Recently diagnosed and afraid to tell family

By Sunnitexan Latest Reply 2011-11-25 02:47:23 -0600
Started 2011-11-20 08:47:37 -0600

I have heard for years from my mother that she will be upset with me if I ever get type 2, she herself, all of her siblings,parents and my older sister are all either type 1 or 2.
Ok, so I have been able to manage my levels with just diet and exercise but three months ago, things just went really whacky. I am now on 3,000 mg of metformin a day. It was a huge shock for me. I haven't told my family, just my husband, and now have no idea how to tell my mother. I feel really ashamed of myself.
Any one out there have any similar issues?

38 replies

kaveolook78 2011-11-24 05:03:38 -0600 Report

its better not to keep things from family, things can work out for the better once you have told your mom. That way you can have family support I know if my daughter was sick with something I would certainly want to know about it. Then you can work on getting better. Good luck and happy Thanksgiving.

pixsidust 2011-11-23 19:18:11 -0600 Report

Mothers do care for us although the communication
comes out rough at times.

My guess is that your Mother thought by telling you about the families Diabetes that you could take precautions and head it off before it got you.
She was warning you to save you…yet those intentions as we know do not always work, nor are they possible. She sounds like the scolding type so there is probably no getting around that.

Just let her know, that "you know that she cares about you but even though she warned you, the family genes won out. Ask for any help she can give you and make her feel valuable. It might take the barbs and blame out of the picture. Chin up! It will pass… and love yourself this day and always. Its not a death sentence, just a way of living more aware to be healthy.

Young1s 2011-11-23 15:50:46 -0600 Report

Hello Sunni. Please don't feel ashamed of yourself because there is no cause for it. I was in sort of the same boat as you a couple of weeks ago. I had let my husband and my mom know but hadn't told my children yet. I too posted a discussion and got some really great feedback. But what stuck in my mind was those who said to Just Do It. It won't be as hard as you may think and you will feel so much better for doing so. I suspect that Carol hit the nail right on the head. Your mom didn't want this for you so she will be sad, and may even grieve some, but I bet she'll will turn out to be one of your biggest supporters.

As it turned out, my children already knew something was up with me. All of them have walked in on me, at one point or another, just as I was sticking myself or taking my meds. They were just waiting for me to bring it up. So, who knows. Maybe your moms "mother's intuition" has already kicked in and she is just waiting for you broach the topic. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving.

Caroltoo 2011-11-23 15:22:47 -0600 Report

If your mother is upset when she hears you are diabetic, I'd guess it will really be because she has so hoped that you would be able to live without diabetis and all the issues that come with it. Once she gets over feeling sorry that it happened, she could be a wealth of knowledge and support for you because it sounds she and the entire family have experience with it.

When you tell her, she may grieve for you and for what she thinks you will have lost because of this. Give her a little time to adjust and I'll bet she will be supportive. If I were you, I would tell my husband first; then I'd tell my mother when she and I were alone together. I wouldn't make a "family time announcement."

L.Harless 2011-11-23 14:29:54 -0600 Report

I would like to thank you for posting this. Your post finally made me decide to join.
Here goes. My Mother was a diabetic and basically told me the same thing. She is gone now and passed before I became diabetic. I understand the reasons she told me. It was her way of trying to get me to lose weight and be afraid of getting diabetes. I have no doubt though that if she had been here when I was diagnosed, though disappointed, she would have supported me.
Your mother will be upset to hear the news because she loves you. But I am willing to bet you will hurt her feelings more for not sharing your condition with her. Trust your mother and go straight away to her and come clean. Let her help you. You might even learn something new. :o)

berrykins0 2011-11-23 13:27:40 -0600 Report

don't feel bad its hard in the beginning but gets easier as time goes by. need to tell the family when your ready too.everybody goes through thingsthat aren't takes time to expept those things.take care have a nice thanksgiving.

LadyDi007 2011-11-22 21:35:02 -0600 Report

I have to agree with the other posters here…not your fault, it's genetic. Everyone in my family had it but me and I took pride in knowing I was the only one who didn't have Type II, now I do. You should tell your mom and ask for her support, not her criticism. There's no need for blame. Who does your mother blame for hers?

