Losses in family.

By Flustrated Latest Reply 2012-03-29 19:55:41 -0500
Started 2011-10-24 11:05:08 -0500

Just lost two family members pass away in one month. It's funny how our bodies react to it. I tried keeping track of my eating and watching portions but I know I didn't do well at all. It is hard to keep the direction to me when I feel pain for family loss. Now I have to get back on track. I have to switch to family here and move on. I'm sure everyone knows what I am talking about.

51 replies

Flustrated 2012-03-29 19:55:41 -0500 Report

Thank you everyone. I know everyone goes through the same thing we just had another lost we traveled to Arizona by train and for a diabetic on insulin it was a learning experience we did military honors for my broher law. He was 94. I know he led a good life. His last 12 years were not good. God works in mysterious ways. Now we are looking forward to our fifth grandchild. You are a good support group. I thank you.

EJMac 2012-01-03 18:34:13 -0600 Report

Sorry to hear about your losses especially at this time of year. I pray you will be able to devote time for taking care of yourself-I'm sure they would have wanted you to. Elaine

Jeanae 2012-01-03 08:23:31 -0600 Report

Praying for you as you mourn and praying for encouragement and motivation for you to get back on track. Losing someone is always difficult and losing two… heart shattering. But you never really lose someone you love. You just hold them in your heart and in your memories instead of in your arms. Allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief. Seek help if you need it. Live to make them proud. Sending prayers, hugs, and positive thoughts.

sweetpea646 2012-01-03 07:38:54 -0600 Report

i have loss 2 family members in the same month, it took a toll on everyone, we all greived in our own way. i lost a sister, due to aids, and my step dad, he was shot in the head. I keep their memories alive for their children.

Caroltoo 2011-10-28 21:43:41 -0500 Report

Cummulative stress is predictive of major illness. You are in a high stress situation now with a recent loss, but acute grieving can last for a couple months without needing professional assistance. If you have thoughts of suicide or go into prolonged grieving (severe enough to interfere with life functions over a couple of months), please do seek help. It's not a sign of weakness; it is a sign that you made the brave choice to value & care for yourself by seeking assistance.

You are perceptive to know that you need to track how your body is reacting. In addition to food type and quantity, it is sometimes helpful to track the emotions you are feeling at the time you are aware of overeating/undereating/making poor choices, etc. It does all interrelate and may give you an idea of what adds to and/or decreases your present stress/grief.

I had a time in my life when my mother died in my arms, my son and his wife lost their first baby (in utero), and my brother-in-law died of cancer in a three month period. It was a very tough time and being surrounded by caring friends and family was a big support.

As you are doing, reaching out to others who are positive and supportive is one of the very best choices you can make.

If you need a justification for taking care of yourself, remember you will be more supportive and helpful to your family when you have put yourself first and taken care of you. When you run on empty, there isn't much to give besides your pain and loss.

You have my prayers and hopes for finding peace with your loss.

imsuzie2 2011-10-28 20:20:31 -0500 Report

Flustered, you are in my thoughts, and I send angels to surround you. Loss is not easy, as so well expressed by the DC family members here. I have known lots of loss too, starting at a young age. Denial works for awhile, but eventually you have to face "the facts of life" and move on. Consider you are depressed and might need the help of a therapist and/or medication. I think if my father had taken me to therapy when my mom passed after 9 or so years of illness, I would handle loss differently. Hugs, S2

GabbyPA 2011-10-28 09:14:22 -0500 Report

Loss is what triggered my mom's diabetes. First it was my dad, then my younger brother. I also had gotten married between the two events and it was just loss, loss, loss. The stress kind of pushed her body over the edge.

It takes some time, but you will get back on board. We are here to support you in any way we can. It will get better.

peanutnovo 2011-10-29 10:10:36 -0500 Report

Right now my husbands dad is dying of diabetes drs siad he needs dialysis but he's refusing saying that he just wants 2 go. My husband is taking it really hard, he may not show it or say that he's ok, but I know know deep down that he's not. Right now his parents r in santa monica & the dr. Told them that u need 2 go home 2 be with ur family & die as u don't have much time 2 live. His dad was also put on the list 4 a kidney transplant, but 4 some reason they said that he wasn't compatible. Whatever, that means? Which makes absolutely no sense 2 me.. Which confuses me…

jayabee52 2011-10-29 10:56:13 -0500 Report

I am a person with diabetes and also am on the verge of needing dialysis. I had been on dialysis about 4 yrs ago but only had to be on it for 10 months. At the time I thought it was for life or until I got a transplant.

