dog. But I have made it this and for that I am thankful. And especially for my family. They tell me on a daily basis how proud they are and regularly encourage me to stay the course.

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2011-12-03 13:02:58 -0600 Report

Wow-congratulations to you! The key, as you said, is caring for yourself. Just take it one day at a time and know you have a lot of people rooting for you!

Young1s 2011-12-03 13:22:48 -0600 Report

Thank you. That's all I can do for now. It's still new and so many opportunities arise for me to slip, but so far my will is stronger than my want.

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