Uncle Lew
Uncle Lew 2011-11-22 21:15:29 -0600 Report

There is no reason to be ashamed. You are trying to control a chronic illness that many of your family members already have.
Things happen.
If you need medications what is the big deal. There is no reason to feel bad that diet and exercise no longer work. Our bodies change and we have to change with it. This is just another phase of this disease.
Your mother may get upset but it should be with your genes and not with you. If there is a family history of diabetes you then may be predisposed for it and there is a good chance you will get diabetes no matter what your diet is and how much you exercise.
Relax, lower your stress levels and help your numbers stay good.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-11-22 20:40:12 -0600 Report

I don't understand why she would be upset with you if a lot of your relatives are either Type 1 or 2. It isn't like you deliberately became diabetic. I would just tell her. It is her choice to be upset not yours. You can't control her emotions you can control yours. Are you stressed out trying to figure out if you should or should not tell her and worrying about her getting upset? If you are stressed out and worried this is not good for you health. Tell her, and get it over with. If she gets upset, she will have to deal with it one way or the other. Just remember it is not your fault that you have diabetes.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-11-22 16:57:30 -0600 Report


I can understand why you would hesitate to tell your mother. It is never easy to tell a loved one that we have a chronic condition.

You might reassure her that you are getting good medical care and that you are doing everything possible to take good care of yourself.

I am not a physician, but I have been told that there are a lot of factors that contribute to diabetes, heredity is one of them. I hope that you will not beat up on yourself. Focus on taking good care of yourself, and planning for your future.

And get lots of support from your friends!


MrsCDogg 2011-11-22 12:06:16 -0600 Report

Why would your mother be upset with you? It isn't like you have much choice in the matter. You were born to a family who is loaded with diabetes. Just like me. My mom was sad when I told her that I too was diabetic but she wasn't upset with ME.

annesmith 2011-11-21 23:37:08 -0600 Report

Diabetes is genetic first, then aggravated by our eating habits…Every aunt except for one on one side of my family is type 2, in addition to every uncle on that same side—-all type 2, HOWEVER, this does not apply to you, but, alchoholism can cause diabetes by itself over years. It's because alcohol really damages not only the liver, but the pancreas, then the cells break down in the pancreas and the person becomes diabetic. Do NOT blame yourself at all for being diabetic—-like me, it is highly in your genes. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I had an uncle that was an alcoholic all his life, AND a type 2 diabetic since he was 13 years old. He did not live long…died at age 50…poor guy. The alcohol aggravated his diabetes, and he suffered so much that he eventually had a big heart attack and died…do NOT give up, do NOT worry about your mom, as hard as that sounds…if I were you I would just go ahead and tell her at a family dinner or in front of some other people, that way, you have some barrier if she gets too worked up. Sincerely, ANNE

MrsCDogg 2011-11-22 12:08:34 -0600 Report

Ok, never heard that alcholism could cause diabetes. That's some brand new stuff!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-11-23 10:53:50 -0600 Report

Okay, the following information is deemed reliable, but is not guarenteed.
I do not believe that alcholism causes diabetes. I believe it may contribute to it, but so does the consumption of carbs. If you are diabetic and drink straight alcohol (don't know about wine and beer) you are likely to cause your BS to drop fast and deep, possibly putting you into a coma. If you drink mixed drinks, you are likely to send your BS through the roof.
Go ahead, I have my paint guns ready and am ready to defend. Jim

jayabee52 2011-11-22 15:40:44 -0600 Report

Anne has it right for the most part but there are all sorts of things could be the Trigger for T2. When she was alive my bride "Jem" told me that her heart Dr told her that her T2 diabetes stemmed from her Congestive Heart Failure. So in her case it was genetic, but the heart problems pulled the trigger.

