I was diagnosed Type 2 in 2003. After a few years of oral medication, I was put on insulin 2006 (Levemir Flexpen). Things had been frustrating enough up until that point. I am terrified of needles, even the little ones that you screw on the to various "pens" that are available. For the next couple of years, it was hit or miss. Sometimes I would be able to actually take the injection after sitting there freaking out for like 1/2 an hour, and sometimes I just couldn't do it. The frustration was exquisite.
In 2008, the stock market crashed, and I was laid off from an 11-year job. I found myself 48-years-old and jobless in a dead job market that is still pretty much dead to this day. The frustration in my life became insurmountable. Sometime in the beginning of 2011, I simply broke down and stopped caring about my health. The diet was impossible, the injections unbearable, and don't get me started on the constant testing.
In May of 2011, I was at the Doctor's office for my Chronic Sinusitis. While he had me in the office (I try never to go there), he did my annual physical which of course includes some labs (blood, urine, etc). Since I really didn't care, I just never followed up on the results. My A1C was 12, my BG at the time I was tested was 385, and the urine came back with everything you'd expect from these kinds of numbers. I didn't know any of this until yesterday, when I spoke with my doctor about something unrelated … and boy did he have a cow.
In June of 2011 I busted a career move. No longer able to find employment in my industry (I was an I.T. professional), I decided to draw on my other talents, and this lead me to my current occupation which is physically demanding. I get loads of exercise on a daily basis, and lost nearly 30 pounds. I feel better, and look better, and I even perform better on the job. But since I didn't care, I started drinking more than I ever have, and I tend to just eat anything that's available. My doctor knows nothing about any of this. I have to go see him Saturday and I am certain hes gonna do blood work, and another A1C, which is going to suck.
I do not know if I feel guilty because I don't care, or if I now care. I'm a mental mess over this. Has anyone experienced anything like this?
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