How to deal with spouse's ED

CarolynC71
By CarolynC71 Latest Reply 2011-10-13 01:41:03 -0500
Started 2011-10-13 00:40:33 -0500

My husband is a type 1 diabetic. The doctor actually discovered it because I made him go to the doctor about the ED. They ran a battery of tests and found that he was diabetic. This was almost four years ago. Since the diagnosis we do not have sex more than once or twice a year. The last time we tried, I think, with Viagra he just about passed out. I guess the medications and his other medical issues just did not work well together.

It is extremely upsetting to me. He is only 38 and I'm 39. This shouldn't be happening to a young person. We have totally lost all physical connection. It is also effecting me emotionally too. I suffer from depression. I had to be put on an additional medication which was partly necessary because I feel so rejected by my husband. Even if he can't get an erection, he could at least please me and he doesn't even try that.

How do I cope with this?


1 reply

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-10-13 01:41:03 -0500 Report

I am sorry any couple has to experience something like ED. I also personally suffer from ED as well. I am almost 60 and I have had problems with ED starting about 10 years ago. I have tried 2 of the 3 meds which supposedly should correct the problem without success. In part it was an element in the mother of my 3 sons dumping me out of a 25 year marriage. It wasn't the whole part, but it was a piece in the puzzle.

About 7 years after the divorce I got involved with another sweet lady and eventually married her. She also had T2 diabetes, and had performance problems of her own, but we didn't let those problems get in our way. We did what we could do and enjoyed one another as fully as we were able. As a man I wanted to give her the ultimate pleasure I knew (from my years of my previous marriage) I could give her, but was frustrated I couldn't. On her part it concerned her that she couldn't respond as fully as she wanted.

Since I have been through it myself, I would like to suggest you try some measures to possibly change your dynamic going on between you. I don't know if these measures will work, as it depends on cooperation on both sides of the relationship.

I would propose that your husband get his Testosterone level checked. Men with diabetes often have low testosterone levels, which leads to lack of libido.
If low look into ways to increase his T levels. It might be what he needs.

I myself have low Testosterone levels. There were times I had to remind myself that it had been quite a while since I initiated sexual activity with my new bride. It wasn't that I didn't love her, I just didn't have the urge to make love to her. Our lives were busy, our energy levels were low due to our medical challenges. Often times I did not even think of trying anything with her.

Another measure I propose is go to couples counseling. You can air problems which are bubbling beneath the surface.

If hubby won't go with you I suggest you go to the counselor by yourself. You can tell the counselor what is bugging you, and the counselor can suggest some ways you can deal with your frustrations.

Please do not take his lack of interest in sex with you personally

I pray you and your husband can get this problem worked out.

Blessings to you and yours

James

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