My bride Jem also needed a triple transplant: heart, lungs, kidney when she was alive. She was unable to have them because she also had Lupis (SLE). SLE is an auto immune condition in which one's immune system attacks one's own bodily forgans as though they were foreign invaders.

To transplant an organ into her body would have triggered a virulent attack on that organ, so she was deferred from what she needed, and eventually she died in July 2010. (she was also allergic to most anti-rejection meds —- but she had lived for 20 years with her heart condition).

I don't claim to know everything which might defer your husband's dad from receiving a transplant, but there are often some very valid reasons.

I just know what it was like when I was on dialysis for the first time, and I SERIOUSLY considered not being treated any longer, and let my disease take me. So I know what I felt at the time. I choose to continue my treatment and I was blessed in that in 10 months after the start of treatment I was well enough to discontinue treatments without danger. And then a year after I started treatments I met my "Jem" and eventually married her. She was such a blessing to me, I shudder to think that if I had carried out my plan to die, I would have missed her entirely, and she would have missed me.

I won't take a action which is permanent, in response to what may be a temporary problem.

It is looking like my kidneys are failing again and I may need to go back on dialysis in the near future.

My prayers are with you and your husband and his father.


peanutnovo 2011-10-29 11:10:03 -0500 Report

I think that's one of the reasons why he opted out for dialysis becuz of the long term tx and possible returning back having to do it all over again. He just doesn't want to go through all that suffering and stress. He also said that he's ready to die he's been through soo much already and he also believes that if GOD says its time for him to go then he's ready for him. Thank you for your prayers and support.

jayabee52 2011-10-29 11:21:54 -0500 Report

I aqgree. I am more than ready to go when it is my time to go, but I am not going to jump off a bridge either. I am kinda looking forward to dialysis as I will feel better (I know from previous experience) when I take a treatment. I pray that I will live long enough to give the Devil heartburn. Where he watches me and says "oh,
S (hoot), he's awake!" LoL!

peanutnovo 2011-10-29 12:02:33 -0500 Report

i agree i would do everything in my power to live on for my children.. but i guess that that every person is different.

jayabee52 2011-10-29 12:26:58 -0500 Report

Ultimately that was the critical factor in my decision to live when I wanted to end it all in 2006. I didn't want to give my sons a bad example by wimping out when things went really bad for me. (and believe me it WAS bad — I am amazed how bad it was looking back — No income at all, I had just been divorced out of a 25 year marriage, and no prospects for a new love. One of my sons seriously estranged from me, my nuclear family was shattered, — I felt like a dead man walking, and the treatments hadn't started taking hold and improving how I felt.)

I didn't want to give them permission to give up when life would treat them harshly. So I continued the treatments without the hope of anything getting better for me. But things DID get better. A lot better.

n2late 2011-10-29 17:14:28 -0500 Report

I had stage 4 Kidney failure and I started on a detox diet I went back to the lab after 4 mnts and I had no trace of kidney failure the Dr. said in 34 years of practice he had never seen such results. i will tell you if you want what I did. Jayabee52

lacat87 2011-10-29 11:34:04 -0500 Report

I too had a loss this past August, my older brother. Just so difficult. Maybe joining a grief support group will help everyone here.

jayabee52 2011-10-29 11:55:28 -0500 Report

Yes, grief support groups are a good way to assist people in their grieving process. I lost my beloved bride "Jem" in July 2010. It is easier now that time has passed but I don't think I will ever be completely over my loss, nor would I expect to be. However I have moved on into my "new normal" without her.

lacat87 2011-10-30 10:30:00 -0500 Report

No no one ever should "get over" a loss, but like you said move on to a new normal. I like that. I'm sure my sis-in-law is trying to find her new normal. Thanks again.

Flustrated 2011-10-29 10:24:27 -0500 Report

I think what is really hard is how he feels. So many people with D will close people out and not want to talk about how they really feel. They don't understand some people want to try to learn and understand how they feel so we can learn.

peanutnovo 2011-10-29 11:00:19 -0500 Report

that is so true im trying so hard to be supportive and telling him that no matter how much that how he tells me that he and his father cant live under the same roof together i tell him that he needs to that he needs to spend as much time with him as he can to spend and make precious moments and special memories with each other before he goes. otherwise he will regret it and that is something that he does not want to live with for the rest of his life. so i keep encourging him to put all the disagreements aside and spend as much time with his dad as he can.