Type1Lou 2011-11-21 17:40:51 -0600 Report

My ex-mother-in-law used to tell me that I would get diabetes because of my bad eating habits. This was before I separated from her son. Six months after he and I were separated, I was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic. I really don't think it had anything to do with my eating habits, although, they were not very good at the time. I remember going home to my Mom's for my first self-administered insulin shot. It took me 5 minutes to make myself actually inject and my Mom was crying because she felt she was responsible. (I had grown up watching my diabetic Dad give himself insulin injections.) You don't need the added stress of concealing this from your Mom and being fearful of her reaction. Learn as much as you can about properly managing your diabetes. Make the right but tough decisions in diet and exercise and you will be able to minimize the impact diabetes has in your life. The power is within you to make the changes and adapt. Wishing you strength and a blessed Thanksgiving!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-11-21 13:36:46 -0600 Report

Tell them and let the cow chips fall where they may. Tell her in front of a large group if you are afraid she might lose it and spank you! What would her reaction be if you told her you had cancer, or a thyroid condition? it is a health issue. You could always play mean and dirty and blame it on her and heredity, not to mention what she cooked and fed you for years.
Really, i don't know your Mom, but maybe your first line should read "from my mother that she will be upset FOR me" No parent wants this stuff in their children. Jim

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-11-22 20:54:58 -0600 Report

Jim, I am with you on that one. I think Sunni is afraid her mother will blame her for being diabetic when it clearly runs in the family. If her mother gets upset it isn't Sunni's fault. She can't control her mothers emotions. What is her mother going to do if one of her grandchildren is diagnosed, send them to their room?

jayabee52 2011-11-23 10:10:12 -0600 Report

however I notice a change in my personality when I am around mom ( not very often as she lives in OH and I live in LVNV) sometimes I seem to almost revert to being a teenager. Oh my relationship with Mom is wonderful and it has matured. But certain aspects of my personality regress a bit.

Others have noted this in themselves too. My dad had passed some 40 years ago last weekend and I no longer feel like that when I think of him. It may have to do with something me being in her presence which brings it out.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-11-23 12:19:21 -0600 Report

I think that happens to a lot of people. I don't know how old you are. Were you a teen when your dad passed? If so you could possibly regress back to your teen years because you felt good being an intact family and you at times want to continue those feelings. It is good that you have a wonderful relationship with your mother. There are far too many adults who don't have that.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2011-11-23 12:46:36 -0600 Report

As teens we has so many issues with life and parents. This could be the cause. Growing up my father was a functioning alcoholic who worked week days and drank Fri.-Sun. He stopped drinking in 1976. It seemed like he wanted to be a father on the weekends. He discovered he liked carnivals and wanted us to take him. I was the only driver in the family. I resented this at first because he didn't take us anywhere as kids. I got over it because we enjoyed it as a family. Since he only had daughters, he taught us how to use and respect his tools and how to use his shotgun and rifle. We lived in the city and he never went hunting. Mom taught us how to fish, paint and other girly things. So because of this my sister and I can fix a lot of things and because we spent time during the summer working at my uncles gas station I can change oil, tires, and do other small car repairs (only on American Cars) guess that makes me a well rounded female. The only two problems I had was I was blamed for all of his problems in life and in his eyes, I would never amount to anything. I gave up trying to please him. However, I must admit he was always there for me when I was sick.

Caroltoo 2011-11-23 10:46:26 -0600 Report

re: personality around our parents: If you are curious enough, jab, to do some reading on the subject, check into the Family Systems Theory literature. One of the themes is what dynamics within the family keeps us acting the same and how change can be facilitated.

Caroltoo 2011-11-23 12:36:54 -0600 Report

Then you know what I was referring to. Nice to know you have read in the field. I've found it quite helpful in dealing with people over the years.

Gracie40 2011-11-21 12:34:45 -0600 Report

Why on earth do you feel ashamed? As if it is your fault. With a family history such as yours, your mom put an unfair burden on you. It would be a downright miracle if you did not come down with T2. First of all, take care of yourself. Get your exercise, measure portions, test frequently to see if different foods kick up your blood glucose & take your meds. Incorporate more salads in your meal plans. And perhaps when you are feeling better about this, ask your mom for help. You have the support of all of the members here in DC. We are behind you. God bless you child! Keep positive. If she gets upset with you, that is her problem, not yours. It is what it is. Gracie+

TsalagiLenape 2011-11-21 05:35:50 -0600 Report

Well other than the mg's you stated. I have found out that some of us inherit diabetes thru genetics. I am one of them. So nothing to be ashamed about for it has happened. Now you should be able to form a closer bond and maybe together you can help future generations with the changes you all make. Hugs

kdroberts 2011-11-20 23:12:52 -0600 Report

Sorry this isn't answering your question but did you make a typing error when you put you take 3000mg of metformin or are you really taking that much? If it was a typo, ignore this. If you are taking that much, contact your doctor ASAP because it's above the maximum dose per day.

