Feelings of...

TsalagiLenape
By TsalagiLenape Latest Reply 2011-11-11 11:44:32 -0600
Started 2011-11-05 13:56:03 -0500

I hate it when another tells me how I feel about something. Like they know what I am thinking and etc. When they dont know what I am thinking of. What may be ticking me off or upsetting me. Nor the things I have done to prove that I am who I am. Right now I am very mad at myself. Sad over the loss of another who I thought was going to keep their promise. Happy surprised and yet sad over comments made to me by my younger son and oldest grandson. Feeling like Karma thinks I deserve to be left alone, unworthy and not lovable by any man. Yet as I sit here fighting back the tears, I dont think anyone has any right to tell another how they feel. If this makes you mad at me I apologise for that. Yet I know what I have done, how I kept my word aka promises, how I strive to become a better person, how I have to keep on going. Yet right now I want to cry buckets of tears because I can. Although I will limit it cause it will make me eat the wrong things, shoot my bg's up just cause they can, forget to eat. Let alone do what must be done. Yet no one there to hold me while I cry No one to support me No one to love me as I am. No one to care if I am happy or whatever. No one there anymore. So I know this maybe a diatribe for others but its mine and how I feel right now. I dont want pity, sympathy or anything. I just want my Mom but she is passed on since 2001. So thus I have no one at all. Needless to say very lonely and such will be my life til I die. For now I have no trust in a man who one day decides that illegal drugs is better than me. And if you feel you dont want to or can be my friend anymore that is ok too. Just remember I always want the best for others despite what I am going thru now.


18 replies

Uncle Lew
Uncle Lew 2011-11-11 09:01:49 -0600 Report

You have me crying.
Please remember the words of the Great Buddha "Righteous persistence Brings Good Fortune." And the words of Christopher Columbus to his mutinous crews "have faith in God and sail on". You may think me simplistic but that is how easy (and so very hard) it is to survive.
Have faith. We are here for you. Vent when you need to, we understand. Your venting comforts you and comforts us too as we learn we are not the only ones who can be down, alone, abandoned, marooned.
Godspeed

TsalagiLenape
TsalagiLenape 2011-11-11 11:44:32 -0600 Report

Its simple really. Vent figure out what to do and pull up your boot straps and start walking. Its what is working. Time for tears will be another day but today dont look good and tomorrow isnt better. :) Thank You

berrykins0
berrykins0 2011-11-10 19:09:51 -0600 Report

its hard to see someone do something so bad to themself. but if you love that person its even worse.sorry he thinks his drugs are more important than you.while a personis on drugs they could become violent.hate to say it but your better off without out him. don't take personally. better off trying to give yourself time to heal andthen trying to find somebody new. its maybe hard to do but better this way then getting hurt every which way a person can.

TsalagiLenape
TsalagiLenape 2011-11-11 07:44:01 -0600 Report

Thank you and no I am not offended whatsoever. Yet I dont want anyone anymore. Just tired of looking and finding more drug addicts than a man who wants an honest woman.

pixsidust
pixsidust 2011-11-06 16:31:58 -0600 Report

You once shared that you were a woman of faith. The only rock steady unmovable thing in this world is Christ to me. People are fallible. This man, your husband has been a hard one for a long time. Its common and I am so guilty of this, Is to "See our own value in the eyes of those who reject us". Yet, you and I know that is wrong. Yet why do we do it?

Temi, your value is not based on this man. Lets look at the validity of the witness. He is on probation, uses intimidation, carries a gun, threatens, criticizes, takes no responsibility, has had DUI's and uses drugs. If I had to pick a panel to give me advice or influence me. This guy would not be part of my selection group. So why choose him to decide upon your worth? Temi, Love you are valuable.

Why does God allow these things to go on or bad people to hurt us. He allows all of us free will so it is not a matter of Karma because this world is far from perfect wouldn't you agree? Everything does not fall perfectly in place. We have free reign of our lives and surely he will reap what he sows. Thats why God calls us to be equally yoked in faith. Many do not listen to that and pay a price. Standing on his rock together gives you the strength to weather storms without the drugs, alcohol and guns. When we aren't of like faith, the end is rough. I mean deep seeded true faith not the kind that pays lip service, saying I believe; you just can't tell from my actions… kind of false faith.

What now. Reach out to those who love you. Carry out what you told him you would do. You see he does not believe you. So make a believer of him. Keep yourself legal and safe. File for support. Make a plan, keep in school, file for aid with family services, food stamps/Ebt card and heating and cooling aid. Do not waller in belittlement of yourself.

You are valued. You are loved. You are important!
You are wonderfully made, every hair on your head counted
and every tear shed has been noted.
Give God this pain, this hurt and this rejection.
Before you trust, choose wisely one who puts God first in word and deed
and you will be right behind.
You were known before your birth and Christ loved you
he loved me and all of us…to go to the cross …for us..why?Because?
You are valued. You are loved. You are important!

All My Best, Your friend Christy

dietcherry
dietcherry 2011-11-07 23:09:58 -0600 Report

You moved me to tears Christy. I want to read your words every time my feelings are hurt :)

Mickey/CCHT
Mickey/CCHT 2011-11-05 17:32:10 -0500 Report

I'm sorry you feel so alone. I lost my mom just over a year ago and i know it will never be ok no matter how much time passes.
As for this guy, it's sad to hear when someone lets drugs rule their life. They are not only hurting themselves, but all those around them that love a care for them. I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom, just what i would tell anyone who is hurting…cry your tears and scream and throw a fit and then pick yourself up! It will be a cold day in heck before i let someone drag me down and leave me there.
I pray you find your peace and come back stronger and with the faith in God to put the right person in your life.
Blessings to you in this sad time. Remember, we are all here for you. Mickey

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