cindy232141 2011-10-28 08:13:31 -0500 Report

im sorry for your loss i know how u feel i have lose 4 people in the last two yrs first was my brother, then my mom , my cousin and just three days ago my father -in- law my prayers go out to u and your family

peanutnovo 2011-10-29 11:20:48 -0500 Report

Thank u soo much its a hard time right now and very stressful. My husband is worried about his mom and I'm worried about him, his parents r coming the beginning of the month to live with us until the passing of his dad and his mom is going to continue to live with us. I told my husband as soon as his mom. Told me the news three days ago about the drs saying he needs to go home to his family and die, even though we moved into our place four days ago I. Told my mother in law without thinking twice u guys r staying with us. Then after we hung up I told my husband. Then yesterday he asked our landlord if it was ok and he said u do have another room and family is really important. You poseted this to someone else so let them know that my prayers r with them as well as for you.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-10-27 17:10:26 -0500 Report

I'm sorry for your losses. I lost my mom a year ago (right after i was diganosed with D) and less than 6months later i lost my grandfather. Your in such a surreal state it's like your body can't settle and maintain. Stay strong and pray for strength, the Lord is there for you. As we are all here for you also. I will be praying for you. God Bless you and your family.

JustJenny 2011-10-28 11:15:16 -0500 Report

Mickey, you hit the nail the head there..a surreal state.. Lost my mom and dad 15 months apart, and everything was kind of a fog for like 2 years. You lose track of time and meals and get up and go to bed at weird hours and don't sleep well when you do get to bed. Try to remeber that you can't take care of anyone else if you end up in the hospital because you didn't take care of yourself.

Mickey/CCHT 2011-10-28 19:40:53 -0500 Report

So right Jenny. It is so hard. I'm sorry you lost both of your parents so close! That is rough! My dad died a few years ago, and though i loved him, he lived in another state, we were not super close and we all new he was living on borrowed time, so I was mentally prepared somewhat. It still hurt and i was sad, but it was HORRIBLE when my mom went. It was very sudden. No warning. Sure she had some health issues, but even though we lived together, she hid a lot of stuff from me. She would just tell me enough to help her, but it was not enough and she had a massive fatal heartattack right outside my bedroom! I don't care how old we are, it is not easy losing your parents. I'm 42, 41 when this happend and i feel lost without her! I'm an orphan. So are you! I hope you are doing better for yourself. Your parents would want that for you. Good luck and i'm here if you ever want to vent or just talk! God Bless you.

margokittycat 2011-10-27 14:48:01 -0500 Report

I a, sorry for your loss. We too just lost a family member two weeks ago tomorrow , my husbands uncle. I also lost my son not to death, but by his father kidnapping him three weeks ago on Saturday. I know what you mean by how the bodie reacts. I don't eat much as I feel ill all the time and my BS are still all over the map. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May God Bless And Keep You.

100 Acre Woods
100 Acre Woods 2011-10-26 23:51:14 -0500 Report

When some of us grieve, we go numb and are kinda out of it or in shock. Our bodies go into a survival mode and turns to sugar, chocolate, coffee and other comforting items that help us get thru
The stressful times in our lives.

Flustrated 2011-10-27 15:34:51 -0500 Report

Yes, there is alot of stress at this time. I think we all have to pay attention to how we comfort ourselves. We almost loose track of ourselves and the Big D. Thank you.

Mimiewal 2011-10-26 19:20:44 -0500 Report

I am so sorry for your losses, i just lost my father this year that took a really bad toll on me and my children & just as i thought we were getting a little better my sister in law calls me and tells me she found my most beloved brother in law on her couch dead..so i totally understand what you are going thru u just have to take one day at a time, keep in prayer, laugh when at all possible. you are not alone. may God bless you and your family thru these trying times

MewElla 2011-10-24 11:07:35 -0500 Report

I am so sorry for your losses. I so truly understand this as it has happened to me recently. God Bless and comfort you.

Flustrated 2011-10-24 11:11:27 -0500 Report

I think first now I feel the guilt of not watching closer at this time bec now I have to answer to my doctors. Thank you.

buffy360 2011-10-25 03:15:58 -0500 Report

The fact that you are taking action to be responsible for your own action speaks volumes! In 2008 my Father died. They told me after they turned off ICU machines! Couple months before that my stepDad told me he'd dreamt of him dying, he knew it would be upsetting to me. He, himself, was dealing with D2, PD, AAA, and more and went into hospital about three weeks later. We thought it would be another visit, but it was his last. The day we buried him was the same day they held Memorial for my Father who'd been cremated, in another state. Couldn't be two places at once! My 19 year old cat had a stroke just before all this. Can you imagine! Yes, you can. It was a hard year for me. Those you've lost would want you to take care of yourself, yes? Those you've loved and lost, will one day be again found!