realsis77 2011-11-20 18:16:48 -0600 Report

it is NOT your fault you have diabetes!!! what are you thinking? if you think its only weight related your dead wrong! i weigh 110 pounds and im a type two who requires insulin. now please dont think this is your fault because ITS NOT!!!! you have done nothing to "cause this to yourself!! yes, being over weight does bring a higher risk for diabetes but it certainly does not cause it! if so then how do i have diabetes at a size 5 in juniors?please DONT be so hard on your self and its certainly NOTHING to be ashamed of!! think about this… give yourself a break and understand your just one of us unlucky ones to contract a disease.whould you be ashamed if you had cancer? well, dont be hard on your self and learn as much as possible about this disease,and please be kind to yourself. educate others in your family so they also realize its not something you caused.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-11-20 16:51:46 -0600 Report

I'm sorry, but if your mom gets upset because you got diabetes she needs some education! You can be the healthiest person ever and still get it. You could be overweight and have a horrible diet and not get it. It's in the genes as is evident that a bunch of people in your family have 1 or 2.
I think you will probably be surprised and your mother will actually be supportive, which you need. You need a good support network. Talk to her, i'm sure it will be ok.

Just educate yourself, and in turn you will be able to help your mom and other family members.

There is no need to be ashamed. Diabetes is not a disease you get because you are a bad person or a lazy person, or whatever type of person. It's in the genes and until they figure out how to fix our genes( sounds scary!) there should be no shame. That is the stigmata put on D by 1) The media and 2) By people who do not know better. Stand tall and be proud that you kept is from becoming an issue a lot sooner in your life.
God Bless you and keep us posted, Mickey

MEGriff1950 2011-11-20 16:28:47 -0600 Report

You should be ashamed of yourself. How could you allow yourself to inherit diabetic genes from your parents. Do you understand that you were predisposed to develope diabetes? I am guessing that you belong to one of the minorities that are inclined toward diabeties like I am 1/4 Native American.
Diabetes does not develope in just 3 months it takes years. The healthy lifestyle that you led probably kept you from being a diabetic years ago. You cannot control when you get the disease all you do is postpone it for a while as you did. You should be proud that you accomplished the postponment as long as you did. Congratulations! Now stop beating yourself up! Go tell your mother that you thank her for passing on the nasty genes that caused you to develope diabetes. Just don't do it at the holiday table please. LOL
Sunni I highly recommend that you attend a diabetes education class if your dr will refer you to one. Between this site and the class you will learn a lot.
Be good to yourself,
God bless,

RAYT721 2011-11-20 15:27:32 -0600 Report

There should be no need to keep the condition from your family. In fact there are more reasons that you should tell them than that you shouldn't. It's great that your diabetes is under control but that may not be the case forever and should you experience a low, your family should know how to help you out of it. Also for medical reasons (ie emergency) quite often you are asked, "are you a diabetic?" … That is not the time to have a conversation about it. Diabetes is a disease and it's not something that you, your Mom or anyone else has given to you. It is a far better idea to have a low stress conversation about it when you're thinking clearly than when in a dire situation. There are people who live fully for decades as diabetics. I want you to be one of them.

LeilaB 2011-11-20 12:15:09 -0600 Report

I know exactly how you feel. I was afraid to tell my family too. I have a family history of diabetes, and for years my family has been warning that if I didn't lost weight I would end up with diabetes. Well, it finally happened…I did get diabetes type 2, and I was so afraid that they would blame me for not losing the weight. However, I was really pleasantly surprised…they were very supportive and caring. I really hope that you get a pleasant surprise from your family as well.

Old-n-Grey-n-Wiser 2011-11-20 09:04:10 -0600 Report

I would say if your mother puts you on a guilt trip because you have type 2 she is showing how little she really knows about diabetes. With your family history you were predisposed to eventually have it. You have nothing to be ashamed for, stand up and tell her that the family curse caught you, you did not catch it. Don't let her get to you, it's not worth the stress.


medic673b 2011-11-20 23:19:28 -0600 Report

please tell your family if they all have it they will be able to help you and if they wont we here at this site will be more than glad to help you